I’m Not Aloud To Have Scissors Anymore

just a person trying their best

[ctrl-thyself]

About Me and Trigger Warnings ⚠️

pronouns: she/he age: 18 labels: genderfluid lesbian and neurodivergent timezone: CST language: english

⚠️ heavy trigger warnings:

this blog includes content about:

self-harm

suicidal ideation (passive & active)

psychosis (hallucinations, paranoia, delusional thinking, reality confusion, derealization/unreality, disorganized writing)

obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) with intrusive thoughts (religious, violent, sexual), compulsions, moral spirals, guilt rants

eating disorders

religious trauma

dissociation

fictional self-harm / horror oc writing / vent characters

gore imagery

panic attacks, spiraling vent posts, overstimulation

notebook-style intrusive thoughts

identity confusion

nothing is NSFW. i tag everything i can. if you need something tagged, you can ask anonymously.

this blog is for other mentally ill young people.

i’m not here to educate anyone. i’m not here to debate mental illness, morality, recovery, or “healthiness.” this is not a place for people looking for inspiration or recovery stories. i won’t tolerate ableism, trolling, or fakeclaiming. just don't.

🚫 please don’t...

send “positive vibes” or recovery tips unless i ask

fakeclaim, trauma dump without warning, or moralize my content

follow if you’re here to gawk at mentally ill people

treat me like a character. i’m not fictional.

[starryvexxx]

“i’m skinny and i hate it” bluetoothing you 10kg. and another 10kg just for good measure. and one more kg.

[ctrl-thyself]

why is being social so complicated

AND

everyone I know is so skinny…

why aren’t I???

[ctrl-thyself]

I feel so behind in life compared to my siblings.

[ctrl-thyself]

I want everything to get really really bad again so I can feel something. being happy is a scam and frankly, it never lasts.

[echoesofsaturn]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[4ceeee]

Haiiiii

I always get tagged in tag games but I never start one so here goes

Ik it’s boring

Name your 5 current fav songs

I’ll go first

(In no particular order)

- Linkin Park- in the end

- system of a down- sugar

- slipknot- bone church

- black sabbath- sweet leaf

- slipknot- eyeless

@sonya-aks @btwbriana @therealsanemi @thebunnynurse @trans-sharkb0y @zombie-gurl999 @r3alhuman and any other moots

U don’t have to do it thp

[ctrl-thyself]

Oooo sure!

1. I don’t care if your contagious - pierce the veil

2. Rosemary - deftones

3. So far so fake - pierce the veil

4. Where’s your head at - eurotripp

5. Harness your hopes (b-side) - pavement

[sienna-movedaccounts-deactivate]

honestly fucking tired of people being like “don’t sh that’s bad and hurts yourself”

it’s MY BODY and i’ll hurt myself if i feel like it.

[ctrl-thyself]

average day for me.

one day I want to kill myself then the next day I want to change the world.

it’s so confusing.

[ctrl-thyself]

sometimes I feel like I’m not real and I’m just performing my life for every other person around me. I don’t feel fucking real and I’m always fucking miserable. I have 0 friends and I always put so much effort to reach out but get no response. My mom is very judgmental of my friends as some of them are trans and she doesn’t get it and thinks it’s weird. I feel fucking empty and jealous of my siblings who have fifty million friends. I see things a lot around me and it fucking freaks me out.

What’s my purpose?

[cellophane-rat-3]

Does anyone else ever feel like their self harm isn’t valid?

Like the cuts aren’t deep enough or the burns not bad enough to be actually taken seriously?

[ctrl-thyself]

How Christians sound to me now.

[m3ntally-unw3ll]

The overwhelming urge to step in front of a moving vehicle ❤️

[ctrl-thyself]

been having lots of thoughts like this lately.

lots of wishing for this to happen to me.

maybe then I would get some peace.

[ctrl-thyself]

🔥🔥🔥

❤️❤️❤️

[ctrl-thyself]

copy and pasted from my notes app last year...

I’m so ashamed. I like the puppies biting me. I like it and I let it happen sometimes and it gets rid of the urges. I have long marks and I can continue.

I hate eating. I mean there are things I like to eat of course but with my always closed up throat it’s hard to eat. I don’t eat enjoy it either. I would like to not eat but my parents notice and give me something to eat. I eat granola every day in the morning and it just tastes bleh. Water is even worse, it takes so much energy and time and steps to get some fucking water. I don’t enjoy or like it.

but wouldn’t you feel like hungry and thirsty or something how??

yes and no

[fracturedllove]

me after telling my therapist im not self harming and i have no urges too. (im lying):

[ctrl-thyself]

totally don't relate. *wink wink*