[chadquiet-deactivated20180503]

person A: oh yeah flinn’s really quiet :/

person B: what are you talking about? he talks all the time

me, sweating:

[crankymute]

there used to be a diagram on http://ispeak.org.uk (I think) that illustrated how complicated this predicament can get, but I can’t find it anymore.

[crankymute]

damn

I cry whenever I log into this blog. it’s like indulging in a terrible secret about myself, but I have to let off some steam somehow. what if everything I wrote in my first post wasn’t exactly true? I mean scrape off the negative attitude and familial resentment and the basic bones are still there: the unemployment, the friendlessness. but it’s not like my sister constantly communicates to me how wonderful her life is compared to mine, I really don’t know the stresses and problems associated with her work, except that she’s too busy to enjoy time off.

I remember a heartfelt moment when she confessed to me that she still sees the possibilities in me, that I can have a boyfriend or family or be whatever I dream to be, that she saw inklings of it when I was in my early twenties trying on different clothes and hairstyles and trying to break out of this... this box, I guess, only to face social anxiety and selective mutism as stumbling blocks almost along every step of the way. I did work up the courage to go back to school for a few semesters recently, managed to read a poem I wrote in front of class, but anxiety and mutism still rears its ugly head again whenever I have to seek help with the schoolwork.

I can’t even talk to my own siblings anymore. I tried writing letters to them, and my brother responded, which was sweet, but I never got a reply from my sister, which made things weird and difficult for me to inquire about it when we last saw each other. did she think I was being weird again, was too busy to put up with my crap, or did she just never receive the letter? I guess the only thing to do is just ask, but selective mutism sets up weird rules about what and when I can or can’t speak. I did find some old things in the garage, old school lunchboxes filled with notes & drawings from our youth, which I plan to show her on our birthdays when she’ll probably come see me. I’m still hesitant about doing this at all. I’m not sure how to segue into asking “hey, about that letter...”

[crankymute]

“Brave” by Sara Bareilles

I know the song is supposed to be about standing up to bullying, but who else here with selective mutism gets unsettled with mixed emotions upon hearing the lyrics? Especially as an older person who never got that kind of encouragement growing up. At turns I feel emotional, I want the singer to shut the fuck up, I want to bash the radio in, I get teary-eyed, I get annoyed by the repeating chorus when the song followed me around when it got really popular, it was almost as if it taunted me.

Say what you wanna say And let the words fall out Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Innocence, your history of silence Won’t do you any good Did you think it would?

At times I effectively grow numb when the song comes on.

[runningbarefootonice]

I see other people with selective mutism saying that they communicate with people by writing things down and showing people that, yes, non-mute people have asked me to do that too, and I have done it sometimes, but I feel so extremely ridiculous when I do it, does anyone else here feel this way? I don’t mean writing letters to a person and giving them to them, I mean like the person asks you something, you write the answer down, show them, and they respond to you verbally. My former counselor and I did that sometimes, but god, in the end of the therapy I couldn’t even do that anymore, because it felt so embarassing and ridiculous. I’m NOT telling you “Hey, your method to communicate is ridiculous”, I think it can actually be a good and helpful method, but why did I feel this way that made it impossible to use it? So… Does anyone else feel like this, or have felt like this in the past, but are now able to use this writing method without feeling terribly ridiculous? Then again this is really specific, I’m legitimately worried I won’t find anyone who understands this, not even in this tag?? 

[selectivemutismthings]

Sorry for reblogging another post of my own to this blog, but I guess it’s relevant and maybe here more people will see it and maybe we chan exchange experiences etc

[crankymute]

My opinion is that writing notes could be useful for children with SM, but something about that method doesn’t cut it for me as an adult. (Texting is a bit different, though.)  I had a therapist who tried to roleplay situations in which I approach her with written notes… it was foolish to just stand there while someone reads out loud whatever you tried to keep quiet, especially if they read it in a negative “wtf are you doing” kind of way. It’s a method of remaining mute that can backfire on you.

[selectivemutismthings]

I wish there was more information out there on how to recover from SM. The majority of organizations out there focus on children (truthfully, their parents and teachers). As someone who was never diagnosed, is recovering alone, and is 19, it feels like I’m beating my own path to recovery. Wish there was a community of people like me out there, other than SM FB groups that are flooded with parents and SLPs.            

