Hollanov + tweets (part 2)

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Hollanov + tweets (part 2)
ANYWAY!! shane and ilya have kids via surrogate. ilya sort of makes an argument for not using his sperm on account of his depression and genetics and shane is like hey, shut the fuck up? end of conversation. also shane imagined a toddler with ilya’s unruly mop of curls one single time and now he will crash out if he doesn’t at least get a shot at making that dream come true. they do the nph/david burtka thing and each fertilize one donor egg and it’s a long shot that they’ll both take but they’re trying it anyway and they also manage to turn it into a sort of competition because they are freaks like that. both eggs take, obviously, thru the power of true love and the universe’s own unwillingness to pick a winner between the two of them. ilya full on fucking cries one summer when the kids are 3 and they’re getting them ready for bed after a long day outside at the cottage and he notices the tiniest smattering of freckles across the bridge of his toddler’s nose. shane of course gets his curly haired baby because he is the #1 I Get Everything I Want Through the Power of Visualization motherfucker this world has ever seen.
Just imagining Ilya admitting to Shane during their first year as a couple post-cottage, that it's always been his dream to have an arcade in his house one day, because it was so rare that he was ever allowed to go to one growing up. And Shane immediately starts secretly reaching out to his contractors, asking how possible it would be to build an extension on his games room. For the rest of the year, Shane spends every free moment checking the building progress, sourcing machines, finding people to restore the ones that are a little beat up, pushing to get everything done before the season ends.
He gets to the cottage a day before Ilya's due to arrive to get all the groceries and snacks they'd need for their two weeks, but also to check the new arcade and it's absolutely perfect. He's so excited going to fetch Ilya he can barely contain himself. He thinks that he'll like it, but there's a small part of his mind that's like is it too much though?
"Excited to be going back?" Ilya asks, taking the hand Shane's been nervously drumming against the wheel. And Shane can't even really speak. He just nods, and brings Ilya's hand up to his lips to kiss it.
When they get to the cottage, Ilya immediately starts dragging him off in the direction of the bedroom, and Shane digs his heels in. Ilya turns around looking concerned.
"Something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong," says Shane, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "I just have something to show you and I'm not going to be able to think about anything else until I do. Come with me."
Ilya only looks marginally less worried as Shane leads him to the games room.
"See anything new?" he asks, and Ilya dutifully looks around for anything that looks different from last time.
"You have bookshelves now," says Ilya. "I did not know we would be doing so much reading this time."
And Shane laughs and tells him to take a closer look. When Ilya approaches the bookshelf and notices the little wooden loon, Shane knows his plan will work. As soon as Ilya tries to pick it up, presumably to chirp him about it, it tips and the bookshelf springs forward on one side. Ilya turns back to Shane looking like a kid at Christmas.
"You have a secret room now? A sex dungeon? My Shane, are you planning to do wicked things to me in here for the next two weeks?"
"Just go look, asshole," Shane laughs, following Ilya into the room, heart catching when Ilya sees it for the first time.
"An arcade?" he asks, awestruck. "You have an arcade?"
"You have an arcade. Or, I mean, we have an arcade." Ilya turns to look at him. "I know you've always wanted one and I want the cottage to be yours as much as it's mine so I, uh—"
And that's all he can say for the next few minutes because suddenly he finds himself crowded against a claw game being kissed to within an inch of his life.
"You're so fucking crazy, Hollander," says Ilya when they eventually part, pressing his forehead to Shane's. "A fucking secret arcade. Thank you, lyubimyy. I don't even know how to say it. Just thank you. I love you and your big crazy heart so fucking much."
And Shane laughs and presses a small kiss to his lips.
"Happy anniversary, baby. I love you too."
shanebugs💪
Get loved idiot. 🫧
I was just thinking about that scene during the Shane Rose era, when Ilya asks Connor to go out and Ilya goes, “We’re in Montreal, we find a fucking club.” And it hits a little differently when you realize Ilya had always been there with Shane whenever they were in Montreal. Without him, Ilya genuinely didn’t know a single club, a single spot, or even where to go.
It’s such a small moment, but somehow it says everything about how much of Montreal was tied to Shane for him.
Imagine how insufferable Ilya and Shane will be as a couple once Shane gets good enough at Russian that they can use it to have little private side conversations when everyone is just hanging out and they're always making little comments and then snickering at each other and refusing to explain what the joke is
shane is soooooo strict
no motorcycle (i will be so mad if you crash and die)
no pilots license (i will be very mad if you fly into a mountain and die)
no smoking (i will never forgive you if you get lung cancer and die)
no fast cars (i will be so mad if you die in a high-speed crash)
go to the dermatologist (i will be so mad if you get skin cancer and die)
ilya is rolling his eyes but he’s giddy af and everytime ilya gets a clean bill of health from the team doctor he shows shane, “happy?” “happiest”
@tinylilhollander
.eighty-threeeee how are you guys today
shane getting increasingly pissed off bc journalists keep calling ilya his spouse or his partner. they say wife when they're talking about the others, if they even come up. shane voice, why are you so scared of the word husband? he's already married to me, it's not like saying it will turn you gay
that's his first big argument with Yuna after the marriage bc he refuses to sign off on a statement about joining his partner on the centaurs. initially she just doesn't get why it's a big deal; it's just a formality, something to tide the fans over the summer now that the trade is announced. she calls david her partner sometimes, it's not a big deal. and shane has to explain that ilya has been his business partner with the charity for years, that was their whole closeted deal. what was the point of being outed, losing all sense of agency and privacy, if he still has to mince words about who Ilya is to him? he isn't joining his partner, he's joining his husband. they're married. the league can change the wording or he's not signing it.
