If Kalim Overblotted, This Would Be His Villain Song
Hello, fellow humans. Welcome to the Curiouser Chronicles!
Today I am diving back into the world of song analysis, once again for Kalim! It is a song that I have long associated with him, particularly if he broke down psychologically and overblotted instead of Jamil. The song is called "Dr. Sunshine Is Dead" by Will Wood and the Tapeworms. I will be analyzing the song in its entirety in relation to Kalim.
There are two swear words in this song. For the purposes of making this post accessible to people who are uncomfortable with coarse language, I'll be censoring them.
My goal here isn’t to validate or challenge Kalim’s viewpoint (aka I am not agreeing or disagreeing with him), but instead to illustrate what an alternate timeline situation might look like through the lens of this song.
I am ALSO not saying that Kalim should have overblotted instead of Jamil. All I am attempting to do is explore this "what if" scenario for fun.
Where Kalim Is Mentally/General Observations
Before we can analyze the lyrics I imagine Kalim singing, we must first understand the mindset he is singing out of. He has just been betrayed by Jamil- literally just been betrayed. He JUST discovered the truth about what Jamil has been doing. So the anger, denial, and shock are very potent and real. In this timeline, throughout this version of book 4, I imagine some hints showcase both Jamil's intentions AND the fact that Kalim is not all sunshine and rainbows. Though his "mood swings" are fabricated by Jamil's mind control, there is still some truth underneath- that Kalim's smiling is a conscious choice, and he bottles up and hides the feelings underneath.
The song itself, interestingly enough, portrays his personality and descent into overblot shockingly well.
The song can be divided into multiple parts in terms of instrumentation and tempo (all are in a minor key):
A fast-paced, dance-like section with syncopated rhythms and energetic piano, guitar, drums, and vocals. This takes up over half of the song.
An erratic, asynchronous section (it sounds like it is in 5/4). During this section, the vocal line turns into more of a shout-singing, and the volume increases.
A slower, quieter, almost melancholy section.
A part that feels almost like the song is rallying- it is slower and louder, and the vocals are at their peak in terms of volume. The emotion I feel portrayed in this section is anger.
A small part at the very end that is once again quiet and melancholy, almost eerie.
I see this as:
Denial, disorientation, and grief -> Spiraling into self-obsessive thoughts about his past, present, and future -> Existential crisis about his identity -> Desperation and self-destruction disguised as reclaiming his identity -> Giving into despair.
I'll label each "section" as it comes by number.
"When did I become afraid of the dark? Are my eyeballs just yet to adjust to seeing the light? The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it. No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night."
This opening set of lyrics is a mix of disorientation and a loss of trust. He is used to seeing everything through the lens of "light"- a conscious choice to be positive. Until now, he was never afraid of "the dark" (pain and betrayal), because he chose not to be. But now that Jamil, the one person he wholly trusted, has betrayed him, there is real, raw fear there.
But nothing has really changed; the objective reality is the same- Jamil always held contempt and bitterness towards Kalim, at least for a long time. The only thing that has been altered is Kalim's perception: of himself, of Jamil, and of the world.
"I fumble for the switch and strap on infrareds and wish for sunshine when the morning's somewhere else. But I can't change what time it is or dilate my irises. Only what I look at, and I'm looking at myself."
Here, he is feeling denial. He wants things to go back to the way that they were, but they can't. So, instead, he turns inward and examines himself.
"I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night. Well, who else could I be when I can hardly see? I am not the sunshine, I am not the moon at night, I'm no one if I'm nowhere in between."
What is so fascinating here is that he defines himself by what he is NOT, instead of what he IS. His whole life, he has been the "sunshine" in the eyes of those around him. His sunny demeanor is precisely what he is known for. Yet here he is rejecting that.
His entire identity was defined by who he was in relation to others. But now he has no one. So, we are seeing a deconstruction of that.
"When did I become afraid of the dark? Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back? If we can't see each other, then there's no more use for hiding. I've decided I'll abide it; why deny the color black?"
Here, he asks the same question as in the beginning, but there's a shift. A "cave" implies two things: shelter from the rest of the world, and not being able to see outside of that cave because it is a shelter. Here, he's vowing that he's never going to be sheltered or unaware again.
He makes an important statement here: if he and Jamil cannot see each other for as they really are, both good and bad- because Kalim saw only the good in Jamil, and Jamil saw only the bad in Kalim- then there's no use for Kalim to hide what he's feeling, just like Jamil stopped hiding what he was feeling.
Kalim's worldview- and his morals- are all breaking as he spirals out of control ("why deny the color black?").
"I'm not a flower, not a solar-powered calculator. D**n my eyes for seeing what's not there. I'll trade in vision for a practiced intuition, 'Til my fears come to fruition, I'm not scared."
What is the common factor between these metaphors is that they both indicate dependence on outside sources: the sun. And on top of that, he curses himself for ever seeing the world for anything other than what it really is. He'll trade his ability to see sunshine- his positivity- for intuition and cunning.
(The chorus repeats here "I am not the sunshine..." so I'll skip it.)
"The future must know where you've been. The past predicts the state you're in. The present did and will not last. Is, isn't, was, have, hasn't, has."
Kalim really starts to break here. His mind is reexamining everything he has ever known and rewriting causality. "The past predicts the state you're in" is especially telling; he is acknowledging that his and Jamil's pasts have led them to this point.
"All that I ask is, keep those empty frames. If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame. For your self-portraits, sign another name. Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same?"
Once again, we see desperation and denial. "Empty frames" and "signing another name" indicates the idea that there is supposed to be a bigger picture here, but he wants it to be empty. If that is the case, then no one can be at fault- not him or Jamil- for what is happening.
The last line of this is the most sad in the whole song. Everything that has happened has permanently shaped Kalim, and there is no going back now. He doesn't know who he is anymore.
"I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night. Who else could I be, when I can't f***ing see? I will be my sunshine, I will be my moon at night. I'm nowhere now, here's no one now to be."
On the surface, these lyrics feel almost empowering, but underneath it is hollow. To become both light sources, both sun and moon, implies monopolizing illumination (becoming the only source of truth or vision). But if he becomes the only light, that means he controls what can be seen and what cannot be seen. There is also a clear theme emphasized here of self reliance: HE will be in control now.
I see this as being where he overblots.
"And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? I'll stay awake tonight."
Kalim is finally falling into complete, utter despair here. It really does feel like the final nail in the coffin, and Kalim is finally utterly and wholly succumbing to overblotting.
I hope that you guys enjoyed my analysis today and that it made sense. Thanks for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
I do not permit my writing to be used for AI training, translated, or taken, with or without credit.
