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The Bowery Presents

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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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EXPECTATIONS
The Bright Sessions

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@craftykittens-blog
can’t relate to hating children and i’m so glad i can’t
video game: everything in the world is garbage and love isnt real. your choices dont matter in the long run. people die. uuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUU
me whos depressed but plays games for fun:
3ds: [battery light continues flashing]
me, still hastily grabbing for the charger in the dark: I KNOW STOP SCREAMING
No , Dadaism isn’t daddy kink, you ANIMALS.
Things my art history prof has had to clear up. (via gallusrostromegalus)
Local Man Immediately Feels Better After Eating For First Time In 12 Hours. Wonders If Science Knows About This Miracle Cure.
kirby: *exists*
me:
Jicken
happy inktober day 1! (gonna try to persevere this year and finish the whole month for once…)
this one’s a church in Baltimore I love
art blog twitter instagram redbubble society6
Pittsburgh Daily Post, Pennsylvania, August 4, 1912
Fake. They couldn’t underline in newsprint back then
Takes like less than a minute to check yourself.
Looks like you wrecked yourself
*sweats*
this comic gave me anxiety
why did the cake is a lie become the like most quoted portal thing when literally everything glados said was funnier
“Look, we both said a lot of things that *you’re* going to regret.”
“Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it. WELL I WONT LET YOU. how does that feel?”
“Nice job breaking it, hero”
“Look at you. sailing through the air majestically. Like an eagle…piloting a blimp”
Like this bitch had a goldmine of good lines
“Maybe after you finish this test, I’ll let you take the elevator all the way up to the break room… and I’ll tell you about the time I saw the deer again.”
“It’s a mystery I’ll have to solve later. By myself. Because you’ll be dead.”
“Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noise– * really loud ass train horn* “I’m sorry, I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.“
“Well done. Here come the test results: You are a horrible person. I’m serious, that’s what it says: A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that.”
“Don’t let that ‘horrible person’ thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep.”
”Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry. You didn’t react at the time, so I was worried it sailed right over your head. Which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now.“
“Wait. This next test DOES require some explanation. Let me give you the fast version- [unintelligible] There. If you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognizance, I’ll be right back.”
“This next test involves turrets. You remember them, right? They’re the pale spherical things that are full of bullets. Oh wait. That’s you in five seconds. Good luck.”
“That jumpsuit you’re wearing looks stupid. That’s not me talking, it’s right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here a scientist has noted that on you it looks stupid. Well, what does a neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably - Oh, wait. It’s a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a medical degree. In fashion! From France!”
“Oh, hi. How are you holding up? Because I’m a POTATO.”
”Remember, these exhibits ARE interactive. Like a children’s museum. So that means the pits of acid are filled with REAL acid. Like at a WELL FUNDED children’s museum.“
“Federal regulations require me to warn you that this next test chamber…. is looking pretty good.”
I’ve heard they actually had to rewrite a lot of her dialogue for the early part of Portal 2 to be more ridiculous and petty, as it was actually so on-point and vicious it was making playtesters not want to play the game.
“They are sentient, you know. We just have a lot of them.”