Hope Coppice on Tumblr @coppicefics - Tumblr Blog

Forgot to boost my Christmas-themed fic from the other year so I'm doing it now. It's either late, or really really early - you get to pick, which is appropriate for this multiple-choice fic.

Secret Satan by HopeCoppice (9 chapters)

T, Aziraphale/Crowley, 10917 words

Hell has its own traditions come Christmastime. Crowley has managed to keep them secret from Aziraphale until now - but all that could be about to change when he draws the angel's human alias from the Secret Satan hat.

Inspired by a Tumblr post. A choose-your-own sin story. Updates daily, with a bit of luck.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ‘MASKED OMENS’, PLEASE DON’T REBLOG!

[Image Description: Image 1 - A simple rendition of the Masked Singer UK logo, a golden mask with colourful fragments flying off of it. The mask has a golden halo and a golden devil tail protruding from either side. Below, gold text reads ‘Masked Omens’. Overlaid on top of all this are the words ‘MAJOR SPOILERS’ in large white capitals.

Image 2 & 3 - A double-page spread from the ‘Feature’ section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 15th May 2021. The information is arranged in boxes with pale peach coloured backgrounds. Each box also contains a picture of the character or characters described therein - two of these characters are symbolised by random background characters from Good Omens. Full transcript below the cut. End ID.]

Right-hand column: AND THE REST... Jeremy Wensleydale While Wensleydale is currently in rehearsals for a production of Turandot at Glyndebourne this summer, he has also found time to announce that he will be spending the autumn recording an album of some of his favourite operatic and choral numbers, along with a number of famous voices. This will be Wensleydale's first full album since 2018, and is already eagerly anticipated by his many fans. Brian Thames Thames is now coming to the end of his latest tour, The British Inquisition, and has recently found time to appear on several comedy panel shows and chat shows. He's then scheduled to run an online comedy masterclass, which he'll be recording immediately after his tour ends. “I had a teacher at school who told me I had a real talent for helping people remember things. I think usually it was just because they remembered the jokes. So I could hardly pass up this opportunity - this one's for you, Miss Tyler.” Pepper Moonchild Moonchild is currently filling in as a presenter on The One Show, and recently announced that she hopes to publish a detective novel next year. “I've been getting loads of advice from my literary hero, Agnes Nutter – it's something I've always wanted to do, but my agent at the time advised against diversifying too much. My new agent has been nothing but supportive - they even put me in touch with a good literary agent, so now all I have to do is write the best book I can and see how it goes!” Adam Young and Warlock Dowling After years of rumours and speculation about their relationship, presenters Adam Young and Warlock Dowling eloped to tie the knot in New York last weekend.“We didn't tell anyone we were getting married,” Dowling said, after breaking the news on Pam and Sam AM earlier this week. “Our families were a bit surprised! But we just wanted it to be really low key, a day just for us.” “Yeah, some glares were exchanged when people realised they'd missed out on a wedding,” Young confirmed. “But we're going to plan a big party soon! Besides, we didn't do anything in the Big Apple that wasn't worth the trouble we got in for doing it.”

#very much fake news #masked omens #masked omens spoiler #mine

Masked Omens: Week Eight, Part Two

Image 2 - A page from the Celebrity section of the Capital Herald, dated 13th February 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

The Capital Herald, Saturday 13th February 2021 Celebrity section, page 19 Top story: Pepper Moonchild: “Women have been especially important to me” Presenter and interview expert kicks off our series on the women who’ve shaped the stars’ lives Pepper Moonchild is the sort of person who makes interviewing anyone from an entertainer to an astrophysicist seem effortless; she's known for her incisive questions and her flawless instincts. When it comes to asking her questions, then, I find myself surprisingly nervous. But, as all good interviewers can, she soon sets me at ease. “Mary Hodges. Here, I promised you my top secret hot chocolate recipe. How's the family?” Of course, Pepper practically is a member of the Capital Herald family, and she promised me that recipe at the Christmas party. With the pleasantries thus dispensed with, we settle down to get to the topic at hand; talking about Pepper. “Oh, I don't know if I like being on this side of things. I'm usually asking the questions! But of course I'm happy to answer them - go on, I'm just being dramatic.” Pepper is currently a judge on ITV's hit show, The Masked Singer UK, where she's now approaching the end of her second series on the panel. It's an import from South Korea, via the US - had Pepper watched any episodes before she signed up for the task? “No, not at all. Honestly, they started explaining the concept to me and I thought, 'what? How does this work? How does anybody not know when the most famous faces in showbiz are performing in front of them?' Then we started filming series one and it became 'how are any of us supposed to guess?' I'd like to think we're getting better at it, but who knows? It's always fun, regardless.” And the judges really don't have any inside information? “If anything, I think we know less than the audience - we can't exactly hop on our phones and look things up, the way people do at home. And - in case anyone was wondering - we don't do any research between the live shows, either. That would just ruin the fun. We do listen to theories from friends and family, though!” Pepper - or, to give her her full name, Pippin Galadriel Moonchild - is a woman of many talents. Her first television appearance came at just ten years old with her turn on Junior Mastermind (specialist subject: the Pendle Witch trials). While she didn't win, she made a real impression on viewers, and later went on to co-host children's talent show Showstarters alongside Michael Banner - a show that helped launch the TV careers of numerous young comedians, musicians and actors, including those of every member of the current Masked Singer UK panel. “I was so excited when I heard we were all going to be doing the show together,” Pepper confesses. “We all met on Showstarters when we were about thirteen years old, and kept in touch, but this is the first chance we've had to really work together since then. And who doesn't want to work with their friends?” Banner, having made the jump from presenting to production several years ago, is also involved in The Masked Singer UK.“Yes - she's so high up in the production hierarchy that we don't see a lot of her, but it's good to know she's there. She's always been a great example to me, an example of how you can start in one place and then sort of find your way to the job you really want. I think I've done all right at that, so far!” Banner is one of Pepper's role models, but she's far from alone. “There are loads of women - and other people, but I think the women have been especially important to me personally - who've really shown me that I can do anything the boys can do. I once did a whole presentation at school about Greta Kleinschmidt.” Kleinschmidt, as some readers may remember, was briefly the glamorous assistant of The Amazing Mr Fell before her very public return to The Harmony & Glozier Show back in her native Germany. Much was made of it in the press at the time, with speculation rife that she had broken Fell's heart and taken his secrets back with her to Harmony & Glozier. “I always thought she got a bit of a raw deal,” Pepper remembers, “I hated that the press were so focused on how she'd supposedly done an unforgivable wrong to this rising-star magician, and not the fact that she'd been really struggling with being so far from home. Besides, even the magician she'd been working with said she'd done nothing wrong and he wished her all the best. It was all very unfair, and I thought it was really brave of her to realise something wasn't working and change it like that.” Pepper can talk for days about the women she admires, it seems. “You see some really ugly attitudes towards successful women, even in this day and age,” she muses, “like Anathema, for example. What a voice that woman has, and yet she's constantly battling for people to take her seriously. But what I really admire is that she doesn't let that stop her. And look at the results - Narrative Devices has been at the top of the charts for weeks now.” Working on The Masked Singer has also allowed her to actually meet some of her heroes. “Agnes Nutter, for example, she's always been a big role model of mine. I've been practically devouring everything she writes since I was probably too young to be reading it! And Carmine Zugiber is one of the people who made me want to work on my interview skills; I love how she doesn't compromise on anything.”But, Pepper assures me, there's one woman who's done more than anyone to make her the woman she is today.“Carmine made me want to interview people, but it's my Mum (Tina Moon, a Capital Herald columnist) who got me started with everything in the first place. And she taught me to stand up and be counted, to follow my dreams, and always to reach out and help others up when I can. I do my best, I really do. I hope she's even half as proud of me as I am of her.” MARY HODGES This interview is part of a series called Me And The Women That Made Me, which will be running here on Saturday and Sunday every week until Mothering Sunday, which falls this year on the 14th of March. Next week, we’ll be talking to Jane Adams, star scorer of the England Women’s Rugby Team. To find more information, please visit our website at www.capitalherald.com/women-that-made-me.

Centre left: Celebrity news in brief: our weekly round-up Misrepresented? Brian Thames changes agent Brian Thames, comedian and The Masked Singer UK panellist, has split with his representatives at MetteTalent and signed with the independent B.Z. Agency, informally known in the industry as BuzzTalent. Reports vary on the reason for the change; a spokesperson for MetteTalent said, “Contracts end, and industry relationships are always changing. There is no suggestion that Mr Thames was unhappy with the service he received at MetteTalent; he has simply chosen to go in a different direction and, naturally, we wish him every success in the future. Thames' blog post on the subject, however, is a little more ambiguous. “I've been with MetteTalent since the moment I won Showstarters – they were partnered with the show and also offered representation to many of the other acts after the series ended. I signed with them when I was very young and, for many years, simply renewed our agreement every time it expired. However, I've since gained more industry experience, and I feel that Buzz – that's B.Z. Agency – is a better fit for me at this point in my life and career.” Thames continues, “My friend Warlock (Dowling, who hosts The Masked Singer UK) is already with them, and with many of the Showstarters contracts due for renewal soon, I may not be the only one to make a change. I am grateful to MetteTalent for taking me on at the start of my career, and look forward to new opportunities for all concerned.” Rumours abound that there is some deeper reason for this change in representation, with many speculating that the child stars of Showstarters may have been forced into unfair or even predatory contracts, lacking the industry knowledge to make better choices. Since then, however, Thames has had plenty of time to change agency, and hasn’t done so until now. It’s likely that any reasons Thames might have for changing agency will stay under wraps. There is no confirmation yet of any other stars leaving or planning to leave MetteTalent. Out and proud West End darling Gertrude Johnson has come out as a transgender woman. Speaking on Friday, Johnson told fans on Instagram, “I've wanted to tell you all this for a while, but I think now it's time. Hi, my name is Gertrude – but you can still call me Gert – and my pronouns are she/her.” A later video thanked fans for their support, and reminded them not to be too harsh on fellow fans who 'slipped up'. “To those of you leaving less supportive messages, I'd just like to say this. Each of us has the choice, every day, to be kind or to be cruel. I try to be kind whenever I can. If you call yourself a fan of mine, please try to do the same.” Gertrude’s second video also explained that she had already discussed her gender identity and pronouns with close friends and family. “When I said I was going to go public, my mates threw me a gender reveal at my parents’ house - balloons and everything,” she said, “so if you saw the words ‘she/her’ floating away over Tadfield last weekend, that’s why!”

#very much fake news #masked omens #mo week eight part two #good omens fic #masked singer au #mine

Masked Omens: Week Eight, Part One

Image 2 - A page from the Celebrity section of the Capital Herald, dated 13th February 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

Read the fic here!

