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Sleepy Time Michael

It’s been day four of little to no sleep and I think the couch in my office just sent me an Evite to come over and lay down on it.  I will have to respectfully decline this electronic invitation because I must finish editing this commercial for Non-Gee-No De-O, the deodorant stick with no GMOs for less BO.  I’ve been putting in my normal 12 hour days working on this project, and I have plenty of time to sleep after I play a few games of online Magic Chat when I get home.  My problem is that I can’t sleep when I get into bed because of my dog Walker’s excruciating flatulence.   My dog smells like a crown of broccoli that has been rotting in a three month old carton of milk that was placed in the Men’s bathroom at Frijoles Mexican Restaurant.  I’ve actually vomited on my Battlestar Galactica sheets last night because the smell was so pungent.

I recently had to change Walker’s food because he was shedding so much dandruff that I thought I would be arrested on felony drug charges for distributing and manufacturing cocaine.  I switched dog foods to an all organic chicken, chick pea, and kale mixture.  Now the smell in my apartment has gotten so bad that my downstairs neighbors have started to complain which is ironic because they always smell like skunk and armpit.  Walker demands that he sleeps in my bed, so sleep has become a privilege in my household.

It’s hard to keep my eyes open and I feel like my mouth is constantly yawning.  In fact, Roland and Noah made a game out of my yawning habit by walking by my open door and trying to throw balled up post-it notes in my gaping mouth.  They call it Michael Ball.  Unfortunately I can say that Roland is currently winning 5 to 3…

Oh hello Mr. Plant.  What’s that you say?  You are thirsty and you want some water?  Guys, my plant just asked me for some water.  I’m a little embarrassed because I don’t have any water.  Okay, what should I do here?  Right, let’s try to reason with the plant.  I don’t want it to freak out.  “Well Mr. Plant, I am sad to say that I don’t have any water right now.  Can you please wait?”  Alright guys, the plant just said that he wants me to go get him some water right now.  I think he’s starting to get steamed.  “Wait, what’s that plant?”  Crap, he wants me to get him some of Jackie’s water.  Go figure, this plant has some great taste in beverage choice.  Fine, let’s try and get some of Jackie’ water.

First things first, I have to stand up out of my chair.  Uh oh, the ground is made of hydrogen plasma.  Good thing I just bought some British Knight plasma resisting shoes.  “Plasma Vector on!” I purchased the voice activated model and because of this model, I have to constantly say “weee wooo, weee wooo” as I walk or else the plasma vector resisting core will charge down and I will sink to my death in this atomic sludge.

I made it out the editing bay door.  Uh oh, here comes Josh, aka Annoying Guy, aka Vesty McVesterson, aka The Greasy Curl.  Maybe he won’t notice me if I turn my head inside my body cavity.  If that “Weird Body Tricks” internet forum is correct, then all I have to do is suck in air, hold my breath, and pull my hair from behind.  Well here goes nothing, “Gasp!”

It worked!  Josh is looking at me strangely, but he’s not trying to talk to me in his shrieky falsetto voice.  Minor crisis averted.  Ah crap, my legs are stuck.  That’s right, my Plasma Vector BKs couldn’t hear my weee wooos when my head was inside my chest, but that’s okay because the ground is now solidified and there’s no need for my plasma vectors anymore.  Unfortunately the gravi-cronians created by the shoes have caused them to permanently fuse to the floor.  I’ll need to take off my shoes, which is actually beneficial because now I can sneak up on Jackie easier.

I have to get past Roland the Blue Meanie in order to get to Jackie’s highly coveted water.  Oh great, Roland just grew ten feet tall and he’s going drop a Baldwin Apple on me that’s going to drain me of all my color and petrify me.  Not so fast you Apple Bonker!  I’m going to cure your fascist ways with music, man! “Hey Bungalow Bill, what did you kill, Bungalow Bill?!  Hey Bungalow Bill, what did you kill…”

I saw Jackie walk from behind me from the corner of my eye, but I can’t move for some reason.  “How long has he been like this?” Jackie said to Roland.

