Meet Me In The Woods

I’m an aspiring cryptozoologist, amateur folklorist, paranormal enthusiast, traditional witch and professional meddling kid

[geopsych]

[cassettetapecryptid]

Dark

There's a closet

At my work

It has a door

That swings shut on its own

And a light

That's too high to change

Even though it's been out for months.

It is very dark

When the door shuts.

I'm afraid

That I'll go into the closet

Grab the vacuum

Walk towards the door

And keep walking

No door

No light

Lost in an endless expanse of black

Forever.

[thewickedwilds]

A woman traveling into the dark woods to an evil witch’s house to trade her firstborn child for selfish desires sounds a lot like a demonized version of a woman traveling to see a cunning woman to aid her with an unwanted pregnancy js

[gishifu]

Holy shit….. this post is life changing

[shittycryptids]

an eldritch biblical angel but all of the eyes are googly eyes

[cryptious]

you people will see anything with the word ‘eyes’ and reblog it huh

[aconissa]

apparently there’s some big mothman fans in cambridge, england

[bugboy111]

[genpitre]

💀🍂✨Alas! Poor Yorick!✨🍂💀

[orendarling]

Warsaw, Indiana

April, 2020

Oren Darling

[geopsych]

September memory.

[geopsych]

In the orchard, September.

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Even bigger band jazz.

Taurus: Stay hydrated! It will be important when the government comes by later today to ask for your hydration tax.

Gemini: The stars say it might be time to check out that ancient old safe in your basement with the clawmarks all over it. 

Cancer: The colony of ants in your backyard have completed their civil war and would like to establish trade negotiations. 

Leo: No you read the pamphlet correctly. You are being taken to small clams court.

Virgo: The sheer speed at which you are able to move on is frankly terrifying. Slow down a bit.

Libra: Your birthday is coming up eventually! Be ready when an assassin with a sword bursts out of your cake.

Scorpio: The little flowers at the center of your table are not part of the meal but the stars understand your confusion.

Ophiuchus: Looks like you’re gonna accidentally wander into a restricted military zone again! 

Sagittarius: Creativity is something to be fostered but planes for dogs is a terrible idea.

Capricorn: Be ready for a meet-cute and an indictment for arson when you and your date fundamentally misunderstand what the purpose of the tinder app is.

Aquarius: For today only, you deal +10% damage versus racist horses.

Pisces: A man who carries a medieval tower shield with him at all times, is a fool every day but one. 

[detailstodiefor]

zodiac bookshop inspo - ceilings

[brokenightlight]

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aires: A new connection will bring up questions you may not be ready to ponder. Your legacy is in the hands of people who don’t exist yet. 

Taurus: Fear not Taurus. Control of the Ritual Lemon will soon fall to you.

Gemini: A butterfly with your face.

Cancer: Some trouble in your romantic relationship will cause your partner to erupt, blanketing most of the northwestern United States in ash.

Leo: Being a social climber can be exhausting! Next time you try to ascend the mountain of bodies, bring some snacks.

Virgo: Take one for the team and turn into a tree as to absorb some of the inherent evil from the world.

Libra: Recoup some of the shattered pieces of your soul by absolutely crushing it at Foosball.

Scorpio: Prepare to suffer some light brain damage as your brain is temporarily deprived of oxygen by a wave of mexican surf punk revival. 

Ophiuchus: You’ve been cursed! Don’t worry though, you can make it go away by finding the wizard responsible and seducing their girlfriend.

Sagittarius: There is a point at which one can drink so much green tea, that one purges their entire body of impurities, namely their internal organs. Death follows quickly afterwards.

Capricorn: Be the best version of yourself! Refrain from arson!

Aquarius: With hard work and perseverance your dream of making a cozy little hut out of junk can become a reality. 

Pisces: The large wolf that keeps following you around wants some of your coffee. 

[cryptid-seum]

Ghost/Spirit #1

The Flying Dutchman

*Sorry I haven't posted in this format, hopefully I can get into more*

Perhaps the most famous ghost ship, the Flying Dutchman is a long lost ship that was said to have never made it back to port. Cursed to sail the seas forever, if hailed by a passing ship, the Dutchman will try to send messages back to land or people who have long been dead. Seeing this glowing ship can mean doom for and voyagers who stumble upon it. Even though many people claim it to just be a mirage seen at sea, it has been sighted by many including King George V! For those traveling by seas, beware the cursed Flying Dutchman!

Did you enjoy this cryptid? Feel free to follow for more supernatural beings and suggest which cryptid, ghost, alien, or monster you'd like to see next.

- The Cryptid-seum Curator

[what-even-is-thiss]

Guys do centaurs have to eat both horse food and human food?

[what-even-is-thiss]

Centaur, eating out of a burlap sack of hay like it’s potato chips: So do you guys wanna get Chipotle later?

[what-even-is-thiss]

Centaur: *kneeling on the ground, ripping up bits of grass and eating it*

Nearby horse: *neighs*

Centaur: Well it’s easy for you to bend over, isn’t it?

Horse: *snorts*

Centaur: *through a mouthful of grass* Well goody goody for you, but some of us have two spines.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Human: Hey does somebody want the rest of my burger?

Centaur: Oh I’ll have it. I am starving.

Human: Didn’t you just eat like an entire barrel of hay?

Centaur: *snatches the burger* That was for the horse stomach not the human one. Don’t be racist, Carl.

[fangirltothefullest]

DON’T BE RACIST CARL

[conversationswithamillennial]

That spine comment made me reevaluate my life

[what-even-is-thiss]

Two spines, two ribcages, and six limbs baby! And a tail! Four shoulders!

[nerdy-as-heck]

This picture makes my intellectual half happy but also causes me great pain

[dragon-in-a-fez]

is your intellectual half the horse half or the human half

[beowulf22121]

Head, Abdomen, Thorax. 6 limbs. Insect.

[would-we-be-friends-if-i]

That last comment hit me so hard I felt like Plato when Diogenes plopped a plucked chicken down and declared it a man

[strawb-aries]

pov: you’re a small woodland creature sitting on a moss-covered rock, listening to the stream without a worry in the world