Shark Nipples Are The Best Nipples

Hardcore Qwopping all over the place

[cyborgkoala]

i was going to suggest we create a recognized scooby doo day and googled and found out this was a thing. see ya’ll 9/13 

[cyborgkoala]

Story concept

The Zoomer ouija board: it’s just a keyboard in your messaging app, but the spirits control it.  however, it’s novelty keyboard that only allows you to send emojis/memes/reaction images. For added layers, imagine this is some victorian ghost trying to figure out how to communicate in emmojis

[cabbagegunk]

im literally obsessed with my roommates family. they have this tiny ass puppy and you’re never gonna fucking guess what this thing is called

[cabbagegunk]

beefcake craig

[juulcourse]

abab

assigned born at birth

[sprachtraeume]

assigned baby at birth

[thegreatjackal]

all babies are bastards

[birf]

the People pleaser in me setting exactly one☝️ boundary

[birf]

That was the wrONG GIF

[birf]

Actually no it still works it’s pretty accurate

[evilwizard]

*moving expired potions from the shelf labeled Healing to the shelf labeled Poisons*

[evilwizard]

*moving expired Poisons to the shelf labeled Potential Mountain Dew Flavors*

[strawberry-crocodile]

Pro-Capitalist’s defense of capitalism is just explaining how it works, and then when you say “yes I know, I just think it shouldn’t be like that” they explain it to you again but angrier this time

[strawberry-crocodile]

They say “It’s fair because the people who own capital earn all the rewards” and then you say “I dont think owning capital entitles you to all the profits” and then their brain short circuits

[strawberry-crocodile]

“He invested capital”

“Yes and then a thousand other people did work while he sat around and profited.”

“But… he invested capital….”

[strawberry-crocodile]

they literally CAN NOT FATHOM that I know how capitalism works and just oppose it on moral grounds

[pinkprincessrei-deactivated2020]

ARE YOU A BONE OR BLOOD PERSON.

ARE YOU A VOID OR ABYSS PERSON.

ARE YOU A ROT OR DUST PERSON.

[massivelimestonecube]

tumblr glitched and decided to display this post with a slight tremor and i thought i was hallucinating but i managed to record it

[cyborgkoala]

We’ve all done things that we regret.

I mean, no one is perfect. That’s okay. Being imperfect is what makes us great, the ability to learn and strive to do better.

But still our mistakes haunt us, and sometimes keep us up all night.

What I’m trying to say is that yesterday I farted on a baby.

[inkandscales]

Sitic no

[actualsurana]

Sitic how does that even happen

[cyborgkoala]

Alright story time. I was helping a customer with phones when I felt it. That tight pressure. The sense that something horrible, beyond the understanding of man, wanted out.

Now anyone who knows me knows I normally don’t worry about gas. We all do it. The pope farts. Neil Gaiman farts. Your favorite actor farts.

But I could feel that this was going to be bad, and I was with a customer. I tried to hold it back. Like the boy with his finger in the dike. Like the Spartans at Thermopylae.

Alas, I was bested. So I choose my moment when the people I was helping were discussing the phones they were stuck between, and did my best to keep it quiet.

Quiet it was indeed, and horrid. Like the angel of death had pursed his lips and released the ghosts of meals past from the 9th circle of hell. I’m glancing around to see if i was caught, releasing this stench demon upon the unsuspecting public.

thankfully the people I was with were still aruging the merits of smartphones vs paying ten dollars less a month and seemed oblivious to the doom gently wafting out. 

The I looked the other way, and saw some people checking out our tvs- currently playing the trailer for Man of Steel. They seemed totally absorbed, which is only understandable..but I realized they left their cart behind me.

And in this cart was a a baby carrier.

Angled to face me. In the cart, not attached to the little seat thing.

Right in the danger zone. 

So I’m looking at this kid- gotta be practically a newborn. And I’m feeling horrible. I’m wondering if i might have killed it. Cept then I catch it’s eye.

Now, I have seen a lot of baby face expressions. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen an infant wearing such an offended look on their little potato heads.  

This was the turning point. I’d felt bad, but now.. it’s like: this kid only exists to eat, sleep, and excrete.  I’m sure they’ve done way worse in their short time then fart on someone. And they /dare give me /that/ look?

So i kinda jut my chin a little bit, and put on my most expressive face. ‘Yeah, that just happened. Welcome to life, kid.“ 

Then i sold a cellphone to melody of a child crying. 

[cyborgkoala]

Apparently people have forgotten my legend. 