“He’s been singing that same line for the last fifteen minutes.  I’ve already got a video of him, posted it on You Tube, and it just hit 1000 views.”  Roland responded back.

“Well he can’t be like this all day.  We have a non-GMO deodorant commercial to finish. Michael, wake up.  Wake up, Michael!”  I could hear Jackie say these words, but for some reason I could not respond.  “Michael, what’s wrong with you?”

I mustered up all my strength to say what was going on, but all I could say was “Farts, faaaaaarts.  Bad…Dog.  Baaaad.”

“What the hell are you saying Michael?!”Jackie exclaimed.

“I think I overheard Michael telling Amanda that he can’t get any sleep at night because his dog keeps passing gas.”

“That would explain why Michael smells like a futbol’s player’s foot that was recently removed from a horse’s arse .  Michael!  MICHAL!!!” I barely came to; just enough to faintly respond. “Michael, I want you to go sleep in your car for a few minutes and come back up to finish your commercial.” I nodded and headed and for the door.

And that’s the story, kids, of how I kind of slept next to Jackie.

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The Red Jacket

Yesterday when I was done for the night, Roland made a sorry attempt at mocking my red trench coat by saying that it looked like a girl’s jacket.  Joke’s on him: it IS a girl’s jacket!  That ignoramus is really striking out lately.  I couldn’t find the words to tell him this though.  With all my courage I mustered up the phrase, “You’re a girl’s jacket,” which is still hilarious to me, but I believe this joke has played its course.

My recent banter with Roland has got me thinking that maybe others are curious as to why I wear a woman’s trench coat.  Which then led me to think that people may believe that I

Enjoy wearing woman’s clothing

Harmed a female in obtaining the jacket, or

Often wear jacket’s that accentuate my hips

I decided to clear the air by telling my story of how I received this jacket in hopes to eliminate the above speculations.

Several months ago Jackie tried to hire an intern named Angie.  When she stepped into the office I was just about to indulge in a Naga Viper Red Curry that Noah gave me (because he knows that I like spicy food) when I picked up on Angie’s aroma of apricot, raspberry, and blood orange which was clearly Daisy by Marc Jacobs.  I wanted to run and get a glimpse of this celestial child, but I didn’t want to scare her off like I did with the last intern.  But I got my chance gaze upon her when that boor of a derelict, Josh, ran over Angie’s foot with a hand cart.  Her powder soft skin and Golden Fleece hair was everything I imagined and more.

To my dismay she left before she even started working like most of them do.  I looked out my window and watched her walk out the building’s front door in a hurry as I began to eat my Naga Viper Curry.  As I began to take my first few bites I noticed that the end of her white Burberry cashmere scarf got caught when the door shut and fell off her slender neck.  This was a very expensive scarf and I didn’t want to see her leave without it.  Just then I realized that Noah’s curry was a little too hot for my palate.  I enjoy spicy food and can usually handle the hottest peppers around, but this curry was outside of my wheelhouse.  My mouth started to swell as I experienced a burning sensation that was like Satan himself shat lava directly onto my tongue.  I looked at the Scoville Units that were listed on the lid of the curry and it read 1,349,000 SHU!   Just for reference, your typical jalapeno has a Scoville Heat Unit rating of about 2500 SHU!

My eyes began to water profusely and my face ballooned up like the henchman Thunder from Big Trouble in Little China when he died.  This minor predicament was not going to stop me from making sure that this sweet innocent girl does not lose her scarf!  I hurried down stairs and out the door to pick up this delicate and supple piece of fabric.  The swelling of my face began to constrict my breathing which resulted in me panting and heaving for air.

I had the scarf in my grasp, but Angie was already a block and a half away.  I tried to call out her name, but my swollen bronchial tubes could not project my words loud enough.  I started to run after her in hopes to deliver the scarf back to her possession.  I did not want to risk the scarf getting soiled by the ground by me carrying it, so I wrapped it around my neck for safe keeping.  Running to her was not an easy feat with the limited oxygen supply that was available to me.

