I really will never understand why you did what you did. Crazy really. You really don’t seem to see the wrong in it. I was only turned 8 and my sister just 4 and you decided to leave us. I don’t think you could even begin to try imagine what that was like, bringing the washing upstairs to see you and dad crying when you tell me you have to go to Canada to work to get the family some money and come back to us. We were so little we were barely even in school and I didn’t realise what was to come would be worse. We brought you to the airport not knowing you would never live with us again and every year on your birthday, Mother’s Day, Christmas and all the days in between were beyond difficult for years trying to find ways to cope while trying to text you after school but you’d be asleep because of the different time zone. All the times you told me you would come get us and bring us to you so we could hang out for about 4 years before it actually happened and I talked about it to kids in school I used to get picked on that you were never coming and that I had no mom. All the difficulties during puberty and growing up when you just want your mom for comfort. As I began secondary school it wasn’t teasing anymore it was awkward silences and pity no one heard of a mother running before. The teachers consoling me and praising my dad. Then peaking adulthood came this confusion and comforting no one could understand why anyone could leave their kids to start a new life elsewhere. It’s really been a bumpy ride through the years but since I started no contact 6 months ago it’s lifted some of the weight and I feel I owed it to 8 year old me who grew up too soon.
