Thoughts keep drifting above my head

[counterfeitcreation]

Was I born to lie or is it a defense that I learned

I know it was for protection but do I know who it hurts

What does the truth taste like when it’s exiting your mouth

Is it a bitter, savory fare

Or does sweetness spill the secrets out

Will you ever admit you care

I want to be different than before when I was dutiful and naive

I want to live honestly but I’m embarrassed of what you think of me

Praises needed, we all love to be held, why then does the idea feel like a personal hell

Is it repressed shame or a more forceful affair

Learned from watching my fellows wallow in repentance and despair

Unable or unwilling to try their hand at introspection

Internally we’re scared of our demons but we keep listening

Externally a facade of the angels we pretend to be missing

The lies that we tell are the jail that we’re kept in

It all leads back to good and evil

I know exactly what it is I’ve stepped in

So I decide to let those demons out

We’ll all pal around like Faust

Dissatisfaction leads to innovation

You just have to work it out

[counterfeitcreation]

Listen to me

Don’t shut me down

I’m trying to be heard but unable to shout

You have to be intentional

You have to be carefully

Listening as well as forgiving

The judgements will keep coming but give them no mind

Just be kind and hear me out

I want to be your friend

I’ve got lots to give

Let’s grow together and maybe we can live free

Die easy

Adventure towards peace

[counterfeitcreation]

I want to sleep

I want to quit

I want to fight

I want to breathe easy

I want to be alone

I want to be loved

I want to be seen really

I want to flee

I want to escape

I want to breakdown

I want to be free of judgment

I want to be selfless

I want to be selfish

I want to know what is needed

I want to stay fit

I want to be strong

I want to show weakness when I am wrong

I want to sin

I want to binge

I want to feel and let go

I want to accept it all

Without the fear of falling apart

[counterfeitcreation]

Adam, when will you let go of pride

Adam when will you start speaking your mind

Adam, down on your self and blaming everyone else

Adam can you take responsibility

Adam can you show weakness in front of everybody

Adam admit to yourself it’s okay to be human

Adam admit to yourself it’s not weak to show weakness

Adam learn that you’ve learned wrong

Adam who will you be when you’re all alone

Adam when will he meet who you are when in love

Adam what will it take to let this side show

Adam can you even let yourself into your soul

Adam the judgement of others can’t hurt you

Adam feel embarrassed and move on, they will still love you

[counterfeitcreation]

I need to tear it all down

Tear it apart

Start from nothing so I can make it all I want

I need to breakdown and fight

Freak out tonight

Lose the vision of others that settles in my mind

But words are cheap

And frankly so are feelings

I need action and courage

I need actual honest reflection and love

Forgive yourself and you’ll be able to forgive others too

[counterfeitcreation]

The honesty is honestly quite hard for me

I keep my eyes closed and my mind is shuttered

Nothing to see here I mutter to myself

But to you I can’t find the words to say

I had a peek and thought it would stay clear

But it doesn’t click like it used to

I can’t play like I used to

The pressure is too great

The stress rubs me raw and exposes the vein

It was already bulging at the seams

Tearing up waiting to be free

Acceptable vulnerability is not something I can be taught

You’ll have to learn the hard way or you’ll always be caught

Outside authenticity

Between an unreadable mind and impenetrable thoughts

Is it really better to be pissed off

Are you that scared of weakness that you’ll make everyone else feel low

Love can’t be shown through the eyes of a deceiver

I’m scared to bleed feeling tongue tied and dizzy

The sad parts of me have fermented too long

I want to miss the me that I am in my head

Become something real not conceived

The human version of life, non perfect and blessed

That sleeps in my bed, pretends to be well read

Or at least always carry around a book to impress

Tread lightly they say but I want my imprint to last

A real change, a different view, a boot for the shoe to kick my ass in gear

Take fear by the throat and make it show you the way

Be honest to yourself or suffering is the only promise

[counterfeitcreation]