Top: “Informants come to me”: Carmine Zugiber on front-line successes Tips, troubles and truths about writing headlines abroad - and now making headlines at home When working in a war zone, most people wear camouflage and try to keep their heads down – but not Carmine Zugiber. The successful war correspondent is one of the most recognisable journalists in the world, and that's even more true after her recent unmasking on The Masked Singer UK. I sat down with her to discuss her work, her brand partnerships, her passions and her fears – if, indeed, she knows the meaning of the word 'fear'. “I don't, really,” she laughs, “people have said that about me ever since I was a little girl. My mother absolutely despaired – she always wanted me to be safe at home playing with my dollies, and there I was climbing trees and falling out of them. I was always in the middle of fights, even then. So I suppose it was only natural that I'd drift towards war reporting.” But not everybody encouraged Zugiber to follow her dreams. “When I told my tutor at uni that I wanted to work on that side of things, he tried pretty hard to steer me back towards something a little safer. The politics beat, or entertainment, or fashion. I've actually been covering politics for the last month or so, as a colleague is on leave, and I have to say, that can feel pretty cut-throat! But I knew I wanted to see the world and get right to the heart of the action, and I'd like to think I've achieved that.” Zugiber has certainly made her mark on the headlines, covering conflicts in countries including Eden and, more recently, Celestan. “I just think it's important to take as unbiased an approach as possible and really tell the stories that are coming out of – well, especially a situation like Celestan. It's a complicated sort of conflict, and you never know how things are going to pan out. And sometimes being a journalist can feel like having a target painted on your back.” And Zugiber's signature red hair must stand out somewhat – does that make her more of a target? “I make it work for me, honestly. Informants come to me of their own accord, which is handy when everybody else is frantically chasing leads! Having done my share of broadcast journalism, people all over the place recognise me and there's a sort of built-in trust. It's flattering, really, and it's just a matter of making sure that trust is justified.” Zugiber has long been an ambassador for the Vibrant brand of hair dye – leading some to question her objectivity as a reporter. “Yes, I've heard that, but unless Vibrant starts a war, I don't think it's an issue. Clearly my editors and the press watchdog agree, because I've had no complaints from on high. And it's a product I genuinely believe in and use all the time, so why not?” Zugiber's most recent departure from the newsroom was even less likely to conflict with her usual work. What drew her to The Masked Singer UK? “I was asked if I wanted to take part in the show at about the same time that a colleague announced that she'd be taking some leave around now, and my editor suggested that I might like to take over her post for a while to get a broader range of experience. It seemed like perfect serendipity. I didn't want to be bored, hanging around in London for months – I'm used to travelling a lot – and the show sounded like a lot of fun. I jumped at the chance to make people smile for a change. Unfortunately, as a war correspondent, that's not something I often get to do.” Zugiber admits that she had mixed feelings as she got on the plane back to the UK. “Oh, yeah, definitely, it was a hard decision. With the situation unfolding in Celestan, which is becoming more complex by the minute, a big part of me felt like I should stay and keep working on the story there. But funnily enough, that story has followed me right into the Politics section, and it's looking increasingly likely that some sort of diplomatic solution might be reached. And the break has been really good for me – I needed to remember how to lighten up and be silly, and The Masked Singer is definitely silly! So ultimately it was the right decision for me.” And now, with The Masked Singer UK behind her, what's next for Carmine Zugiber? “The Masked Singer was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed it. And the response from the audience has been overwhelmingly positive. I loved the secrecy, but it's a relief that the truth is out now! I'll be staying in the UK, covering for Uriel [Scrolle, News World Weekly's Political Correspondent], for a little bit longer, and then in a couple of months I should be back out on assignment. No rest for the wicked!” BOGDAN PIGTON [Image Description: A picture of Carmine Zugiber’s face, in her motorbike helmet, with part of the village of Tadfield visible in the background. End ID.] [Caption] ROCK AND ROLL: Carmine Zugiber, pictured here outside a Labour party campaign meeting in Lower Tadfield, Oxfordshire, often uses her motorbike to keep up with subjects on the move. Her iconic scarlet look has led to her gathering something of a cult appeal among her viewers and readers. Photo: QuiteUnlikely.net

Centre left: ConStellation boots web star Wytchfynder host removed from astrology event Popular YouTuber Sergeant Shadwell was thrown out of the Greater Dyvyn Conference Centre last Sunday after trying to attend ConStellation. ConStellation has been the UK's largest convention for astrologers ever since its foundation in 1994. In 1999, the convention expanded to include practitioners of other divination techniques such as cartomancy (tarot card reading) and tasseomancy (tea leaf reading). The convention has been dogged by controversy throughout its history, with critics claiming that the 'con' of the name stands for more than 'convention'. Sergeant Shadwell, through his Wytchfynder channel, has long been committed to investigating the claims of fortune-tellers and paranormal practitioners such as those who attend ConStellation each year, and in several cases he has denounced claims of psychic ability as completely and demonstrably fraudulent. It is, then, perhaps not surprising that he is completely banned from ConStellation, which according to its website is 'intended as a safe and welcoming place for practitioners and interested parties to share their appreciation for, and knowledge of, the unknowable'. Sergeant Shadwell himself, however, does not seem to have been aware of the blanket ban. Witnesses to the scene on Sunday reported that the YouTuber could be heard arguing with security all the way to the doors of the building. When reached for comment, the organisers of ConStellation issued the following statement: 'A man was removed from the ConStellation event on Sunday morning after attendees expressed concern that he might be attempting to create an 'exposé’ on their work by manipulating footage of the convention. The man in question is known to the convention organisers, and a decision was made to ask him to leave. Calls for the man to be searched for recording devices were not enforced, and the man eventually departed with minimal fuss. The convention otherwise proceeded without incident.' Sergeant Shadwell was not available for comment, but a video on the Wytchfynder channel on Tuesday mentioned the incident in passing. 'All right, I just want to say thanks for all your comments, you don't need to be worrying about me. I did go to a convention this weekend, but not for anything to do with the channel, I was just planning to meet up with a friend. Well. We've been exchanging texts, I thought it might be nice to meet in person. And we did, after the convention, so. Not a total waste. Anyway, about this haunted castle-' Speculation is rife about the identity of Sergeant Shadwell's alleged friend, with some The Masked Singer UK fans pointing out that fellow The Masked Singer contestant Marjorie Potts - better known as TV's Madame Tracy - was one of the key speakers at Sunday's event. Shadwell is far from the first person to be escorted out of the Greater Dyvyn Conference Centre by security; earlier this year, three women were removed from a panel at DivaCon after starting a food fight. Several other attendees had their weekend passes revoked and were allowed to leave under their own power. But whether Sergeant Shadwell was there this weekend to meet a friend or conduct an investigation, it's probably best that he choose another venue; he's unlikely to be welcome at ConStellation any time soon. SCUZZ FISHER

#masked omens #mo week eight part one #very much fake news #good omens fic #mine

Masked Omens: Week Seven, Part Two

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated 6th February 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

Read the fic here! All news stories and events are fictional; any similarities to actual persons, living or dead, are entirely coincidental. (The picture of the nun is Maggie Service as Sister Theresa Garrulous in Good Omens.)

Top left: Memory Lane: Mysterious Ways My old favourite looks different in a new light [Image Description: In the headline above, the ‘i’ of ‘mysterious’ and the ‘n’ of ‘different’ are circled in pencil. End ID] Is Mysterious Ways (1989) a heist movie? Not in the traditional sense – but in some ways it is, because not-yet-Dame Angela Crowley steals every scene. As a child, I delighted in this murder-mystery - not only because of the thrilling suspense as the lead detective, played by Marvin T. Bagman (yes, the footballer’s father), followed clues up every possible dead end before making his final, triumphant accusation, but also thanks to the fact that it was shown on telly every 23rd of December, without fail. To my younger brother and I, who naturally spent most of the run-up to Christmas parked in front of the television while our parents scrambled to wrap presents and pull extra chairs down from the loft, Mysterious Ways was a herald of the festivities to come. It was, therefore, imbued with the same sort of magic as The Great Escape and, later, Chicken Run – a nostalgia tied as closely to circumstance as to storyline. But with the rise of extra channels, TV On Demand and streaming services, the Mysterious Ways ritual slipped away as we grew up. By the time I came to review the film for this column, I hadn’t seen it in at least fifteen years. I settled down to rewatch it in almost giddy anticipation. And, somehow, the film I was seeing was quite unlike the one I remembered. You see, the film I remembered was mostly about Angela Crowley’s character, Mrs Elizabeth Burrell – known in my house as Busy Lizzie – the gossipy wife of a brooding young businessman. I don’t wish to spoil the film for anyone who hasn’t seen it, but suffice it to say that she had fathomless hidden depths. In my memory, she was often in the thick of the discussions between detective Hamlet Ordeuve and his assigned police officer, Sergeant Bexhill, right in the thick of the action. But, in fact, Mrs Burrell is a minor character, often relegated to the background of scenes. At least, she ought to be. Dame Angela has earned every bit of her reputation as a big-screen star, probably in part because when she’s on screen you can’t look away. The only problem is that in Mysterious Ways, she really ought to be in the background, barely seen or thought about beyond her occasional high-pitched giggle at the dinner table. Again, I don’t wish to spoil it, but the pivotal moment of the scene seems a lot less pivotal when you’ve been unable to forget, even for a moment, that Mrs Burrell is present. As a child, it didn’t register – I was too busy wanting to be as pretty as her when I grew up – but watching as an adult, it’s almost painful to see how great this film could have been if they’d only cast a slightly less shining star. That said, it’s worth the watch; every member of the cast puts in some solid character work, and the writing is engaging throughout. It’s just a shame that the spotlight wasn’t shared more equally between the cast of suspects. SARAH JEUNE

