«Child in the shower, disaster in life»
â Without gender!Children's!Reader x Isagi Yoichi, Meguro Bachira, Hiori Yo, Karasu Tabio, Chigiri Hyoma, Michael Keiser, Alexis Ness, Rin Itoshi, Sae Itoshi, Shidou Ryusei.
Genre: casual, romantic subtext, fluff, a little thrash
Warning: The text is the maximum amount of absurdity, folly and unexplained logic that exists in people whose inner child has never grown. The reader is a walking natural disaster with the soul of a child who rejoices at frogs, plays pranks, falls into ridiculous situations and invariably draws characters into chaos.
Note: I didnât plan to go down like this, but my powers failed. I still donât feel very well, but I will try to get myself together this weekend. I actually thought about trying "fem! character x reader" coming soon, do you think itâs a good idea?
wrote it exclusively for your smile, enjoy reading!
Isagi Yoichi
- Yoichi! - youâre screaming from the other end of the field, waving your hands.
He just finished training, wiping sweat off his forehead when you run to him, hiding something behind your back. He immediately gets excited. Your smile is wider than that of a horror maniac, and your eyes are burning with excitement.
- Iâve got a surprise for you! - You put both hands in front of him, clenching your fists. - Do you want to see?
Yoichi looks at the coach in the distance, then again at you. He had already been caught in "surprises" like a pie in the face, a shocking beetle and one very suspicious candy from which his tongue was green all day.
- Is it safe? he squints. I wonât have to eat porridge through a tube for another week?
Youâre not happy.
- Iâm serious! Thatâs nice! Really. Honest. Well... almost.
- "Almost" is already suspicious.
You canât hold it and you want to, your chest tickles with impatience. Finally you breathe out:
-Okay, all right, you ready?
-No, - Yoichi says dryly, but heâs already leaning closer.
Your hands are wide open.
A small, living, grey frog jumps out of them.
- WOW! - Yoichi yells, bouncing back, almost stumbling over his own boots.
You fold in half from laughing. You fall on the grass, holding your stomach, and the frog jumps aside, shocked by what is happening.
- DID YOU SEE YOUR FACE?! - Yell through tears. - God, I would frame this!
Yoichi is breathing hard. His hand on his knee, his face distorted by a mixture of horror and laughter. He throws a murderous look at you, but the eyes already appear tired, but warm "of course".
- Why am I still surprised when you do that? - He sighs, helping you up. - How old are you? Five?
- Six and a half, thank you.
You walk beside him, touching him while heâs walking.
- And the frog was jumping, huh? Just like in a cartoon! We still have to find one. Or maybe we can have an aquarium at home, huh? And thereâs frogs and bugs. And mice are allowed.
- Mouse?.. - Yoichi stops. - No. No, please. We and one of you are enough for chaos.
You throw yourself at him and cling to his hand, slightly pressing your cheek against his, feeling his warmth.
- Admit it, you liked it!
He sighs. And here is the most sincere smile of the day on his face. He looks at you as if you were a natural disaster, which is impossible not to love.
- Yes, he says, rubbing your top gently, youâre a total lunatic. But mine.
Meguro Bachira
â We only take macarons, okay? Ma-ka-ro-ne - Bachira leans towards you, clinging to the importance as if youâre a spy on a top secret mission. - No step left, no look right. Only. Pasta.
You nod with a face like you get it, but in three seconds youâre already crawling along the windows, stretching your neck and your eyes picking up shiny boxes, rustling packaging and... toy department.
- Bachira! Look! Look-look-look! - you suddenly disappear from view and burst into toy paradise like a tornado.
- Bachira! Look! Look-look-look! - you suddenly disappear from view and burst into toy paradise like a tornado.
He follows you, of course. He always comes after you - no matter how much he sighs. Because he knows: where you are, it will be either fun or dangerous. And more often both.
Youâre already squeezing the breast of a plush cat. Pumpkin on the head, tail with glitter. Too bright, too ugly... and definitely your favorite for the next three days.
- He FARTS, - you proudly declare by pressing on his stomach. And indeed, something... sinister-breathing is being pulled out of the speaker.
Bachira blinks.
