Rowan | He/They/It | Non-binary | Pan + Ace | DID + Autism + Selective Mutism + Tourette Syndrome | Adult | I like a variety of things that I draw + write | Ask me about headcanon stuff | I’ll write requests within reason
Don’t rush me, I write/post things at my own pace! Hey, anyone who happens to be here! I’m Rowan (he/they/it) , some creature who found their way to this app. I tend to hyperfixate on things for extended periods of time. I find myself more focused on specific characters sometimes as opposed to the entire creation (be it a book, game, show, movie, etc.). I primarily do writing, on the rare occasion you may see a drawing. I have so many headcanons that’ll die with me unless asked about them, so feel free to ask about that, or share yours with me! Be kind, any hate will be deleted!
Find me on Bluesky where I post almost the exact same stuff
He/They/It | Panromantic & Asexual | What’s your opinion on taxidermy?
Find me on Twitter where I also post the same stuff
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An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Things I enjoy
•Batim (mostly Sammy)
•Fnaf (mostly William)
•Fnaf Novels (mostly Dave)
•Sally Face (mostly Larry and Travis)
•Little Nightmares (mostly Six)
•Little Nightmares 2 (mostly Mono)
•Deltarune (mostly Rouxls and Tenna)
•Undertale (mostly Burgerpants and Papyrus)
•Splatoon (Mostly Callie)
•Splatoon 2 (mostly Marina)
•Pokémon (mostly James)
•Outlast (mostly Richard Trager)
•Outlast: Whistleblower (mostly Eddie Gluskin)
•Outlast 2 (mostly Val and Marta)
•Outlast Trials (mostly Leland Coyle)
•Supernatural (mostly Cass and Dean)
•Chicago (mostly Velma, Roxie, and Billy)
•Dexter (mostly Dexter)
•Criminal Minds (mostly Spencer Reid)
•Steven Universe (mostly Garnet and Peridot)
•Spooky Month (mostly Kevin)
•Kid Vampire (mostly Count Papa and Kid Vampire)
•Lord of the Flies (mostly Simon and Jack)
•Detroit: Become Human (mostly Connor and Hank)
•The Owl House (mostly Phillip)
•Gravity Falls (just in general)
•Doki Doki Literature Club (mostly Yuri)
•DuckTales (mostly Gyro)
•Tender is the Flesh (just in general)
•Penpal (just in general)
•Borrasca (mostly Kyle)
•Dayshift at Freddy’s (mostly Dave)
•Moral Orel (mostly Clay)
•Venom (mostly Eddie and Venom)
•Prisoners (mostly Alex / Barry)
•Nimona (mostly Nimona and Ballister)
•Alice in Wonderland (mostly Mad Hatter)
•Little Miss Sunshine (mostly Dwayne and Frank)
•Life is Strange (mostly Nathan and Kate)
•Life is Strange 2 (mostly Finn)
•Life is Strange: True Colors (mostly Steph)
•Lost Records: Bloom & Rage (mostly Kat and Nora)
•Batman: The Telltale Series (mostly Oswald)
•Batman: The Enemy Within (mostly John)
•Barry (mostly NoHo Hank)
•Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (just in general)
•Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (mostly Rahzar)
•Zombieland (mostly Tallahassee)
•A Hat in Time (mostly Snatcher)
•Baldur’s Gate 3 (mostly Astarion)
•The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog (mostly Shadow)
•Sonic Prime (mostly Nine and Shadow)
•Sonic Forces (mostly Infinite and Ian Jr.)
•Sonic the Hedgehog Games (mostly Shadow)
•Sonic Movies (mostly Stone)
•Beastars (mostly Melon and Jack)
•Arcane (mostly Silco and Viktor)
•How to Train Your Dragon (mostly Dagur)
•The Batman (mostly Riddler)
•Gotham (mostly Penguin)
•Peacemaker (mostly Vigilante)
•Harley Quinn (just in general)
•DC (just in general)
•Monster High (mostly Toralei, Clawdeen, and Kieran)
•Adventure Time (mostly Ice King and Mr. Fox)
•Fionna and Cake (mostly Simon)
•Clone High (mostly JFK and Ponce)
•Smiling Friends (mostly Allan, Glep, and Pim)
•Psych (mostly Shawn, Lassiter, Woody, and Mary)
•Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Mostly Gina)
•Rabbit Doubt (just in general)
•Squid Game (mostly the Recruiter and Player 120)
•Carmilla (just in general)
•Doctor Nowhere (mostly Jeppy and Filbus)
•The Boys (just in general)
•Shoot From The Hip (just in general)
•Backrooms (mostly Clark and Mary)
•Iron Lung (mostly Simon)
•Project Hail Mary (mostly Grace and Rocky)
Tagging information
-Most things will be tagged with specific fandoms or Oc
-My thoughts/rants will be tagged with Rowan Rants
Incredibly specific rant about my upbringing that’s been on my mind lately that I just need to put out into the void (tw: incest)
I don’t actually expect anyone to read this (because it’s really long) I just more so need to know it’s out there.