Top right: West End show second to nun New musical will retell famous sister’s story [Image Description: In the above headline, the ‘d’ of ‘end’ and the ‘t’ of ‘retell’ are circled in pencil. End ID.] News is trickling in about the upcoming musical It’s Raining Fish!, which is set to open in the West End in Autumn. Loosely inspired by Hastur LaVista’s biography of Sister Theresa Garrulous and her spiritual trials and tribulations, Grace Voluble’s latest venture promises high-energy musical numbers, visions made real, and an all-star cast. After a short workshop phase, It’s Raining Fish! has already been given the green light to open at the Palace Theatre later this year. The script, by Katherine Prolix, is currently undergoing some changes as a result of workshop feedback. “Theatre is such a collaborative process,” Prolix told The Capital Herald last week, “you never quite know what will work until you get it on the stage. And sometimes it doesn’t – that’s OK. It’s all part of making a great show.” Producer Voluble, of the High Volume Group, is no stranger to the West End, having produced several works by the late Colleen O'Leary and a number of musicals in all their forms. But even she’s delighted that It’s Raining Fish! will be transferring directly to the West End without a smaller test production. “Obviously, it’s always great to be in the West End. And for this musical, especially, it’s intended to be performed on a grand scale. So it’s great to be able to fulfil that potential right off the bat.” The details of the show – including musical numbers, plot points, and even casting information – are being largely kept under wraps for the moment, with big announcements promised in the second quarter of 2021. But for now, there’s one big piece of news that’s got the theatre world buzzing; Ligur Mortice, whose work is more commonly seen being paraded on the catwalks of the fashion world, will be designing all the costumes for the show. “It’s a great coup to have Ligur aboard,” said Voluble of the announcement. “Fish! is loosely based on a true story, of course, but we’ve taken it in something of an abstract direction, and visually speaking, costumes by a modern haute-couture genius like Ligur will really enhance that effect. It’s going to be like nothing we’ve ever seen before.” While the story of Sister Theresa Garrulous has been dramatised before (most recently in Distraction To Others, the 2001 feature film), this new interpretation seems to be shaping up to be something quite different. With Mortice’s costumes certain to be both striking and extravagant, it seems the musical intends to sidestep dreary realism – and, no doubt, the trivial mundanities Distraction To Others explored in such devoted detail. The official It’s Raining Fish! website is currently under construction, but its single page offers ‘a night of surreal, sensational song’. Whether this new musical is fit to follow in the excellent footsteps The Sound of Music and Sister Act remains to be seen… but if I were you, I’d get in the habit of checking for news. MARY HODGES [Image Description: A picture of Sister Theresa Garrulous from Good Omens, standing in the dark and smiling. End ID.] [Caption] STAGE SISTER: New Musical It’s Raining Fish! will tell the story of Sister Theresa Garrulous, pictured here as seen in the 2001 film Distraction To Others. Photo: QuiteUnlikely.net

Centre left: Syd Simons seeks Squeezy ‘Walk Awhile’ star off to major folk award show [Image description: In the above headline, the ‘h’ and ‘l’ of ‘awhile’, the ‘m’ of ‘major’, the ‘a’ of ‘award’ and the ‘s’ of ‘show’ are circled in pencil. End ID.] Syd Symons has been nominated for Best Newcomer at next month’s folk awards, the Golden Accordions, just weeks after the Capital Herald tipped him as one of our Ones To Watch In 2021. We caught up with him for a brief phone call as he waited to board a plane. “It’s unbelievable,” he said, sounding completely stunned in the wake of the news. “It’s all happened so fast. Eight months ago, I was playing the odd set at pubs and the open mic section of folk festivals. Now I’m up for a Squeezy and I’ve played in front of thousands of people. It’s unbelievable. I never thought I could reach people this way.” Since his big break - opening for the darling of the folk scene, Anathema, who’s enjoyed chart success usually reserved for less traditional stylings - Symons has been signed to Rumpo Records and been on a UK tour of his own. He’s now working on a studio album, hot on the heels of his successful single, ‘Walk Awhile’. Ever humble, Syd has a long list of people he wants to thank if he wins. “Even if I don’t, really. The usual suspects – my mum, my dad, my first guitar teacher – but there’s one person who’s really changed my life. I owe it all to Anathema. I can never thank her enough. She plucked me out of the lineup at the Whitstable Folk Festival and asked me to open for her for a month of her tour, and since then she’s been giving me advice and support and generally cheering me on. She’s introduced me to some of her other former support acts, too, and really helped me to make connections and put down roots in the folk community – which is really important when your life suddenly involves a lot of touring around.” And what’s next for Squeezy nominee Syd Symons? “Oh, I don’t know. There’s tons of stuff I’d love to do, but we’ll have to see how it all shakes out, really. Maybe this is a brief moment of fame before I go back to the pub circuit. But it’s been worth all the hard work and the disappointments, and it’s just been so much fun. I’ve had so much fun.” And what more can anyone ask for? CITRON DEUX-CHEVAL The Golden Accordion Awards will be streamed live at www.goldenaccordions.com from 9pm on the 16th of March.

Bottom right: “Drawing Back” so soon? Telepathic Tracy to return - and I told you so [Image Description: In the above headlines, the ‘k’ in ‘back’ and the question mark after ‘soon’ are circled in pencil. End ID.] Only last week, I predicted the return of Drawing Back The Veil with Telepathic Tracy, once as much a part of the National Lottery as balls with numbers written on them. Yesterday, a press release from the BBC confirmed that the show would indeed be returning as part of its Saturday night lineup. “We are delighted to announce the return of Drawing Back The Veil, hosted by Marjorie Potts, to air after The National Lottery Draw. Focus group feedback has revealed that many viewers enjoyed the show immensely and, in many cases, found the Saturday night Lotto experience to be sadly lacking in Madame Tracy’s absence. It’s clear that our viewers still want to be reassured about the luck of the draw, and to enjoy the entertainment that Madame Tracy invariably provides. You, the audience, have spoken, and we have listened.” The basic format of the old show included horoscopes, a little primer on, for example, drawing star charts or reading tarot cards – perfect for impressing your friends - and a section for reading out and responding to letters about viewers’ problems and requests. Sometimes, these could be answered by a simple dose of hard facts, but on other occasions Madame Tracy would attempt to make contact with someone on the other side for answers or to offer reassurance to the bereaved. This latter practice was often controversial, but Madame Tracy always seemed to treat the process with the utmost sincerity and her fans were usually glad of the comfort she could offer. The only time there were substantial complaints about the show was when a sound issue caused the sound from an edgy crime drama filming in the studio next door to be heard instead of Madame Tracy’s soothing words – meaning one unfortunate caller seeking a message from her departed husband instead received the message, “Shut up, woman, shut up, why won’t you leave me alone?” The BBC apologised for the error, Madame Tracy personally met with ‘Beryl from London’ to give her the full VIP psychic treatment, and apparently there were no hard feelings after that. There’s no word yet on whether the tried-and-tested format will be changing, but we do know that the show is set to return in April, when the next round of scheduling changes take effect. I, for one, can’t wait. My kids, who have been watching the show since they were tiny, are very excited about the return of 'Spooky Auntie Tracy’ (we’re not related) and my other half is thrilled by the idea that they might once again receive mystic guidance to go to bed on time and always do their homework. And if Madame Tracy should ever need an assistant, I’m available as long as it doesn’t conflict with my writing duties. After all, I saw this coming! EDWARD BIGGS [End of transcript]

#masked omens #mo week seven #very much fake news #good omens fic #mine

Masked Omens: Week Seven, Part One

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated 6th February 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

Read the fic here! All news stories and events are entirely fictional; real names of people (with the exception of image attributions) and places are used only for context. No affiliation is implied, and no disrespect is intended by the use of their names in this work of fiction.

[EDIT: With thanks to HolRose/@hasturswig for spotting that I had overlooked the sad passing of John Noakes, who originally appeared on this page!]

Top left: Grasswater redo rumoured Will anybody tackle the ‘cursed’ adaptation? [Image Description: The ‘w’ in ‘Grasswater, ‘h’ in ‘the’, and ‘o’ in ‘adaptation’ in the above headline have been circled in pencil. End ID.] It's been nearly a decade and a half since the critically-acclaimed adaptation of Sir Thomas Parsett's The Grasswater Affair flopped into cinemas, and rumours are once again circulating about a possible reboot. The first attempt at transferring Parsett's magnum opus to the big screen was released in 2009 after a series of setbacks to the production process. Among the calamities that befell the set were a fire in the wardrobe department, an overdose requiring producers to recast the lead role of Fabian, and a bout of food poisoning that halted filming for over a week. There were whispers, among the more superstitious, that the film was cursed. By the time The Grasswater Affair was finally released, the delay had whipped the original book's fans into a frenzy of anticipation, and excitement over the forthcoming film actually pushed the 19th-century novel into the bestseller lists for the first time in the weeks before the release. Early reviews were promising, and the good press only fed the hype machine. But the crowds that packed into cinemas to watch it emerged disappointed; while the reasons they gave for their disappointment varied wildly, everybody from casual viewers to die-hard book lovers seemed to find it lacking in some aspect or another. It deviated too far from the source text, while adhering precisely to the minor details that didn't matter; it featured a young actor fresh out of drama school, rather than the promised household name; it lingered too long on shots of the actresses' bosoms, and the key object that proved key to the plot was left entirely out of focus in the background of a crucial early scene. While, naturally, some audience members enjoyed it in its own right, it never became either a blockbuster hit or a cult classic, and it still boasts a lowly 2.9 stars on the Internet Movie Database (IMDb) and 24% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. This being the case, it might be hard to understand why rumours continue to circulate about a revival of The Grasswater Affair, or what might make this time different from the many, many other occasions when such a story has surfaced on the internet. The first question is easily answered by a look at the thriving community of Parsett fans who adore the original novel – and, indeed, the rest of the series The Grasswater Affair is part of. Following first Fabian, and then various other heroes, through a sort of alternative 19th century underpinned by magic and other fantasy tropes, it's been hailed as a masterpiece – and it's aged surprisingly well despite the shift in society's views and tolerances since its publication. The first novel sees Fabian locked in a battle of wits with his somewhat older rival, Rafferty, as they seek to make their fortunes in a society rife with danger and – worse – scandal. As for the second question, the recent rumours have an extra ring of truth to them thanks to the attachment of an actual name – writer-turned-showrunner Noel Garmin is said to be in talks about the project. Having adapted several of his own books for the small screen, could he now be turning his famed respect for written source material to a film or series based on Parsett's masterpiece? If he does, book fans can expect to be very pleased with the result. Garmin was asked about his upcoming projects at a recent convention panel, and his answer, while enigmatic, seemed promising.“Well, I've got to write some books, at some point! But I do also want to work on some more TV, it's a fascinating way of telling a story and it's still quite new and exciting for me. Perhaps I could tell one of my favourite stories, one that I didn't originally write. I'm actually talking to some people... We'll have to see. Hopefully I'll have news for you soon.” Hopefully you will, Noel. Hopefully you will. CITRON DEUX-CHEVAL Top right: Summer’s operatic offerings Last of Glyndebourne festival announcements [Image Description: The apostrophe and ‘s’ of ‘summer’s’ and the ‘t’ of ‘operatic’ in the above headline are circled in pencil. Below the headline is a short, wide picture of a theatre auditorium with red curtains. Small text over the bottom of the picture reads ‘Photo: Gabriel Varaljay | Unsplash’. End ID.] Opera fans are in for a treat this summer, as Puccini's Turandot returns to Glyndebourne Opera House. The venue in Lewes is renowned as the home of great opera, and Turandot is a favourite no matter where it's performed, so this combination of the two is a perfect match. Throw in popular young tenor Jeremy Wensleydale – most recently seen on ITV's The Masked Singer - performing the role of Calaf, and it's a performance guaranteed to impress. The play follows Calaf as he sets out to win the hand of the titular princess. Each suitor is asked three riddles, and failure means instant death. But answering three riddles is not enough to win the heart of Princess Turandot, and Calaf strikes a desperate bargain; if she can guess his true name by daybreak, she may put him to death regardless. If she fails, the marriage goes ahead. It's an interesting method of courting, to be sure, but the opera has enchanted and delighted audiences for many years now. And, if nothing else, who can resist an opportunity to hear 'Nessun Dorma' live? Glyndebourne members can book tickets now for dates between 25th May and 22nd June; remaining tickets will be available from the 18th of April. Turandot is the latest title to be announced by the opera house and completes their summer season's line-up. There will also be performances of Cosi Fan Tutte, Tristan and Isolde, Il Turco in Italia, and an array of concerts and other events. The Glyndebourne Summer Festival is always a highlight of the arts scene in the middle of the year, but there are events all year round. Currently, the opera house is a stopping-point for a touring production of Romeo & Juliet, which has already passed through the Chichester Festival Theatre and will then go on to Colchester, Ipswich, Cambridge, Sheffield, Manchester and Leeds. The show is a daring new interpretation of the age-old Shakespearean tragedy, fusing music and dance with the familiar story, and a full review will appear in the Capital Herald on Thursday. From the middle of February, Romeo & Juliet will be replaced at Glyndebourne with a more traditional #approach to La Traviata by Giuseppe Verdi. The music of La Traviata may be familiar, even to audiences unfamiliar with the story, as it was rather liberally plundered for inspiration by Donato Lovreglio in 1865. Of course, that does assume a familiarity with Lovreglio - but if you find yourself humming along during your first attendance, that might very well be why. Incidentally, for more opera and classical music trivia, you might find my recent book, Inside Opera, worth a read - especially if you need to brush up on your cultured conversation points before you visit the opera house this summer. EDWARD BIGGS Inside Opera, by Edward Biggs, is published by Byker Press and is available now in all good bookshops. #Hardback RRP ￡9.99/€11.99.