[crankymute]

“recovering alone” pretty much sums it up for me. I agree with the other comment that SM is rooted in social anxiety, so there's lots of help you can seek in that area. but SM still poses unique situations in which I feel discomfort in opening up about selective mutism, whether it’s meeting & educating a new counselor who has no clue about SM about my past (the mental health agency I work with rotates different counselors among its clients), or feeling even more mute than ever in a social anxiety therapy group because crippling social anxiety with an SM past is so markedly different from high-functioning college students who mostly just have a fear of answering their professors wrong or other issues varying to that degree. it was a very uncomfortable experience in that therapy group, I dropped out of it without having made much progress.

tl;dr: there are lots of help and resources available for social anxiety, but it will be very difficult to find help & community tailored to adults who suffer from SM.

[healthandwellnessprograms-blog1]

Selective Mutism

With growing awareness, it become increasingly common for the word ‘anxiety’ to be used in our daily conversations as well, and is not restricted to the clinical settings. While such increasing awareness is clearly reflective of our progressing society, it is equally important to ensure that the understanding of such conditions is accurate, especially within the field of mental health which has been shrouded by myths and stigmas. Therefore, it is necessary for us to recognize that anxiety could be manifested in various forms, both in children as well as adults.

Understanding Selective Mutism

One such manifestation, most commonly occurring in young children, is Selective Mutism, (with the onset usually being before the age of 5 years), which is characterised by a consistent failure of the child to speak in specific social situations. The child is able to speak otherwise, and knows the language, however becomes selectively mute only in those specific situations. For example, such a child would typically become quiet or may not speak at all during social outings or in school, being interactive at other times at home or with a select few people. Selective Mutism is a relatively rare disorder, with a prevalence of 0.03% to 1% depending on the setting, for example in the clinic, school, or general population (APA, 2013).

Identifying Signs and Symptoms

In fact, these children might appear to be shy, running to hide behind their parents, and therefore could also be mistaken as simply a variant of introversion. Therefore, it is important for us to be able to recognize the signs and symptoms of Selective Mutism, which typically lasts for several months, but if left untreated, may sometimes persist for longer and may continue for several years. Some of the warning signs could include:

* Does not initiate conversations in specific social situations

* Speaks spontaneously in other situations

* Unwilling or hesitant to reply despite repeated attempts or cajoling

* Avoids social situations or situations in which a performance is likely to be expected

* Appears to be excessively shy or clingy

* Tendency to throw frequent temper tantrums

* Significant interference in academic performance

* Discomfort in the presence of unfamiliar others

* Few or no friends

* Crying or displays of anger if forced to speak

Read complete article at : http://blogs.fortishealthcare.com/selective-mutism/

[crankymute]

Why use a misleading picture of an adult holding his mouth when all you’re talking about is the children who have SM?

[selectivemutismthings]

“I see other people talk about how they were before they developed selective mutism, and it scares me that I can’t remember a time before SM. I’m worried that I will always be like this.”

[crankymute]

I don’t remember a time either. There is no “normal” for me to return to.

[crankymute]

*taps mic*

Hi, I’m just an older selective mute rearing her ugly head as a warning to Concerned Parents & younger folks with SM: beware, lest your selectively mute children turn out to be like the cranky bitter bitch that I am today. At 30 years of age I already feel like a worn-out old hag whose mere existence is to scare those concerned with selective mutism. 

It doesn’t get better as you grow older. 

My untreated childhood selective mutism turned into full-blown social anxiety disorder that I constantly struggle with as an adult. My parents did not have enough access to resources about SM in my youth, so they felt they had no choice but to give up on me. Instead, they put all their bright hopes of the future into my younger sister. 

She and I have such contrasting lifestyles. My therapist and everyone tells me “don’t compare yourself to others,” but the differences are glaringly obvious: she leads a fulfilling artistic career with lots of young friends and a loving boyfriend and opportunities to work at music festivals and other endless possibilities, whereas I am stuck at a dead end, boxed in, with absolutely no friends, unemployed and living on disability (for reasons other than selective mutism or social anxiety, which aren’t taken seriously as debilitating disorders). I grow more and more quiet when our family gets together during the holidays. I feel a little humiliated when she brings along friends or her boyfriend, even though I know she has no intention to hurt me.

Sisterly issues aside, you have no idea how ashamed I am just to be around other people. The constant low self-esteem. I’m past feeling suicidal, but I still think there’s a rock out there just waiting for me to crawl underneath and expire. So when I look around on the internet for some support and some real discussion and instead see stupid bullshit about rolepaying with selective mutism or diagnosing headcanons or conflating SM with neurological issues or not recognizing it as the impairing anxiety disorder that selective mutism is for me, I feel more alienated than ever.

I give up on the idea of “online community” for months at a time, only to come back, searching for something good and meaningful, and seeing instead the same stupid shit mucking up the selective mutism tag. So much useless drivel that, quite frankly, offends me. It drives me further under that ugly rock.

It took some tears to type all that out. Thanks for reading.