srsly tho this is absolutely a thing that dudes do all the f***ing time
like where if he knows a girl doesnāt necessarily want to give him a hug, he will trap her in this position in front of witnesses where she has 2 options- both of which are undesirable for her, while simultaneously desirable for him
if she doesnāt want to hug him, whatever she does, it will suck for her.
she can 1. say nah and be the fucking asshole in front of other pplĀ or 2. forsake her corporeal boundaries and allow unwanted intimate contact
itās a f***ing trap
F***ing hate dudes forreal.
too many f***ing times ugh
Story time. One day I was on the MAX (basically a giant street car that goes all over the metro area) on my way to meet up with a few friends. I didnāt look at anyone, I didnāt speak to anyone, I just stood to the side on my phone making sure I wasnāt going to be late to my meeting. Out of no where, this guy comes up to me and starts to chat me up. Me, being who I am, am absolutely terrified to tell this guy to f*** off. He was at least half a foot taller than me, and was way too bulky for me to fight back. So I suck it up at humor him, say hello. Before introducing himself or asking me for my name, he asks me out on a date. Not wanting to piss him off I try to make light of the situation and I laugh, telling him that my boyfriend wouldnāt like the idea, but thank you for the offer. He just shrugs and says, āHe doesnāt need to know.ā At this point Iām scared out of my mind. Thereās this guy who, after seeing me run two blocks to catch the train, comes up to me and has made it perfectly clear that he wasnāt going to leave without getting something out of me. I deny him a second time, saying, āI donāt even know youāre name. Weāre strangers, I donāt know you.ā He finally introduces himself and asks me for my phone number. I tell him I donāt give my number out to people Iāve just met and he says, āFine, but at least take mine so we can meet up later.ā So he watches me plug his number into my phone (which I deleted as soon as I knew I was safe and away from him) as weāre pulling up to my stop. I tell him I need to leave and switch trains and he tells me, āOh, Iāll wait with you. I donāt have any plans, so Iām in no rush.ā Itās important to note what at this point he had previously told me that he was late to a job interview, but he has all the time in the world because he still hasnāt gotten what he wanted from me; a yes. I get off of the train and he follows me, and waits at the platform with me for over ten minutes until my train arrives, asking me all sorts of personal questions about where I live and where I was going that day. As soon as the train pulls up he grabs for me and says, āDo I at least get a hug before you go?ā I was terrified. I was embarrassed. This dude, who before even asking me for my name asks me out on a date and then continues to harass me after I tell him I have a boyfriend, asks me for a hug only fifteen minutes after meeting. People around us were staring at me, as if I was being rude for denying him, and every inch of me was mortified. I wanted to run, but I felt like if I had done that he would have chased after me and things would have gotten worse. So I did, and he squeezed me so tight I felt like I was going to burst. It took me a good ten seconds to get him to let go and I ran to the train car just as the doors were closing. He was trying to get me to miss my train so I would have to wait with him even longer. I would have been stuck there for over a half an hour until the next train came by, and the platform (aside from the few buses coming by) was now COMPLETELY EMPTY. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and he knew EXACTLY how to get me alone with him. People, if you are in a situation like this do not feel obligated to give in. If someone is making you uncomfortable and asks to touch you in any way, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SAY YES. Make excuses, be blunt, just straight up say ānoā. If possible, go to someone else near by who you think can help you and ask them to help you. Itās important for guys to learn that they canāt get what they want just by asking over and over again. I got lucky. But not everyone does. Please, everyone, Be Safe.
SECOND STORY TIME
So I was on the transit bus alone one time. This was my first time riding, and so already I was PETRIFIED. I sit down, pull out my ipod, and begin to play some games. This guy sits down next to me, and begins trying to have a conversation. I donāt really respond, I donāt even look at him, just give half-hearted āmhmās and āohās, as I donāt want to be rude if he was just striking up a friendly conversation. He then asks me on a date.
