PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@cryingwiththemoon
why is it that every single time i tell myself that things aren’t that bad, and maybe i’m not as depressed as i think i am, the next day i am just hit with a tsunami of horrible thoughts and emotions. It will always come back stronger and i am left being battered by the waves over and over again.
i am not a strong enough swimmer to save myself from drowning, yet that is what is expected of me from those who have never felt the water fill their lungs.
I am my own prison.
I am my own burden.
I am my own enemy.
I am my own misery.
I deserve all the pain and deterioration i cause myself.
i’m so tired of fighting every day, i just want it all to stop.
i’ve become so detached from myself, i forget what i look like, and when i see my reflection all i feel is shame and disgust.
i’ve started daydreaming about where i’ll go after i have finally built up the courage to end it all. it’s a peaceful place, somewhere i can rest.
my doctors are telling me if i keep losing weight i’m going to have to go to hospital, but i feel like i can’t stop, i’m finally underweight and its the best i’ve felt in my body but it’s not enough. but i also don’t want a tube in my nose and i don’t want them to make me gain weight.
a part of me wishes i had rotted away before it came to this.
the loneliness is getting so bad i don’t know how much longer i can do this for.
I hate that the world didn't stop turning when I was alone, crying in a hospital bed 3 hours from home. I wish people understood, a part of me thinks they wouldn't be so harsh if they did.
over it
I'm so tired of feeling so much pain all the time, nothing ever helps, nobody ever wants to understand, and the worst part is that I'm too scared to end it all. I keep waiting for something good to happen, something to hold onto that will make me want to stay, but it never comes, and I end up disappointing myself.
I just want to feel okay for once.