oh no

big of heart, dumb of ass, home of sexual | they/them | ko-fi and ravelry links | if you need anything tagged please ask! | terfs can fuck off, h*rry p*tter fans eat shit and die | icon by @dargonpoop

[sketchinthoughts]

BABASOR

[sreegs]

full screen, no description or any words on the ad whatsoever.

[hobgoblinhero]

So what? Are you too good to see Oprah's Device?

[pseudomantis]

I seriously love this pic its like it sees its next victim and its eyes start dilating

[fredfugues]

Honestly I tried to get into Dora the explora but like media is supposed to be escapism for me and she keeps like asking me like wheres this wheres that and tbh its actually really stressful. Im not dealing with that

[fredfugues]

Really?

Nobody’s ever kissed or touched or even looked at me before due to my grotesque visage

[why-is-it-always-autumn]

Could you eat a pint of fresh strawberries, including the leaves, in one sitting?

I am allergic to/otherwise repulsed by strawberries in general

I wouldn't be able to finish a pint of strawberries in one sitting regardless

I could eat them without the leaves, but not with

Only if I had a really good reason

Yeah, I think I could do it

I have done this before

Remaining time: 4 days 16 hours

Points of clarification:

The strawberries are freshly washed, including the leaves. There are no pesticides or dirt on them

They are farm fresh and your preferred ripeness. None of them are moldy or rotted

There is no specific time limit, but you aren't allowed to get up and a referee will disqualify you if you go too long without eating, or eat really slowly on purpose

There is the normal amount of leaf per strawberry

You don't have to eat in any particular order; you can eat all the leaves first and then finish the fruit part or vice versa. The only rule is that all parts of the strawberry need to be eaten by you in one sitting

[mousegirlheart]

give me jellybeans you fuckhead

[nirogryphon]

Visit Original Link

[feldfrog]

Rudolph is one of the only examples of visible bioluminescence in mammals. One of the only other ones is that time we made our weakest cousin swallow a keychain flashlight. Weakest cousin is determined annually by a series of trials

[mousegirlheart]

give me jellybeans you fuckhead

[nirogryphon]

Visit Original Link

[selkypostergirl]

love my downward spiral :) #myspiral #descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

#descending

[selkypostergirl]

[selkypostergirl]

[asmrgaret]

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

[asmrgaret]

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

[pukicho]

Should I have the leftover tamale that made me furiously sick yesterday or should I have something else?

[feism]

have the tamale

[pukicho]

Could you guys give your reasoning for choosing the Tamale that gets me sick?

[pukicho]

[orcboxer]

I mean if you're stranded at sea and you do kill a seagull with a golf ball and it lands on the deck and you don't have any water you COULD drink its blood for hydration but you run the risk of losing more water if it makes you too nauseous, and you would get more hydrated just eating the meat. If has bird flu you're fucked tho.

[orcboxer]

of course any sailor could tell you "don't kill a seagull it's bad luck" but personally if a sailor told me that while I hucked another wilson soft at a screaming airborne beach menace I would probably not handle the advice too well. I would most likely not take it with a lot of patience if I'm being fully honest

[lokaror]

Id use my fantastic machine that turns blood into water.

[orcboxer]

it's always the fantastic blood machine with this guy

[coughloop]

Worlds oldest haunted house has passed away at the age of 207

[coughloop]

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of... maybe everything actually

[evilnicegirl]

i was abandoned as a baby & raised by a wild pack of cigarettes

[anphivenas]

(wrinkled and dying from laying eggs) tbhhhh dubstep was better in 2009 (lays another egg) there has honestoy not been another producer like Benga (stress from that last egg makes me go blind) my eggs , where are my eggs

[creepymutelilbugger]

The bar for what a normal post is on this site is so fucked compared to everywhere else

[dicewithellen]

It’s time to roll the dice… with Ellen!

[fuckersupreme-deactivated201707]

Man, fucking Ellen. Every so often she rings me up or shoots me a text asking if I wanna play dice with her and every so often I start to try to say no, but she fucking picks up on that so fast and her fun quirky demeanor drops. No longer laughing and being bubbly, she starts to remind me of the file she has in her possession that would simply ruin me if it fell into the wrong hands. And so with tears in my eyes is reluctantly agree to play dice with Ellen. It’s always in a back alley behind some strip mall. Gross and rank. Ellen hunched over a damp piece of cardboard she uses to roll her dice on. I always ask Ellen, I say Ellen you’re so rich and famous, can’t we please play dice in like a highrise penthouse or something? Thinking of the nice all you can eat buffet that would surely be there. All highrise penthouses have all you eat buffets. I’m pretty sure it’s like some sort of requirement. If I’m going play fucking dice with Ellen​, let me at least get my fill on some slightly warmer than room temp fries. But she always just grunts a no, and then rolls her dice, not looking at me at all. And holy shit, I’m not a man who believes in luck but… Ellen is turning me into a believer because she has to be the unluckiest person in the world. Every role she does, pure shit. I don’t even really know how to play dice but fuck, I play like some kinda world champ when I play with her. And fuck, her goddamn temper. It doesn’t take much to set her off. Screaming and shouting and huffing and puffing. This fucking back alley we play in has a number of cracks in the walls from her just pounding her fists into them after each of my rolls. Fucking cracks. Brick walls. Fucking cracks. At the end of the game when I inevitably beat her, she pulls out a knife and just slices or stabs me before running off into the shadows to go fucking goofy white lady dance as she interviews Channing Tatum or something, fuck! 

And holy shit, speak of the devil, would you look at this…

So I guess I’m playing dice tonight, and then paying the hospital a visit to attend to my future stab wounds. But I guess it bets the alternative of having people find out I sit on the toilet backwards, god how embarrassing.

[bgm05]

I miss pjackks jellybean era

[pjackk]

I miss da era where u passed out in bath tub cuz u sneezed to hard and fell your ass right on the holiday dinnerfish and it got scared and jumped in the toilet and swam down da drain

[bgm05]

You promised not to tell anyone about that