- What is he?
You press again. The cat makes another moist sound.
Youâre laughing so hard, you almost fell.
- Itâs fate! He talks to us in my native language!
Bachira picks up the toy, turns in her hands. She croaks. But then he looks at you - youâre shining like a midnight firework, holding that vile thing like a shrine.
-Okay... add to your collection, - he sighs. - seventy-one. We have a shelf to change.
You jump for joy and kick like a little child.
- Iâll call him Puffy. Heâll guard the bed from monsters!
-From me, I guess.
- Heâll let you in. I swear!
He laughs quietly, pushing you closer as you go to the cash register. And, hell with macarons.
Hiori Yo
It was a hot day, too hot. The sun was burning your neck, and you were running around the yard with a water gun like an apocalyptic gremlin. Behind the bush - ambush, on the tree - base, and in your hand - weapons of mass destruction.
- Hiiori! - you scream with a belligerent squeal. - GET READY TO SWIM, DEEP-SEA SHRIMP!
He only carries out a towel and a bottle of water, as if the jet is flying into him - direct, precise, straight into his chest. He doesnât even have time to breathe as youâre already running up and kicking your feet in place.
- Hit! Right in the heart! Critical damage!
- You said, "Youâre not shooting today," - Hiori breathes hard as she squeezes out her shirt. - That was a lie.
- I forgot, honestly! you say with a big smile. But youâre too much of a target. I couldnât resist.
He nods, calmly and with restraint. He goes into the house... suspiciously calm.
In five minutes he comes out. Heâs holding a plastic bottle of coke.
- Peace? he asks, holding it out.
You smile like youâve never done anything wrong in your life, grab a bottle.
- Of course, the world! Drink me! - You turn the lid off quickly.
PSHCHHHH!
You forget that you yourself have shaken this bottle before as a "time bomb". Cola shoots the fountain - in the face, on the T-shirt, on the arms. You reflexively put the bottle to your mouth, trying to "save" the drink, but with laughter you get nervous, let out a fountain from your mouth and literally sprinkle Hiori with a sweet soda.
He stands. Impregnated. Sticky. With pieces of ice under his sock.
- It... was... he says slowly, looking at himself.
Youâre already lying on the ground, hovering like a madman. Youâre dripping with water, looking like a flared firecracker in cotton candy.
- THAT WAS GENIUS! - you squeal. - Hiori! It was a self-destruct attack! You should have seen your face!
He looks at you... then just sits quietly next to you. Takes a newspaper that is lying nearby, and puts it on his face.
- Youâre like a child, he mumbles, but the corners of his lips are still shaking with a smile. - Absolutely uncontrollable.
You roll closer and squeeze to his side like a wet puppy. Licking his shoulder, which was in the ruts of coca cola. He sighs but does not repel.
- You still love me, donât you?
- Hardly. And in the breaks between washing, he snorts.
And yet his hand gently rests on your head. As if to say: "yes, I love. Even with sticky hair and water gun".
Karasu Tobio
You were unpredictable. Like the weather in April. Or like a machine with toys, which instead of a rubber ball gives out a dead crab.
Today started well. Karasu led you around the mall by the hand like a child, so that you didnât get lost and run off to the station with fluffy slippers.
But suddenly you got out of control and rushed to a group of serious, solid men at the coffee shop. On the go opening the tablet.
- YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS! - Loud, too loud.
Karasu stalled. His face was stretched out like a dough in a pizza.
- No. Not again.
You run to the men and with a solemn look put in the face of the screen: where the wife is sad and the child spanch bob, and the panch bob was already lying in the grave.
â Sad, right?! Hahahaha! The baby spanch bob is crying so bitterly, with comments saying that heâs already an orphan! because mom left in a man.. - Do you ask, leaning towards one of the men. - Is this for you?
They donât talk. One of them already has his phone. The other is coughing and looking at you like youâre infected with something dangerous.
- Itâs... not funny, young man - frown alone. - Where are your parents?
- I... - You look back. - Iâm with him!
And Karasu, as in slow motion, runs up, grabs you under his arm like a sack of potatoes, and looks tired guard drags you aside.
