[cryptidsandchamomile]

I mourn the person I could've been if I wasn't abused as a child.

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I really would be so much further along if I didn't live with someone who didn't try to constantly tear me down and disregard my personal space!! I'm so close to just throwing myself off a bridge or something I cannot deal with this bullshit for much longer

[cryptidsandchamomile]

Get back to the house, immediately get guilt tripped and my feelings invalidated but yeah just follow that up with telling me how much better this is than my situation before, that will definitely make it true if you keep repeating it!! and don't forget to try to make me break up with the one person who actually cares about me so you can trap me here completely to abuse me more!! This is so healthy and definitely helping me heal from the trauma you inflicted on me in the first place!!

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I thought I escaped and yet I'm back trapped in the place I swore never to return to

[cryptidsandchamomile]

It might be time soon

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I'm never going to get better my life is already wasted and I'm just a burden

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I'm just so tired and I ache for a better life that I know I don't deserve or will get

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I just want help I can't keep waiting I can't keep doing this with no way out anywhere in sight

[cryptidsandchamomile]

He should've just pulled the trigger like he yelled he would I feel like I'm dead anyway

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I think the part that's most upsetting is that I would give everyone from my past another chance. I wouldn't have led them on and given them hope and then shut it down once it came down to it.

I think I was just calling it forgiveness and seeing the best in people, but in reality I've just led people trample over me because I was convinced it's all I ever deserved or that it was the closest I could get to real friendship.

I'm grateful I have two people who've shown me it doesn't have to be that way. I just wish that in all my years of living it would've been more than just two at this point.

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I'm sitting with it, redirecting my thoughts, stepping back and seeing what's the real source of my pain and sadness

If I was even able to do this before I wouldn't have been able to recognize it and realize that I'm doing what must be done. This is the way through and I'll be okay with time

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I now understand what they mean with the body holding onto trauma because I'm shaking and hurting all over as if it's slowly being released after getting some closure

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I need to give myself grace for finally going through the process of healing. It's not fast or glamorous or how I want it to be, but it's needed so that I can grow as a person. I cannot stay stuck how I was, and I am making progress even if I can't see it for myself

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I'm grateful for the three people in my life who haven't given up on me. I want to have hope for the future, I want to be happy again some day

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I reached out to someone from my past and they said they would rather not meet up again and another one has ignored me completely. It hurts and it sucks, cause I am literally all alone, but perhaps it's for the best. I've been holding on to the past for no reason, while knowing deep down I couldnt go back anyway.

[cryptidsandchamomile]

Id rather be dead than live through this for 3 more years I'm so tired

[cryptidsandchamomile]

I didn't want this I didn't ask for this I just needed help and I'm still not getting it