bamby @cuntybamby - Tumblr Blog

selfish waltz - x.mh

pairing: xu minghao x reader

genre: angst, smut, exes to ???

rating: R (18+ ONLY; ageless blogs and minors do NOT interact; blocked if found interacting)

word count: 3.6k

content warnings: slight stalking (they were already sharing locations since they had been dating), toxic ex Minghao, infidelity as a plot point (not condoning cheating, actually do NOT do this), reader almost slaps Minghao. neither of them are great honestly.

smut warnings: unprotected sex (WRAP IT UP BE SAFE PLS), dirty talk, marking, softdom!reader, whiny!minghao, choking, cowgirl position, oral (f receiving) creampie, breeding kink (lowk) pet names: baby (both), sweetheart (hers)

summary: you and minghao are running circles around each other even after you've both broken each other's hearts. what happens when you're feeling too tired to dance to the same tired song?

author's note second fic is here and it features the second half of this blog's namesake! this was one was actually very hard to get through because i pulled inspiration from my own personal life (and grief). the biggest thank you to @mylovesstuffs who beta'd this for me! these cute lace dividers are from @/saradika. please reblog if you enjoyed, i live for reading through tags and what people think of my work (thank you in advance!)

Corporate life is not for the weak. Especially when your company is currently undergoing a merger. The work is even more inundated when the company you’re merging with has differing opinions on sustainability practices. You have just finished another grueling week of negotiations and have never been more grateful for a long weekend. Ready to sink into your couch and distract yourself with shitty reality tv and food that makes you feel sleepy seconds after the first bite.

No one tells you how hard it is to balance healing a shattered heart and being important person at work. You and Minghao broke up a couple months ago and while the heartache isn’t fresh, it’s still there. After weeks like this, you usually would come home and bury yourself into his neck to forget about the stressors of the week. This week though, there isn’t a neck to suppress the anxiety and exhaustion you feel. There is a Minghao shaped hole in your life and it hits you the moment you walk through the door of your apartment.

As you finish up a shower, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror. A million thoughts begin to run through your mind.

Should I call him?

I wonder if he thinks of me.

Why do I miss him?

I shouldn’t miss him. He cheated on me. But God I’d give anything to be in his arms right now.

Should I call him? Maybe I should call him.

You move out of the bathroom and start looking for your phone. Almost like it knew you were looking for it, somewhere deep in the bottom of your work bag you hear the faintest hum of your phone vibrating. Scurrying across the living room, you dig for your phone. There’s a small drop of your heart when you read the Caller ID and the profile displayed doesn’t belong to your ex-lover.

Sliding your thumb across the screen and hitting the speaker button, you answer, “Hello?”

“BAAAAAAABYYYY” you swear your eardrum just ruptured from the way Soonyoung screamed into your ear.

“Jesus Soonie, can we take the screaming several decibels down?!”

“Sorry I’m already a little gone! I’m calling to find out where the hell you are because you promised to go out with us toniiiiight!”

Fuck.

“Soonie, I’m not even gonna lie, I totally forgot I said that. I don’t know if I have it in me to go out toni-“

A chorus of boos and groans comes from the other side of the phone.

“Yah, you say that every time!” You hear Seungkwan yelling distantly. “Just say you hate us and stop filling us with hope!”

An eye roll involuntarily comes from you and it’s like he can feel it through the phone because he immediately yells, “Unroll your eyeballs right now!” A fit of giggles erupts from the three of you. After a bit more back and forth between you and the insane duo that is Kwon Soonyoung and Boo Seungkwan, you are eventually convinced to a night out. And that’s how you find yourself several drinks in at what Seungkwan called “the hottest new club”, body pressed against some random guy. The alcohol in your body is doing a great job of releasing your inhibitions and more importantly forgetting about the terrible heartache you had been feeling not too long ago. Unfortunately, no amount of alcohol in the world could ever make you forget the feeling of Minghao in the air. It also doesn’t help that he’s staring at you, eyes devoid of the stars you had fallen in love with. You close your eyes to shield yourself from his gaze and to give yourself some time to think.

How is he here?

Even when I want to try and forget him, he somehow is able to magically appear out of thin air.

Your brain goes a mile a minute, your heart matching the pace. Both pulling you in different directions. And then something is pulling you. Literally pulling you. You open your eyes and see Minghao, grip tight on your arm moving you away from the guy you’d been using as a distraction.

“Dude!” the nameless guy behind you yells over the loud bass.