Now, as I stated before, I already was absolutely petrified. My heart stopped and I didnāt know how to answer. So I just didnāt. He didnāt let up and I could feel his eyes on me. I quietly stammer out a āno thanksā and my stop HAPPENS to be coming up, so I pull the string thing to let the driver know I want to stop there, and once we stop and the doors open I get up and he asks me, āWell, can I at least have a hug before you go if you wonāt go on a date with me?āĀ
This makes me break. There are now people staring, as we are the only people standing up and not getting offā¦ So I just start crying. Hell, I am bawling almost instantly. He looks so fucking freaked out and people are now getting up to come over and comfort me/question him. I donāt stop crying, and he keeps trying to comfort me by touching me, and people are yelling at him for that.Ā
AND THEN. AND. FUCKING. THEN. THE GOD DAMN BUS DRIVER. A VERY EASILY 6 FOOT BURLY MAN. COMES OVER TO US. PULLS THE GUY AWAY. AND KNEELS DOWN. HE THEN ASKS, IN THE MOST CALM VOICE, āDid you request the stop?ā I very slowly and shakily nod, as I am still crying my eyes out. He then asks, āDo you want to get off?ā I give a quiet āmhmā and nod once again, and he offers me his hand. I take it, he stands up, and he escorts me off the bus. He asks me questions such as where I was going next, if I was going to meet someone shortly, if I was going to transfer buses from there. He was very polite and waited for me to answer the entire time, and my friend (who I was going to be meeting there) showed up. He asked me if this was someone I knew, I said yes, and he said alright, have a good day. He then told me- and this is something stuck in my mind forever, so it is word for word-
āIf some guy EVER starts harassing you like that again, do exactly what you did there. Cry. Cry and scream and have a temper tantrum. Not only will it throw him off, but it will get others to notice. They might not interfere, they might, but you will have gotten their attention and if you happen to go missing the next day the search for you will be a hell of a lot easier because everyone in that location will have seen you screaming and crying with a guy now very awkward with his actions. They will know. That is what my daughter did, and three days after she went missing she was back in my arms. I pray for you and every other person like you who has this done. You stay safe now, okay?ā And after I began blubbering again, I nodded and he left.
So this is the second lesson for yall. If you can not have the courage to say no or make an excuse, cry. Let out those sobs and tears and cry your heart out. Because it is going to make people notice and make people aware.
Reblogging for that second story. This might save a life.
I just wanna note that bus drivers can be really amazing and good ones do look out for their riders.
Also, as an additional tip (in case you cannot cry on command or such), you can say, āNo, because youāre creepy/creeping me outā and if he persists or tries to laugh it off, say āI do not want to be touchedā and look at one of the strangers/persons that is watching.
It: 1. Gives them a sense of urgency in the situation, as the eye contact is a way to make them feel as though you are personally asking for their help and it is now their obligation to help. 2. Contains words so that if youāre in a public place but people arenāt necessarily watching, then they (as natural evesdroppers) can overhear the attention-grabbing words and then notice the situation. Note, this does NOT mean that they will come for help, but you might be able to look someone in the eye (as previously mentioned) or just get some peopleās attention. 3. It shows that you have fight in you. As with rapists, those who are physically aggressive (ie. these huggers) choose women they see as an easy target. The moment you show them you are going/willing to fight them, they are less likely to continue. Sadly, this is not always the case, but every little bit helps.
Hopes this also helps, guys, and Iām so sad that this has to even be a post we need.
Dudes who follow me: 1) reblog this 2) donāt be the creepy guy who asks random women for hugs 3) be aware of your friends or random creepy dudes and call them out if they act gross towards girls/womem
Ok, I wasnāt going to comment about this, because there was no way of doing it without talking about a part of my life I really didnāt want to. But fuck that, there be young girls out there who need a hand.
So I used to be hot when I was young. I mean, model hot, because I actually used to model. Even now, Iāve let myself go on purpose because I was tired of the harassment. But I fit a UK size 6 with a pert ass from volleyball and a cup c breast. As you can imagine, I couldnāt wear anything or go ANYWHERE without being harassed. I sometimes even happened in church.
Anyway, Iām not a shrinking lily, and when I get angry enough I can do some crazy shit. So here are some of my coping mechanisms:
1) find a matronly looking lady, run up to her with āaunt may! I havenāt seen you in ages! ā then whisper āplease help heās harassing me!ā. 99.9 times out of 100, she will be scandalised and help you anyway even if sheās annoyed or in a hurry. If no older lady is available, find a younger one, or a nun, or a trans lady. We of the sisterhood know what it is to be harnessed, and I guarantee if you look frightened enough, they will help.
