Tumblr's Cursed Cafe

[cursed-cafe]

[SPECIAL BY-THE-BOOK RECIPES]

Do-Over Doppio

Body And Mind Booster

Cut N Paste Potion

Crushing Chai

Eye Drop Potion

Mind Mover

Charming Chai

Macabre Mud Slide Mixture

Despairful Thoughts Potion

Stealth Enhancement Potion

Vocal Vibrator Tonic

Magical Might Enhancing Potion

Painkiller Tonic

Heart Stopper Potion

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Fortified Shift Shake In A Genie Lamp

Roper's Refreshers

X Marks The Plot

Revival Jam Serum

Defiltering Potion

Manifest Memory Potion

Kinetic Tonic

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The DAILY SPECIAL can also be decided by customer request.

[cursed-cafe]

Visit Original Link

"Well Captain, do we have a deal?"

"Tell me where to meet you to fill out a contract and I'll let you shake me hook on it, Powah Broker!"

"Ooooh yayyayyay! Lemme hack that compass I gave you so that you can find my lair and we can finalize our alliance."

"I'll give you a cool codename, too! Hmmm... you shall be henceforth known as Backup Accompanist, or Accompanist B!"

"Bleh. Not very good with codenames and nicknames, are you?"

[cursed-cafe]

"You do know who owns the land that has the Cursed Cafe on it, don't you? Mr. Gold, AKA Rumpelstiltskin - the Dark One!"

"The bloody crocodile, of course!"

"He's invested a great deal in establishing the Cafe and keeping it up and running. While I, the Lightbringer, am investing just as heavily in bringing the whole institution down. I think that should tell you a lot about who the real good guy in this situation is, mmmm?"

"Your feud with the crocodile and my own have nothing to do with each other. Your's is based in interpersonal business matters while mine is very personal. So why bring me into this?"

"Well y'see, I've always been what you'd call an opportunistic little bitch. I see an opportunity to do the most self beneficial thing, I take it, no hesitation. But normally it's nicest when it's mutually beneficial. For instance, I get to take down my biggest competitor and take all their resources that can save my life..."

"....and I get to screw over the crocodile in helping you do so!"

"There you go - there's the big picture! So what do you say, Captain? Are you in? I should hope so. A wise beagle once said that it takes courage to sail in uncharted waters, and you do that all the time, so unlike Gold, I know you're no coward!"

"The offer is tempting, and I do admit you're being very persuasive."

"And y'know... should I fail, and my whole master plan fall apart, or I run out of time before I've found the key to eternal life, it's OK. Because immortality is achieved in other ways, and should I pass on I'd be content with leaving behind a world - a multiverse even - where I've left an enduring legacy and memories and an impact that ensures my spirit forever lives on in the hearts and minds of others."

"But, as you pirates say, dead men tell no tales. So it'll be you telling my tale should it come to that. You can be a crucial part in extending my very being just as I can bring you your long sought after vengenace on the Dark One. For this to happen, I need you to become my accompanist."

"Your what now?"

"Accompanist! Y'know, in classical music that's a musician who provides harmonic and rhythmic support for a lead performer or soloist. That'll be you for the symphony I'm orchestrating! This is the opportunity of a lifetime that I'm offering you, Hooky!"

[As Powah Broker says this, a very harmonious violin melody starts playing in the background, only to soon be replaced by a more techno sounding beat...]

[cursed-cafe]

"You craven devil! Where have you trapped me, and why do you appear before me in this form?"

"Chillax, Captain - it's just a digital cyberspace that connects the two of us via virtual reality."

"Those goggles you're wearing are cameras that allow you to see me in my avatar, just as I can see you in yours."

"So you delivered me the compass and got me going here - 'twas all a trap! I should've known that after frequent visits to the Cursed Cafe you'd soon see me as a threat to be eliminated!"

"I don't want to eliminate you! I wanna strike a deal with you!"

"Alright then, Lightbringer - state your desire and your terms before we get down to the dealing part...if we do at all, that is."

"Well with Toffee out of the picture, I'd like you to become my new inside guy. Not only will you be my extra set of eyes inside the Cursed Cafe, but you will work very closely with me and take an active part in bringing about the ruination of the business."

