BuffCoquetteBitch

[coquettefrat]

Got 100 problems but having a shared blog w my bestie solves 69 of them

[coquettefrat]

Something in the way you hold the packet in your hands, some stupid little voice in my head.

Something that makes me act almost subconsciously.

The lighter warms my fingers as I hold it close.

Smoke fills my lungs and your eyes are burning holes in my back.

And I know.

I know he used to smoke the same brand.

I'm talking close to your face and I know that my breath reminds you of him.

Yet I'm not him. Yet you wouldn't think of kissing me. Yet your eyes still glisten for him.

And I keep inhaling and drowning in this haze.

And I keep holding you close. And I smile because I'm smelling your scent. And you smile because I smell like him. And I stay.

And I see my fingers wrap around the fucking cig again. And as I strike the lighter for the third time I feel you pulling me closer. And I wonder if your head on my chest makes it easier to hear my heartbeat. And I wonder if it reminds you of him. I wonder if his heart ever beaten like this.

But I say nothing, instead I just pull you closer and see you close your eyes while hugging me back.

And I try not to think about.

I try to think it's me you wanted to hug.

I try to think it's me you're thinking of.

I try.

The packet is empty.

[coquettefrat]

Once again my fingertips hover over the keyboard. Heavy on the "wanting you to know", yet hesitant to reveal myself through words. Sometimes it is better to not speak. Not to die. Just to keep living. I think we both deserve it. My emotions aren't worth more than yours. Unleashing my emotions will hurt you. And there's not a single cell that could make my heart beat against you. So for you, I will, in fact, neither speak, not die. For you my love, I will live. Close enough to hug, not close enough to hurt.

[coquettefrat]

I hate having dreams about us being together, it makes me miss you more and I know I can't see you soon. It's so fcking frustrating.

[coquettefrat]

"Because I wanted you to know"

*YEET*

[coquettefrat]

AWOOOOOOOOOO

[vexheart]

[laumabina]

[wordx]

[coquettefrat]

"But I wanted you to know"

And it's just you writing paragraphs to someone who doesn't care about your feelings, just to feel like you did the best you could. So you can finally sleep knowing you got it off your chest even though you were never understood.

"There's things I wanna say to you but I'll just let you live"

And it's just you bottling everything up again to avoid hurting someone with the fact that you are hurt. And you let them live when you don't even feel alive anymore and you feel like you're dying everyday and every sleepless night.

Is it better to speak or die?

But somehow everytime you end up chosing the way that's gonna hurt you instead. Because you never considered loving someone without sacrificing yourself. You never separated love from pain.

[coquettefrat]

And that's how everything ends. Not during a rainy day.

It's a sunny day. The birds are singing and you're staring at me waiting for an answer. A cool breeze makes some leaves do a little dance next to my shoes as I reply. The sun warms my back while you hug me smiling. A hug that lasts longer than usual and for some reason I find myself reaching for your hand. It's not a normal thing for me to do but the way you hold it reassures me that it's right. And the way you won't seem to let go reassures me that it's gonna be the last time too. So it's fine. Things are better left unsaid but at least let me have this hug before I go.

And that's how everything ends. With a smile.

[coquettefrat]

All men lie. Did you lie for my sake? Did you lie, because you felt guilty? Did you lie, because you still want her?

[coquettefrat]

I searched for You. Yesterday. And the day before. When I was alone. When I was out with friends. When I was about to sleep and wanted to think of something comforting. When I woke up. When I was drawing. When a person was flirting with me. When I was sad and wanted a hug. When I was having fun.

Your image came to my mind like a scattered puzzle. And I found comfort and pain in each one of them. I never piece the pieces together, I let them scattered like broken mirror. Reflections of You on the sharp pieces, where I sometimes comfort myself looking at, or hurt myself trying to hold on to. A piece of your golden hair streak here, Your big brown eyes on another. Freckles and Your beauty mark, messy jet black hair, unapologetic smiles, green eyes. Pieces painted with memories so vibrant, they burn holes in your mind, but can't look away. Tangled bodies in the morning sun, cautious fingers slowly moving together scared yet yearning to touch, angry confessions and angrier apologies, loud heartwarming laughters and soft whispers. The mismatched pieces of an unfinished puzzle, the deafening silence of the unsaid "I love you"s, the grasp of hands that no longer hold you.

I keep remembering You. I keep finding You everywhere yet in no one. I keep looking for You. In everything.

[dumblr]

i used to tell myself ‘maybe they’re going through something’ but then i realized that i was too and i never treated anyone that way.

[purereads]

daily affirmations:

1) I am not a flop.

2) I am not chopped.

3) I exist. In thousands of agonies — I exist. I’m tormented on the rack — but I exist! Though I sit alone in a pillar — I exist! I see the sun, and if I don’t see the sun, I know it’s there. And there’s a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there.

[katieron]

[coquettefrat]

I'm so mad at you.

I'm mad at how I let you touch my arm. I hate how it made my head go quiet and the buzzing sound stop.

I'm mad at how I let you hug me. I hate how it made me lose teach of time and melt around you.

I'm mad at how I let you leave your perfume and scent on me. I hate how I'm getting sleepy after 6 days and how I'm feeling like I could finally sleep.

I hate how I almost felt-

Ah nevermind...

Fuck you.