Benedict is being a dumbass, but not for the reasons most of you seem to think
I talked about this in response to a couple of other posts, but I thought I should expand upon it here.
A lot of comments have been made about Benedict's "be my mistress" request as stupid and they are right...but in many cases for all the wrong reasons.
In the world of regency England as well as the Bridgerton variant of Regency England, love matches are rare. They are more of a financial contract between families and not love based. Much of the reason for all the grand pomp and elaborate dresses on part of the debutantes is to advertise wealth. Violet's intent of gaining love matches for all her children is treated by the Ton as abnormal because it absolutely is. The best most other young ladies could hope for, realistically, is that their family's pick a man that isn't abusive. This is also why the kind of May-December relationship Lady Danbury was forced into or Cressida nearly was forced into is really not uncommon at the time.
With this in mind, Mistresses were really, really common. It's pointed out "nearly half the Ton" had a mistress. Men of wealth would marry for duty, then found a mistress for love. As long as you were reasonably discreet, it was considered acceptable.
Being a mistress for a landed, titled gentlemen came with a lot of perks for the woman. Yes, their children couldn't inherit, but they were often gifted a home and given an salary - a rare source of income at a time were opportunities of independent income was rare for women. They were also doted on with gifts of jewelry which is another source of income. These women frequently did well enough financially to survive past their lover's death in style and comfort. While having a mistress didn't harm your reputation in the slightest, not properly caring for your mistress did, and would be considered a mark of poor morality or, worse, a mark of poverty that could shade you out of good economic deals. So there was significant pressure to keep your mistress(es) in comfort. In short, Benedict offer was to raise Sophie out of a life of servitude to one of leisure, comfort, and stability. In many ways it's a good offer. Certainly one many other women would take.
It is also worth noting the contrast to Sophie's mother's situation, which has more in common with Lord Berbrooke's maid. While keeping a mistress was considered acceptable, there's much more condemnation for affairs with your staff - or that tavern waitress, or a prostitute - but especially people you have in service to your household. Mrs. Crabtree was right to point out that maids don't really have the ability to say no. And it is far more easy to deny paternity and throw out the maid and child to the streets with nothing.
Benedict was, however, a dumbass because he never took the time to learn what Sophie actually wants. No did he take the time to explain what he's willing to actually give. And Sophie's only context is the situation with her mother and herself. We have no reason to believe she knows anything of the life of a kept mistress. Nor do we know she'd want that even if she knew. Benedict failed both to communicate with Sophie and to take the time to determine what she wanted. That is what makes him a dumbass here.
