in honour of pride month and me not wanting to do anything actually useful with my time, here's my Queer SMP 2 headcanons (not all characters as I don't know them all this well) I hope you enjoy!! And also please bear in mind those are my headcanons and we don't gotta agree, big love!
In Polska Husaria:
- Ewroon, evil gay man. I won't call him an evil twink because I don't see him as a twink. Does nothing for the community but use his sexuality as a shield against insults towards him and for an occasional joke. evil!!!! kinda jk tho cuz I feel like he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt the community but also wouldn't make it better in any way yk. anyways. I'd say he's mostly a man, not fully cis tho? he/she pronouns, I feel like he's not quite woke enough for any pronouns. To me Ewronka was more cross dressing than drag but it's not set in stone for me
(him and his Ewronka situation remind me of the song "you think you're a man" by Divine a little bit)
- Nexe333, I see him as a genuinely homophobic gay man. like he genuinely doesn't like gay men and is pissed off he's one of them. "raz w dupę to nie gej", so he tried it once and stuck to topping. I'd say he has a lot of toxic masculinity in himself, which is why he has the stance he has, mainly based on the stereotype of flamboyant gay men. Not into the community at all, calls many things and identities weird and doesn't care to do research or educate himself. Like he doesn't go out of his way to be disrespectful and homophobic either but also wouldn't feel bothered to make change for the better. cis, he/him. it/it's for dog reasons tho
- Multi, hm. I'd say q!multi is gay too, actually. Probably gay and demiromantic. I think he's very casual about his identity and probably a bit inexperienced?? in my head he's still figuring himself out, but isn't actually doing anything towards it cuz he's busy being a scientist. "I'm probably non-binary but I have work so that's not my problem rn" kinda mentality. Agender, apagender, he/him because he's used to those but feels indifferent towards other pronouns imo.
- Graf. I had to throw out my whole previous headcanons cuz of his recent lore. I think he's a gay man who went through the "I'm straight obviously" -> "wait maybe I'm bi" -> "oh no I'm gay" pipeline. Obviously struggles with accepting his identity. In my head q!Graf is also ftm trans, having transitioned at an early age, like went stealth in highschool or even mid middle school kinda early age. His identity crisis is even worse since he grew up to accept himself as a straight trans man, and now his new found lack of attraction for girls is making him question literally everything. He's very informed in the community though, like he's supportive towards everyone but himself type shit. He/him, would feel a bit confused if called anything else.
- Haiper (yes I'm counting him in fuck y'all) I'm honestly not sure. I'm literally gnawing at the bars of my enclosure trying not to say he's a soft boy kinda gay but he lowk is, in my head he's like an oc from 2017 I'm so sorry. pastel blue, overalls, flower crowns and scraped knees type shit!!!!!! idk dude that's him in my head I'm sorry!!!!! really shy and blushy and stuff. he's gender funky to me, not sure what kind of genderqueer so I'll just leave it at that. any pronouns question mark? and a preference towards feminine descriptors and compliments but that may be my soft boy view of him, sorry 😔😔😔
- Quackity. an evil bisexual man. Not like genuinely harmful to the community but he's still an evil bisexual man in my eyes. Polyamorous too, obviously, but I feel like he couldn't make a throuple or anything work so being in the messiest polycule that is the Poli cave is great for him. Cis man but uses all pronouns imo.
- Roier. I think he's canonically gay?? and I don't really see him as anything else honestly. He's the sorta guy that everyone somehow forgets is in the community (based on him having to tell his father Vegetta that he's not gonna marry Pressea because he's freaking gay and not about to marry a hamster woman). I'd say he looks the most fun to go to a gay club with. Cis He/him I think.
In The North:
- Juan, HEAR ME OUT PLEASE!! and again this is only based on q2 since I haven't seen much of the first season, so if I'm spewing bullshit inform me. In my eyes he's aromantic, romance repulsed, and bisexual. I don't think he's pursued anyone romantically on the server, while having at least two very much sexual relationships (Cucurucho/actually Robleis and Ewronka) He seems very uncomfortable with the idea of romance but I think he tells himself it's just that he's not ready yet no matter how long it's been. Experienced and informed in queer business imo, forgets that people may still be afraid of coming out or homophobic because he's been living openly queer for some time now. Cis He/him me thinks, I don't see him as genderqueer in anyway.