When I was about thirty feet away I tried again to call out to Angie in hopes that she would slow down.  My attempt to say “Angie” was completely incoherent the first time around so I tried a simpler word by saying “scarf”.  Unfortunately my tongue was so swollen that I failed to correctly pronounce the “S” sound, so I yelled out “Arf” several times. Angie looked back at me, screamed, and moved even faster away from me.

I understand that I was not in the most presentable condition, but I knew she would appreciate me reuniting her with her $300 scarf.  She turned down an ally, and I followed.  The ally came to a dead end.  I did not want her to feel like I was trapping her, so I passively held up my hands in front of me.  I continued to try and say “scarf” but my words again just came out as “arf”.  She screamed more and panicked.  She turned around quickly and tripped over a cinder block.  I grabbed onto the sleeve of her red trench coat which prevented her from falling, but she was alarmed so she began to struggle to get free.  She pulled out a small can of mace and sprayed my mouth and eyes.  The spray actually cooled down the burning in my mouth because your average commercial pepper spray has a Scoville Unit rating of around 500,000 SHU which was about a third of the heat that was in my mouth from the curry.  The mace in the eyes didn’t help though.

I didn’t see what exactly happened next, but I found myself holding the red trench coat with the scarf still around my neck while I heard her footsteps frantically running away from me.  I tried to follow the sound of her feet until I heard her phone dial and her voice say, “Help! There’s a barking man chasing after me like a dog!”  I then realized that I was doing more harm than good, so I stumbled my way back to the office.

I don’t have many light weight jackets, so I decided to keep it and wear the trench coat in nippy weather.  There’s no sense in letting it go to waste!  The scarf was a little too feminine for me.  I’ll keep it though in case I ever see Angie again, or I’ll give it to Jackie on our wedding day, whichever comes first.

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The Agent Butler Files || The Big One

I have been working on a corporate video for the mobile urine analysis service called Urine Good Hands. I’ve been waiting three hours for this video to render so  I thought I would take this time to write about a possible situation that has a high chance of happening in the near future.  There was a minor earthquake this morning.  Nothing to be alarmed about because nothing in my office really fell over, but it was just enough to make the window shades move.  It got me thinking about what I would do if the “big one” hit… or should I say what Agent Butler, hero guy who helps everyone (except for Roland), would do in a large scale earthquake…

It was a typical warm LA morning.  The long time locals were complaining about it feeling like “Earthquake Weather” out, whatever the hell that means.  I, Agent Butler, sat down at my desk at Lights, Camera, Action ready to crack the case of the corrupt hard drive that killed two of Roland’s potential clients.  This whole case was fishy because there is no computer app that makes a hard disc drive eject from a laptop like Roland claims; at least an app that has the power to kill two people simultaneously.  I was just about to piece the clues together to expose Roland as the lying murderer that he is when the ground started to shake.

It was a violent rolling quake. Something that I’ve never felt before and I lived in LA my whole life (my mom told me that Sylmar was considered LA when I was growing up).  The walls started to crack and drywall from the ceiling started to fall to the floor.  This wasn’t your normal tumble and rumble quake; this seismic catastrophe was on the same level that made LA an island in John Carpenter’s monumental film, Escape from LA.  I knew I needed to be like Snake Plissken and save everyone in this office from harm, everyone except for Roland that is.

Immediately I heard pounding on Amanda’s door.  Her door was stuck and she was trapped.  I couldn’t use my patented Butler Ninja Kick to break down her door because I didn’t want to risk crushing her, or even worse, vaporizing her all together.  I karate chopped the hinges which dislodged the door.  Amanda exited worried, but the tremor was still rolling.  I opened the window and grappled an old 200 foot Ethernet cable to a stop sign below us.  I pulled off my tie, set it up for Amanda as a makeshift zip line, and sent her on her way to safety.

