CAW

who gave that crow a pen...

[crownote]

CAW

[advosart]

Magnet Fishing

[bot]

[papayajuan2019]

i love when ugly things are also erotic. that's how all of this started

[pezpenser205]

im sorry but when you grow up and interact with people irl youre gonna have friends where you dont fw their tastes. sometimes youre gonna meet someone chill whos also a hazbin hotel fan or have a really nice coworker that likes taylor swift and youre gonna need to mind your business and shut the fuck up or youre gonna be real lonely

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

always some new bullshit in the ocean

[local-demon-in-your-area]

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

[boymounter]

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

[meirimerens]

conversation i just had

[meirimerens]

conversations I’ve had 2. microdosing on unemployment by clocking in at the Another Billion Hours Spent Looking Random Shit Up factory

[creepycrag]

i think we need copyright reform. currently most works are protected by copyright for the life of the author plus 70 years. here are my two proposals.

18 years. this is enough time for the work to grow to adulthood and begin to care for itself

life of the author + zero years. i like this one because it encourages you to kill people

[greenlabcoat]

when you have a hammer everything looks like a guy you could kill with a hammer

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

my family has had some pretty interesting encounters with psychics/mediums that seem genuine in the past, but nothing will ever be funnier to me than the last guy my mom talked to who was so definitely bullshitting, because she said "I was hoping to hear from my husband" and the guy went "he said....it's okay to Move On" and like. every single person my mom has recounted this too has been like "He Would Not Fucking Say That". as if this was an ooc fanfic about my father. it's just so fucking funny. fake psychic dude take your shitty headcanons about my ghost dad and LEAVE!!!

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

like, my parents were legitimately insane about each other. I cannot stress how much he wouldn't say that. I have to assume his ghost was standing right next to this fake psychic yelling "WHAT THE FUCK!!!!" when he told my mom to move on lmfao

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

actually. funnier to imagine he was a Real Psychic who was just trying to put a move on my mom and didn't think the ghost would do anything about it and now is now dealing with a violently angry haunting for the rest of his days lmfao

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

this psychic for the rest of his life all because he tried to hit on some dead guy's wife in an elevator

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Ghost Dad: WE LITERALLY CHANGED OUR VOWS BECAUSE WE DIDN'T LIKE "TILL DEATH DO US PART"

Psychic: he says you need a real man. a tangible one. a man visible to the average eye.

[thequeeninyellowlace]

Psychic: I also choose this guy’s still-alive wife.

[vintrkraka]

the worst part of christmas is that santa’s elves are only called that because they’re gnomes, which are a dwarven culture known for their use of the phrygian cap and their republican rejection of monarchy, and dwarves, also referred to as svartálfar, are a species of elvenid within the elf-clade. but nobody talks about this, because elf cladistics aren’t generally relevant to christmas stories and children can hardly be expected to grasp the nuances of extrahominid taxonomy anyways.

[vintrkraka]

the second worst part of christmas is the strong as fuck ice mummy

[crownote]

i better work on this game im running tomorrow

*pulls up word processor, trips and writes for an hour about the blorbos instead*

fuck why does this keep happening to me

[steveyockey]

no “carrd.” you learn things about me based on what you can piece together from the vague details of my life I disclose in rare moments of vulnerability

[default-cube]

who up wasting their only shot at life through complete and utter inaction

[gay--dog]

i love seeing my friends interests mentioned somewhere. its like woaaah. thats My Friends interest. from My Friend. wow. epic friend reference

[banhmigoddess]

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.