Abuse is often categorized into different forms. While some are fairly well known, others are rarely discussed outside of anti-violence activism and the like. In addition, many people are unaware of how various kinds of abuse are defined and what actions are considered abusive. Hereâs a list to help make things a bit clearer. Please note that some actions are abusive in multiple ways and this list likely wonât be able to describe every abuse behavior. In addition, this list is designed to be as generic as possible so it can be applied to a variety of different situations rather than exclusively focusing on romantic partnerships, parent-child relationships, friendships etc.Â
Far more than âhurting someoneâs feelingsâ, emotional abuse is a devastating form of abuse which can affect an individuals self worth, feelings of safety, and quality of life. It can even lead to mental health issues. While often dismissed as a âless seriousâ form of abuse, the impact of emotional abuse can be devastating and last for a long time.
Behaviors include;
Frequent, excessive and unwelcome criticism (as opposed to constructive criticism which is asked for and given in to help. Some people will claim their emotional abuse is actually meant to be constructive criticism, however, if its not requested and related to a specific thing a person is doing, then chances are, this is a lie)
Put-downs and name-calling (this is also verbal abuse)
Invalidating their feelings and experiences
Withholding (this includes âthe silent treatmentâ, refusing to listen, and withdrawing emotionally)
Telling the victim that their thoughts, feelings, ideas, interests etc are wrong/bad/silly
One of the more well known forms of abuse, people often think that physical abuse is limited to romantic partnerships where one person hits, punches or attacks the other. While those behaviors are physically abusive, violence is not limited to contact that causes injury or even physical contact, and it can occur in any relationship.
Examples of physical abuse include
Hitting, slapping, pinching, hair-pulling, biting, scratching, choking
Pushing, shoving and grabbing
Standing over someone to intimidate them
Blocking a doorway or exit
Any and all unwanted and non-consensual physical contact
Throwing objects (whether at the victim directly or elsewhere)
Breaking your possessions
Threatening with a weapon (such as pointing a knife or gun at the victim)
Forcing you to make eye contact with them
Driving wrecklessly/dangerously while the victim or victims children or pets are in the car
Forcing the victim to eat or not letting them eat
Not allowing the victim to sleep
Locking the victim in/out of the house
Denying the victim access to medication
Not allowing the victim to use the toilet or meet other physical needs
Emotional and psychological abuse are often discussed together as emotional abuse since there is a lot of overlap. What affects us emotionally also affects us psychologically. It can still be helpful to distinguish the two sometimes. Itâs also sometimes referred to as mental abuse.
Behaviors include
Gaslighting; denying the victims experience and making them question their reality or perception, hiding the victims personal items then claiming the victim lost them, denying that something happened when it did, and more
Calling the victim âcrazyâ, 'insaneâ 'psychoâ, often when they confront the abuser about their behavior
Minimize or dismiss the victims achievements
Behaving in ways that cause the victim to feel intimidated or afraid
Using the victims fears against them (e.g forcing you to hold a spider knowing youâre afraid of them)
Behaving in erratic or unpredictable ways to make the victim feel scared of what the abuser might do
Subtle threats which communicate that the abuser is dangerous or intends to harm the victim e.g cleaning or playing with a weapon in front of them
Using mental health issues the victim has to blame them for the abusers behavior or deny that that certain things happened
Threatening suicide or self harm if the victim leaves or doesnât do what the abuser wants
Making the victim responsible for the abuser
Sexual abuse is a broad term that is often thought of as forced sexual contact, however it also includes sexual behavior without touch. The behaviors below are sometimes related to age, for example, exposing a child to pornography is always sexually abusive whether or not the child wanted or asked to see it, whereas for adults, forcing the victim to watch pornography (whether by physical force or coercion) is sexual abuse.