So, I’m from Appalachia, I’m from the south, not to get too specific, and with that comes a lot of stereotypes. There’s the stereotype that people from the south are uneducated, racist, incestuous, Bible thumpers. I’ve seen this stereotype for years in just about every piece of media that has a character who’s very clearly southern. They sound more uneducated, or they have racist undertones, or there’s an incest related joke. The problem with this is, in my experience, it’s not entirely wrong. I grew up surrounded by racist, redneck white trash, and I knew plenty of people who dropped out before ever finishing middle school. The one I’m circling back around too, though, is incest.
I thought incest was normal until I was 12 years old. I was almost a teenager before I learned that incest was not a normal thing. I was going through puberty and still thinking it was normal because of the environment I was raised in. The environment that encouraged me to hold hands with and kiss my cousin, to not correct people who assumed we were a couple, that encouraged me to bathe with family members, that encouraged sexual activity between my mother and I, because God gave us the same blood because He wanted us to be together. Blood means love in every sense of the word.
This wasn’t a problem with my community specifically, it was a problem with my family. Yeah, I grew up in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, but incest wasn’t a common occurrence from what I gathered; not to say I didn’t know anyone else, because I certainly did know people involved with family members. Example of how normal I thought it was using TV. Boy A and Girl A are brother and sister, and Boy A has a love plot with Girl B, who he isn’t related to. Growing up, I’d see plot lines like that and be confused why Boy A didn’t just date Girl A since they were already related, already knew each other, and God had already placed them together. I couldn’t understand why incest (not that I had a word for it at the time) wasn’t a thing I saw in media.
I don’t think it’s a surprise that I gravitate towards the characters I do when you consider this. Franco, Coyle, Gooseberry, they’re all the victims of incest or pseudo-incest. I like them for the same reason that the Kress twins make me uncomfortable. It’s how they talk about it. The Kress twins come across too complicit, they’re the closest you’ll get to willing incest, and that makes me itchy, because it feels too familiar. Franco, Coyle, and Gooseberry are all victims of familial sexual abuse either during their childhood or teen years, and they all carry these Oedipal and Electra complexes when they talk about their mothers/fathers, but that doesn’t mean they wanted it to happen. Franco romanticized what he went through, Gooseberry became deeply codependent, and Coyle was raised to normalize it. Even characters like Oswald on Gotham with his uncomfortably close relationship with his mother is something that draws me in, because it makes me feel better. It makes me feel better to see characters in media who are either directly or emotionally involved in incest, because it reminds me that I wasn’t the only person in the world going through it. I’m glad it’s not portrayed as normal or okay, that it’s shown as disturbing or uncomfortable, because it reinforces that I’m not the bad guy, that I was right to be uncomfortable. On the inverse of that, I get really attached to characters who are a blend of maternal and sexual (ex: Fish from Gotham, Rowena from Supernatural, etc.) because it’s familiar, and I know that’s gross, but it’s true.
I found out incest wasn’t normal on accident, I found out at school when I got asked by a classmate if I liked my mother or father more, because kids ask weird little questions like that. I said that I liked my mother more, and I opened up about my relationship with her, because I thought he’d tell me about his relationship with his mother, because I thought it was normal. He didn’t share any stories with me, he walked away and came back with a teacher. I was always marked as mentally ill and disabled, so, when they called my mother, and she denied it all, the entire school system that was built to protect me said that I was a liar. I only knew that it wasn’t normal because of the reaction to it. She wouldn’t have denied it if it was okay.
I never had little childhood crushes or little relationships, I never dated anyone until high school, because I wasn’t thinking about options outside of the family. I don’t get to have stories about my first kiss or losing my virginity, because they tie back to places they shouldn’t. It just makes me feel so gross to think that, had things gone slightly different, I never would’ve found out, and who knows where I’d be today. I’d like to think it doesn’t make me a bad person. At most, it just makes me stupid for not knowing any better. I’m not disgusting, because I didn’t know any better.
