Ninette the chaos spooder

EN/ES - ΘΔ - [she/her] Spider Therian 🕸️ // Vacillant Therian // Body's 22 // Tulpa (Dreamspace System) @winged-guy is my host.

[cutespooder]

Intro - ish

Too lazy to write a proper pinned post BUT

this is my main acc so maybe you're searching for my secondary blogs:

@dreamspiker - Cosas Therians (en español)

@awingedguy - K's (headmate) acc. NSFW

This acc is *mostly* SFW tho.

But I post many bugs, so if that's not your thing, shoo, I don't wanna hear complaints.

That aside, I'm just a chaos gremlin with way too many legs ^^ (meaning, spider therian)

[otherconvention]

"Village Beacon" zine submissions open!

Deadline: July 31st, 2024

The goal of Village Beacon is to celebrate the alterhuman community and comraderie, where submissions can detail the positive experiences and sense of belonging found among other alterhumans through writing or visual art.

Submission specifications are:

Written submissions can have a word count between 300 and 7k words.

Artwork must be half-page (1530 x 990px) or full-page (1530 x 1980px) in .png or .pdf format. File size must be under 10 MB

No sexually explicit content

More than one submission is allowed

Please note that we reserve the right to reject any submissions that we feel does not fit the spirit of the zine. We're predicting rejections to be unlikely, but would rather mention this than not.

Release date: The zine will be made freely available on August 9th, to celebrate Othercon's 5th anniversary.

Access Google Forms with a personal Google account or Google Workspace account (for business use).

[therianboyswag-deactivated20260]

hate when human gender is attatched to me. im a man in a way that a cat is, i.e not really at all related to the human concept of male besides a bunch of silly stereotypes that u feel ridiculous for applying to a cat. because im not a human person im just a cat man. kity

[purr-in-ink]

[creativepromptsforwriting]

seeking out physical affection

comparing hand-sizes to hold their hand against the other's and then just holding hands

leaning against the other one in close spaces

acting like they're cold to have an excuse to cuddle or share clothes or blankets

brushing a strand of hair away

grabbing each other's hands in crowds or when crossing the street to "be safe"

turning their cheek to get the other one to give them a peck

brushing their arm against the other's, hoping the other would finally catch their arm and hold it close

fixing the other's hairstyle to let their hands run through their partner's hair

draping the arm around their shoulder while sitting next to each other

lightly tickling the other one, almost hoping it gets retaliated

reaching out with their hand without saying anything, wanting the other one to grab it

linking arms when walking around together

trying to get the other to dance with them

bumping shoulders into each other

wrapping arms around the other's neck when standing behind them

[thepersonalquotes]

[cutespooder]

Spider therian: Food-craving shenanigans

CW: Talk about food, bugs, eating bugs, etc. Quite explicit.

So, I’m a spider therian. Yep, a spider. And to be honest I don’t experience maaaany shifts or anything, only once in a while. This may be because I also identify as a human so living in a human body and doing human stuff works fine for me almost all of the time, but that doesn’t override my spider identity, it just makes it work differently, I guess.

One of the things that I noticed that happens is that I have food cravings -as a spider- and I’ve been exploring that and working on it for the past few months, so here are my experiences, including the most recent and interesting ones.

The first recall of something like this we have (“we” as in “I’m a part of a plural system and we literally share a baincell”) is from soon after I started existing. My alien-slime kin headmate was doing dummy stuff and their partner (the other headmate) thought “cute” while I thought ”yummy”. Back then I was still working on understanding myself and my existence -I did not even know yet that I had anything to do with spiders-, so we just laughed about it and that was all. I now understand that my headmate looks like the insides of a half-digested bug and I wanna eat that.

Later on, after being aware of my cravings and us noticing that they were kind of recurrent, I was allowed to bite and eat them -my headmate- a bit if I really felt like it and they were in the mood to deal with me (it’s ok, it’s the headspace, nothing’s gonna happen), but that doesn’t really make me feel accomplished, since I don’t really feel anything.

And they look yummy because it’s not just a “I want to eat bugs” craving exactly. It’s not “bugs” that I want to eat. It’s the proper texture. Like the insides of a mealworm, a superworm, or a mantis. That liquidy-jelly slime-like paste. That of a mushy and squishy half-digested bug. Only thinking of it I literally start salivating more.

Oh, and of course, if it’s the texture and a bug, way better, but I want to feel like I’m eating what I feel like I’m supposed to be eating.