i have heard a lot of propositions on why percy and annabeth's relationship could be very readable as bi 4 bi or pan 4 pan, including but not limited to "Percy is way more descriptive of beckendorf/luke/ethan etc than he should be" "Annabeth falls for piper's charmspeak too easily" etc. etc. but possibly the most compelling one (and also the funniest) is
they're literally endgame. we know this. percy and annabeth are just one of those couples that is Forever and therefore. if one of them ever came out as trans the other would still love them to the ends of Gaea's fucking green Earth, if you argue with me you die
I think when shane & ilya inevitably start getting really invasive questions about their relationship from the press, they should follow a strategy of just "uno reverse that shit". like
reporter: hi! who tops in your relationship? 😉 ilya: who tops in yours? 😘 reporter: excuse me? that is wildly inappropriate to ask. I am at work?!? shane: so are we. _____
reporter: hollander! what do you say to those who think your marriage is a distraction? shane: oh, are your coworkers at News Station distracted by your marriage? reporter: what?! why would they be...? shane: why indeed 🤨 reporter: ...anyway I'm not even married ilya: shocking
i like percy x annabeth because despite what people assume. this is not dumb x smart or powerful x normal or something like that. they're both actually pretty similar. both very strategic, impulsive etc.
the difference between them is annabeth's plans are wild because she has absolute confidence they will work. percy's plans are wild because he has zero confidence that anything else will work. fundamental difference, says a lot about both of them, thank you hit post
I think at some point Ilya’s therapist gets concerned by what seems to be a codependent and anxious attachment btw Ilya and Shane. When Shane the Doer hears about it, For the sake of his husband’s mental health’s improvement and the preservation of a healthy marriage, he convinces Ilya to try installing boundaries and do activities separately. It lasts a week before Ilya comes home sobbing from a video game session with Troy communicating that if they keep this boundary thing up he’ll need to switch his meds’ dosage because he’s miserable. Shane jumps from the couch he’s been sitting on for 40minutes because he was supposed to eat diner with rose but he kept wanting to make jokes and look at ilya to see him laugh but he wasn’t there and it SUCKED OMG and Shane starts sobbing too because if they keep this up he will have to get on his own meds and let’s never do this again I hate it when I can’t smell you near me
situationship to codependency final boss actually
Obsessed with the idea of Shane randomly encountering Bad Bunny at a bar just like he encountered Rose. (Because he has the BEST luck.)
But he doesn't know who Bad Bunny is, and Bad Bunny doesn't know who Shane is... So they're both just making small talk with this hot guy they met at the bar while they wait for their drinks. They're enjoying talking to someone who doesn't know their celebrity status. And Shane is getting a little flustered despite being married, because damn if this guy isn't his type, and Bad Bunny is lowkey flirting with him.
And then Ilya shows up and has a heart attack. Alternating between fanboying over Bad Bunny and wanting to fight him. Just standing there frozen with this bonkers expression on his face.
And Shane is completely oblivious. "Hey, you're back! I ordered you a beer. Oh, and this is Benito. Benito, this is my husband Ilya........... Baby, are you okay? Why do you look like that?"
if i had ilya rozanov lying on my chest in the middle of the night, whispering "ya tebya lyublyu," sobbing "i love you," his fluffy golden curls between my fingers, his heart wide open to me at last, his naked adoration and devotion on full display, because i woke him up to tell him that i still want to be with him 20 years from now...
i would go crazy. that would become my new reality. literally nothing else matters after that.
i would raze empires. i would burn nations to the ground and rebuild them brick by brick. anyone looks at him funny, i'd have them assassinated. i would bribe every single Canadian government official to get him citizenship. i would physically fight his depression. i would learn how to astral project to enter his subconscious and choke out the ghosts of his childhood trauma with my bare hands. i would make him teeny tiny and crack open my ribcage and put him inside the chambers of my heart to keep him safe.
so all i'm saying is. all those headcanons about shane being a very supportive and protective husband, the interpretation of shane being very intense, shane does not play about his man? makes perfect sense. i get it, shane. honestly shane doesn't get enough credit for not murdering anybody.
I know it's technically not but in my heart it is canon that after Shane comes out to his team, he's approached by like five different teammates hoping to hook up on the down low. These guys are all Kinsey 1s and 2s who already thought Shane was hot and figure now that they know he likes guys, they might as well shoot their shot.
The first time it happens, Shane is confused. The second through fourth, he thinks maybe this is some cruel prank being played on him. By the fifth, he's forced to admit to himself that it's possible these guys are being sincere and they actually want to fuck him.
It's at this point he brings it up to Ilya, because it feels like the kind of thing his boyfriend should know about. After a long silence, Ilya asks for their names.
"I can't tell you that," Shane says. "They all approached me in private, they definitely don't want it getting out that they're not straight."
"Then they should not be hitting on my boyfriend," Ilya says sourly.
Shane is unable to keep from smiling, feeling a smug little thrill at seeing Ilya act jealous. "Well, unfortunately for them they don't stand a chance, since my boyfriend is hotter than all of them combined."
Now it's Ilya's turn to be smug. "Yeah?"
"I'm kind of obsessed with him," Shane admits.
And what's Ilya supposed to do about that other than initiate some mind-blowing phone sex?
"Just tell me one thing," Ilya says once they're finished and basking in the afterglow, both of them lying down and holding their phones inches from their faces. "Pike hasn't hit on you yet, has he?"
The instinctive "ew" Shane lets out has Ilya in a happy mood for the rest of the week.