Centre left: Capital Herald scoops NMA Star-studded ceremony honours news greats [Image Description: The ‘H’ of ‘Herald’, ‘A’ of ‘NMA’, and ‘t’ of ‘star’ in the above headline are circled in pencil.] The 2021 News Media Award ceremony took place on Thursday evening at a glamorous event held in the Mayfair Room at the Connaught Hotel, Mayfair. While many of the attendees are more used to operating the cameras than parading in front of them, they rose to the occasion with great aplomb, rubbing shoulders on the red carpet with some of the most famous entertainers in the UK who'd come to add their own special touches to the ceremony. It will come as no surprise to learn that Trevor McDonald, Natasha Kaplinsky, and Naga Munchetty were in attendance, as were Tom Bradby and Dan Walker. But the attendee who really got heads turning was Carmine Zugiber, notorious for attending very few events on UK soil. Although she's normally out in the field, she's been based in London for the last couple of months, covering the political beat for News World Weekly in Uriel Scrolle's absence, and it seems she couldn't resist the opportunity to collect her awards for Best Combat Coverage and Outstanding Field Reporting in person. Wearing a glamorous Ligur gown in striking red to match her hair, she paused on the red carpet to exchange words with some of those less fortunate reporters covering the event. “I don't know what to do with myself, with nobody shooting at me!” Zugiber joked. “Where's my bulletproof jacket?” The ceremony featured a performance of 'Messy (If I Want To Be)' by rapper P-White, who also presented an award for Entertainment Columnist of the Year to the Capital Herald's very own Citron Deux-Cheval. Another of the Capital Herald's staff writers, Edward Biggs, was nominated in the category of News-Adjacent Achievement for his 2020 trivia book, That Guy From That Thing. While the award, presented by Dame Angela Crowley, eventually went to News World Weekly's Donald Eath for High Score: A Study in Arcade Machines, Edward did get a chance to meet Dame Angela and exchange a few words. “She said I shouldn't feel discouraged, as she didn't win anything at her first awards ceremony either – and she wished me every success with my new book, which has just come out,” said Biggs of the star. “Hopefully, next year, I'll be bringing home a trophy too.” At the end of the night, as the winners and losers drifted home, the presses were already roaring into action to print the morning's papers. The news never stops; there was precious little time for the winners to enjoy the warm glow of appreciation, and no time at all for the less successful nominees to lament their losses. But at the end of the day, the whole industry could sleep safe in the knowledge that the work we do is valuable, and valued. MARY HODGES

Bottom left: Blue Peter garden party ‘22 Celebrating 10 years in show’s new location [Image description: The ‘B’ and ‘e’ of ‘Blue’ and the ‘h’ of ‘show’ in the above headline are circled in pencil. End ID.] The BBC has announced that it will be holding a party for former Blue Peter presenters, guests, and viewers in 2022. Held in the Blue Peter garden in Salford to celebrate ten years since it was relocated from London, the party is expected to provide an opportunity for Blue Peter presenters, past and present, to mingle and let their hair down, as well as catching up with some of the guests who've appeared on the show over the years. Former presenters such as Adam Young, Katy Hill, Radzi Chinyanganya, Anthea Turner, Gethin Jones, Pat Maputi, Yvette Fielding and Konnie Huq can expect an invite, of course, as can the current team of Lindsey Russell, Richie Driss, Mwaka Mudenda, and Adam Beales. But the former guests are an even more varied bunch; everyone from Idina Menzel and Sir Chris Hoy to McFly and Tim Peake could be invited, to say nothing of the hundreds of farmers, bakers, teachers, parents, and kids who've taken part in the show. While the party is quite a long way off yet, the BBC are already hard at work figuring out a lottery system that will allow them to give every viewer an equal chance to be invited to the party. Register your interest now on the Blue Peter website to make sure you don't miss out. SARAH JEUNE Ad, bottom right: [Image Description: A black background with a dark-grey crown resting on it. There are smudges of a lighter colour on the background. Above the crown, graffiti-style text reads ‘P-White’. Below it, written as if in chalk, are the words ‘Chalkdust tour’, underlined as if in chalk. Beneath it, a red bar reading ‘New dates added’ covers the words ‘Sold out’. Below that is the web address ‘www.chalkdust-tour.com’. Tiny writing in the bottom right hand corner reads ‘Photo: Zach Angelo for ProChurchMedia | Unsplash’. End ID.]

#very much fake news #masked omens #masked omens week seven p1 #good omens fic #mine

Masked Omens: Week Six

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 30th January 2021. Full image description and transcript below cut. End ID.]

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Top story (continued from facing page): -talk filming, fans and family with 'Three Card Monte' star -finished, and hotly tipped for several major awards come the season, what does Dame Angela have in the pipeline? She's tight-lipped, but the question makes her smile. “Naturally I don't want to give too much away – an actress must maintain some mystery lest the camera fall out of love with her – but I can tell you I have several options in mind, and some of them are very exciting.” But is it a question of which project to take on, or which to take on first? “Well, of course, there are no guarantees, but... yes, I imagine some of them will wait.” It's an unusual level of power for an actor to wield, but at this stage in her career Dame Angela is more than entitled to wield it. How does she feel about winning the showbiz game so spectacularly? “Oh, I feel as though I've been playing a game of my own devising, to which even I don't know the rules.” She laughs. “No, but really, I don't think I've ever thought of it as playing a game. I go up for the parts I think are interesting or challenging, and I've been fortunate enough to get them more often than not. Then, when the part is finished, I move on to the next thing I want to do. There's no strategy, not really, not on my part. Naturally, my agent might tell you something very different!” Having the right agent can certainly be the key to success in the entertainment industry, and Dame Angela has been with Derek Mette, of MetteTalent, for many years now.“More than I care to admit,” she tells me with a laugh, “Derek has been with me since the beginning, really. We're old friends, at this point – our families exchange Christmas cards every year.” Family can be a challenge for someone who's trying to keep the momentum of their career going, and Dame Angela surprised the world when she took a year out of acting to give birth to her son, Anthony.“Yes, at that time it simply wasn't done; one could have a career, or one could have a family. Especially since I was very much on my own with it all. But I was able to get back in front of the cameras quite quickly, and I wouldn't change things for the world. Becoming a mother made me a better actress, I think, because it opened up that whole range of experiences. The highs and the lows of childrearing.” In fact, Dame Angela starred alongside young Anthony in A is for Apple when he was only eight months old. He briefly followed in her footsteps after leaving school, and seemed set for similar levels of industry acclaim. But it all came to a devastating halt when he developed an addiction that led to him being discovered unconscious in his trailer on the set of The Grasswater Affair. He'd overdosed. “I don't like to talk about it,” Dame Angela says, her mouth downturned. “I found it very hard. But now, of course, he's been in recovery for many years, and he does his little plays all around the country. It's behind us, and I'd like it to stay that way.” A change of subject, then; what does she make of the rumours that she is currently performing as a costumed character on The Masked Singer UK? “On- I'm sorry, what's that?” I show her a clip on my phone. “Good heavens, no.” But isn't that exactly what she'd say if it was her? “Well, I don't know. I'd never even seen it until just now. But it all seems a little childish for my taste. I'm far too committed to my art to do light entertainment.” Time, it seems, will tell. But if Dame Angela is indeed a participant in The Masked Singer, she hides it well.There’s time for one last question, so I try to make it a good one. What, I ask, does Dame Angela consider her proudest achievement to date? “Oh, that’s a difficult question. I simply couldn’t choose... Naturally, becoming a Dame was a great honour, and not one I expected at all, which made it all the more precious. But then, the first time I won an Oscar was a real moment of pride, and one that’s never soured with time. And, of course, every award and every round of applause is a moment of pride for any actor; it means I’ve done the job, and done it well, and that it has been appreciated by the audience in front of me. What more can any actress ask for?” MARY HODGES Dame Angela Crowley’s latest film, Three Card Monte, is in cinemas from the 12th of February.