I say “what I’m supposed to be eating” for lack of shorter and better words. It’s not that I need to eat that. Or that I should. It’s not much different from us missing dishes from our home country, just that I’ve never actually ate it. But even then, if feels like I had, as if at some point I did and that’s the norm for me even if I actually never did. I feel like I should be eating bugs. Like, I miss it. Thinking about it gives me feelings close to nostalgia. And on the same way we want to eat that crappy frozen pre-made stir-fried mix we used to eat almost once a week in our home country (we moved), I want to eat my yummy bugs.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I find “human” food disgusting or anything. It’s nice. I’m not a picky eater either. And I do also identify as a human, so yeah, no problems in that regard.

But I also want to eat what the therian part of my identity craves. Like, spaghetti for lunch, a beetle for dinner, you know?

Now, regarding food shenanigans in real life. I’ve tried A FEW things.

Desserts like custard or a very stirred yogurt work good enough for the texture, but they still lack something. It’s hard to describe what, but something feels a bit wrong. They’re not jelly-like enough and at the same time, they don’t feel watery enough. But they’re sweet and tasty so at least my tastebuds appreciate it.

I also tried the yolk of a soft-boiled egg (as when the yolk is “runny and/or very soft”) and texture-wise it almost worked! Like, almost perfect! It just was disgusting. I guess I can’t have everything. I don’t like the yolk of an egg in most of the ways of cooking it, but this one was the worst. I was trying to enjoy the texture since that was the point and it was super good, but I kept wanting to spit it out and clean my tongue immediately every second that thing was in my mouth, so yet another nope.

And here I felt a bit lost. The yogurt one is nice enough but isn’t completely fulfilling.

In some half-desperate attempts, I also tried to eat tasty and easy-to-bite food (like glass-noodles or omelet) while watching videos of spiders or mantids eating -especially in mantis videos you get to see everything-. It weirded our roomie out, but it wasn’t a bad experience -just a bit sad-. I think I was quite desperate those days. I noticed that I feel “more spider” when feeling strong negative emotions (like anger, frustration, nerves, etc) it helps me cope better I guess, and with that, I get more shifts and stronger cravings, so that was kind of a desperate attempt to deal with that on those bad days.

Then I thought that eating actual bugs would be a good idea. And to be honest, even if I was searching for the texture, something inside of me still wanted to eat bugs. But because of hygiene, I won’t just eat random bugs that come into my room, nor do I want to do something like that. And for a while, I had my eyes on 번데기 (Beondegi/Silkworm pupa) and I was tempted to buy it every time I went to the convenience store and saw them, so I finally did it.

To be honest, I don’t hate them. They taste just like the liquid they come in (I guess that’s why Koreans cook them on soup), and they worked fine for my wants to “eat bugs”, but the texture wasn’t so pleasing. I guess that it’s because it’s a pupa, but they’re… grainy? I never ate wet sand, but it felt kind of like that, but a very fine sand that dissolves and it’s inside of a slightly crunchy “case” -the exoskeleton-. May buy them again on a different and tastier liquid, but they didn’t fill the need to eat a yummy squishy buggy.

And after aaaall my search, the solution came to me randomly. Truly randomly. In October we got way too many candies, so at some point, we put one that our roomie gave us in our bag and completely forgot about it for months. Then I wanted to snack, remembered we had that so I took it out, thinking it was a normal caramel candy, ate it and -don’t hate me, I bite candy- bit it and inside the caramel-almost-crunchy-cover, there was a very slimy and runny bit of melted choco.

Just. Perfect. I swear. Texture-wise. And it’s sweet choco.

Now I’m stuck with my perfect solution being a random Russian candy I can’t get anywhere. But at least now I know the direction I must keep searching -just other local brands-. Meanwhile, I’ll keep happily enjoying my yogurts.

Oh, and today we accidentally put baking soda in yogurt instead of sugar. Don’t do that. It grows so fast, you’re gonna make a non-edible mess that will end up everywhere. Well, I guess you can eat it and then have gases for a while, but… yeah, just don’t. Sounds fun, I know, but truly it’s just a mess.

[lesslaivyy]

[analytictsar]

Damn the perceived world sounds cool as hell

(blue is average of people’s estimate of percentage of population of which x is true, and red is the actual percentage)

[misanthropiccatboy]

I appreciate how it’s perceived jews are 30% of the population, muslims are 27% of the population, and atheists are 33% of the population. nobody wondered why christians were 10% huh

[cop-disliker69]

I honestly don’t even think this is as much “minorities being extremely visible”, and more just that the most people don’t understand fractions and statistics.