“She’s leaving,” Minghao says, the bass in his voice deep and cold. The stranger you’d been dancing with stands down easily and throws his hands up in defeat.

Coward, you think to yourself. Your focus shifts to your ex; hand still claiming a tight hold on your wrist.

Just who the hell does he think he is.

“Like hell I am! I’m not going anywhere with you” wrenching your arm away, you turn to try and find the dancing duo that brought you here in the first place. You’re not able to get many steps in because Minghao wraps his arms around your waist and tugs you towards the back of the club. Goosebumps make themselves known along your arms.

Why are you thrilled at the slightest bit of intimate contact?

"Seriously?! What are you doing here Minghao?" you're yelling at him as he's silently dragging your arm into a "quiet" corner of the club you'd found yourself at. He gets eye level with you, and you can see his eyes are absolutely bloodshot, a twinge of something dark dancing around the edges.

"Why are you here?" you press, still waiting for him to answer for interrupting your fun. "How the hell did you know I was here? Are you stalking me now? That's a new level of low, even for you."

You hear the grit in his teeth as he responds, "I still have your location. It's not my fault you were stupid enough to keep me on." Your arm comes up without a second thought because who the fuck did Minghao think he was, talking to you like this?

Contact between your hand and his face never happens as he catches your wrist mid swing. The grip he has is tight, not enough to truly hurt but enough to make you weak at the knees.

"Dangerous game you're playing sweetheart," he whispers into your ear with a quick nip.

"You lost the right to call me that the night that you laid in my bed with her,” you bite back. The darkness in his eyes softens for a moment. He says nothing and leads you outside of the club. You don’t know what magnetic pull this man has over you, but your back is pressed against the brick wall and you’re staring up at the orbs of obsidian that are raking down your body. You know that if you cross this line, you’ll be breaking a dam. One you had been so good at pretending to fix.

You’re the first to break the silence.

“Why’d you do it Hao? Did I do something to make you hurt me?” The words feel like needles coming out of your mouth. Eyes are filled to the brim with tears, threatening to spill the second he responds. But he doesn’t, instead he kisses you with the force of a thousand suns, the heat in your body matches that too. You let out a hiss when your back hits the ice-cold brick and he squeezes your hip as a quick apology. His lips start to move from yours, trailing his hot breath over your cheek and down to your neck.

“Babyyyy” he whines into your collarbone.

“What.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Gonna have to do a lot better than that for me to forgive you.”

“Name your price,” he says smirking against your neck. You know his game and you’re more than willing to play.

“Want you to beg for my forgiveness,” you sultrily say, a devilish glint clouding your eyes.

Immediately getting the hint, he drops to his knees and starts to kiss up your thighs. Your hand finds purchase in his hair, and you give a not so gentle tug.

“I said beg, didn’t I?”

The sting of your pull has him letting out a low groan. He lands another couple of kisses on your thighs; each kiss punctuated with a “Please”. He pushes your dress up to be met with the sight of your bare pussy, already slick from the kisses. Another groan bubbles from his throat.

“Baby can I make you feel good please? Let me show you how sorry I am,” he pleads. The sight of Minghao on his knees looking up at you has your knees buckling. To steady yourself you tug his hair and grind your lips against his face. The care and intensity Minghao focuses on your sensitive core makes you forget about the fact that you’re outside.

The details of how you end up under him in his apartment escape you. The last thing you remember saying to him was that you were clean and still on the pill. You’re much too focused on the high you’re feeling right now. He's hitting all the right spots, whispering, "god you were really made for me, look at how perfect your tight cunt is taking me. Almost like you were molded to fit me."

You roll your eyes and not wholeheartedly in pleasure. Of course, he feels good, but you also know he's saying this to get his way.

"You know you've absolutely ruined me? No one — no one's pussy is as sweet at yours; no one can take me the way you do," each word he utters into you is punctuated with a thrust. Every single one of them brings white stars into your vision. A small part of your brain knows that you really should stop and finally let him go. But with the pleasure he's bringing and the praise he's singing, you're quick to tune the voices out. Another part of your brain knows there's some truth to what he's saying, and a dominant streak starts to burn inside you.

"Yeah baby? No one comes on this dick but me, right?" you've switched positions and now you're straddling him. Wrapping a hand around his throat, you force him to look at you while riding him.

"Tell me baby, tell me how I’m the only one who can make you feel this good."