I feel the need to purge

my mental guts

My modal thoughts

Blocked for years

now I’m afraid of the torrent

But a release is required of me

to rise and recover

Resurrected from dust

A buried self

A pent up yearning for

Much like a wound up spring

A force to wreck and with clarity bring

A semblance of direction

Certainly not sanity

It wouldn’t help anyways

Stuck in this bog of misremembering

To love is to try and keep trying

To not is to show how to pity the endings

[counterfeitcreation]

The headpiece weighs heavy on my brow

Not a crown of any sort seen before

No status known here for me to portray

A flaming tree like a breath outstretched

Standing proud and reaching out

[counterfeitcreation]

Inspired by my own acts

Surprised at the thought

Is it foresight maybe insight I truly know not

the right phrase escapes for now

But it will come as a strike or a whispered idea

But when it happens it feels powerful and entirely from without

A

[counterfeitcreation]

Is it too easy or is this how the path should feel

Strenuous but only dutifully so

Made simply by those who struggled before

[counterfeitcreation]

Here we are in the future

Do you mind?

I’m kind of running out of time trying to get a feel for the sublime

A lackluster front runner falling farther from their prime

Reading signs as they pass but understanding where I’m at

My heading is a lost cause

[counterfeitcreation]

Time moves in a superluminal manner

Faster than light makes it feel like we’re standing still

Sanity slipping down the stream of streets connecting

One past to another to perhaps one day reach the future

Flowing out into the sea

Brackish and broken, it’s impossible to predict

Skating by on wounded knees you grasp at anything to feel the passion

Let’s cash in

Take my works of art and smash them

Reconstructed into a useful bastion

[counterfeitcreation]

Cut from the cultish cloth of crosses and bedlam

A cloying culture of cantankerous piety

A thoroughly borish cast

Crafty in works that sing wary be ye of the joyous lot

Find me in suffering smile through my gout as I route out the does that wish thee welts

[counterfeitcreation]

Massive influx of chemical joy

Slight regret towards the regret already within

I destroyed my power so take him

Oh find out from the powerful

[counterfeitcreation]

My hope crawls through dreadful, fallow marshes of madness and depression

Marching forth from a flashy induction ceremony to join ranks of men turned monsters

Dissonant forces within the same abode flew towards the dark within the walls

Built tall and wide and thicker than the breath that escapes to the void between worlds

Keeps it all separate to keep the peace and keep them weak and leave it all the same

No growth or pain or wonders or experience, just shame in existence that doesn’t sustain

From birth you feel like a drain on the resources

A finite level of earth born awareness that courses through your influenced sphere

Surround yourself in gratitude to protect from the sun

[counterfeitcreation]

I’m a torment of indecision

trapped between my mind and my heart

I won’t listen to either but they shout all the same

It feels like I’ve gone under

With just my nose above water

Enough to live and keep going

But gods does it feel like drowning

Fuck the noise, feel the compression

Free the soul and find the compassion

To love yourself and spread that around

An illness of the mind to be happy or sad

I stay in the middle and still feel sick

I acknowledge I’m unwell

Where is the desire to get better

Where’s the line that I need to cross

How come I can know one thing but do another when that other thing leads me closer to being alone

Am I stuck or do I choose not to move

The heat of life reaches out to me

It’s been veiled over hardly bright enough to appreciate

I can’t relax until I’m consumed

[counterfeitcreation]

Salient smells assaulting my senses

By pretense and for nothing

Lacking meaning

I make a quip for a quid

A joke that falls flat upon ears focused in

Farther off I see a saintly Druid

It’s perceived as disdaining but up close they’re pretty

It’s just that the insanity is gripping

Whoops I’m grasping lightly

Still almost dripping from the touch

Like fire upon a mellow evening’s dry run of giving up

You stay awake at work writing plans that take you right out of this moment

Alight upon a potential future

Create new universes from the imaginative center