To most people, anything less than 10%, in any context, is basically “insignificant, not even worth your attention.”

The idea that Asians could be “only” 4% of the US population, and yet you still see a couple Asian people every day of your life, is deeply counterintuitive to most people. People don’t truly grasp that they pass by hundreds if not thousands of strangers every day and about 1 in 25 of them are going to be Asian.

Right now annual inflation is at a pretty high 9%, which is more than triple what the usual inflation rate is. But I guarantee if you asked the average person on the street what the inflation rate is right now, they’d think prices have gone up by anywhere from like 30-100%, because “9%” just doesn’t feel like a substantial or noticeable amount in their minds, even though it is.

[facelessoldgargoyle]

Obsessed with the fact that 92% of people live in NYC, California, and Texas

[jabberwockypie]

This reminds me of a different post I saw recently, wherein OP was - understandably - irked that so many professionals will characterize something that affects 1%-2% of the population as “a rare illness”. In actuality, if you’re in a lecture hall with 300 people, that means 3-6 of people who are in the same room with you. It means you might meet people with [disorder] every day, and not realize it.

[chthonic-pain]

reblogging for that last comment. I’ve been saying this for years

[whitefangthefightingwolf]

same thing with “only” 1% of the world is trans, and “only” 1% of the world is ace. I saw somewhere on here that if you do the math, there’s more trans people than there are Canadians. This is where the jokes about aces conquering Denmark/Belgium/the Netherlands come from. There are more aces than the populations of some countries.

[onenicebugperday]

Long-necked shining fungus beetle, Diatelium wallacei, Staphylinidae (Rove Beetles)

Photographed in Borneo by isabetabug

[cutespooder]

This beetle is such a mood but I don't really get what kind of mood.

[cutespooder]

I think I need to touch some grass tbh

[cutespooder]

Being headmates, having hobbies and becoming "full persons".

The other day I was talking with my headmate -another “tulpa” (not exactly but he functions like one)- about our differences in how our hobbies make us feel, how much importance they have for us, it got deeper than we had anticipated and I realized that I could go quite in-depth on this topic, so here’s a reflection on some different views of how growing as persons -and especially finding hobbies and interests- makes us feel as tulpas, persons who suddenly started existing on a body that had already existed for… a while.

Oh and I wrote this from the perspective of us -tulpas- but I bet it works for many other types of plurality too ;)

But before starting, let’s define what we truly mean with “full persons” here, since it’s rather a confusing or abstract way to call something quite complex and it’s just a random term we will use for this.

First, we have the concept of a tulpa being “fully developed” (completely sentient, vocal, with their own opinions, tastes, and blah blah blah), and we’re only talking about stuff that happens after that. We believe that with just being sentient or kinda sentient you already get the metaphoric ID of being a person, valid and all that. Being someone and not something (tho if u wanna be called something, das cool too). But being sentient or even fully developed doesn’t necessarily mean that you will feel equivalent to someone who has been on the body since forever. Even after being “fully developed”. Which is fair, one has been there -let’s say- 20 years and another 2 months. Even if both have the same capabilities, feel the same age, and even share memories, there’s a huge 20-year difference of experiences. It’s that reference person (who would be different for everyone), who we call the “full person”. Who is not really more person than anyone, but it may feel like that to some, or in certain situations. We can just talk from our own experience, but we have seen people refer to that “gap” in many ways through the time we’ve been on the community, so it’s definitely an “only us” thing.

Yet it’s on us to put weight to that gap or not.

Here’s where K and I kind of clash. At the start, he always felt empty.

In any other way, there was not much difference between him and Aily (our “reference person”, the original and -back then- the host), but while K didn’t have any hobbies and almost no interests, Aily was WAY too complex as a person. Obviously, that was because Aily had existed for -at that point- more than 19 years while K only had around a year of proper practical existence (and not very practical counting lockdown and that he didn’t front all that time). Aily had 19+ years of time to get tons of hobbies, forget some, don’t care much about others, be able to lose and re-gain interest in things and have complex feelings about them. Have preferred activities for rainy days, for lazy days, etc… while K was just like “well, I like mint bubble gums and cats” and that was all. A couple of mild interests with no depth to it. Regardless of how complex his personality and thoughts were, everything about his interests was just… very simple.