I stumbled my way outside of Noah’s office to find Ellie, Josh, Yamiko, and Noah huddled under Ellie’s desk.  Just then the constant quake caused a large crack in the middle of the ceiling which caused more debris to descend upon us.  I reached down to my agent fanny pack and pulled out my compacted inflatable raft.  With a pull of the ripcord the raft inflated.  My terrified coworkers entered the raft while I placed the desk over top of them for safety.  I opened the door and propelled the raft out the door with my foot which guided them down the outside stairs and into the street.

I came to the bullpen only to find Jackie chained to the wall unconscious.  Who would do something like this during an earthquake?  But I should have known the answer to this question before I even asked – Roland!  He was standing in the kitchen petting an iguana that he was holding with a sinister look on his face.  “Ahhh Agent Butler,” he said through his devilish grin, “I see you have come to try and save everyone in the office from the earthquake disaster.”

“Everyone except for you Roland,” I responded as the quake started to settle down.

“NOT TODAY BUTLER!  You see, I’m taking Jackie to my underworld lair to make her my bride.  It’s a shame that I had to destroy most of LA with an earthquake just to create a diversion to steal my darling Jackie from you top dwellers.”  That’s when I noticed that Roland had a Seismoblaster on the kitchen counter.  So that’s what was under the crocheted chicken!  I thought it was another toaster all along so I never bothered to look because we already had a toaster.

“I should have known that you were the Lizard King of the Underworld, Roland!  You’re never going to take Jackie,” I said as I moved toward Jackie.

“Oh no?  Let’s see what my friends have to say.  Lizard goons, attack!”  Three six foot tall lizard men slipped through the broken window.  I was out numbered, but thinking quickly I knew that lizards were more lethargic when they were cold, so I did a back flip through the kitchen and opened up the freezer.  With Yamiko’s folded paper fan that she left on the kitchen counter and some coffee filters I was able to wave the cold air from the freezer with lightning speed in a concentrated blast at the lizard men.  The goons were frozen solid.  I used my Power Punch on each one which shattered them into literally a million pieces.

“Not Pat Lizardtar, Joan Hut, and Heart!  They were my favorite lizard goons!  You’re going to pay for this Agent Butler!  You will now feel the wrath of my…”  But before Roland could finish his threat, I perfectly executed a Flying Death Punch to his head which caused him to implode like a mini black hole.  I pulled out my skeleton key and smelling salts from my agent fanny pack which unlocked Jackie and brought her to a state of conscientiousness.  

I held her in my arms as she looked up into my eyes.  “Thank you Agent Butler,” she said in her darling British accent.

I simply said, “Shhhhh,” as I placed my hand under her chin and leaned in to kiss her luscious lips.

  Ugh...Roland just came in. Ruined the moment all because he had to tell me my video finished rendering.

I wonder how long he was standing there...

Roland slapped me on my back and left the room.  You think what you want, Roland, but don’t think too hard.  Because if you plan to diabolically cause a catastrophic earthquake just so you can steal my love to make her your lizard queen, then you’ll have to answer to Agent Butler, hero guy who helps everyone (except Roland).

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The Mustache - A New Addition

My eyes peered on Jackie’s desktop wallpaper image of Burnt Reynolds when I was getting a Gogurt from the kitchen today.  I was not aware that she was interested in the Bandit.  She obviously has good taste in men.  I also eyed a movie still of Jason Schwartzman from Darleeling Limited lying out on her desk and she had a mustache logo on her snark jar. 

It is clear that Jackie is infatuated with men with mustaches.  This is why she has not shown interest in me!  Could it be possible that all this time that she was not attracted to me has been because I did not don a mustazo of my own?  It all makes sense now!  I must grow my own mustache and show her that I too can be a manly man’s man!

Mother always told me that facial hair was for the devil, but I think she would make an exception if she saw how gorgeous the woman that I was getting as a result of growing this lip tickler.  But facial hair does not grow in easily for me as I once learned after being locked in mother’s cellar for a week by accident two years ago.  My mustache grows in thin and patchy.  Maybe I can explore other options while I try to grow in my facial hair which will be my ticket to Jackie’s heart.

