(drafted this post back in feb 27 but modified a bit before posting)
this post really makes me want to talk about the phenomenon i've observed on self ship tumblr specifically where men are so hostile to other self shippers who ship/share with their male f/os because they perceive them as an immediate threat and "ew a girl".
i understand being incredibly irked when a character is canonically gay or very heavily implied to be and women ship with them or are getting shipped with them. i agree it's disrespectful as fuck when people ignore canon or heavily implied identities just bcz they wanna be self indulgent.
but also, sometimes your misogyny is just so blatant.
i understand being protective of gay headcanons. but headcanon is not canon, nor is it necessarily "coded" or "implied". and some people simply like spreading misinformation to accuse people, specifically women, of being homophobic.
and even when it comes to characters who are canon gay or implied/coded, i've seen self shippers go "ew a girl" at another self shipper, and you look at that other self shipper and they're just. someone who uses she/her, or presents feminine (sometimes overtly), and they're not even necessarily a woman. yet they get labeled as a cis woman and their self ship with the gay character is treated as a "het ship perpetuating homophobia". you aren't being slick, that's just blatantly trying to misgender other people. nonbinary people, gnc trans people, unlabeled people, people who are trying to figure out/questioning their gender, and the like... they all don't owe you, a stranger, jackshit or an explanation for why they are "allowed" to ship with a character. and they sure as hell don't deserve to be misgendered on the basis of "ew, a girl ships with my f/o".
and the root of the misgendering stems from how people think it's okay to use "woman" or "girl" as an insult and weaponize it. people can be so casually misogynistic in self ship spaces even now. even if a self shipper is a cishet woman she's not immune to misogyny she can experience from other self shippers. and some self shippers brand others as "cishet woman" in their minds (or even worse, brazenly out loud) regardless of whether or not it's true, because then they think it means they can make that self shipper a target, someone they can talk down to because they think oppression works like pokemon type advantages and rock paper scissors. even trans men are not immune to behaving like this, whether it's a conscious effort or not. in fact, i'd argue there's a lot of unchecked misogyny from trans men in self ship spaces.
people don't have to say the exact phrase to make it clear the way they think is "ew, a girl ships with my f/o", by the way. "it makes me uncomfortable when women ship with my male f/o" is, to be blunt and frank, a you problem if your f/o is not canonically gay. it's something you should examine on WHY you think like that, exactly. you are not immune to being misogynistic. think about what you're saying about women self shippers (or those who you perceive as women while blatantly misgendering them because you think somehow them being labeled as "women" makes it free game to condescend at them) and take a step back and examine how you word things. especially if you're posting on your public blog where other self shippers can see. "don't be misogynystic" doesn't stop just bc you're posting on a personal blog.
this isn't a vague, this isn't "pointless drama/discourse", this is based on observations i've had for the past few years. nobody is immune to being a misogynist and examining the way you think and perceive others, especially if it's out of jealousy, is important. otherwise that way of thinking might go unchecked and can get worse. do better.
germansingergirl
dailybridgerton
yousharknotpass
stormborns
2087
ellievsbear
prguitarman