Behaviors include
Forcing the victim to engage in sexual activities (rape)
Engaging in sexual acts in front of the victim
Discussing sexual activities in front of the victim (especially children, by adults)
Exposing the victim to sexually explicit media such as pornography (especially children, by adults)
Threatening to force sexual contact upon the victim
Making inappropriate comments about the victims body, especially private parts
Sharing private information about the victimâs body or sexual relationships without their consent
Coercing the victim into performing sexual acts
Performing sexual acts with the victim while the victim is underage, intoxicated or otherwise unable to consent
Guilting the victim into sex or sexual contact
Pressuring the victim into sexual contact
Threatening the victim with harm unless they perform certain sexual acts or give the abuser sexual access
In the case of BDSM relationships and sexual interactions, ignoring one of the participants safe word
In the case of BDSM relationships and sexual interactions, blaming the victim for not using a safeword in circumstances where it is not applicable and/or possible, e.g. the abuser initiated a BDSM scene without prior discussion or consent, or one party is unable to vocalize
Engaging in sexual contact with someone in any situation where the other party has not given clear, enthusiastic consent
Any situation where an adult engages in sexual contact with a minor
Sharing photos of the victim in their underwear/nude/engaged in sexual contact without their consent, or threatening to do so
Knowingly exposing the victim to STIs
Interfering with the victims birth control or safer sex methods
Deceiving the victim about the circumstances of sexual contact
Social abuse is a less often discussed form of abuse where the abuser undermines the victims relationships and autonomy. Like other forms, behaviors here are often also applicable to other categories.
Behaviors include
Not letting the victim see or speak to their friends and/or family
Making the victim feel guilty for having other relationships (except in monogamous relationships where one person is dating other people/'cheatingâ)
Going through the victims phone, emails, text messages. etc without their knowledge and/or consent
Spreading rumors about the victim
Telling the victim that their family/friends said things that they didnât say
Telling the victim that only the abuser really cares about them
Manipulating the victim into confrontations with family/friends (e.g. encouraging them to raise an issue then withdrawing support during/after the confrontation)
Outing the victim if they are LGBT+Â
Telling other people about mental health issues the victim has
Telling people about abuse the victim has experienced
Telling people that the victim is abusive when itâs not true, or claiming they did certain abusive actions that they didnât do
Humiliating or embarrassing the victim in front of others
Criticizing or putting the victim down in front of others
Engaging in subtle acts of abuse, manipulation, intimidation etc to show others how 'crazyâ or 'unstableâ the victim is
Interfering in the victims relationships in any way
Taking away the victims phone, computer, internet or other forms of communication
Disallowing the victim to communicate in ways that they want or need to e.g. not allowing autistic children or partners to stim, disallowing deaf or nonverbal children or partners to use sign language
Financial abuse is another kind of abuse thatâs often not discussed. It generally revolves around interfering with the victims finances. Itâs also referred to as economic abuse.
Behaviors include
Forcing the victim to give the abuser their paycheck or government assistance payment/s
Telling the victim what they can and cannot buy
Punishing the victim for spending money
If the abuser is the sole income earner, forcing the victim to beg for money
Refusing to provide the victim with things they need
Stealing money from the victim
Forcing the victim to share bank accounts
Not allowing you to see or keep your own financial records
Not allowing you to go to work or gain employment
Jeopardizing your job by making you late, harassing you at work etc
Spending money on themselves but not allowing the victim to do the same
Forcing the victim to pay the abusers bills, car payments, rent, court fines etc
Using their position as sole breadwinner to manipulate or control you
Verbal abuse is often thought of as swearing at the victim. While that is part of it, there are many more behaviors which are also verbally abusive.
Behaviors include
Talking over and/or interrupting
Using sarcasm to dismiss or belittle the victim
Constantly arguing with the victim
Shouting at/over the victim
Using their voice and/or words to cause fear and/or intimidate the victim
Mocking and/or making fun of the victim, teasing them
Spiritual abuse is another form of abuse thatâs often left out of discussions but is still very important. While itâs generally thought of in a religious context, it can also be used against those who are not part of organized religions or do not have spiritual beliefs. In essence, it undermines a personâs spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof.Â
Behaviors include
Not allowing the victim to attend religious services, gatherings or meetings
Telling the victim that their beliefs are wrong, bad or silly
Telling the victim that theyâre 'going to hellâ or are 'damnedâ
Forcing or coercing the victim into changing their religious or spiritual beliefs, or lack thereof
A person in a position of authority within a religious or spiritual organization demanding unquestioned loyalty or making unreasonable demandsÂ
A person in a position of authority excluding certain individuals, often on the basis of sexual/romantic orientation or transgender status but can also be due to ethnicity, gender, class, disability etc
Shaming individuals for not paying tithing or giving money to a church/religious/spiritual organization/group
Hopefully I have covered most kinds of abuse here, however I will certainly add to this if Iâve missed anything. I know itâs a long post, but if you would be able to share this to raise awareness, I would really appreciate it. Many people are aware that abuse happens but far less people know how abuse is defined. This is not a complete list but I hope that it can serve as a guide to those wondering if what they are experiencing is in fact abuse.Â
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