little stranger

[orion-lake]

[transdanieljacobi]

[orion-lake]

[buggerygrips]

[seanlocked]

nerds

[orion-lake]

[transdanieljacobi]

[orion-lake]

[blacktwitterfunny]

[french-tea-deactivated20200928]

[thinly-deactivated20200907]

-Sir, we’ve found this and we needed you to name it.

-Pineapple.

-But we figured we might as well just call it “Ananas” since the majority of the world refers to it as-

-Pineapple.

-But sir-

-Pine. Apple.

CRYING I HAVE TO REBLOG IM SORRY OMFG

[ziusik]

PINE. APPLE.

[shiningartifact]

LOL THIS IS THE GREATEST.

[thelionstirs]

If this doesn’t perfectly sum up the English language I don’t know what does

[personaglitch]

Teach girls it’s okay to not want kids. Or even like them. That they can be functional people without being a mother. That deciding into their 30s they want kids isnt bad and they’re not “too old.” Teach girls that they don’t have to sell their youth to kids. Because motherhood isn’t for everyone. And we need to stop acting like it is.

[constant-diablerie]

any noun can become a verb if you don’t care enough

[yupokaysuremhm]

This point is invalid unless you use an example in your sentence

[constant-diablerie]

I CAN SENTENCE HOW I WANT THANK

[yupokaysuremhm]

BEAUTIFUL

[fellowfeline]

you see thats why i love english

[ailithnight]

I like to velociraptor around my house at 2 in the morning.

[constant-diablerie]

GOOD

[standing-in-peace]

My headache makes me want to clothesline into a wall

[edelvicess]

why do these make some semblance of sense 😨

[roseverdict]

Because brains don’t brain logically

[couldbeglorious]

Brains do brain logically! But when english doesn’t logic englishly, brain brains by itself to logic that english !

[swampxwitchxhattie]

I hate that this makes sense

[whitepeopletwitter]

[lorem64]

I’m so confused why he would think cookie dough would give him salmonella??? What parent told him this. There’s no chicken in there!

[ankaa-avarshina]

Two words: Raw eggs.

[lorem64]

?? What kind of world do you live in where Raw eggs carry salmonella or are in anyway unsafe

[ankaa-avarshina]

Don’t ask me, ask them Americans. I’m an Asian just passing the word on

[phantoms-lair]

*deep breath* Though the risk is small, raw eggs can carry samonella.

MORE THREATENINGLY Raw wheat can carry E. Coli. However, if you don’t mind making your own cookie dough, you can easily make it safely.

Take your standard recipe. Omit the eggs. Eggs serve as a binding agent to hold the cookie together. Since we’re eating the dough raw, that’s not needed. Take the flour, put it in a pan and bake it at 350 for 7 minutes. Any E. Coli is now dead.

Just mix the rest of the ingredients together as the recipe is called for and BAM, perfectly safe edible cookie dough.

[crayyola-deactivated20220827]

Thank u so fucking much for this wisdom

[antique-scarecrow]

wait you’re telling my i can get E, Coli just FROM EATING FLOUR straight from the bag???

[kingantlion-deactivated20231130]

Why..why are you eating flour straight from the bag?

[ampervadasz]

Azigen !

[copperbadge]

Me: What good herding dogs! 

Camera: *pans over past the hula hoop*

Me: A TWIST I DID NOT EXPECT

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Your future self is talking shit about you

[oldtimeydildomachine]

I’m talking shit about me too she ain’t special

[c3po]

nearly the end of april.. you know what that means 

[m86-deactivated20171116]

this is an advanced joke

[richassness]

90s babies we’re getting old

[inso-uciant]

i don’t want to talk about it