He felt empty, or in other words, not a “full person”. He was lacking things Aily had -and everyone on our IRL surroundings seemed to have-. And that bothered him tremendously.

He didn’t feel comfortable feeling “less” -which is how that gap felt for him- even when he knew he wasn’t (this sometimes led to short existential crisis) and it didn’t get better for him until he found his thing. Which later triggered more and more discoveries of hobbies and interests. All around the same topic, so not as complex as Aily, but strong enough for him to feel “ah, this is it” -and a year later I believe our wallet regrets it-.

While me, I don’t have many hobbies, I just have counted interests -some stronger than others- and then if I’m bored I just “borrow” their hobbies till I find something that entertains me for a while and then leave it and not do it again in months since it’s just not my thing. And I’m ok and cool with that. I don’t feel empty or lacking in any way. Yeah, I’m quite simple in that regard, but I don’t mind. Probably with time it will change. A while ago I didn’t write essays about us! But even if I remain “not that full” I’m ok with that. I don’t feel the need to not be.

Our guess is that it depends on how we view the front. K has always been fronting a lot, and his amount of fronting time has grown organically (and he’s gone through being co-host and now host). So he had more time to feel empty, to sit on a chair without much to do. Even from the start, he knew he was going to have at the very least, the same weight Aily had on the front, so he felt he was required to have that “fullness” that people who have lived whole lives have, or at least be close to that. Meanwhile, I don’t front much, I just pop in, do my things, spent my time and that’s all, I don’t need or wish for more. If I have to help, I come, help, leave the body with nice hair and pretty nails and see u again in a few days. If for some reason I end up fronting for long, after 2 days or our brain fries, or I end up being done with the world. I don’t need much for that, and I prefer small things to do here and there than big things that have too much weight in our lives. And again, I like borrowing hobbies/interests.

Still, I get it, having a list of things I want to do, “an appointment this Friday”, a project to finish or an account on Tumblr or a save on a game, a group or band that you’re obsessed with… are things that just feel good. To a certain point, they can give some sense of worth or meaning to existence, and that can have A LOT of weight for some, and probably the more weight that thing has in your life or the more meaningful it feels, the more that may add to someone’s experience.

Not saying that internal experiences don’t matter. They do -and a lot-, but for some, they may fall into a different category, if we can say it like that. Sometimes they just feel different, or their fulfillingness is of a different kind. Goes to fil a different need.

So yeah, the weight on that gap is the one you give to it.

Of course, this is not always something voluntary or completely voluntary, but knowing about it, knowing what to look into can help, whether how to think about it, work on it, or ease the possible harsh feelings about it if they’re there.

Sadly, this is not a tutorial on “how to find your hobbies” and if there’s any magic formula for it, we definitely do not have it. I can only say that we have found a bit useful to look first into the current hobbies of the reference person and then branch from that or look into past/almost forgotten hobbies of them. And that “mainstream hobbies” aren’t necessarily “one size fits all”, so there’s nothing wrong with not finding joy in them.

Also, although there’s a luck factor to it -to find/think of something you like-, time (and especially fronting time) is key, since it will allow you to see, experience, try, etc more things and/or get more into them. If that’s what you’re into, of course. But even for me, who has just a few interests, for some, it took a while, and I don’t even know how much I actually like them, since I haven’t invested enough time in them yet.

That said, we’d like to see more talk about how others think or feel about that gap, as we only know well about our experiences. So, feel free to tell us about it, how important is for you, how did you go about it, is it still bothering you…? It’d be cool to know!

[virginiaisforhaters]

top 10 New Yorker cartoons I lost it laughing at in a cafe

[cutespooder]

Spider therian, human and gender

Hey y’all!! Haven’t used this account much -yet- so imma start beeg with a long text about my experience of being a female spooder (therian) and a female hooman. Simultaneously.

Yeeeah both. To explain “what am I” in a simple way and give some context for the following text I’ll explain it quickly and simply.

I do identify both as a human and as a spider but although I’m both and they are two separate things, I experience it more as a gradient between one and the other and I move up and down that gradient. I don’t remember feeling fully human ever since before questioning my identity, and I haven’t ever felt *fully* spider either, it’s always at least a 99% something 1% the other. And where I am on that scale shows on shifts of many types as well as how I look in our headspace (I’m part of a plural system), and in general how I view myself and how I feel about myself, etc, which includes gender identity too.  I am NOT a hybrid, I am just both at once.