- Tina, MY FAVOURITE DOOMED LESBIAN!! I think she accepted herself very easily tho in her later teens/adolescence. Like she never had a boyfriend cuz she thought boys are ew and realised one day that she actually likes girls and it all made sense. No comphet no nothing. She's also giving demigirl to me? and demi in general. Would call herself a man-eater lesbian and I support that with whole heart and other guts. Very woke very informed and active in the community. She/they, no he cuz men are terrible.
- Crystal Mollyyyyy, I'd say she's an unbothered queer queen. Besides being a trans woman, I'd say she has a "I love who I love" stance and I love that for her. Will not appreciate when someone tries to fit a label on her and will make it known imo. In my head she kinda takes on the role of the elder queer in the server, being the founder of the Gay Night Club and all, I think people come to her when they have troubles and she always offers them space to let out their frustrations and dance out their feelings! Her vibe is just so sweet and wholesome. Absolute safe space. She/her trans mtf :]
- Foolish I think isn't aware he's bisexual. Like he never really thought about it. He totally is but like his relationship with Vegetta just kinda happened to him I think and he never questioned it. He/him
- Vegetta is a gay man who only realised it after marrying his first wife and having multiple kids I think. Like in my head Roier and SenpaiSpider are both his biological children. He/him technically but he'd rather you call him the full title of King Vegetta 777 when you refer to him in conversation.
god how many people are in this house I need to get on the wiki.
S.I.A, I'm putting them together and away from the north cuz I love darklight/angeldemon duo. and also I felt the north list was getting too crowded:
- Senpai Spider, I think he's MLM. doesn't call himself gay specifically but would call himself a homo. that's the vibe I'm getting. Would he date a woman? Don't know, I don't think he ever has. I enjoy the thought of him being bigender 🤔 so he/she imo.
- Ishan is aroace and bi (#mojziomtoja), specifically he finds everyone beautiful and experiences aesthetic, physical and emotional attraction, but not the romantic or sexual kind. I think he didn't really question himself and his identity when he was younger but when he found a label that fit him it all clicked. Biggest cutie, supportive of everyone no matter their label or lack of one. Idk I don't have much to say here. He/him but idk if he's cis, i don't think he knows either.
Ishan and Spider are a QPR, Spider is romantically interested in Ishan but respects his identity, which is why he always clarifies they kiss and say "I love you" only "As bros" when anyone questions it. They still use the label of boyfriend for each other because they're already business partners so it made no sense to use it as an endearing term. I also enjoy the idea of Ishan calling Spider boyfriend and girlfriend interchangeably with the pronouns, "she's my boyfriend/he's my girlfriend" type shiiiiii
The Regimeeeee (this is y'all's great fraction? it seems to be shrinking idkkkk hihihi)
- AshSwag is the most grey romantic person ever. Bro doesn't understand the appeal of romance at all!! also I feel like he misunderstands most big feelings for romantic ones, making him even more unsure of what the fuck romance should be about. He's as much a boy as a glitch can get. He/him, for a second I wanted to say he/it but actually no he'd hate that with his whole heart.
- Katie, and I repeat Q!Katie to me is like that one PE teacher who's always wearing a baseball cap and jorts with rainbow socks so you just assume she's a lesbian up until she drops the fact she has a husband randomly. Noone expected that but pop off. I still think she's bi or otherwise wlw tho (go saucekitten, go!!!) She's a cis woman in my head, she/her
I genuinely can't think of any headcanons for the Dutch guys. maybe I don't watch them enough but yeah. Shappo is the most bisexual guy I've ever seen but the rest of them?? I don't fucking know?? Also this draft got deleted twice so I'm leaving it at this. maybe I'll edit it one day 😭 happy pride, stay safe, love you my queers!
on thing i like on tumblr more compared to twitter is that i can yap as much as i want in one post and don't need to pay anything. as a huge yapper and big explainer i usually use so much words that even whe i want to say something simple i always go way above the word limit and need to make multiple posts and its so annoying. and here i can say as much as i want only thing that is stoping me is my sheer will and want
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