"Basically, I want you as my parter! For one of the smartest and most powerful figures in the City of Villains' underbelly, what better partner than a fearsome and roguishly charming pirate?"

"See, it's lines like that what make me just a little apprehensive about this arrangement. Anyone with good sense knows that dealings with pirates are ill-advised because pirates can never be trusted! If you're so bloody smart, you'd know that! So why seek me for a deal?"

"I'll be honest with you, Captain....it could be because I'm desperate. Ever since I first laid eyes on that magic cafe I knew that bringing it down would be a race against the clock. And I may well be running out of time."

"About a year ago, I was diagnosed with something....terminal."

"You don't mean to tell me....?"

"I do, Captain. I'm not long for this world. I've tried extending my life and making the most of my time as best I could, but I'm still very much a slave to my own mortality. And in your line of work, you know how it is - death comes for us all eventually."

"Clinging to life through means most unnatural, I came to this City and started up my work through the appearance of charity, but I've really been motivated by a single aim - making money. Amass enough wealth to afford the best life extension serums and medical science research available so that I may either locate or get developed the miracle cure for my illness that I desire to posssess. A way to cheat death and maybe even unlock the secret to life eternal!"

"So therein lies your true interest in the Cursed Cafe. You don't wish to shut it down just to have no competitors - you want to seize all of its assets so that you can create an immortality elixir for yourself!"

"Hit the nail on the head there, Hooky! Whatever science can't bring us, magic most definitely can! And a mix of both is needed for alchemy like the Potionista does. I just know that it's through alchemy that I'll claim my key to everlasting life!"

"You realize that the Cursed Cafe has actually developed a serum that can bring the dead back to life? Made with Revival Jam, I believe. Why not simply wait for your passing and then have someone raise you from the dead using that?"

"I don't want to die and then come back like Jesus Goddamn Christ - I want to avoid dying altogether if I can help it! I've seen that most of my variants don't even make it through the surgery, so I'd rather not reach the point where that has to happen!"

"Now then, I believe I've put across what this means to me. Now let's talk about what I can make it mean for YOU, Captain..."

[cursed-cafe]

[Having rowed down the flooded streets, which are now starting to dry up, Hook finds himself in front of a location he'd not been expecting.]

"Ye Olde Record Shop? That's literally what it's called. Did this compass really mean to bring me here?"

"Well, I should go check inside. If nothing else, this presents me with a fine opportunity to do a little raiding of valuables...valuable to me epic poem performance, that is!"

[Upon stepping inside, Hook is grabbed by the shoulders by two masked men.]

"Swoggle me eyes! Who're you blokes? What's the meaning of this?"

[The men sit Hook down in front of a computer screen, swiftly putting on him a device that looks like big 3D goggles attached to a set of headphones.]

"What the Devil is going on h....hooooooh bloody hell!"

[Before Hook's eyes is a digitally created domain and a strange looking avatar in entirely black and white shades save for the golden cat eyes. It's the Lightbringer - Powah Broker!]

[cursed-cafe]

"Uuuh, Captain Hook? A magic telegram just came in for you."

"A magically delivered parcel addressed to me? What's inside it?"

"It looks like a....a compass, I guess? Not a typical one, though."

"The arrow appears to be spinning in place. I'd wager that should I step foot back outside the cafe, it would start pointing me in a particular direction to guide me to where it wants me to go."

"There's something out there awaiting my discovery, and I'm going to have to sail back out on the waters to reach it!"

"Heading back out? Think you had enough rum for the watery road?"

"You think I need more? What sort of pirate do you take me for?"

[cursed-cafe]

"Why does it seem like it's just the five of you here without anyone else coming along today?"

"Aye, that's because it is. You stayed inside the building all night so you probably didn't see what's going on out there."

"A flash flood suddenly broke out in an area outside the City, and just enough water reached its borders, thus the suburb outside presently has water rushing through the streets!"

"We're the only ones who weren't able to take shelter in the Camazotz Inn in time, so it looks like we're stuck in here for refuge!"

"So you got here before or after the flood reached here?"

"After. It wasn't too much trouble for me - I'm used to letting rough waters carry me to shore. Has happened to me before."