- Are you BACK? he hisses. - You promised not to traumatize strangers with the strange pictures you made.
- But thereâs Sponge Bob, with a beard! He LOOKS AT THE SOUL, Tobias! Itâs art! You donât understand anything! - you scream, your feet are wagging.
He stops, puts you on the ground and grabs your face.
- I canât do it anymore. I need pills. I need a lawyer. I need... a psychotherapist to learn how to live with you.
You smile and throw yourself at his neck.
-But you love me, right?
- Iâm guarding you, thatâs different.
- Okay. But I still have a picture of a pigeon with the face of a grandfather saying, "Give back your pension". We show it in the bookstore?
Karasu rolls his eyes.
- Only if I sign up first.
Chigiri Hyoma
- Hyoma! Hyoma! Come here now! - youâre breaking into the room where Chigiri was quietly drinking tea and trying to breathe.
He does not even have time to turn his head - you have already grabbed him by the wrist, hold him like a raging tornado, and loudly, with encouragement you are saying:
- Iâve made a DISCOVERY! Scientific! Medical! Iâm a genius! Youâll be the first to try it!
â It wonât be like last time, right? - Chigiri asks anxiously, remembering the case when you smeared his nose with honey "so that a raspberry grows on it". Or when you tried to "tame" the microwave, saying «Jars, beasts, jars».
- Itâs DIFFERENT. Youâll have a mustache. Serious ones. I tested on a stuffed hippo, and it looks solid!
Before Chigiri could do anything - click, you pressed two fluffy black things to his face, and on top of that you put a hairspray, super glue and for some reason a bun-smelling perfume.
- Thatâs it! - you exhilaratingly scream. - Now you are... General Hyomka! You have a new personality! Walk, command, go!
Chigiri is looking at himself in the mirror in complete shock. He has a huge, ridiculous mustache - one side bent up, the other dangles like a sad worm. And itâs not coming off.
- ... you ruined me. Iâm like a bad guy from a cartoon about potatoes.
You clap your hands:
â Thatâs right! UskKom 3000! I create personalities! I can give you a cape, and you will interrogate plush toys. Someone has to keep order in the house!
Heâs dead.
- You... put something on my face. REAL GLUE?
You nod. Proud. Happy. Absolutely no remorse.
- Not to fall. Stability is the foundation of leadership.
Pause. He turns around, slowly goes into the bath, and in a few seconds you hear:
- Iâm going to shrivel my face, Iâm going to get smoother than walk with this!
Youâre giggling on the floor.
- General Hyomka against the innovations... Too bad.
And you already take out of your pocket the spare kit... with eyebrows-nuts.
Michael Kaiser
You burst into a room with a homemade helmet out of a cereal box strapped to the head of a pot, and proudly say:
- Today weâre going to Mars to save my son!
Kaiser doesnât even lift an eye from his phone.
-You donât have a son.
- I have one. Itâs a plush toad named Herman. It was stolen by the evil cucumbers from Jupiter. You donât want Herman to become a salad, do you?
He sighs. Very slowly.
-Is it because you drank ketchup and coke?
- Itâs because Iâm a great space traveler! King of the Clouds, Lord Lugh and Count Ploppi!
The Kaiser is still watching. And for a long time.
You wave your pawn like a scepter, and pull out from behind... a folded map (actually a pizza flyer) with the pen reading: «HERE IS MARS».
- Weâre leaving in five minutes. Get your toothbrush, itâs gonna be a long battle!
- Iâm not going to Mars.
- Then Herman dies.
- Itâs a toy toad you left in the oven.
You are offended:
- It was a bunker!
- There was lasagna.
- Herman loves lasagna...
You lower your head. Sad, theatrical. Itâs time for you to go to Cannes for this drama.
Kaiser rolls his eyes.
- Whereâs your spaceship?
You pull out a mop and a stool.
- Get ready for the acceleration, princess. Weâre going to hell.
Ten minutes later, the Kaiser, still in his pajamas, sitting on a stool, holding a broom and watching you yell in a bucket: "Open the portal! Herman, hold on, Daddyâs flying!"
- Thatâs... - He exhales. - Itâs worse than when you tried to give me a jam shot.