I’m not a disgusting person, I was just robbed a chance at normalcy because of disgusting people.
Hey dude, just checking in to see how you're doing :) You've had a lot of shit going on recently, so I wanted to check in real quick even if it ends up sounding a bit awkward on my end.
I’m doing okay, I guess? I could be doing better, yeah, but I could also be doing a lot worse. I don’t know, I’m mostly just trying to keep myself distracted, I think.
I’ve been sick on and off again all summer, and I’ve lost, like, thirty pounds, and now I think I just have to die. I’ve gotten so much “Oh, you’re lucky you lost weight at least,” fucker I ain’t trying to lose weight. I was actually very happy being fat, thank you.
God forbid someone not want to be thin. God forbid someone actually likes being fat. God forbid I’m not happy about my unintentional weight loss.
When I post a fic to ao3, I don’t usually post it separately here (like the link) but I’ve been asked to a few times now, so I think I’m gonna start doing that also for people who don’t have email notifications/check ao3 but still want to know.
Since I don’t write daily (currently) I don’t think it should clutter too much stuff. It’s probably easier than digging through my writing tag.
I was always expected to lead prayer as a family. I’d lead prayer before dinner, before bed, etc. because I was the one with the strongest link to God, seeing as I was viewed as a prophet. There was this one time when I was little, where I was just really hungry, so I reached for the food without thinking, and my grandfather stabbed me in the hand before I could even register what happened.
I don’t know you personally and I don’t want to overstep as a mutual but I want to tell you that I’m proud of you, which could sound corny, parasocial, or maybe even pitying, but I don’t mean to be any of those things.
I thought that you were strong just from seeing how you handled the cruelty people online dished out to you- and that you took it very well and showed maturity and growth from it.
When you started to share about your past, the fact that you’re a strong person had only been reinforced.
I can’t lie or act like I understand those struggles as I’ve not gone through them- but I do understand that it takes someone with immense strength and will to persevere through them.
It may seem odd, but I wanted to let you know.
You don’t have to respond or anything, but I just thought it would be a nice thing for you to hear, that someone out there is proud of you .
🫶
Also I’m sorry if this is not very cohesive or eloquent. I also do not mean to over step.
You’re not overstepping, don’t worry, and I really appreciate this. Thank you for being nice, and for thinking I’m a strong person, that means a lot. Thank you.
I’m keeping myself anon but you might know who it is twin.
I just like- wanna say you’re brave? If that’s the right word? Idk. I find it really fucking cool that you’re brave enough to talk about childhood stuff (even if it hits too close to home sometimes). I really wish I had that courage to say all that on the internet or even comment on those posts.
You are so awesome and strong for all the shit you had to deal with and how you’re still standing despite it. I kinda also am jealous? I’m jealous that you’re able to have a fiancé that loves you and that you’re popular because you’re not afraid to post what you like? Like I’m so proud of you but sometimes I look at myself and ask why I couldn’t have turned out as successful as you are in my eyes.
And I really don’t mean to vent to you, I just idk- I really admire you and stuff and I’m getting all emotional writing this so I just keep rambling. And I love seeing you as a sort of friend even though we don’t talk too often rn.
~M
I think I know who this is, but I won’t say anything. For what it’s worth, you’re more than welcome to message me on here anytime if you need/want to talk, I’m also on Discord if that’s a place you’d rather talk to me (I’ve sent a couple people my Discord username who wanted to talk more often, so don’t be afraid to ask) and I really appreciate all of that. I have a lot of trouble imagining myself as someone that people would look up to, because, to me, I’m just a silly little guy who posts online, and on the rare occasion post something deeply personal. I never imagined a day that I’d have any type of audience, and I think that’s something really special.
Let me tell you this much, it took me a very long time to get to where I am. It took me a long time to feel like I could have a serious relationship, that I deserved to have someone to love me, but everyone deserves a chance to be loved if that’s something that they want. I don’t mean romantic love, just any type of love, whether that’s friends or chosen family, or even self love. It doesn’t matter what happened in your past, what was done to you, or what you might’ve done to someone else. People are constantly growing and changing, moving on from things despite the fact that memories linger, and that’s a good thing. You’re allowed to feel bad for yourself, you’re allowed to feel disgusted with yourself, but that doesn’t have to define who you or who you will be.