"You really swam here in that dress? That would explain the whole drenched rat appearance."

"I live way down deep beneath the ocean! Water is nothing to a creature of the water like myself!"

"I might not be a water ssssserpent, but traversssssing acrossss the waterssss wassss not a hardship for me either."

"I'm a seafaring scallywag! Having faced much unfriendlier waters, this little flood was just a quick little voyage for me!"

"OK then what's the other human's excuse? With those mechanical things he's got grafted onto him, he should've gotten electrically fried out there."

"I - AM - DOCTOR OCTOPUS! An octopus is an aquatic creature, so of course my arms would be able to get me across the water!"

"Hi-tech metallic tentacles are no substitute for a proper vessel to carry you across the water. I at least used a rowboat!"

"I find it most ironic that the mundane world is currently experiencing some pretty bad wildfires, while our world gets rushing water. I'm sure there are some Canadians who'd just love to make a trade."

"I sssssuppose firessss would be far more manageable, ssssseing assss they are rather commonplace in our city."

"Well the most we can do at the time is enjoy some good coffee in here as we wait for the pavement outside to dry up."

"<Good.> Though it will be a Red Tea for myself."

"Black tea issss more to my liking, but asssss it issss not magic, I'll have it with a Mysssstic Power Ssssspark Potion on the sssside."

"And yo ho ho it's a bottle of rum for me. Or rather a bottled Spiced Fruit Punch from here mixed with some rum from a flask I'm carrying on me."

[cursed-cafe]

[It's a relaxed weekend at the Cursed Cafe.....or is it?]

[cursed-cafe]

"Well hey there, little flame princess."

"What do you want with me?"

"Oh, you look bothered. Is it the scars?"

"You wanna know how I got 'em?"

"That depends. Do you want to know how my foolish big brother got his scar burned onto his face?"

"Uuuuh....dunno. Don't think it'd be as interesting a story."

"Well then you can talk to the back of my hand while I go finish the rest of my Red Tea and Hot Cheesy Grits."

"And I'd not recommend getting too close to the hand, either. Wouldn't want those scars to suddenly get much larger."

"Ooooh you are a temptress! Heeheeheehahahahahahahahahaha!"

[cursed-cafe]

"Potionista! I have evening plans requiring knowledge of flowers. Make me that special learning potion of yours!"

"So you have a thirst....for knowledge?"

"I do not respond to puns, darling. My lawyers do. Now you see, flowers are so very fragile. Vulnerable to pests, weather, darkness..."

"Yep, they need care just like any fine concoction or ingredient."

"Are you planting some over at your place?"

"No. I hate them. Especially my neighbors treacherous roses!"

"They climb over my fence and catch on my clothes as I rush on by!"

"So I intend to use my newfound knowledge to kill them - and make it look like it was an accident!"

"Of course she does. Should've figured she's as much a menace to plants as she is to animals..."

"Makes sense to me! One Teacher's Tears is on the way!"

[cursed-cafe]

[3 villains are occupying the Cafe today.]

[cursed-cafe]

[Somewhere in the City of Villains that night]

"Hello? This is Powah Broker. Am I speaking to Count Olaf?"

"This is indeed the very talented and handsome Count Olaf answering your call. Oh what now do you beckon me for, Lightbringer?"

"Well see, I had a business partner doing work for me in my most recent schemes against the Cursed Cafe on the City outskirts, but he kinda sorta got completely obliterated so now I'm lacking an extra set of eyes to spy on the Cafe for me."

"That is a most....unfortunate event. So is this where you'd have me come in? Close range spywork really isn't my strongest suit, and were I to do it I'd expect to you increase my pay."

"Hey, I didn't say anything about slotting you into a dead lizard shaped hole, Count Cockadoodle! Don't get ahead of yourself and especially don't get ahead of ME! This call isn't about you per say, but about your acting troupe. Has there been any new arrivals in it, anyone particularly physically fit who also would not give off the impression that they're out doing any dirty work for anyone else other than themselves?"

"As it so happens, we did accept a new arrival into the troupe just last month. You probably know of him - calls himself....Captain Hook."