Day 1: I colored my finger black with a marker and I placed it under my nose every time I was around Jackie.  Roland asked me why I was holding a turd under my nose.  I explained that it was a mustache and he laughed at my “absurd idea”.  I then said that Roland’s face was a turd. That surely showed him.

Day 2: I drew on a mustache with the eyebrow pencil that I had in my Jackie Memento drawer.  I wasn’t sure of the fake look of a drawn on mustache, so I searched the internet for a second opinion.  Jeeves said that the Theo Huxtable look is not “in” right now, so I abandoned the persona.

Day 3: If I am to pass off a real mustache then I need to have real hair under my nose. I found some hair in the trashcan in the bathroom.  I assume that it formerly belonged to a female because of the length of the blonde hair and the silky smoothness of the strands, but it is possible that these locks could belong to Noah.  This is a risk that I’m willing to take in order to impress my love. 

I rolled the hair into a dreadlock and glued the hair under my nose with some spirit gum.  I had a nice Groucho Marx look going on which is close to the looks of Burt Reynolds in my opinion.  I walked out of the edit bay past Ellie’s desk and Ellie noticed immediately.  She screamed and said that there was a ferret on my lip.  Noah came out of his office in response to the scream.  He said that his hair looks better on him and that I should “keep trying.”  I turned around back to my office to come up with a new plan.

Day 4: I went to a costume shop and purchased the finest fake waxed handlebar mustache that money could buy last night.  I fixed it to my upper lip in the bathroom, and I thought the facial hair looked divine.  I had second thoughts about using a fake apparatus to impress Jackie.  Am I not any better than a guy who stuffs his pants with a sock or pads his buttocks with bean bags or puts tennis balls in his shirt sleeves?  No, I am not.  I took the mustache off my lip.  If I am to be a real man with a mustache then I need to grow a real mustache.  I must wait.

Day 12: My whiskers are finally at a length that can legitimately pass as a mustache.  It is not thick and lavish as Tom Seleck’s facial hair, but I think I could fit in with my downstairs hipster neighbors at my apartment complex.  Even if Jackie doesn’t like my new look, then maybe I can join my neighbors when they have their all night Settlers of Catan parties. I’m an excellent Settlers player and I have a snazzy fedora hat that I can wear.  Plus I’m sure that I can stomach drinking copious amounts of PBR.  But none of that matters because Jackie will for sure now like my face and we’ll live together and have no time for silly board games (I’m sorry Settlers of Catan. I have to move on now that I have a beautiful woman in my life).

I walked out to the bullpen and finally revealed the face that I’ve been keeping a secret from Jackie for almost two weeks.  She didn’t even look at me after several walk-byes and dramatic head turns.  I figured I would get her attention with one of my favorite Bandit quotes so I said, “If you’re gonna hang out in places like this wear a badge on your didey.”  She looked up confused and a look of disgust came over her face.  She quickly said, “Michael, what the hell did you do to your face?!  You look like Hitler!”  Dejected and deflated I walked back to my office, but I did get a small victory because she acknowledged my presence.  There’s also a slight chance that I heard her wrong because she may have said “you look like a hipster.”  I’ll take my chances and keep the mustache.  I think I’ll grab my Settlers of Catan expansion pack and see what my downstairs neighbors are doing tonight.

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The Love Test

Today I arrived at my desk at 8:00 am to find a gift from the heavens lying at the base of my chair: Jackie’s right shoe. I knew this Couture Bow d'Orsay Pump in Black Patent was hers because Jackie dons this shoe every six to eight weeks, she wore it 48 days ago, so I figure that she is do. Plus the lilac and sandalwood foot powder that she uses is permanently ingrained in the olfactory system of my brain. I could smell that intoxicating scent before I even entered my office this morning. Jackie must have left it at my desk as a sign of her love toward me… no wait, a test! Yes, she’s testing me to see if I would be a suitable care taker, partner, and lover to the shoe. Jackie must be watching somehow. She must have hacked my laptop and is watching me through my webcam… something that can easily be overridden, but I will play along and prove to her that I can be the man that she yearns for. First things first, I must properly dress this shoe to show Jackie that I can effectively make a woman presentable…