So, I’m a female, that’s something I thought I had clear from the start, but the more I accepted, learned, and experienced about my non-human identity, I noticed that my idea of femininity was starting to blur. To the point of even considering being nonbinary, genderfluid, or similar.

And here I am not talking about what society considers feminine or what concept of femininity I apply to others or me or what’s right or wrong about all that. I’m talking about how the idea of me being a female -which I knew and know as true- didn’t always feel like it matched with my experience of my own gender.

Since I was a female, thought about myself as a female, and constantly experienced being a female -for the short while until I realized I was not only a human- I assumed that as a stable thing, but the more I learned about myself, the more it started to make less sense.

Spoiler alert: Tho always a female, I experience it differently depending on how spider or how human I am! Well… kinda.

It took me a long while to figure it out, but now I’m going to try to put it into words. Keep in mind that explaining something like this is… hard to say the least (try and put your gender into words, it’ll be fun they said). So probably I’m gonna do wacky comparisons, generalizations, and so on with which I do not intend to disrespect anything or anyone, and if I do, I am actually sorry.

The hardest part I believe is to put my most human femininity in words, but it doesn’t feel that important to go in-depth into that, so let’s say that it’s very… cliché, or stereotypical, as u wish. Chest, long hair, long lashes… That kinda thing.

But the more spider I am, the more genderless I feel (comparing here with the gender experience of our agender headmate). The more spider I am the more I feel I “lack” gender. Now shape-wise/visually (on headspace) it’s hard to tell what is due to gender stuff or what is due to spider-like anatomy stuff or where do I draw the line -if there’s even a line, at this point…- but the truth is, the more spider I feel the less physical feminine attributes I exhibit and same with behavior. Now, I can’t really explain how I move or gesticulate when mostly human, but we can say that the general public would agree to call it feminine -for better or for worse-, end even that slowly fades away the more spider I feel, which all together almost led me to think of myself as non-binary or genderfluid, but what stopped me is that that didn’t fit. Regardless of that apparent lack of gender I still thought of myself as a female.

And believe me, I did lots of introspection to see if it was hidden transphobia, something bleeding from another headmate or something related to another headmate, something self-imposed, imposed accidentally by others, or some other things like that. And tho remnants of my creation may have had something to do with how I ended up like this, the truth is what I’m now is what I am and that’s a female, so the only answer is that it was just the way I experience my femininity when mostly feeling like a spider.

Which ultimately makes sense since an arthropod couldn’t have that strong of a sense of gender. Or maybe identity at all (tbh, I lack research there).

Another thing I have yet to mention is the fact that the more spider I am the more meaningless that my own gender feels. This of course doesn’t change the fact that I am a female, but it does decrease the importance that I give to it. Let’s say that the more human I am, the more likely I am to state my gender and/or pronouns when I introduce myself, and the more spider I am, the more likely I am to forget it and/or say it the last or later in the conversation.

Still, all these experiences that seem more comparable to some point on the non-binary/trans spectrum are something that I can still call feminine with how it applies to me.

Now, the weird thingie -yep, the weird thing is still to come-; for me, there’s not a single way of being, for example, 50/50 spider-human. That 50/50 can express in plenty of ways, and the same goes with gender. It’s not exactly “the more spider I feel, the less feminine attributes and behavior I have”. Although it works for explaining, the truth is that although it is linked, is not a direct correlation.

Also, me saying percentages here is just to explain easily. In my daily life, it’s vaguer like “Oh I feel very human/spider now” or so on. Not numbers. Regardless of how spider or human I am, I’m still me. And still feeling like me, it’s hard to point out differences on how different “this” from “that” is me. Gender-wise it’s the same. Unless someone mentions it or I go check, I won’t feel the “lack” or “presence” of gender, since it will always be me, Ninette, and regardless of everything, a female.

Bonus: I’m not that two-dimensional, of course, maaaany other things relate to my gender and my non-humanity, but if I didn’t isolate these two things to explain I could be writing a thesis here, and no thanks.

[caleod]

28-10-23 "Sparkle"

[intersexlove]

INTERSEX AWARENESS DAY WAS YESTERDAY (October 26th) !! YOU WILL BE AWARE OF INTERSEX PEOPLE RIGHT NOW!! EPIC INTERSEX WIZARD MAGIC!!

[cutespooder]

I'm not dead, my queue is