"So he is with you. That's just what I was hoping - do tell me more. This is gonna make things so much easier AND more enjoyable! Hehehehehehehehe."

[cursed-cafe]

It's been a week since Hibiki made her decision to join the Freeza Froce. How are you feeling about it, Kanade?

[Kanade hangs her head and says no word. She silently walks over to pick up her guitar and begins to play, singing in a melodic voice.]

Visit Original Link

Heard her say "Hasta la vista" I ran out the door to see her She was meeting up with Freeza And that's where I had to leave her I said "Get a grip, you diva You'll be able to retrieve her Man, I wish I could believe her Oh, the less I see the better The less I see the better Oh, my love, can't you see that I own your mind? No surprise when you're ridin' with him like every night. Oh, my love, can't you see you belong at my side? Don't suppose you could convince your mentor to change his mind? So goodbye..... She says, "It's not all or neither Wait a while, it'll break the fever" I said, "Sure, that's a reliever Just hope I can still decieve her Hope I can still decieve her Hope I can still decieve her Oh, my love, can't you you belong at my side? I don't suppose you could convince your mentor to change his mind? I was doin' fine where I was 'Til I saw your face, now I can't erase Answerin' to all his bullshit Is this what you want? is this who you are? I was doin' fine where we were 'Til I saw your eyes turn away from mine Oh, he's got you where he wants you Said, "well, barbarian, it's time for you to die!"

Said, "well, barbarian, it's time for you to die!"

Said, "well, barbarian, it's time for you to die!"

[cursed-cafe]

@ Hibiki: does Freeza pay you for your services any, and does that money go into Melody Rhythm's funds?

"Of course and of course to both questions! Granted, it's a pretty meager amount he pays me every day. I think he's stingy when it comes to newcomers who've not proven their worth yet."

[cursed-cafe]

And how are you feeling about Akane and Kizuna, Ayame?

"Uh....you might have to define "feeling" in this context?"

"Well, I know that Kizuna can be a real pain 'cause she's....well, like that. But she still didn't deserve what happened to her - what I did to her. Despite the bad blood we still clearly have in our personal lives, she's been surprisingly supportive cheering for me during my track runs, so I guess that's her way of showing me she's not all bad, nor has she been holding a real grudge over the killing game."

"As for Akane, I've been trying to figure her out this whole time and now I know for sure that the Akane who I became friends with, that side of her, wasn't a total fabrication put into her head, nor did it go away after she got her memories back. She cares about me just as much as I do her, even if she's got a twisted way of showing it."

"After yesterday, I'm definitely on board with sticking with her and Kizuna as a best friend, as well as continuing to support the cafe. It's such a good feeling, it's hard to believe I found it in the most evil of places! Life's got a real knack for dramatic irony, huh?"

[cursed-cafe]

Hey Kizuna - you really feeling better about Akane and Ayame as your friends?

"Surprisingly yeah, I really am!"

"I mean, let's get one thing straight - I am never gonna be cool with Akane's part in arranging that killing game that Utsuro guy had us all playing nor with Ayame killing me rather than letting me die from the wound I got from Akane. Totes gratuitous - they can suck my proverbial, totally nonexistent dick for that crap."

"But it's real hard for me to consider that a dealbreaker for me hanging out with them, y'know? Not just 'cause they don't seem to consider my own regrettable actions a dealbreaker for them, but helping Akane with her work at the cafe provides me plenty of opportunities to pick up a few extra bucks to fatten my wallet with!"

"Awkward as it was at first, I've gotten used to dropping by the cafe and hanging with Akane and Varian and some of the other new friends I've made since being revived. But I never thought I'd have a bond with those two girls that would run any deeper, so what I felt yesterday when we all intook that magic was a real wower for me!"

"Sooo yeah, weird as it may seem, I really like my would-be murderers now and am psyched to get to be besties with them! So let's have a big ol' cheer for the magic of friendship! Wooohoooo!"

[cursed-cafe]

Dabi and Jinx - thinking about pairing up together for anything?

"You mean like a night out on the town together? Sure, that might be fun. I'd play the part of igniting wildfires wherever, on whoever!"

"And I'd play the part of the noble rescuer who pisses out the flames! Hell yes, that does mean I'd not be using water!"