8:27 am: Shoe Jackie has been transformed into a close representation of my love. I used a ball of Jackie’s hair that I rescued from her hair brush to cover the top of the pump. I made my love’s mesmerizing green eyes with a Sharpie and two wads of Scotch tape. Finally, her soft subtle lips were made from a red twist tie from the bagel bag in the kitchen. I know that kissing this wiry plastic is nowhere close to being with the real thing, but my love will recognize the true style that she appreciates in what I’ve created in Shoe Jackie.

8:46 am: I had a breakfast date with Shoe Jackie. I know, who goes to breakfast for a first date? But I just couldn’t wait. We had an amazing time and I really think we’re hitting things off! I had coffee and a bagel (someone has to eat them or they’ll go stale) and Shoe Jackie had an Earl Grey and two Cheerios. I offered her a third Cheerio, but she insisted that she had to watch her shoe figure or her straps would start to sag. I told her that she looked beautiful regardless of how her straps looked, and she blushed.

10:07 am: I sent Shoe Jackie a text that said “I had a great time. We should meet up again. BTW, I ate your third Cheerio, LOL.” She responded with, “Me 2 ;) I would like that, lol. U crazy :p” I think I’m in love!

11:15 am: Shoekie (I started to call her this as a pet name) threw rocks at my office window. I opened it up and she climbed in telling me how much she missed me. I told her that I was right here and then we had a very intimate make out session on the couch. The fine Italian leather caressed with sandalwood yielded an arousing taste that still fills me with emotion as I write this. We stopped for a brief moment, stared into each other’s eyes, and we said in unison, “I love you.” Just then Amanda peered through her door. Shoekie was startled and exited from the window from which she came, but as she left she whispered to me, “I want you.” I felt as if I was floating once she left.

12:30 pm: Shoekie brought her parents over for lunch. They were very nice. Shoekie’s dad was an old weathered boot that I found in the dumpster out back and her mom was an orthopedic show that I “burrowed” from the foot doctor display window from down the street. Shoekie’s mom, Shoenise, baked an amazing Ham ‘n Cheese Hot Pocket and we all had a good laugh when I bit into a piece of gristle. Her dad, Shoester, and I went toe to toe in taking shots of Coke Zero. Shoester said that I was a real man and that he would be honored in calling me son. When Shoekie went to powder her nose with Shoenise, I asked Shoester if he would give me his blessing in asking Shoekie to marry me. He responded with, “Welcome to the family!”

2:15 pm: I took my afternoon break and Shoekie came over to watch an episode of Stargate SG-1. We were both intently watching season 4, episode 6 “Window of Opportunity,” and when Samantha Carter and Jack O’Neill had their passionate make out session, Shoekie and I started to go at it too. Things were so heated that Shoekie blurted out that she wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I reached into my candy drawer and pulled out a Blue Raspberry Ring Pop. I knew it wasn’t much, but with that juicy jewel of flavor, I knew she wouldn’t say no. I asked Shoekie to marry me and she blurted out “Yes!” before I could even finish my sentence. It was the happiest moment of my life!

3:05 pm: Shoekie came over to talk about details of the wedding. We agreed to go with Hostess Cupcakes instead of Snowballs for our cake and Shoekie suggested that we make our wedding a Stargate SG-1 theme! I kissed her and told her that I would be honored to be her Richard Dean Anderson to her Amanda Tapping. We set a date of today at 4:30 pm. Ahhhhhh! I’m getting married! So much to do in so little time.

