Here I go.
Back to the creeping darkness I've managed to elude for so long. Though I've never loved this way before, it's time to lock my heart away once more, she's had her time to shine. They always say to lead with your heart, but that always fails. Everytime.
My mind is slowly slipping, back to this dark. Maybe I am better off alone, that seems to be the pattern. Fall, and break.
I've shattered into a million pieces in the past and now I'm trying to pick them up as they break again, crumbling from a broken heart. I've come so far and worked so hard to keep myself together and to love myself.
This blindsided me. Hit me like a semi, out of nowhere, and now I have to keep myself together before I fall back into old coping skills and punish myself for my mistakes.
Everytime I love someone, it always ends in tragedy for me. So the only answer is to never love someone this deeply again. I just want to love without the fear of them leaving. He would always say he's not leaving but he did. He left me and now my demons are waking again. To comfort and guide me. To keep me from hurting my heart again. To remind me how to keep myself safe from heart break.
This kind of love isn't for me. Alone is just where I'm meant to be, this kind of happiness just isn't for me.
