the drunk history video is one of the best things to exist
It’s summer of 2001; Joe meets Patrick and he’s like “Yo, I know about music.” and Patrick’s like “Yo, I know more about music” “That’s impossible. Do you wanna start a band?” And Patrick’s like “…Yeah… That’s cool.” And then he’s like “Yo, this is a book store, it’s not a music store!” And then they met at Patrick’s house. And Patrick’s wearing shorts and socks and a hat. Patrick is playin’ drums for some fuckin’ reason! And Pete’s there, for some reason! They start playin’ music together. And they’re like “Oh, let’s play some fuckin’ covers from some other bands!” It was like, Green Day and fuckin’ Misfits and fuckin’ Ramones! Pete said to Joe “Yo, we gotta change this shit up! Yo, we’ve played all these bands; let’s play shit from Fall Out Boy.” And so Pete and Patrick are like “Yo, that’s dope. But we need a fuckin’ drummer!” Because Patrick’s playin’ drums and he’s a singer! Patrick’s like “Yo! I got a soul voice!” And they’re like “Wait, how do you have a soul voice!?!” And he’s like “Yo, watch this! Yeah!” and they’re like “Oh my god! That sounds like soul!” So they put it in the song and it was like “WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIGHT!” And then they’re like: “Yo, this is fuckin’ perfect. This is Fall Out Boy.” And they made records like, Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. -It’s called: Evening Out With Your Girlfriend. -With Your Ex-Girlfriend! It’s called Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend! It’s called Eating Out Your Girlfriend, and it’s real and it doesn’t matter. And Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he was like “Yo, what the fuck! Yo, this is gonna be fuckin’ dope!” So they made a record, and it was called: Take This To Your Grave. They made it without a drummer! And they had like three, four drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like: Josh Freese, Neil Peart, the dude from Toto… The fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something. And they were like, “Yo, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take this to your grave. Fuckin’ record it.” And he did it, and he killed it. He was like,Bigadigadigalalululapssshhhh! Killing the skins! Tapping the skins! Tapping the rims! Playing the shit! Killing these bitches! Wrapping it out! (You’re getting a fucking tattoo right now! What the fuck is going on?!) “We should get signed, to Fueled by Ramen. ‘Cause these guys know what the fuck is going on.” And they were like “Yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin’ hard. We will sign you guys.” Pete was like ”Yo! We got this record that’s fuckin’ dope dude! It’s called Take This To Your Grave.“ Hey, it’s gonna be called From Under The Cork Tree, it’s gonna be fuckin’ huge. And then Patrick’s like “I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic. These are three songs that are gonna make the album and it’s called (burp), this is called: Thanks for the Memories, 20 Dollar Nosebleed, and Sugar We’re Going Down..” And they made this record that was fucking dope and it fucking hit on the charts. Like: one, two, three! Three, two one! Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! TEN TO ONE! From Under The Cork Tree sold like, four million records! Ten million records! Fifteen million records! And Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. And Patrick was like “That’s good!” Pete was like “Yo, fuck you! I can do whatever I want!” Joe was like “Yeah, it’s cool man, whatever… I don’t give a shit.” And then Andy was like “Eh… Cool!” And Pete was like “Makeup is fuckin’ great for a guy. Because it makes a guy look beautiful. Which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. And I wanna change that.I wanna make sure everybody thinks that guys are beautiful.” (-I’m good so far. -You wanna spit one more time? -Yeah, I do. …Shut the fuck!..) Pete was like “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed about this dick pic!” And then I saw the dick pic, and I was like “Eh, it’s not bad. It’s not a bad dick. Let’s be real.” We made Rolling Stone one issue before Fall Out Boy. And Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed! They were like “Yo, fuck you guys!” They were like “Yo! Panic has the fucking cover of Rolling Stone!?! Yo, fuck these dudes, we’re gonna fucking go miles above! We’re gonna hit every fucking continent there is known to man!” But they didn’t! Because they missed a second of time. Apparently, they were like: “Oh, shit we got every continent.” And they didn’t actually hit it. Dude, Pete was like “What the fuck!” Oh, you didn’t fuckin’ make the continent. It’s like, fuck you! So From Under The Cork Tree happens, we fuckin’ have three, four years of awesomeness! Like people are cumming on themselves, ‘cause it’s so big! So Fall Out Boy was like, so Patrick’s like “Yo, we’re gonna name this record 'From Under The Cork Tree’ and From Infinity On High.” Pete was like “Yo, Folie à Deux means, the Theatric of Two.” Fall Out Boy was like “Yo, we gotta take a break” meaning, Pete was like “Yo, we gotta take a break bro” and Patrick’s like, “I need time for my music! Uhhh!” And Joe’s like “Yo, I need time to find the fuckin’ art dude I gotta find some fuckin’ meau-metal.” And Andy’s like “I’m just gonna play with some fuckin’ metal bands.” And they were like, “Alright, this breaks been like three years long. Two years long. Three years long. Three and a half? We gotta fuckin’ come back man. We gotta come back STRONG! (-You took my beer away, what the fuck?! -No, you poured it all over yourself! -Yeah, you poured it on yourself, man.) We gotta make this shit legit. It’s gonna be fuckin’ dope. It’s gonna go fuckin’ sky high. We’re gonna make a fuckin’ record that sails the skies. We’re gonna call this record: "Save Rock And Roll."” So they made Alone Together, Light 'Em Up, Alone Together, Phoenix. And everyone’s like “What the fuck? You’re working with this guy who fuckin’ recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk!” (-What the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on my shirt? -No, you poured beer all over yourself! -Oh god…) Pete was like: “Yo, were gonna end up on the tour with Panic! At The Disco and Twenty Pilots.” (Burp, spit) And that’s all. And that’s all that matters. And that is how the fucking story goes.
