youâre all i ever wanted
Summary:Â The first time Alex Mercer had ever kissed a boy was in the ninth grade, and at Bobby Wilsonâs birthday no less.
Paring: Alex/Everyone (minus the girls)
Warnings: implied/referenced abuse when you get to Reggieâs section, but nothing detailed. Homophobia/homophobic language. Lukeâs bad kissing.
The first time Alex Mercer had ever kissed a boy was in the ninth grade, and at Bobby Wilsonâs birthday no less. It was a game of truth-or-dare, and Alex was only just figuring out his sexuality. Girls were okay, he thought, but he wouldnât mind boys either (there was a little voice in his head saying this was wrong and it was only enforced when he went to church with his parents and they talked about sin and homosexuality). He didnât remember the boyâs name (though he thought he should, a first kiss was something important, wasnât it?), but he remembers the rumours spread about the two of them afterwards.
He lied to his father about the kiss, obviously, he wouldnât accept his fag of a son. Alex pinned the blame on the other boy, something about how it was really him who kissed Alex, who forced himself on Alex against his will and caused him to sin.
And his father believed it, though it was probably more of not wanting to accept the possibility that Alex might be gay, rather than truly believing anything Alex had to say. Heâd already gotten a lecture about associating with people like that (he said it with such a tone that Alex knew even if he was gay, he wouldnât be coming out any time soon).
He prayed a little longer that night.
The second time Alex Mercer had ever kissed a boy was a little over a year later, halfway through sophomore year. This time, he remembers the boy. It was an accident, really, he didnât mean to kiss Luke Patterson, and it wasnât really his fault anyway. It was justâ Luke was nice. He didnât quite understand Alexâs anxiety, but he didnât treat him differently despite it. That left a warm feeling in Alexâs chest.
Luke had soft hair and a lovely voice and a vendetta against sleeves (not that Alex didnât enjoy it- though heâd never admit that). Luke had been his best friend since forever, there was nothing the two didnât do together. When Luke got his guitar, Alex begged his parents for a drum set. When Luke got his first kiss, a real kiss, Alex followed. When Alex opened up about his sexuality, Luke wanted to âtry it outâ too.
âTry it outâ was a bit of an understatement. Alex had come out, mentioned kissing that boy at Bobbyâs party, and Luke pulled him into a kiss. It was chaste and honestly rather bad, and what followed was a strew of apologies from Luke and âitâs okayâs on Alexâs part, but it was still Luke.Â
All in all, it wasnât technically a kiss, and Lukeâs lips were too chapped to make the experience enjoyable. Band would go on like normal after that, Luke never brought it up again and Alex didnât bother pestering him about âwhat was that for?â When Bobby and Reggie entered the garage, Alex came out to them too.
There were a lot of tears that night, and Alex could have sworn heâd seen Luke wink at him over Reggieâs shoulder.
The third time Alex Mercer had ever kissed a boy was only a year before his death. Heâd just come out to his parents, and Luke had ran away only a few days (weeks?) prior. Bobbyâs family was on vacation for the summer, so Alex had taken refuge in the garage. What he didnât expect was a crying Reggie Peters to be laying on the couch. They were both a mess, Alex with his bags thrown over his shoulder (he didnât bring much, when his parents sent him up to his room during dinner heâd packed his bags and left through the window in under ten minutes) and Reggie with dried tears on his face and a bruise on his cheek.
It was a sore sight, Alex was glad that Luke and Bobby werenât home (home, thatâs where they were!) yet. The only coherent thought heâd had at the moment was to scoop his friend up and hug him like the world depended on it. Alex thought that it just might.Â
The room echoed with muffled sobs as Reggie cried into his shoulder, but Alex wouldnât have it any other way. Heâd gotten little butterflies in his stomach, shoving his face into Reggieâs hair (soft, so soft) in an attempt to comfort the boy.
They were both a little messed up.
So thatâs why Alex thought it would be okay to kiss him. Heâd brought Reggieâs face up and cupped it with his hands, tracing a thumb over his cheek and rubbing away the tears. His hands carefully avoided the bruise, kissing it gently before moving in for his lips.
Their foreheads knocked together and Reggie giggled, so Alex took it as a good sign. Youâd think by now heâd have gotten a handle on the whole kissing thing (he hadnât). It was better than his kiss with Luke, but that wasnât saying much.
Reggieâs skin was soft, his lips just the same, and his hands were entangled with Alexâs. It was fun, exhilarating even.
Until the door to the garage opened and Luke and Bobby walked in with snacks, only to drop them at the sight of the two (very red and tear-stained) boys.
âDo you kiss all your friends?â Luke had said, and that got Reggie to erupt into giggles despite his tears.
âOnly the pretty ones,â Alex replied.
The fourth time Alex kissed a boy was only a few minutes after that with Reggie.
âAm I not pretty enough for you, Mercer?â Bobby said, throwing a pack of doritos at Reggie and sitting down next to Luke.
Alex rolled his eyes, âIs this your way of saying youâd like to kiss me, Wilson?âÂ
âI donât know about that, Mercer, I thought I wasnât pretty enough,â Bobby scooted closer to him, hands inches from Alexâs own, âyouâd be willing to change that though, right?â Luke and Reggie stayed quiet during the whole exchange, sending each other quick glances and smiles as the two bantered affectionately.Â
Alex rolled his eyes again, moving his hands up to Bobbyâs face and pulling him in for a kiss. There was more effort put into this one, it was much more deliberate. Bobbyâs hands trailed up his arms and ended up either in his hair or on his chest.Â
âHey,â Alex murmured, brushing a piece of hair from Bobbyâs face.
âHey yourself,â Bobby replied, moving in to kiss him again.
Alex laughed into Bobbyâs mouth, which led the other to laugh too, and eventually the two of them ended up lying on top of one another unable to speak without giggling like school girls.
âThat was kinda hot,â Luke said once things had calmed down, only to be cut off by Reggieâs sharp laugh and a shout of âLuke!â from Alex. Bobby just smirked at him, too tired for a response.
The fifth time Alex Mercer ever kissed a boy was a few months after his death, when he met Willie. It wasnât until after theyâd figured out, and stopped, Calebâs plan. That the two took their relationship somewhere else.
Willie was good to Alex, made sure he was comfortable and okay with everything he did. Heâd ask Alex if he could hold his hand in public, even though they couldnât be seen. Heâd ask if he could play with Alexâs hair, always a yes, or if he could borrow his hoodie.
So when the skater asked Alex if he could kiss him, Alex had to say yes. Willie grabbed his wrist and pulled him in gently, so unlike his kiss with Bobby (it left a sour taste in his mouth to know how Bobby- Trevor, had grown), and left little kisses on the sides of his smile before meeting Alex in the middle.
This kiss was a lot slower than his older ones, and lasted only up until Alex had to gather his air again. He was sure his face was going to be stained red judging by the heat on his cheeks, but Willie didnât comment on it, instead resorting to leaving a kiss on his neck and smiling into Alexâs shoulder.
They fit together so well, too well, and Alex was surprised heâd never noticed it sooner. He fit right in with AlexReggieLuke that soon enough it became AlexReggieLukeWillie.
He was warm in all the right ways, understood when nobody else could, and was as perfect as one could really get as a ghost.
When Willie joined the picture, kisses like that became a lot more frequent.
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