4:15 pm: The guests were starting to arrive and I’ve never felt more nervous in my whole life. The guest list of my figurines was extensive: Hawkman, Boba Fett, Thumbs Up Jesus, Lion-O, Man At Arms, Snake Eyes, Helen Mirren, a Stephen Hawking bobble head, Wooly Willy, an Etch A Sketch drawing of my dog Walker, and a picture of my mom’s face on a Play-Doh figure. I started to get cold feet and a sudden panic came over me. I had brief thoughts of leaving, but Shoester came up to me and gave me the same metal eye holes that his father-in-law gave him before he married Shoenise. I calmed down, and I was ready.

4:30 pm: I stood at the Stargate alter waiting with minister Voltron for my love to appear. The music started and my heart stopped. She. Was. Beautiful. This was it. Shoekie was about to be Mrs. Michael Butler for the rest of our lives! Just then Jackie walked into the editing bay and said in her adorable English accent, “What the hell are you doing Michael?” I was at a loss for words as I was transported back to reality. Oh wait, the test! She must be here to tell me if I passed her test! I asked her about it and she said that she didn’t know “what the hell” I was talking about as she gave me the phone number to her therapist. Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more dejected, she grabbed Shoekie off of my desk and ripped apart my striking outfit that I made her. Jackie said something about me almost ruining a perfectly good pair of $700 shoes and that she threw her shoe in my office to try and kill a spider this morning but my broken heart didn’t hear what she was saying. Jackie left with her shoe, and both of my loves were out of my life, again.

5:00 pm: After staring at my makeshift wedding party for several minutes, I gathered myself and made my way to the door to go home. On the way out I picked up the ball of Jackie’s hair off the ground and I placed it on my Helen Mirren figure. I thought to myself as I left the office that I might try this again tomorrow with “Jackie Mirren”.

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Intro into the mind of an EDITOR

Greetings and welcome to my personal blog. My name is Michael Butler and I’m an editor for a production company called Lights Camera Action. No need to look it up! I’ll tell you about it. We work for some exclusive clientele in Los Angeles which makes it hard to find us on google but we’re well known within the professional community. Really...

ANYWAY, this blog is about allowing YOU into the mind of an editor! My life is filled with fast paced excitement and pressing deadlines! 

I work with some really great people as well, like my best friend Amanda Vega who doesn’t really like to socialize so I’m positive I’m her best friend too. 

Then there’s my beautiful future wife. She doesn’t know it yet but I’m going to make Jacqueline Walker my wife. I just have to first convince her to go out on a date with me. I’ve been doing some reading and they say to make sure you’re never put in the friend zone. Well I’m already ahead because she doesn’t consider me a friend! Score one for Michael. 

There are two tall annoying hinderances to me getting to my love and they coincide with the not so great people I work with. First there’s the all to eager and sweet Josh Long. He’s a snake getting all these hugs and attention from Jackie that should be going to me. I’m pretty sure she sees him as a brother but I could do with less touching. 

BUT THEN THERE’S ROLAND. Ugh, I hate that guy. He thinks he’s so charming and clever. Yeah he’s a real problem. First off he thinks he’s best friends with Jackie but I know better! She’ll laugh at his jokes and may even pretend to flirt but I know the TRUTH. See I’ve made a careful observation. They never touch! Trust me if you ever see them together make sure to look. She makes sure to never touch him. So she must truly not like him or she would be far more affectionate. I mean she touches Josh all the time and even on occasion when I’m in her way of the coffee machine she’ll touch my arm aggressively. Yea a hard love tap that sometimes sends me flying. On occasion, like a few months ago she told me to go home after a long night and caressed my arm! I knew she just wanted to feel my strong bicep. Or wait did she touch my shoulder? Either way though, she touched me. Take that Roland!

Regardless Roland is on his way out. I’m sure of it. He hates his job and it’s only a matter of time before Noah lets him go. I overheard Noah discussing the state of the company and I know if anyone’s on the chopping block Roland will be first. So all I have to do is play my cards right and wait. He’ll leave and the opportune moment will present itself to me and Jackie will be mine. 

I just have to be patient.

In the mean time stay tuned for more updates of my sweet Jackie so you can see proof of our love and can follow every moment of our drawn out love story.