things my boyfriend has done
- urgently marched into A&E and saidย โweโre having knee pain!!โ to the confused receptionist. i had to explain that it was onlyย my knee and that he was just worried
- when asked to tag me in a meme ofย โwhat water are you?โ, saidย โyou are the ocean: home to all friendsโ
- loved โfilthy gorgeousโ and, rather than learning the words, learnedย โall three parts in the song where they ring a triangleโ
- after we had an argument about him notย โgettingโ my ADHD, i caught him halfway through a three hour playlist of lectures on ADHD, with a pen in hand, taking notes
- he suffered a TBI last summer and he did not like the orienting questions they ask (โwhat year is it? what day is it?โ etc). when askedย โdo you know where you are?โ, he cracked one eye open and angrily saidย โin bed!โ
- he played knack 2 and hated it. when i asked why he was still playing it, he saidย โso i never have to play it againโ. he got every achievement and as soon as he got the last one he stood up, ejected the disc and returned it to the store
- lately heโs given up on making lunch so he just drinks huel which is a meal replacement shake, except huel is kind of boring so he sometimes puts nesquick strawberry powder in there
- my favourite drink is pepsi max. when asked about his dreams for the future, they often involveย โbeing rich enough to find a way to pump pepsi max directly into our houseโ
- one time in our first year of dating i hadnโt seen him in weeks, whereas we normally saw each other all day every day, so i was gonna go stay with him for a couple days. he had a temporary job (iโm talking 2 weeks total) at the time and i was bummed that i was gonna be alone at his for a bit, but w/e. he was texting me likeย โwork is going okay, in the line for the canteen right nowโ while i got on the bus. i found the key where he said it was, i found a note on the table likeย โhi love! the wifi code is [password], Iโll be back at 5!โ, and then I went into the lounge and he was there. he was lying on a fold-out bed with Marvin Gaye playing. the TV was on a powerpoint slide that saidย โWelcome, Jess. I quit my job.โ he was entirely naked except for a cushion with the letterย โDโ over his crotch. im 95% sure there were candles
- we play the game Rimworld, where you micromanage a colony of people on an alien planet. he uses it entirely to simulate a peaceful colony, mostly of women, who have a large number of animals they care for and train. one time he got this random event where all the women in the colony got a psychic mood boost and he was likeย โhonestly thatโs my life goalโ
- when he was in hospital and his cognitive functions were slowly coming back, he looked up from twitter with horror and saidย โjessโฆ is the american president a racist?โ
- we were playing Articulate, which is a game where you have to describe a word without saying the word itself. His partner saidย โwhen youโre beginning sex, you areโฆโ. he, without a second of hesitation, yelledย โFOREPLAYโ. the answer was actually โinitiatingโ, but my ego grew like fourteen times
- one time he asked me what guacamole was, and i told him, and he saidย โif itโs made up of things that already have names why does it have a different name?โ i have not let him live this down yet
- i used to have an eating disorder, and whilst iโm good 99.9% of the time now i occasionally do have wobbles. one time iโd eaten some mini-donuts and i told himย โi kind of want to check the calories on thoseโฆโ, so he immediately pulled the label off and ate it
- i lost him for like twenty minutes at a uni event, and when i found him he presented me with a pepsi max badge and saidย โi rode this mechanical bull to try and win you a yearโs supply but i fell off pretty quickly. sorry.โ
- we won theย โbest coupleโ award in our year at uni, but neither of us were there to collect it because i was ill and he left halfway through to come home and take care of me
- one time he wasnโt paying attention while making lunch and he cracked an egg directly into the bin. the look of confusion on his face was priceless.
- on the rare occasions when i wake up before him, when i kiss him/ touch him he makes these little likeโฆ activation sounds? you know like when you touch a cat? itโs like those
