Cute Animals. Bad Dates.

These are actual quotes taken from online dating profiles and Craigslist personal ads. Brought to you by cute animals, because that makes everything that much better.

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

It's been a great couple of years making fun of bad online dating profiles, everyone, but it's time to call it a day. So long, and thanks for all the snark. 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

That's my dealbreaker too, dude. Isn't it everyone's?

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Maybe we're angry because you don't use punctuation. 

Also relevant. I wonder what an alot of angry feminists would look like?

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

It's an indication of how far my standards have fallen that I'm just impressed he didn't spell it "Satin."

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Next!

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Right, so either you're into domination, or you were knighted by the Queen of England. In which case, you should really take another look at the rules of capitalization. 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Ok, I will enlighten you. When you say "None of the women on here can be honest with themselves or anyone else," and complain about being ignored because you are a "good man," that is not "speaking honestly." That's being a dick.

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Not sure what is more alarming: the actual fedora, or the self-consciously precious use of "'tis." 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Oh, is THAT what swimming teachers do?

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Thanks for your kind offer. I respectfully decline. 

[jentalley]

Summer sale at mimiboo.etsy.com!

15% off any purchase $4 or more, with coupon code SUMMER. Check out some of my nifty new designs — Disney, Avengers, Wonder Woman, and Doctor Who kokeshi doll art! And additions to my selection of vintage and pulp book cover magnets and cards.

Father’s Day, graduation gift, or just for fun! 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Reposting from my art blog. Sale time! 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

I just did a quick archives search and learned that apparently I think toads, frogs, and turtles are inherently misogynist MRA douchebags. Sorry for stereotyping you, little green guys. 

[jentalley]

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Captain America was one of the first kokeshi dolls I drew when I started this project last summer. Pretty geeked that I finally have the Avengers assembled. Available as prints, cards, stickers, t-shirts, kids' shirts, pillows, totes, clocks, etc. 

Society6 store

Redbubble store

And of course, you can always purchase Cute Animal, Bad Date cards at Zazzle.

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Dudes who judge women on their percentage of essential and storage body fat are dicks. Can't even joke about it. 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Such selflessness. 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

This is one of those cases where you really can't claim irony to get out of being racist. Sorry. 

[cuteanimalsbaddates]

Nothing wrong with working out. Everything wrong with talking about bicep curls in your online dating profile. Sorry, kitty.