coquet-tish

cosmic 💖💜💙

[coquet-tish]

i am still here

How can it be true that I come here to be invisible

when this is also the place where I am the most seen

I read that the past is so long and ancient that if we were to travel to it, it would seem like a dream

She's a dream to me

I don't recognise her face or her words or her shape

I can't feel her desperation

or remember her desolation

She's some tragic dream

that recedes from my memory day by day

There was a time when I wrote for cartharsis

Rage imprinted through pages

The abandonment and its expression

I've come here to be seen

I've come here to be invisible

[coquet-tish]

mirrorball

listen

it's been so long

since we watched that sunset

sitting in a beach hut

dusk settling all around us

yet somewhere in the back of my mind it is always the Thursday before

a hot, sticky night spent in defiance

stumbling through the city

no stars visible

nothing but darkness made light

no stars visible

stumbling through the city

a hot, sticky night spent in defiance

yet somewhere in the back of my mind it is always the Thursday before

dusk settling all around us

sitting in a beach hut

since we watched that sunset

it's been so long

listen –

between what was and what could have been will always be our mirrorball. the endless, yet bound versions of our story. Thursdays have never quite felt the same.

[coquet-tish]

before i let go

i would like to say that i have kept

every memory of you

neatly in a box, somewhere at the back of my mind,

i would like to –

instead, that box is empty

it contains only the space that we made for each other

and around each other

the space that we leave open for the other to return to

(should they wish)

but even space is heavier than i imagined.

so before i let go

i carry the box out for one last spring clean

sift through its contents

and resolve to spend a lifetime in its glow

when the time comes

i place the box on a table in front of my house

before i let you go

i leave a sign alongside the box that says:

free

[coquet-tish]

magpie, missing

i keep losing time:

the 10 minutes between getting out of the shower

and starting to get dressed,

the half hour between getting home

and stepping out of the car,

the hours between deciding to go to sleep

and –

i keep losing time like the butterflies of earrings that i promised weren't too expensive to buy because i'd take good care of them.

once i lost 3 weeks:

i wondered what time would mean

if we had no one to count

or witness it,

i wonder if by the end of my life

the sum total of time i've lost

will be equal to the time i spent –

i like to imagine that somewhere out there is a magpie collecting the butterflies and months i've lost.

i hope she's happy

and blissfully unaware

that there never be enough –

[coquet-tish]

time / self

i thought it would be different this time around–

(is it possible?)

rise after rise; circling the possibility.

i don't know who i thought i would be (not that it matters)

but i am so far from it that i can barely tell the hours apart

anymore

there is so much i don't want to think about

all the things that keep me awake; night dreams and day terrors

who did you used to be?

what was it like before? (hasn't it always

been this way)

(you know how that is. don't you?)

G-d, it's a fucking mess

i'm trigger happy with no warning

i really did think

it would be different –

[coquet-tish]

None will be liberated until we are all. 🏳️‍🌈✊🏾

📷: @coquet_tish

[coquet-tish]

“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.” ― Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now 📷: @coquet_tish

[coquet-tish]

“Something will have gone out of us as a people if we ever let the remaining wilderness be destroyed... We simply need that wild country available to us, even if we never do more than drive to its edge and look in.”

— Wallace Stegner, The Sound of Mountain Water

📷: @coquet_tish

[coquet-tish]

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.” ― John Muir, The Mountains of California 📷: @coquet_tish

[coquet-tish]

“Soon it got dusk, a grapy dusk, a purple dusk over tangerine groves and long melon fields; the sun the colour of pressed grapes, slashed with burgundy red, the fields the colour of love and Spanish mysteries.” — Jack Kerouac, On The Road 💜

📷: @coquet_tish