Centre right: OWAS to host ‘magic’ event Literary society’s next gala theme announced The Oscar Wilde Appreciation Society has announced the theme for its spring social event, which is to be inspired by all things magical. Famed far beyond its actual membership for its lavish balls and banquets, the society has in the past held events held together by motifs such as 'Luck', which took place in a casino, 'Snow', which included a trip to a ski slope, and 'Flight', during which all participants had the opportunity to glide above the dancers on wires. This time, the theme is 'Magic', and while details are still being kept tightly under wraps, it seems fairly certain that Aziraphale Fell, London's most celebrated stage magician and a long-time member of the Oscar Wilde Appreciation Society, will be performing at the event. When the society throws open its doors each season, it's quite possible to go all night without seeing a single regular member of the club. While the organising committee is out in full force, soliciting donations from the wealthy patrons who attend the parties, and the society president stands up to make a toast at the beginning of dinner, it's largely outsiders who descend upon the Oscar Wilde Appreciation Society's chosen venue. In fact, the scale and opulence of these events has led some to speculate that OWAS is not a literary appreciation society at all, but rather a shadowy networking opportunity for the rich and powerful. Indeed, at the 'Flight' event, it's rumoured that two world leaders met in the queue for the wire-flying and laid the foundations for a later trade deal between their nations. The society's everyday goings-on are, I'm told, far more pedestrian and literary. But - as the current president, Edwin Pearce, often says - “what's an Oscar Wilde society without a little hedonism?” There's altruism, too, however; the society makes a substantial donation to a charity chosen by the members each year. This year's charity has yet to be determined, but last year the children of the Wessex Street Hospital enjoyed a very special Christmas thanks to a £20,000 cheque from the Oscar Wilde Appreciation Society. Much of the funds required to make such lavish events and donations possible are raised at those very events, which take place once a season. Tickets for the 'Magic' event have not yet been released, but previous events' tickets have sold for anything from £200 to £2000. A limited number of reduced price tickets are generally made available, so keep an eye on the Oscar Wilde Appreciation Society's website at oscarwas.org.uk if you're looking to get in without breaking the bank. If The Amazing Mr Fell will indeed be performing at the event, it might explain his recent reduction in performances – his show has gone down from six nights a week to just four, eliminating his Wednesday and Saturday performances. Magic fans in the capital can therefore hold out hope that once preparations for his upcoming performance are over, tickets might become easier to obtain. And, of course, the 'Magic' event itself promises to be one big avocado. CITRON DEUX-CHEVAL

Centre right: Drawing back the veil again Mystic Madame reportedly plotting TV return Two years after Drawing Back the Veil with Telepathic Tracy last aired, its old Saturday night slot is set to become vacant again – and rumours abound that the show may be set to return. For the last two years, live draws have been condensed into a fifteen-minute slot on BBC One, followed by an episode of one of the longer 45-minute drama series the BBC tend to favour these days. Much of the pageantry that used to go along with the weekly draw was shifted unceremoniously onto the National Lottery's YouTube channel or website, and the delivery of the actual results became more akin to the reading of a weather report before a return to the usual programming of the channel. Now, however, the BBC has put out a press release announcing that the National Lottery will now return to a half-hour draw show, allowing for 'a little more excitement and glamour'. This, the press release suggests, could take the form of a very brief trivia game before the draw, a return to celebrities wishing everyone luck before pressing the all-important button, a chance to showcase musical acts during the show, or some combination of the above. I'm all for a return to the showbiz nature of the nation's most mainstream gambling ring, but it's the shortening of the subsequent timeslot that has my attention. Already, just a day after the BBC's announcement, speculation is rife about what – and who – might be about to fill that second half-hour time slot. Most of the shows the BBC produces these days are designed for a 45-minute or hour-long format, and producers will be understandably reluctant to try to condense comedy, gameshows or drama into such a small space – especially given the National Lottery's occasional tendency to overrun. Pre-recorded shows have come unstuck before when the Camelot machines have jammed or some other calamity has befallen the draw, most notably in 2019 when the initial episode of Season 6 of Sherlock aired without the crucial first three minutes that explained the detective's cunning escape from the previous season's climactic scrape. It's the sort of situation that calls for a steady hand and an almost supernatural ability to adjust to disaster. Who better to take on the challenge than a woman who's had years of practice? Telepathic Tracy, the Mystic Madame, is very much still working her mysterious ways despite her departure from our TV screens – notably in The New Aquarian - and what better way to follow a disappointing lotto result than with the reassurance that this week, your luck will be better, or at the very least predictable? I, for one, predict Madame Tracy's triumphant return to television - and what's more, I welcome it. EDWARD BIGGS

#masked omens #mo week six #very much fake news #good omens fic #mine #masked singer au #overdose tw

Week Five: Interlude

Image 2 - A tweet from Jane Haddock (@janehaddock) dated 10:48am, 25th January 2021. It reads “Agnes Nutter setting a great example on @PamandSamAM today. Sometimes, problems need punching. If you see a scammer, smack a scammer! #SableScam #Agtivism”.

Image 3 - A tweet from Alex Plaice (@alplaice) dated 10:49am, 25th January 2021. It reads “Can we have Agnes Nutter for Prime Minister, please? You know she’d get things done. #Agitivism”. End ID.]

Tweets created using TweetGen. Any resemblance to actual persons or usernames is entirely coincidental.

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#masked omens #week five interlude #very much fake news #mine #masked singer au #forgive the rain of fish...

Masked Omens: Week Five

Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 23rd January 2021. Full image description and transcript below cut. End ID.]

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Top section: Stream of Consciousness: Shows To Make You Think A whole host of great documentaries, old and new, have just been added to streaming services Who doesn't love a good documentary? You can learn all sorts of things, and you don't have to do any of the research for yourself. Over the last couple of weeks, loads of people seem to have been tuning into the wealth of documentaries available on various streaming services; here are a few I particularly enjoyed. Green Planet (2020) is not your standard nature documentary; while there are some extremely cute shots of animals (including gorillas, whales, and giant squid) the main focus is on sustainable practices people are experimenting with in all sorts of industries and contexts, and the way they allow local wildlife to flourish. It's thought-provoking stuff. We're As Folk (2019) takes a look at the contemporary folk movement, interviewing figures from the second British revival right through to the present day; contributors include Seth Lakeman, Frank Turner, Anathema and Bellowhead. With folk-festival anecdotes aplenty, the documentary explores the intricacies of the genre and culminates in all the contributors performing a once-in-a-lifetime rendition of 'She Moved Through The Fair'. Gadget If You Can (2015) might be a little outdated now, but that's what makes it such a compelling watch. From watches that tell the time in 21 capital cities concurrently to hoverboards that actually, well, hover, this is a fascinating look at the new devices that seemed to be just on the horizon when it was released more than five years ago. Some have since appeared; some remain pipedreams. All are interesting! Making Fast Friends (2012) is the oldest documentary on this list, and the narrowest in scope. It was released alongside the SEGA charity single 'Fast Friends' and gives us a behind the scenes look at what happened when Sonic the Hedgehog teamed up with a whole bunch of children's TV presenters to make the record. Although largely factual in nature, it does also feature animated 'interviews' with Sonic and Knuckles, so it's entirely suitable for watching with your family. And P-White fans, in particular, will not want to miss this a second time around. A War Without War (2021), by contrast, is both up-to-the-minute and extremely disturbing to watch. It is composed of a mixture of expert analysis of the situation developing on the ground in Celestan and grim footage allegedly smuggled out of the country by fleeing residents. Moreover, with more episodes promised, it forces the viewer to acknowledge what is happening as the country breaks apart, and asks us the difficult question: can you have a war without war? Dinosaurs: The Punchline (2013) is frequently mistaken for a mockumentary thanks to its tongue-in-cheek title. It is, in fact, a thoughtful exploration of how religious groups respond to apparent conflicts between scientific facts and the tenets of their faith. Without shying away from the realities of science as we know it, this film takes a surprisingly sensitive approach to investigating how science and religion intersect in the modern world. By The Numbers (2018) looks back at the history of the televised National Lottery, along with its competitors on other channels and the entertainment chosen to appear directly after it. Featuring clips and interviews with stars from Marjorie Potts aka Telepathic Tracy, whose show aired after the draw for over a decade, to Marvin O. Bagman, whose sports-based quiz show had, at the time of the documentary’s release, the corresponding Channel 4 slot. It’s not groundbreaking, but it is very entertaining. CITRON DEUX-CHEVAL Have I missed any amazing documentaries you think I should be talking about? Drop me an email at [email protected] or leave a comment on our website and I might feature your recommendations in a future issue.

Centre left: Memory Lane: Kilcridhe Now there’s a vicar I’d have loved to meet at the altar Ask any male-attracted person of a certain age – well, my age and up, really – if they remember Kilcridhe, and you'll be met with flushed cheeks and a glassy expression. We remember Kilcridhe, all right – or perhaps it would be fairer to say that we remember Father Jacob MacCleod. It's hard to believe that heartthrob Jacob was Anthony Crowley's first major role on television, and harder still to believe that he was also one of his last. The show ran for only two six-episode series, between 2005 and 2006, but in those twelve hours I think it's fair to say a fair few of us fell irrevocably in love. Kilcridhe was named for the fictitious Scottish village where it was set, and largely revolved around the goings-on of the local church and its new minister. Much of the series' drama centred around Father MacCleod's ongoing attempts to fill the pews, which saw him trying everything from hosting a bake sale – for which he ended up baking everything himself – to arranging a community talent show, with predictably bizarre results. But during the course of these adventures, each episode also introduced us to one or more of Kilcridhe's residents. We got a glimpse into the little struggles and joys of their lives – most of which quickly became Jacob's struggles and joys, too. My main memory of this show is that it was pretty. Not just Jacob, but everything about it, from the location they chose for the exterior shots, to the tone added in post-production; everything was just slightly more saturated and colourful than real life, not enough to be jarring but enough to give the whole thing a strangely dreamlike feel. In fact, as Jacob remarked as he prepared to leave for Edinburgh at the end of series one (not knowing if he would return or if the show would be cancelled), “leaving [Kilcridhe] feels like waking from a dream, like going back to reality somehow”. It was, perhaps, for the best that Kilcridhe was cancelled after only two series. Shows originally envisioned as limited series rarely keep their charm past a second extension, and the central actor was to encounter personal problems not long after the end of the show. That's not to say that a revival couldn't work, perhaps with a completely new protagonist. But Father Jacob MacCleod lives on in the hearts of his many fans, smiling that enigmatic smile of his, and when that's not enough, there's always online fanfiction. So much fanfiction. SARAH JEUNE Memory Lane is our regular feature, looking back at the books, shows and films of yesteryear through a nostalgic lens. Do you miss something you’d like to see featured? Just send the show name (plus channel and airdates if you know them) in an email to: [email protected] - your prayers might just be answered!