In the past, he was usually the one taking the lead. Every once in a while, he’d encourage you to be the dominant one, but it was never your forte. Something is different now. The thought of having Minghao at your mercy filled you with electric energy. Testing the waters, you take your other hand to swipe at his bottom lip with your thumb. Immediately he takes your thumb into his mouth nodding in agreement. His hands are gripping your hips roughly as he fucks up into you.

"Fuck baby, no one! you're the only I swear!" he whimpers as he feels you squeezing him. You ride him harder; his moans grow louder and needier.

"That's right my love, no other girl will ever compare to me, right?" hearing this causes him to rut into you at an unrelenting pace, moaning in agreement almost to the point of tears. He whimpers incoherently but you can pick out small (small in number of words, but not in their meaning) "I love you's". Your heart swells and you don’t like how much you’ve missed him saying this to you. It’s hard to take this at anything but face value. If he loved you so much, why did he seek someone else out. Why did you have to find him lying next to a woman that wasn’t you.

Shaking off the insecurity, you claw at his chest. Streaks of red, painting a picture of the anger you’re letting out on him. The burn from your nails is spurring him on, each stroke from him faster and deeper than the last.

"Aww my little baby likes it when I’m marking him up," you tease with a grin. He feverishly nods and the whimpers he makes go straight to your cunt.

"Want everyone to know that I’m still yours. Fuck I know we're so bad for each other but I— fuck I love you so much baby. No one can make me feel as good as you." With this confession, you begin to reach the tipping point of your pleasure.

“Fuck, fuck, Minghao I’m gonna-fuck!” He coos at you, begging for you to go after it. Reassuring you that he’s here, praising you for how tight your walls are squeezing him.

“Shit baby, just like that. Gonna come if you keep squeezing me,” he moans, nipping at your ear. You give him one last squeeze, and he bucks up into you with a hard thrust.

“God baby can I come?” he whines. Nodding heatedly, it was your turn to egg him on. You pleaded for him to spill inside you, whimpering that you were his to claim.

An uneasy silence fills the room, the only sounds heard are the heavy panting coming from both of you. You lay back, eyes to the ceiling, chest heaving. Some time passes and he's sitting at the foot of the bed with his back facing you. You feel the weight of him come off from the corner and take a peek at him. He pulls on his shirt and starts to head out of the bedroom.

"This is really the last time. I can't keep doing this Hao,” you say quietly.

"I’ll see you in a couple days then?" he jokes, slightly hoping you aren’t serious. You don’t say anything. A different kind of release hits you. The dam breaks. Your cheeks are damp and the hiccups are unyielding. The sound of your anguish stops Minghao in his tracks.

“Could you even tell me why,” your voice comes out strained. Minghao turns back around and softly kneels by your side. He reaches for your hand, your mind is screaming for you to jerk your hand back, but you let him take it into his.

“Baby…” the petname sounds sour coming from him and yet you can’t help how much you yearn for it.

“I wish I could tell you without hurting you even more. There’s no way you come out of this unscathed.”

“You’ve burned me once, what’s a little more fire Minghao,” you say coldly. The darkness of his bedroom emphasizes every sound, and the grit of his teeth is amplified. There is a soft squeeze of your hand that forces you to look him in the eyes. With the only light source being the moon, his usual deep chocolate eyes look like the water of the river Styx. It’s a competition of who’s gonna make the first sound but both of you lose when your phone rings. The automated voice of your phones virtual assistant alerts both of you that your boss is calling.

“Ignore it.”

“Minghao…”

“Ignore it. I’m not gonna ask again.”

“You know damn well I can’t do that. I’m going through the biggest merger of my career, and my boss is calling me.”

You shove his hands away to scramble for your phone. What happens next, you can’t blame anyone else but yourself. You asked Minghao for fire and he carried a match with gasoline. As you’re putting up your phone to your ear, he sets your room ablaze with his words.

“You wanna know why I cheated?! That,” he points at your phone, “That’s why! Your god damn work always came first!” He continued to rip into you. Screaming about how he had started to feel neglected and unimportant because all you talked about was work. And if you weren’t talking about work, you’d excuse yourself out of conversations because work was exhausting you.

“I became a ghost in my own home! And I wanted to stop feeling invisible. Feeling small!” Although there were tears in his eyes, his voice never wavered. Like he had been waiting for the chance to finally get this out and this was now or never. You on the other hand felt like a freight train was hitting you over and over again. In the midst of the yelling, you’d dropped your phone out of shock, your boss on the other end still blabbering on. You continue frozen in bed, listening to every agonizing detail of Minghao’s infidelity and the part you played in it. How your shifting focus pushed him into the bed of someone else.