You giggle and kiss his cheek.
- Thank you, you saved the planet. Herman will be proud.
- I hope he chokes on lasagna.
You make a sullen face, then you spit on his knees.
- And Herman wants a brother. Do you mind if I get a snail?
- As long as she stays silent and doesnât burn the microwave like your "dragon".
Alexis Ness
- Look, look, look! - you yell from a distance and fly down the sloped gravel path on a skate, waving your hands as if trying to get off the ground.
Ness is sitting on the blanket, just started to turn out the container with fruits, as notices your death flight.
- NO! he screams, leaping on his feet. - Not on the grass! Not through the tree! Not in the
BACH.
Skate rolls by. And you - fly right into it, carrying Ness and container with watermelons in the bushes.
Youâre lying on top of it, happy as a clam.
-Did you see? I was almost in the trenches! A little bit more, and Iâd have a world record. I had a real backflip going on in my head, honestly.
Ness is looking up at the sky. Heâs trying to remember how to breathe.
- Youâre in my head right now spinning funeral.
You sigh as you leap:
- Okay, okay, this is going to be really cool. I found a log! You can slide it on your belly like a snowboard. I called it the Thunder-2000.
- Itâs... a regular log.
- But if you believe - itâs a real miracle
Ness comes up, shaking, and mumbles:
- I just wanted to eat cherries and sit in silence...
And youâre already climbing up on the log, clinging to it like itâs a giant carrot, and yelling,
- Look! Itâs like "Forsag", but cheap and with bumps!
And you go. The log rolls down the hill, you squeal like a teapot, your legs are wobbly, your face in the leaves. At some point you just fall, roll over and get up with a mossy forehead and a happy smile.
- Iâm alive! My ass - no, but Iâm alive!
Ness comes in, grabs your wrist, checking your pulse.
- I had to sign a paper saying that I was responsible for you? Where is my legal team?.
You hug him by hanging him around your neck.
â You are my little insurance agent. And now... for the shish kebabs! - you point to the mangal, who unskillfully burned himself. And that at this moment begins to smoke suspiciously bright.
- No-no-no! - in a panic, Ness yells and runs to kill.
And you, in a fire of coal and memories, sit with the guitar and start yelling something about skateboards and love for frogs.
He already knows: the day is just beginning.
Rin Itoshi
Rin opened the door and before he could even breathe, you flew into the hallway, all wet, dirty, with hair sticking out in different directions and a bright smile on your face. On the cheek - a heart, painted, seems to be chalk, on the jacket - a mark of a boot, on the hand -... a plastic spoon?
- Rinn! I drew you on the asphalt! Only... a bit like a crab. But it was you, I remember!
You have removed from the pocket a handful of colored chalks, behind which there was immediately smeared wet grass, petals and paper from the gum with the princess.
Rin blinked.
-Why are you all wet?
You proudly raised your finger:
- Because it rained!
- And you thought that was a... reason to go outside and...?
â Dancing, drawing, catching sparrows, jumping into a puddle, competing with the child who throws the next stone... Well, I also saw a butterfly! - You put your hands on it. - I wanted to show her the peacock dance, but she flew away. Rude.
Rin pressed his palm to his face.
-And how are you... still alive?
You smiled joyfully:
- Itâs because I have a strong spirit. And you also gave me vitamins, remember?
- Youâve been cold for a week. Your spit was only yesterday.
- But it was fun!
The next morning you woke up with a nose like a tomato. Walked around the apartment with a roll of toilet paper, breathed like Darth Vader and resented:
- Why is everything leaking?! I have a hole in my brain?
Rin sat at the table, eating his boring, proper breakfast and looking at you like a disaster on a natural scale.
- And I said it. Dancing in the rain is romantic until you become a slut.
You, with your nose full, tried to turn gracefully. You almost fell. You shrunk. You cried.
- Iâll go again anyway. The neighborâs cat gave birth, I have to name the kittens. One will be Pelmeni.
Rin sighed.
- I give up. Next time just take an umbrella. And wear a hat. And... maybe donât lick the puddles?
- It was an experiment, Rin!
He put the fork down.