Centre right: Correspondent’s Corner Stop talking about it Anathema is making waves again as she does the talk-show circuit to promote her new album, Narrative Devices. It's a very pretty album from a very lovely girl, but she does keep getting hung up on one point. Every time somebody describes her music as country, she interrupts to tell them it's folk. Well, I'm no music expert, but even I know that folk is a very European genre, and the United States' equivalent is country, or country and western music, to give it its full name, and to continue to argue to the contrary is simply courting controversy for controversy's sake. It is unbecoming of a young lady – even, or perhaps especially, a young lady with Anathema's obvious talent – to continue to argue with her elders on the subject, and even to correct the likes of Graham Norton and Giles Brandreth. These sage bastions of broadcasting deserve more respect, and they couldn't be more gracious in accepting their 'mistake'. But surely a young musician in the first flush of success should take the time to learn about what she's actually doing? It doesn't seem very much to ask. It’s not entirely her fault, of course; the youth of today are given far too much freedom by their parents and, on top of that, are often propelled to disproportionate success with no chance to prepare for it. Is it any wonder that it all goes to their heads? But there is no excuse for not making an effort to keep their egos in check and defer to their betters on matters of terminology and best practice. Naturally, we all hope that Anathema will enjoy a long and successful career making the music she enjoys the most and , more importantly, music we can all enjoy too. And I also hope that she will, eventually, acquire the humility so rarely found in young people these days and accept that she does not always know best. If she listens to the counsel of older and wiser heads than hers, she might even learn something. ANDY SANDALPHON What can’t they do? If there's one thing that's becoming apparent with every passing week of The Masked Singer UK, it's that celebrities are no longer to content to stay in their lane. No, these multi-talented marvels seem determined to push themselves to the limit in every possible field. So far, we’ve seen sergeants become singers, rugby players become rockers, doctors become divas and authors become, er, audible. And with weeks still to go in this competition, we still have eight masked celebrities to guess. Eight people whose day jobs probably don’t include getting on stage and belting out pop standards are still waiting to impress us with talents that aren’t even their thing. I mean, if I could sing and dance like the contestants on the show, you can bet your life I’d be making a living from it. It would be my number one talent, and I’d be rubbish at anything else, because most of us only get one main skill. Not these jammy gits, though. For them, this is a sideline. It's not just The Masked Singer, of course – from proving their talent for trivia on Pointless Celebrities and their wordplay wisdom on Celebrity Catchphrase to demonstrating their culinary qualities on Celebrity Masterchef and The Great Celebrity Bake Off, it seems that wherever you look someone is adding a new string to their bow. Being a phenomenally talented actor, singer, or footballer is all well and good, but more and more stars are now keen to show us that they really can do anything and everything. And why shouldn't they? It's phenomenally entertaining television to watch. And for those of us who sometimes feel inadequate compared to our famous idols, it can be very reassuring to watch, for example, a comedian weeping into his cupcake mix on Bake Off or an Oscar nominee fall on her face on Dancing On Ice. When they do well, it's amazing; when they do badly, it's life-affirming. That said, I've been blown away by the talent of the contestants on The Masked Singer this series. It's so inspirational, in fact, that I might take up watercolours. EDWARD BIGGS Bottom right (in blue box): Citron’s Quick Picks Fast favourites from Citron Deux-Cheval Look: Sea Change by Hastur LaVista There's never been a journey to to the top quite like P-White's. This authorised biography charts a course from children's presenter to global superstar through interviews, pictures and anecdotes. While the research sometimes seems a little slapdash, the story at the heart of the book is more than interesting enough to hold it together. And since it's authorised, Maputi themself has contributed plenty of private insights and observations. [Image description: A book, its cover featuring a blue-green gradient with black, dripping lines spilling across it. The title reads ‘Sea Change’. End ID.] Listen: Narrative Devices by Anathema Anathema's first album was well-received both within the folk community and beyond it. Now her second album, backed up by an obvious increase in resources, looks set to enjoy similar mainstream success, and deservedly so. The theme this time seems to be the act of telling stories, but it's also a story in itself. You'll have heard the singles, but it takes on new meaning when you play it in order! [Image description: An album cover featuring hands holding a book. The words “Anathema” and “Narrative Devices” are printed on it. End ID.] Laugh: Newtral Stance by AutoTuna on YouTube It's not the first time beleaguered commentator Newton Pulsifer has had his words edited into a supercut. It's not even the first time his frequent disagreements with the VAR have been autotuned – including by YouTube user AutoTuna. But this new edition adds an extra dimension in the form of a flat, robotic voice duetting – and duelling – with the frustrated human, taking the hilarity to a whole new level! [Image description: A screenshot of a young woman wearing a call centre headset (specifically, the woman who cold-calls Crowley in Good Omens and gets Hastur instead). She looks extremely bored. End ID.]

#masked omens #mo week five #very much fake news #good omens fic

Interlude: Week Four

Image 2 - A piece of paper folded into a simple programme for a play. The cover image is of a white keyhole on a dark blue background with a slight gradient. The keyhole seems to glow as if light is streaming through it. The programme is slightly open to reveal the words “-ks to all our sponsors” in capitals at the bottom of the inside page. Full front cover transcription below cut. End ID.]

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Masked Omens: Week Four

Image 2 - A page from the Opinion section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 16th January, 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

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Main Story: TOFFLEY GATE: FIFTEEN YEARS ON, IT’S NO HOME Where is the affordable housing that was promised? And why can’t local people get access to it? The Toffley Gate development once seemed like that most elusive of rarities; a politician's campaign promise made real. When Lawrence Richmond, a distinguished barrister, was elected as MP for Toffley South in 2005, it was partly on the strength of his pledge to build a brand new block of affordable accommodation for the people of Toffley. In fact, if you ask most local voters why the future Transport Secretary won his seat, they'll point in the direction of Toffley Gate. The development, it was claimed, would create jobs in the area, boost property values, and allow more buyers and renters on low incomes to invest wisely in their future. Fifteen years on, how are those claims holding up? Well, the development did indeed bring in construction jobs, as well as long-term positions in the shops and services on Toffley Gate's street level. As construction continued, however, some concerns were raised – even as early as February of 2006, seven months before the grand opening – that changes to the specification meant almost all the flats in the towering buildings would be described as luxury apartments, rather than affordable housing. But as long as they were still rented out at low rates, that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. When the development's 312 flats were put on the market, however, 276 of them were priced at luxury rates. The remaining thirty-six were a single block of small studio apartments, suitable for a single occupant or two, a far cry from the family homes Richmond had promised to provide. Protests followed, in 2009 and 2010, but it was too late. Now, fifteen years on, only 194 Toffley Gate units are occupied. The rest remain empty and useless, far beyond the means of most local residents and workers. The Capital Herald popped into the local coffee shop to canvas opinions. “Oh, they're lovely, aren't they?” said Gladys Jones, retired, who'd stopped in with her grandson, Chris, a student. “I'd love one of those balconies, but not on my pension.” And Chris? “They're going for what, two or three grand a month? I could work for years and never save up enough to live there.” What would he like to see done with the place? “Drop the prices, maybe set them up as student accommodation, the uni's always oversubscribed. Or just... make sure normal people can afford them, you know?” “I put my name on the waiting list for the cheap flats when the place opened, when I was about twenty-five,” Jenny Tyler, a teacher, told me. I asked her what changed her mind. “No, I'm still on the list. Fifteen years, I'm still on the list.” Has she considered applying for one of the more expensive unused units? “No. On a teacher's pay? No, in fact, I'm moving back in with my dad. It's cheaper to commute in from Tadfield than to keep paying rent in Toffley.” And what of those behind the counter? Of the three employees on shift, two had joined the waiting list for the affordable housing at Toffley Gate. All three agreed that they'd love to live in one of the fancier units, if it were possible. One, Tom, has a second job as a cleaner on the development. “I have to clean all the luxury homes, even the empty ones,” he said. “And there are a lot of empty ones. Even the ones where you can tell someone's moved in, there's hardly any sign of life. It almost seems like an investment property type thing, but I don't know how they can be making money without sub-letting it.” When approached for comment, Lawrence Richmond – an Eton graduate who lives in a large historic house with his wife and son – argued that he is not responsible for market rates, nor for setting the level of affordable housing provision within the development. Why, then, did he make such grandiose promises during his election campaign in 2005? And why, sixteen years on and after several protests, is he still in office? If Richmond is as keen on affordable housing as he claimed to be in 2005 – as he has continued to claim, during the run-up to every local election since then – there must be something he can do, in his capacity as Toffley's MP, to encourage the building's owners, Selectan Homes Plc, to lower rents and allow lower-income families to access the many unoccupied units in the building. Surely it would be a win-win situation; Selectan would reap the rewards of a fully-let building, existing Toffley Gate residents would benefit from an invigorated community, and local people could live in the area where they actually worked. The businesses established at the base of the Toffley Gate tower blocks would have as many customers as they could want. In short, Lawrence Richmond, what are you waiting for? TINA MOON

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Masked Omens: Week Three

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Image 2 - A page from the Entertainment section of the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 9th January, 2021. Full image description and transcript below the cut. End ID.]

Main story: SECOND SABLE BRAND AMBASSADOR ADMITTED TO HOSPITAL Stunned fans phone in to save the day as model collapses during charity fundraising challenge Model and social media influencer Adam Mann, 29, was rushed to hospital on Friday night after he collapsed during a live webstream. Worried fans alerted the authorities and an ambulance was dispatched to Mann's Kensington home at approximately 8pm last night. Mann's representatives have yet to release a statement, but a source close to him told The Capital Herald that Mann had been feeling unwell for some time. “He's been out of sorts for ages,” she admitted, “and when I looked up the symptoms online, it said it was probably malnutrition. I told him, it's that diet he's on. But Adam wouldn't listen.” Mann is a brand ambassador for Dr Raven Sable's diet and lifestyle products. Earlier this month, another Sable ambassador, Lilith Root, checked into an in-patient facility to begin treatment for an eating disorder. Sable's representatives have so far declined to comment on either incident, despite repeated invitations to do so. Mann is a dedicated charity campaigner, often urging his peers in the modelling industry to raise awareness and funds using the wry social media hashtag #NotJustAPrettyFace. In the few years since he rose to prominence, he has supported hundreds of charities ranging from local foodbank initiatives to global human rights and animal welfare concerns. “It‘s so like Adam,” our source told us, “to literally collapse in the middle of trying to help someone else. He always puts himself last. I really, really hope he’s OK.” It’s a sentiment that’s been echoed in Twitter threads and on message boards across the internet - including in the comments of Mann’s most recent Instagram post, which was uploaded just an hour before the livestream started. “Ready to take some questions, have some fun and raise some cash for a great cause,” said the caption. “Please Adam, look after yourself and get well soon. You’re so thin in this photo :( xxxx” replied a user with the handle @adamfann95, three hours later. Similar messages soon followed as news of Mann’s condition spread. At the time of Mann’s collapse, his charity livestream had raised over £15,000 for Lionheart, a charity dedicated to the care and protection of lions and other wild animals who’ve been illegally kept as pets. Since then, fans have continued to make donations in his name, and the charity is now set to receive over £38,000. “We wish Adam a very speedy recovery, and we hope he knows he’s always welcome to visit us at the Lionheart Sanctuary,” said Noah Shipman, the charity’s founder and chairman. “Thank you to all those who’ve donated; we firmly believe that these animals belong outside, not cooped up between four walls or in someone’s garden. Just like us, they like to roam! Thank you for helping us to save those poor creatures who’ve been put in a horrible position through no fault of their own.” At time of writing, there has been no update on Mann’s condition. MARY HODGES. [Image Description: a close-up of biblical Adam biting the apple, taken from the Good Omens TV show. End ID.] TAKEN ILL: Adam Mann, pictured above in an ad campaign for Dr Raven Sable’s CHOW nutritional lifestyle regime, was admitted to hospital on Friday evening (Image: QuiteUnlikely.net)