It’s hard to think that things will ever get better, and sometimes it’s hard to think that I’m deserving of a happy ending, but I want to believe that I am, that everyone is. I try to be optimistic, even if it’s hard, even if I still complain, even if I vent every now and then about stuff from years ago, or something that happened recently, because I want something to look forward to in life, even if it’s small. Even if the thing I’m looking forward to is a new movie, getting food that I like, watching a new video, taking my pets for a walk, or anything, no matter how trivial, because without something to look forward to, I’m stuck thinking about everything terrible from the past, so I need to keep my head up and look forward to things.
Every time my fiancé and I play Deltarune together, they make me voice 90% of the characters, and I think it’s done irreversible damage to my vocal cords.
Like, I’m used to barely talking at all, so that’s a lot.
Hello! Don’t feel pushed to respond to this right away or anything, I’m just sending this before I forget! Could I maybe ask if you had any thoughts on any of Franco’s stepmothers? You can exclude Angelina because we’ve already talked about what she was like, but if you wanna add anything I don’t mind! They definitely weren’t good, obviously, but I wasn’t sure if you had any thoughts on vibes or if any of them were less bad than others, I just don’t see a lot of speculation on them but when I do (minus like, the obvious nonsense I hate) it can be really interesting. But if you don’t have any thoughts, that’s okay! I just really enjoy your opinions and ideas on Franco’s childhood (and Coyle’s) so I wanted to check if you had some more to share :)
I will quite frankly never be open to giving thoughts on Angelina, writing about her, or talking about her in any detail. I can’t explain why I draw the line at her, but I do.
A lot of people seem interested in my thoughts on Franco’s childhood (and to a mildly annoying lesser extent Coyle’s childhood) and I think that’s really neat! I’m always happy to talk/write about the original three prime assets and their childhoods; I’ve talked about Gooseberry’s a few times, and I’ll eventually post a fic about her childhood.
Franco’s stepmothers got increasingly younger every time Salvatore remarried, with the first one actually being close in age to Salvatore and baring a resemblance to Franco’s birth mother- physically, at least. Salvatore never exactly got over Franco’s birth mother, despite being the one to kill her over how Franco was born, because he did truly love her to an obsessive degree; one that would make itself apparent as Franco got a little older and began to look more like her.
Salvatore did kill all his wives; sometimes they’d try to walk out on him, but they’d die regardless. The younger they got, the worse they got, because they cared less about even pretending to mother Franco and they became more vocal with their opinions on him. Every single time one walked out, Franco always got blamed for it by Salvatore, because he’d swear up and down that they would’ve stayed if it wasn’t for him. A majority of his stepmothers were bilingual (English and Italian) while the later ones only spoke English; Franco didn’t pick up well on English until he got older, still misses a few words now when he’s stressed or regressed, because Salvatore didn’t prioritize him knowing it until he was brought into the mafia. This led to a gap between Franco and some of his stepmothers, because there was an obvious language barrier, and it usually annoyed the stepmothers that they couldn’t tell what he wanted; they probably still wouldn’t know even if they spoke the same language.
Franco tried to get his earlier stepmothers to like him, but it never really worked. Every so often, one would hesitantly try to connect with him, to calm him down when he’d come home from school, but most of them didn’t make the effort. It was really common for new stepmothers to assume he was younger than he actually was, because of certain habits (pacifier, plushies, etc.) and his size, as well as him being late to certain milestones (walking, talking, etc.) so that led to some awkward interactions.
None of them went through efforts like cooking for him, cleaning his room, or teaching him how to do anything. Ultimately, Franco still spent more time around hookers than his stepmothers, even from a young age, because they just didn’t want anything to do with him, especially not the later ones. There were a few stepmothers early on that Franco got along with, because they at least tried to be kind and patient with him, even cooked for him some- it’s where he learned a little bit of it from, they at least acted like mothers, but those ones were usually the most short lived for reasons he didn’t understand; he could only assume Salvatore was somehow punishing him.
Hello :) Sorry you’ve had a hard time with some childhood memory stuff recently, I don’t always have the right words for this, but I wanted to make sure I showed you some support and stuff, I get lost in memories a lot and it can fuck up my day, so I know it gets really hard sometimes. Wishing you the best :)
Thank you, I’m sorry you have to deal with that also. I appreciate you checking on me.
Easterman forcemasing a reagent, making him a better perfect whole man
I already got other x reagent requests, so I’ll add this to the queue as well. FYI, I leave reagents fairly blank canvases, as in they aren’t OCs (hope that’s okay) if so it’ll be up when it’s done.