- I still donât understand why Iâm with you.
You sat next to him, nodded at him and moaned through the snot:
- Because Iâm beautiful.
- Because youâre a disaster, said Rin.
And I still moved the cup of tea closer to you.
Sae Itoshi
Youâre standing in a perfectly white room, glowing with delight, holding a glass of soda and candy on a stick. You were dressed in decent clothes, combed your hair and even put on a bow tie that does not suit you at all, and which you tried several times removed, but as a result of Itosha each time clapped his hands and corrected him, And in the opinion of Sae, it makes you look like a decent man.
The event was important: a bunch of rich and famous people, social conversations, shiny dresses and veiled insults.
You did it.
And then I noticed a lady in a lush skirt, whose bow was slightly crooked.
You came close.
- Do you have lace?
She blinked:
- Excuse me?
- Well panties! With ruffles! I saw it. Theyâre so funny! Like a cupcake, honestly!
And - hop - the skirt flies. Woman screams. Someone drops a glass. Journalist turns camera.
And you - run away, drooling in your own laughter, like a goose on rollers.
- Yes! - you scream, just seeing him.
He has already squinted. He sees you rushing through the whole hall, behind you - a guard, behind him - a woman with a hat and the expression «call court».
You run into the Sae and hide behind him.
- Can you tell me it was me? Well, I guess.
- You were literally shouting, Iâm a hero, Iâll see all the panties» before that - weary, he burkes, catching you by the hood like a coddling cat.
Youâre putting candy in your mouth.
- But they were beautiful. I just wanted to praise them. Thatâs kindness, Sae.
- Youâre a nightmare in patent shoes. We just got here, and itâs time to run.
â Can I get one more lady? Sheâs got a marshmallow skirt! - talking to the girl next to him, starting to squiggle to try to look under his skirt, but he is lifted up behind his jacket on time
- No. Iâm going to put it on your head.
- Youâd be a beautiful girl, SaĂ©. Iâd lift your skirt too, honestly.
He stares at the ceiling as if to ask for power from heaven. Or a new brain. Himself. Or you.
-Why am I with you?
- Because you love me, - youâre snorting, looking over his shoulder. - And because you canât turn me in!
- Youâre terrible.
But still takes you by the hand and pulls you away from the light, the cameras and the women in skirts.
- The next event is only if youâre wearing a straitjacket, okay?
You were wondering.
- And the bow is with the lace?.
Ryusei Shido
- Bro, brooo, thereâs a frog path! - your voice is on the other side of the bush and Shido already suspects somethingâs wrong.
He takes his head off the phone where he tries to make a funny selfie with a pitcher, and comes out from behind the trees - only to find you kneeling in the green mud with your hands outstretched forward and your eyes shining with happiness.
- Really? Did you fall into the radiation?
- No! Itâs a secret place. I called it the Kwa-kva-park. Look at all the frogs!
- Itâs a swamp. And they may be guarding you as the new king, he snorts as he approaches. Get to shore before the toads grow wings.
You want to, youâre spitting on the surface and suddenly youâre lifting something.
- Itâs an ancient sword of the swamp knights! you scream, showing Shido just a stick.
He laughs, comes up close and says:
- Give me this, Iâll show you the «double rotating hummingbird cam». Watch carefully, little one, it will be-
Plum.
You grab his wrist and pull him down.
- SURPRISE!!! - you yell.
Shido has only time to curse, before falling close by, the splashes are flying in the sides, the birds break from the trees, and the silence of the forest is broken by a deafening slap.
You both come out. Shido has algae on his head, and you have a snail on your shoulder that you now call an alter.
- Iâll KILL YOU,' says Shido with a hoarse laugh, wiping out his eyes. 'I look like a salad!
Youâre snorting in the swamp, completely satisfied.
- Weâre a team of swamp rage now. Weâll save the world with frogs and clay. Weâll even have a logo!
Shido looks at you, then at himself, then at you again. The smile is getting wider.
- Damn, youâre contagious. Letâs go again. But this time Iâm the first one.
You jump into the swamp together, screaming and laughing while the world sinks in mud and happiness.

