Centre left: Memory Lane: Tip from the Top The gunge plunge was a child's idea of justice, but it worked. They don't make children's telly like they used to. Before Peppa Pig and Shaun the Sheep, there was Superted and Maid Marian and Her Merry Men. Those shows have had their time, changed the genre for the better, and been consigned to history – and there's certainly an argument for reviving them. But one children's show that's going to be hard to replace is my old favourite, Tip from the Top. Hosted by Blue Peter alum Pat Maputi, the show was based on a simple, winning format; kids competed to score points, win prizes, and ultimately get the opportunity to drop their least favourite parent, guardian, teacher, or other adult into a pool of gunge and goo. Named for the chair that tilted forward and dislodged the unfortunate adult seated on it, the show might have been nothing more than a simple gameshow curiosity, but its concept of offering redress for the many perceived slights inflicted on kids by grown-ups made it a real treasure. To children of my generation, it was like a little revolution; when we were sent to our rooms unjustly, when we were kept behind after class, when we were made – horror of all horrors – to tidy our rooms, Tip from the Top offered the tantalising prospect of justice. Of course, all the adults on the show had agreed to be there, accepting the risk of being plunged into a thick layer of green slime. Pat Maputi was in league with the detention-givers and the room-senders all along. But as children, we didn't realise that; to us, Tip from the Top was the highest possible Court of Appeal. And for that, it will always be remembered fondly. Sadly, Tip from the Top was cancelled in 2000, a new millennium bringing a new wave of children's television to our screens. The focus of children’s programming began to shift towards a more fiction-heavy schedule, and some undoubtedly excellent shows came out of it. But perhaps, even after all these years, a reboot might not be too much to hope for – after all, children these days must have just as many complaints about their adult overlords as we did, back then. Clearly, somebody needs to give Pat a call and set the wheels of justice in motion once more. SARAH JEUNE. Memory Lane is our regular feature, looking back at the books, shows and films of yesteryear through a nostalgic lens. Do you miss something you’d like to see featured? Just send the show name (plus channel and airdates if you know them) in an email to: [email protected] - your prayers might just be answered!

Centre right: The Masked Singer Continues Did I really have a life before the live shows? It's only week three of The Masked Singer UK's first ever live series, and already I've forgotten what I used to do with my Saturday nights before it was on. Is it just me, or is anybody else having funny turns on the Tube, squinting suspiciously at strangers and wondering, “could it be you?” Of course, the likelihood of running into Apple, Axolotl, Black Cat, Bonfire, Goose, Pony, Snake, Squid, Sword or Teapot on my morning commute is vanishingly small, and they'd be unlikely to give themselves away if I did see them. But after a Saturday night spent hunting for the slightest clues and rummaging through my own brain for names, it's hard to turn those instincts off come Monday morning. Everybody seems to have a theory, of course, even at this early stage. My postman claims Apple has to be a tech mogul, my colleagues have a betting pool on which character turns out to be a former member of Blazin' Squad, and my dentist waited until she'd got the little mirror in my mouth to ask me if I thought Pony walked like a minister, whatever that means. Me? I have a few wild guesses, but I'd prefer to keep them to myself until we have a little more to go on. Many of our readers, I'm delighted to report, have far more faith in their own guessing ability, and we've collected some of the most interesting responses from the comments section of our website on the page opposite. Give it a read and tell us what you think – your comment might be featured next week! In the meantime, let me recap what we do know. Bell was unmasked in the first week, and turned out to be Sergeant Shadwell, a former soldier turned YouTuber. I am assured by my more online colleagues that he's known for debunking conspiracy theories, whatever urban exploration is, and occasionally looking for ghosts. Then, last week, we met and said goodbye to Ninja, who turned out to be none other than Esther James, England women's rugby captain. I never would have guessed, and I'm quite keen on rugby; identifying someone by their singing voice alone is much harder than it seems! I may not know who this year's contestants are, but I know I'll be on the edge of my seat all night waiting to find out. I'll be tuning in tonight for another live show; if you join me, don't forget to get in touch and tell us your best theories! EDWARD BIGGS. The Masked Singer UK will air live tonight at 7pm on ITV. Contact us via our website or at: [email protected] to share your thoughts and guesses. Ad (bottom third of the page): [Image Description: A banner ad with a black background. On the right is a photograph of Agnes Nutter as seen in Good Omens, demonstrating some serious side-eye. Overlaid is Agnes Nutter’s signature, followed by the words ‘DS member & Author’. On the left, bright yellow-green figures demonstrating various exercises - a football goalie making a save, a gymnast balancing on their hands, and a weightlifter - surround the main text. End ID.] Have you been skipping leg day? Come on down to DIVINATION STATION [the words ‘Divination Station’ are a graffiti-style logo] where fitness is fun! www.divinationstation.com

#disordered eating tw #eating disorder tw #masked omens #masked omens spoiler #mine #good omens fic #mo week three

[ID: Tweet from Jane Adams (verified) [at]janeadamsrose, dated Jan 2, 2021 at 8.31PM. Tweet reads “OMG WHAT? WHAT??? [at]estherjamesrose is this where you snuck off to tonight? Physio appointment, indeed. What. Amazing. You did fantastic hun, now hurry home so I can tell you IRL. What. I had no idea. Incredible.” End tweet. The display picture is of hands placing a rugby ball, from a photo by Keith Johnston on Unsplash. End Image description.]

Jane Adams and Esther James are fictional characters from Masked Omens. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

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Masked Omens: Week Two

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Image 2 - Twitter trending topics. For full transcription, see below the cut.

Image 3 - A hand holding a copy of News World Weekly, dated Saturday 2nd January 2021. The front page and part of the back page are visible. Full image description and transcription below the cut.]

[Main story:] WAR RAGES ON IN WESTERN CELESTAN Military presence increase as rebels approach university city of Ghadon [Image: Troops ride in military transport vehicle, their backs to the camera. End ID.] Photo by Diego Gonzalez on Unsplash CELESTANI ARMED FORCES “MUST ACT NOW”, SAYS TOP OFFICIAL [Image: Small close-up photo of Carmine Zugiber, a white woman with red hair and a solemn expression. End ID] War Correspondent – Carmine Zugiber It is unusual for a war correspondent to receive a telephone call on the way to the airport. As a rule, departing journalists are not favoured with exclusive information – certainly not without having to work for it. It was with some surprise and trepidation, then, that I agreed to meet a mysterious contact in the departure lounge for a brief interview about Celestan's domestic situation. For those of you who are not familiar with the conflict currently raging within the borders of this once proud nation, allow me to give you an overview. Rebels in the west of the country – particularly the Ferran Hills and Celestan's third-largest city, Nori – became unhappy with the decisions made for the country by officials in the east. After months of largely peaceful protests which fell upon deaf ears, many in the western reaches of Celestan began to call for independence – an independent state of Fernor, which would encompass most of the western half of the current nation. Peaceful protests turned into skirmishes, skirmishes became all-out guerrilla war, and now the rebel armies are sweeping through the countryside at an astonishing pace. The official who contacted me on my final day in Celestan was Gabriel Herald, a high-ranking civil servant of the variety that does not state his job title upon introduction. “It's becoming increasingly clear that the situation in Celestan is becoming untenable,” he told me, adding that I ought not to publish this article until I was back in London for my own safety. “The rebels are destroying the very land they lay claim to, and nobody in Government has the appetite for a long, drawn-out war. If there is a way to stop the fighting, naturally, we intend to take it.” When pressed on what that might mean, he explained that various options were being considered. “Our priority at the present time is to protect the eastern half of the country, where the effects of the insurgency have not yet been felt. Residents of central Celestan can expect to see an increased military presence, but I want Celestani citizens to rest assured that the Government will not permit the entire country to be laid waste to, as the western reaches have been.” Was there any truth, I asked, to the rumours that the Celestani Government were considering acquiescing to the rebels' demands and establishing an independent state of Fernor? “I can't comment on that at this time,” Herald told me, “but should Operation Lestern become necessary, citizens should take comfort in the knowledge that we are prepared for all eventualities and will protect and will protect our people from any and all consequences it is within our power to control.” Since this interview took place three weeks ago, the situation in central Celestan has developed, and it was unclear whether releasing this article was in the best interests of the people. However, it is now crucial that all parties understand the situation, and as a result the decision was taken to print it in (Continued page 2.)

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Masked Omens: Week One

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Image 2 - A newspaper page from the Capital Herald, dated Saturday, 26th December, 2020. Full image description and transcription below the cut.]