[youareinlovetv]

How queer is tumblr? (Sexual Identity)

What is your sexual orientation?

Straight

Lesbian

Gay

Bisexual/Pansexual

Asexual

Aromantic

Aroace

Queer

I identify with multiple of these

Other

Voting ended onFeb 12, 2023

[cyborgkoala]

I'm confused, Where's Vanilla extract?

[escuerzoresucitado]

[agayjewishwerewolf]

Sound on for this one

[fucktoyfelix]

daily reminder that 'porn addiction' is a myth perpetuated by far right evangelical groups.

As long as your porn consumption is not interfering with your work or social life, it's considered normal.

Actual psychology research shows that people who identify as 'porn addicts' don't actually consume more porn than average. What do they have in common? They were raised to view sex as shameful.

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-04888-001

[mistress-vera-lane]

The only missing link in this article is that it’s based on self-reporting. How is self-reporting linked to diagnosis? Are doctors diagnosing patients based on self-reporting alone? How hard is it to ask how porn is ruining someone’s life?

[fucktoyfelix]

Hey Im a psychology major, "porn addiction" is actually not a diagnosis that doctors give. It's not included in the DSM-5 at all!

This is largely because peer reviewed science on the subject doesn't support that it's a real mental illness on its own. Sadly all the top google results though, are evangelical organizations posing as "scientific" to spread the idea that porn addiction is a real problem... they're just anti-sex. Which is why its so important to combat their VERY well funded misinformation campaigns.

[0littleblue0]

OP is getting so muck hate for this post that in no way says the children should be given access to porn by people that keep accusing them of wanting to give children access to porn

[self-loving-vampire]

Despite hanging out with fellow perverts every day, I have only met one single “porn addict” in my entire life.

Said person was simply depressed and clinging to anything that could make them feel good. If not masturbation, it would have been anything else that could accomplish that.

[fucktoyfelix]

Yep! Clinincally, compulsive porn consumption IS a thing and its generally considered a symptom of depression. (though it can happen with other mental illness too, like OCD)

Treatment focuses on relieving said depression, because experience has shown that calling depressed people "porn addicts" and putting them into anti porn treatment programs christian conversion therapies makes both problems MUCH WORSE

[fucktoyfelix]

"porn addiction" isnt a diagnosis or a symptom recognized by doctors.

"compulsive porn consumption" is not a diagnosis, but it is a symptom!

hope that makes sense

[patrickrennie]

Masturbation releases dopamine which can push back against the brain chemistry of depression. Not as well as actual medication, but sometimes you have to make do with the tools you have available.

[fucktoyfelix]

Definitely true! If i had to guess, I'd say that most depressed people who masturbate for relief are still not doing so in a maladaptive way.

Behavior is only considered compulsive when the compulsion overrides or prevents daily life. Such as, regularly turning down opportunities to connect with friends and family in favor of masturbation...as well as missing school or work.

As you can imagine this symptom isn't actually all that common. Definitely not as common as "porn addict" advocates would have people believe.

Masturbation in moderation can actually be a really healthy outlet for most people, especially when faced with alternatives such as self harm or substance abuse.

[fucktoyfelix]

Theres honestly a lot of bad propaganda about abuse in the porn industry too. Ever since covid, most porn stars switched to direct to consumer platforms like fansly or onlyfans. That means most porn is now directed and controlled directly by the women and queer people who perform in it.

Even with studios? I've worked with studios and have always been treated with professionalism, this is the most common experience my peers report.

But "sex worker has fun on set with respectful studio" doesn't make money as a documentary...so people who don't work in the industry only hear the very worst. Abuse happens in every industry, the spotlight it gets in sex work is....disproportionate. In my opinion, due to people's distain for the existence of sex workers and porn in general.

Criticism of abusive people and studios in this industry IS important...so why do critics never name specific problem studios? They want porn banned, not made safer.

[cyborgkoala]

I’m having my first tumblr 2023 experience, being followed by a pornbot. 

[mlarayoukai-archive]

You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care

[tgttos]

cat who hacksd the no fly list literally my hero

[cyborgkoala]

https://crimew.shop/ Is a link for all the maia-stans out there

[cyborgkoala]

The weird part about hacking back into my blog five years later : the bulk of people i followed no longer post.  So there’s very few posts per day on my dash, and half of them are people i know very well, And half of them are completely unfamiliar, and i have to play the game of ‘different blog name’, mutual i don’t remember, ...who are you?

[cyborgkoala]

On the topic of corporate crimes

How have the executives at TLC avoided justice for so long?