2) If you are out alone at night, and someone is following you, spot a house or apartment where the lights are on and knock, asking āmumā or ādadā or ājohnā to let you in. Even if the people inside are annoyed, odds are they wonāt turn you away, and you can phone someone to pick you up, or phone the police from a safe space
3) Make noise. Cry and scream loudly, call them out āi donāt know you and you are terrifying me! Please get away from me!ā if there are people around. Even if they donāt help directly for fear of their own safety, someone around you is calling security or 911.
4) speak a foreign language. If you know it, speak the language to them fast and incessantly, like you have just met someone you knew and youāre just giving the best performance rant of why your OTP is the best OTP. Make yourself ANNOYING. Think about what would be awkward and annoying to you and make it what you do to them. If you make them think YOU are something to get away from they will leave you in peace.
Now beware, the following ones are the CRAZY ones and may not always work. But they are a valid last resort:
5) stare at them. Stare at them like youāre hungry and they are a hapless deer youāre going to tear to pieces. Like yours the girl from the ring emerging from the TV to kill them. Donāt smile, donāt change your expression. DONāT BLINK. Hold their state like youāre Wednesday Adams about to do unspeakable things to a spider, and they are the spider. Even the most courageous of stalkers balk at this, but if they donātā¦
6) Use the Hannibal Lector. After staring at them for and extended period of time (imagine all the things that have made you scared, imagine you could get revenge on them for putting you here, thatās the thought you need to have), if they are getting closer to you, whisper something like āi would fry your liver in garlicā. Even the hardiest ones will be taken aback, but keep it up while making sure you donāt let the others hear you. Things like, occult star readings requiring blood, wondering whether he is the offering the spirits sent. If youāre on this site youāve read some weird shit at least once. Tell him that. Tell him you would like him to meet your lord, Vlad the Impaler, who requires much blood to be appeased. Be a stereotypical ācrazy bitchā like they see in the movies. Believe it or not, this has worked for me twice.
Above all, banish the notion that you have to be polite.
They were impolite by approaching you. If you can, ignore them. If you are not alone, pointedly put headphones in your ear, and donāt make eye contact, wait for them to realise that āyoure a bitch anywayā and move away. If you are alone, evade and find places and ways to fix that as soon as POSSIBLE.
And if all else fails, summon Satan.
Something I have learned at work:
Never underestimate the power of a good āEXCUSE me????ā
Legit. It makes people STOP IN THEIR TRACKS. This is the one I whip out when people start swearing at me over the headset and always, without fail, they stop what theyāre saying, shocked.
Go for offended, and go for loud. Not yelling loud, but giving-your-best-presentation loud. āEXCUSE me??? You approached me two minutes ago, I donāt even know your name, and you want WHAT? Creep.ā
For one, the presentation will shock them. For another, that indignant tone? EVERYONE AROUND YOU IS GOING TO WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS JUICY SHIT.
Now the second key here is, DONāT LET HIM JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). He smiles and goes āI just wantedāā FUCKING INTERRUPT HIM. Firmly. Irritably. āI heard what you wanted, and Iāve already declined once. Maybe you should go back to kindergarten where they teach you no means no.ā Run right over the fucker. Heās not respecting your words, you donāt need to respect his.
A further note: if youāre an iPhone user, you can use Siri to call 911. (I know Android has a similar function, but I donāt know what it isāplay with your AI and find out.) If youāre in a secluded area, this works well; I used to walk home from work at 2am and had to do it twice. Make eye contact with your harasser, activate Siri, and loudly, firmly say āSiri, call 911.ā Siri will immediately reply ācalling emergency services.ā (It actually takes five seconds to activate, but thereās a Call Now button if you need it.) Almost ALWAYS the person harassing you would rather take off than wait for you to get a dispatcher on the line.
As they say on the podcast,Ā My Favorite Murder:
Fuck Politeness.
This is NOT the kind of thing I usually post on here, but this is something that every female [or, every person honestly, harrassment isnt a one way street]needs to see. This is a fairly active blog, so I hope to see numerous reblogs.