GODLEIGH MANOR RESTORATION SET TO BEGIN YouTube Community Comes To The Rescue Of Historic House In Unprecedented Donation Spree Restoration work on Godleigh Manor, Little Dyvyn, is set to proceed at last after years of stagnation – thanks to an unexpected influx of donations from interested members of the public. A house has stood on the site since at least the early 13th century, but most of the current building was constructed in the 18th century by its then owner, Lord Michael Godleigh. It remained a private residence until 1914, when it was commandeered as a military hospital for officers injured in the First World War. When the war was over, the officers went home, but the Godleigh family had suffered severe losses, and those who had been involved in treating the injured officers had many bad memories associated with the place. What was left of the family moved out, and – barring the operation of a second temporary hospital during the Second World War – this once-busy house has remained empty and silent ever since. Left to its own devices, the house began to crumble. Water found its way through the roof, and weeds forced their way up through the floor. By the time the deed to Godleigh Manor was passed on to its current owner, Lucy Godleigh, in the mid-1990s, barely a few rooms were anything close to habitable. “I set up in a mobile home on the grounds,” Godleigh told The Capital Herald, “and basically just started trying to secure the few rooms that hadn't been completely exposed to the elements. Then I contacted a restoration expert to find out what could be done for the rest of it.” The experts' verdict wasn't what she wanted to hear. “There was no chance I could pay for it myself. The rest of the family opposed me moving back here; I was on my own. And to get the whole place back to the way it was, we were looking at anything from fifty million to three hundred million pounds. I was going to need help raising the funds, so I started campaigning. But it was slow going. Nobody's keen to put their hands in their pockets to restore a stranger's old family pile.” And, for over two decades, it seemed that a pile would soon be all that was left. Godleigh moved into Little Dyvyn, and the property was abandoned once more to the tender mercies of the elements and the frequent trespassers who came to explore. “I'd go up a few times a week, but it hardly seemed worth it. I'd all but given up. But then one of those visitors saved the day.” A YouTube personality known as Sergeant Shadwell, famed for his urban exploration videos and the occasional paranormal investigation, contacted Godleigh to ask to film in the house. “I said yeah, whatever, do what you like, it's a mess,” Godleigh recalled, “and he saved it. He saved my home.” Shadwell uploaded a video of Godleigh Manor in the last week of November. In it, he speaks frankly about the challenges and benefits of preserving such old buildings. “I don't know about there being ghosts here,” he tells viewers, “but there's a lot of wasted potential. Stately homes like this can and should be used, and it'd be a real shame for this one to crumble. I'll add a link to the fundraiser in the video description.” The Wytchfynder Army, as Shadwell's fans call themselves, have so far contributed £80m to the Save Godleigh Manor campaign. The fundraising page is filled with messages of encouragement and support, attached to donations ranging from £5 to £1500. Some donors have even explained that they raised the money through sponsored swims, bake sales, and car washes. “It's enough to get started, to make a really good start,” Godleigh explained, “I can't thank him – all of them – enough. They really came together to help me – a complete stranger – and it means so much, it really does.” So what's next for Godleigh Manor? First, says Godleigh, the surviving rooms will need to be stablised. Then the house's ground floor will be restored to its former glory, and Godleigh hopes to work with local historians to ensure that it is both a functional and educational space. “I won't charge people any more to use it than I need to cover the cost of maintaining it,” Godleigh said. “How can I? It's being restored by this huge community; it belongs to the community, and to Little Dyvyn. It's going to be a great space for everyone to enjoy.” Work is now set to begin on the Godleigh Manor restoration project as early as April this year, depending on local planning committee approval of plans first drawn up in 1998. MARY HODGES. To find out more, or to contribute to the renovation costs, visit www.savegodleighmanor.org.uk.

Why do we know you? I'm the captain of the Red Roses, which is the England Women's Rugby Team. What are you passionate about? Rugby! Also, my girlfriend Jane (Adams, also on the squad), and my charitable causes, of course. I support the NSPCC and the Albert Kennedy Trust, in particular - both fantastic charities helping young people who've been let down, in many cases, by the people they should most be able to rely on. I'm really glad to be involved with them. What's your favourite holiday of the year? Pride! I love getting dressed up and going to the parades – most of the time Jane and I get to march, these days, which is great. Last year we even got to ride on a float at one of them, which was really surreal – we got to cover ourselves in rainbow feather boas and just have a laugh waving at people. What a great time! What's been your proudest moment? So far, it's a tie between coming out as bi in a press conference – which was really scary at the time but which led to such good things and such good conversations – and being made captain of the Red Roses. It's an honour just to be selected for the national side, but to be chosen to lead from such a talented group of women is even better. I was walking on air for a week! If you could do anything in the world once, what would it be? Only once? I'd hate to do something and enjoy it and never get to do it again. But, OK, hypotherically... Something completely different and mad, like getting up on a stage and performing a song like I really mean it, or bungee-jumping. What scares you? Bungee-jumping! Which is exactly why I'd like to do it. I think it's good to get out of your own head and your own comfort zone and just do something that scares you, if you can. What's your ideal day? Taking a day off of training and just lying on the sofa watching films with Jane for the whole day. We love what we do, but we don't get a lot of downtime to just relax and snuggle. But then, when we do get a day off, it's usually at the same time, so that's lovely; we're always together and it hasn't started getting on our nerves yet! If you could go anywhere in the world right now, with no complications or restrictions, where would you go? I've always wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower, but somehow whenever I end up in France I don't find the time. Jane's never been to Disneyland, so I think we'd have to combine the two if we got a no-holds-barred trip somewhere. And, obviously, I wouldn't exactly hate getting to meet Mickey again! What's the best advice you've ever been given? My gran was as tough as old boots, and proud of it. She once sat me down, when I was quite young, and she said, “Essie,” which is what she called me, “Essie, you'll do all right in life if you remember this simple rule. Make sure you keep your nose clean, but don't be afraid to get your boots dirty.” I'm not sure she meant me to take it quite so literally! But I think what she meant was, don't get into trouble unnecessarily, but don't be so scared of getting it wrong that you can't do anything right. That's stuck with me, I've held onto it all these years, and I think it's a good motto to live by. What's one thing you wish someone had told you when you were younger? I wish they'd told me it was OK that I fancied girls, that things were getting better. I think we've still got a long way to go, as a community, but I never could have dreamed that a bisexual woman could captain England when I was a little girl. Let alone that it would be me! Finally, what's one thing you'd like to tell younger people now? Be true to yourself, be true to your friends, and be kind. I think the world will turn out fine if we all just try to be kind to one another, above all. Next week's cuppa: Ligur Mortice, head of the Ligur fashion house.

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Masked Omens: Prologue

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Image 2 - A scrapbook with two newspaper cuttings pasted in. Each has a date handwritten by it; the first reads ‘Tadfield Gazette, 24th July 2009′. The second reads ‘Toffley Courier, 10th August, 2009′. Full text transcription below cut. End ID.]

HIDDEN GEM: O’LEARY’S LATEST STUNS CRITICS Masterful casting highlights themes of innocence and fear against a background of domestic drama. [”What do you care, David? Maybe I’d rather he dream of monsters than wake alone, like me.” ~ Jane Winsome, Act 2, Scene 3] RUMOURS OF Colleen O’Leary’s retirement have been greatly exaggerated. While it’s true that in recent years her name has been conspicuously absent from the glossy playbills and bright posters of the West End, the Dublin-born playwright still has plenty to say. Her latest offering, Hidden, is on the surface a simple domestic drama about an upper middle class family with a young son. It follows their trials and tribulations through a single fraught year as ten year old Matthew (played by the talented young team of Warlock Dowling, Gert Johnson and Adam Young in rotation) questions his relationship with his parents, his nightmares, and ultimately the world around him. Anita Lovett is both adoring and adorable in her role as Matthew's mother Jane, while Oscar Williams fulfils the role of a baffled, slightly distant father as David Winsome. The cast is rounded out by Anthony Crowley, making a return to acting in the role of Ashton Storeth, Matthew's babysitter. What might have been a fairly pedestrian premise – a child becomes unsettled as his parents fail to find time for him – is elevated to new and sinister levels by Crowley's double role as both minder and monster; Matthew is plagued by nightmares of a dark creature that dwells beneath his bed, a creature that seems to have a lot in common with the mysterious Storeth. As Matthew's nightmares increase in both frequency and severity, strange events unfolding in the household lead the audience to question just how much of what they're seeing on stage is real. The script seems to demand introspection of its audience; how much can we ever really know about the world we live in or the people we invite into our homes, even trusting them with our most precious treasures, our children? And yet, ultimately, Storeth and the Nightmare have more meaningful interactions with young Matthew than either of his parents. It's a thought-provoking piece with an ending that must be seen and not spoiled. All in all, a triumphant return to the stage for both O'Leary and Crowley, who seem to have come determined to prove themselves and done so admirably. Hidden is now booking until September 30th this year; for venue information and to book tickets, visit www.hiddenuktour.com.

Local Theatre Reports Record Sales for O'Leary's 'Hidden' Masterpiece: Former 'Kilcridhe' star steals show with moving performance [Citron Deux-Cheval, Arts Critic] Greater Deville’s Inferion Theatre has long struggled to fill seats as the rise of commuting in the town has left residents with far les [sic] time and money to spend on the town’s recreational offerings. It relies, therefore, on the continued patronage of those who are able to attend regularly, and on the rare piece of theatre that causes its audiences to insist friends and family go along and watch, too. This week, it reported its highest ticket sales for a single show in over ten years for the Saturday night showing of Hidden, a new play from veteran playwright Colleen O’Leary. Naturally, I had to go along and see what all the fuss was about, and I was glad I did. Hidden is a deep, dark exploration of the psyche masquarading [sic] as a simple drama about two unhappily married parents and their neglected child. While the story of David and Jane Winsome (Oscar Williams and Anita Lovett respectively) and their strained marriage is compelling, with painful betrayals and soft, poignant moments aplenty, it’s their son Matthew who steals the show, along with his au pair, Ashton Storeth, played to perfection by Anthony Crowley (once a familiar face on our television screens as heart-throb Father Jacob MacCleod in Kilcridhe). On the night I attended, Matthew Winsome was portrayed by eleven year-old Gert Johnson, one of three children who take turns in the role. For such a young boy to take on such a complex role is a very tall order, but Johnson more than rose to the challenge, demonstrating a thorough understanding of the mix of fear and adoration with which Matthew regards Ashton. In scenes with his mother and father, Matthew is quiet and respectful, almost withdrwan - but opposite Crowley, who plays the double roles of Ashton and The Nightmare, he becomes expressive and unspoken, loud in his anger, his fear and, yes, his love. Crowley, too, gives an incredible double-edged performance as warm, gentle Ashton and the silent, sinister presence that lurks beneath his charge’s bed - perhaps drawing on his own inner demons to lend authenticity to the role. Hidden is a play that leaves much open to interpretation: whether The Nightmare is real or imagined, what, if anything, it has to do with Ashton, and what the surprising ending means for the family. It’s a play to get you thinking, and I highly recommend you go along. Hidden is playing at the Infernion until August 15th. Contact the Box Office on 01632 496055 to book.

#masked omens #good omens fic #image transcription #fanfiction #transcript #very much fake news #fanart #MO prologue

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Earth was hard.

Not physically - Mon-El was fairly certain that at least some of the naturally-occurring elements on Daxam were substantially stronger and firmer than those on Earth - but social etiquette on this new planet was impossible. There were so many assumptions to contend with, so many things that meant more than they said. Smiling at someone, for example. Apparently that was a very nuanced thing here on Earth that could mean anything from 'I like you' to 'I wish you'd get out of my face and leave me alone but the difference in our social status prohibits me from saying so'. On Daxam, it usually meant 'hey, want to exchange mutual physical pleasure?'. And then there was the handshake. Apparently, on Earth, when someone extended their hand you were supposed to place yours in it and firmly move it up and down. That was alright; Mon-El had got the hang of that pretty quickly, even allowing for the fact that apparently there was a whole extra set of rules that governed when it was appropriate - even mandatory - to insert your hand into another person's hand and when it wasn't. What he hadn't realised - because how could he possibly realise, it didn't make any sense - was that if you shook hands with somebody, you were making a sort of gentleman's agreement not to punch them in the face for the next ten minutes or so. He wasn't entirely clear on the time limit, but there was definitely some kind of unspoken social contract involved in the whole affair.

#supergirl #karamel #kara danvers/mon-el #kara/mon-el #winn schott #mon-el #fic #mon-el doesn't really understand earth #like #at all

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