“I’m sorry? Are you seriously saying that my ambition led you to cheat on me?! That’s bullshit Minghao and you know it,” you yell back.

He groans, throwing his hands in the air out of frustration.

“Your success means everything to me. But what does it cost? You could never know because I was the one paying the god damn price! There, are you happy?” Minghao spits, the tone laced with venom.

You’re broken out of the trance, and you quickly pick up your phone. Not that Minghao could see it, but the tips of your ears were flaming hot from the fiery blow he landed. Quietly you tell your boss you need to go, your discussions about negotiations could wait till you were back in office. The look on Minghao’s face is one of slight shock; he definitely wasn’t expecting you to end your work call so promptly.

“I didn’t know,” the volume of your voice almost non-existent.

“How could you? You never bothered to look. Work became your new obsession. The twinkles in your eyes used to belong to me but they were replaced by the glow of your computer screen.”

You regret agreeing to his arson. The fire he set coursed its way through your being, your blood the line of gasoline used to ignite it all. The hell you were experiencing was miserable but maybe this was your penance for your sin. Your insides felt hot and not in the pleasurable way that Minghao had you feeling hours ago. The thoughts in your brain are whizzing a mile a minute; you cannot get a single word out. It’s not till he begs for your attention again that you find the will to speak.

“You could’ve ended it… Why hurt me instead?”

“Because I wanted you to notice me! I know how fucked up that sounds but look at what happened… the only way you finally looked at me was when someone else fell into my bed.”

You’re lost in yet another daze as the realization hits you that this is first time you’ve been in his bed since IT happened. The last tryst between the two of you was a heartbreakingly quick and silent affair in your apartment. He had come by to drop off your things. This really must be what hell feels like. But your mind is shifting. You’re trying to reconcile the hurt you’d unknowingly dealt the man you loved so much. You don’t notice the distance between the two of you closing until he’s on his knees in front of you. Taking your chin in his hand, he forces your gaze.

“Where are you pretty, come back to me,” the request registering at barely above a whisper. You don’t think, at least not with your brain, as you pull him on top of you. You’re kissing him, and you’re kissing him hard. Each lock of your lips laced with an apology. You were willing each kiss to take away the inadvertent pain you’d caused. His hands cradle your face, fingers slightly digging into the back of your neck, holding you like you’d leave if he didn’t. If you didn’t need oxygen to survive, you don’t think you would’ve ever stopped kissing him. Another flame was burning inside you now, a plea for forgiveness.

“I’m sorry,” you pant out, trying to catch your breath. Your foreheads are pressed together, Minghao’s thumb softly brushing up and down your cheek.

“God Minghao, I’m sorry. I know that this doesn’t fix anything and I can’t take back what I did, but I am so sorry.” Teardrops are bringing themselves to the corners of your eyes again, but before they can spill he wipes them away. The action breaking your heart, because even at your worst, he was still there picking up pieces of you.

“You asked why I didn’t just end it… because even though you couldn’t see it, I still love you. I didn’t know how to quit you. I still don’t. I know that I can’t take back what I did and I’m sorry too.” The early rays of the sun were peaking through the window, one of them landed on half Minghao’s face. You both pull away from each other, a mutual understanding shared: this couldn’t be solved today. Although your faces are no longer pressed together, your hands haven’t separated.

“Where do we go from here Hao?” you hold your breath awaiting his response. He nonchalantly mentions that he has no plans today, so he suggests your favorite diner. The one that’s open twenty-four hours. The diner where you first met him, slaving over a policy proposal and nursing a barely drunken glass of water. The diner where he had first asked you to be his. The place that had what he deemed to be the worst coffee in the world but would take you anyways because he knew that a cup of that could cure you of any sadness you were feeling. You give him a look that reads “that’s not what I meant, and you know it”. He shrugs and urges you to get dressed anyway, handing you one of his hoodies and a pair of jeans that you thought had gone missing. An inquisitive look is shot his way, and the casualty of his response throws you for a loop.

“I wanted a reminder of you. Now c’mon, I’m starving!” You get dressed and walk out of his apartment; hand wrapped in his. You don’t know what’s gonna happen between the two of you, but there’s a lightness in your chest. Like maybe things would be okay and maybe there may not be a Minghao sized hole in your life anymore.

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