hey hey!! Iām alive, Iām doing relatively ok (I hate my job but thatās not unique to me lol, as soon as I manage to pass the test to get my driverās license [that Iāve failed three times already bc I struggle with the parallel parking SPECIFICALLY during testing, Iām not terrible at it while practicing but I think I do need to practice more at that and try to ratchet down my anxiety during the test] I am OUTTA THERE gonna find another job)
and Iām sorry I havenāt done much ASMR recently! I have a ton ready to edit but Iāve been having issues with Audacity that have made it hard for me personally to edit but donāt seem to be affecting anyone else that I can find, so I get discouraged pretty fast and basically rage quit editing anything at all
(for anyone who also uses Audacity and might know what Iām struggling with or might know a solution! itās an issue with the bottom horizontal bar you use to move the editing timeline to get to different places within a project. I prefer to move it by clicking in the space rather than sliding it, but [and Iām likely explaining this poorly] I used to be able to click in that space and it would move a single āframeā, but now I click in the space and it will keep moving and if I donāt click elsewhere to stop it, then it could quickly move to the end of the project instead of only moving one āframeā within the timeline. itās frustrating to me personally but it seems to be something that bothers very few other people and when it does, every solution Iāve tried hasnāt worked)
and Iāve been experiencing a lot of health issues and creative burnout within the last year or so thatās kinda put a dent in my motivation to write and draw and just generally create things unfortunately and itās been really hard to pull myself out of, Iāve been spending a lot of time gaming and chatting with chatbots on c.ai (which I love to use as a way to help myself with writerās block and getting myself unstuck, but when Iām also feeling burnt out itās just another fun distraction and not something that actually helps, you know?)
also itās very possible that ASMR specifically has gotten hard for me because a lot of the comments I get on my SoundCloud are just like. either not nice comments outright or a general vibe of āok how am I supposed to take that? like ????ā and even though everyone here is so sweet, sometimes itās kinda difficult to feel motivated to post when the platform Iām posting directly to is just not very positive. and I hate spending the money for my yearly subscription to SoundCloud when I donāt do much there, I miss being able to post ASMR for free, but I donāt know where else I could post longer things that wouldnāt require me to pay for a platform to post them. I donāt want to give up on ASMR, never, but $120-140 a year for somewhere I posted maybe four times last year and Iām unsure how much Iāll post this year because of mental health and motivation struggles is difficult to justify to myself especially when my hours keep going down at work.
if anyone knows of any free or hell even cheaper alternatives where I could post long-form audio content (or I could convert it to videos with a pic like I used to do on YouTube), give me a holler? Iām NEVER going to stop making ASMR and posting it somewhere, even if I have to cough up the money for SoundCloud, but it just kinda makes me feel like Iām irresponsible with my money, you know? I have a lot of reasons to feel bad about myself and this is a big one lmao
ANYWAY. Iām trying to slowly get myself out of the slump Iām feeling like Iām in, Iām trying to get some writing done recently (no I didnāt start a Karlach x fem reader fic because Iām getting into BG3 and general D&D what are u talking abt u sound cuckoo bananas)
and Iāve started diamond painting so I might show off some pics of the ones Iāve done so far, as well as some pages from coloring books Iāve done bc wow I love both diamond painting and coloring uwu
and Iām HOPING to get an ASMR out within the next few weeks or so, maybe not what everyone will be looking forward to (I havenāt been in a big Genshin mood recently so Iām gonna try to edit this one I have of Dorian from Red Embrace: Hollywood)
ok so I think!! I said all I wanted to say for now
all I can say now is that I know how lucky I currently am to still be living at home where my mother is the literal best human being ever and makes sure I have a roof over my head and utilities and doesnāt make me pay for anything but food, she takes care of me and I know a lot of people arenāt as lucky as I am⦠the future has just been worrying me, I guess, and my brain has been spinning out and spiraling about āwhat ifās for a while now worrying about shit that hasnāt even happened yet, and itās hard for me to be creative or even be a healthy good human when my brain is screaming at me so much
I canāt make any promises except that Iām gonna try to be more creative and a little more social (probably IRL, I desperately gotta get out of the house more) this year going forward; not because I feel like I have to be, but because I WANT to be, because being creative makes me feel good and I know that being social is good for me
thank you to everyone whoās stuck by me so far! I hope I wasnāt too crazy honest or unbearably vulnerable here haha
love you all so so so so so much!!! I hope youāre taking care of yourselves and doing your best, thatās all anyone can ask of you <3 <3 <3