the fear of waves

insta: svgar.queen | rants and writing

[cymophobia]

Did it hurt? When you realized that because of the intrinsic human desire to love and form connection you had become emotionally attached to people that don’t even exist? 

[cymophobia]

I want the catharsis of knowing Something bad’s about to happen But also knowing that I can’t do anything about it

(Banks by Lincoln)

[cymophobia]

Fool

The magnolia bloomed too early this year.

I watch her petals glow in the darkness.

They wither without warmth

until no sweetness remains.

The air is grayscale,

silent and empty and waiting.

Isn’t it a tragedy that,

full of anticipation and vulnerability,

the magnolia destroyed herself?

Her eager white lips litter the

cold, hard earth.

There was so much she could’ve been.

Wind sighs in my ears,

but I am the only one who can feel it.

The sky is dark, velvet blue.

The kind of blue limited to

songs and poems.

The kind of blue that doesn’t exist without us.

A chill from the patio rises through my socks.

It has done this before and will do it again.

I hope his flight landed safely,

though I know he will not tell me.

Somewhere, something is whistling.

I retreat into the yellow warmth behind me

as if I have learned anything.

It is far too cold for April first,

and I am once again the fool

mourning the magnolia.

[cymophobia]

I was full of potential energy and I used all of it to destroy myself

[cymophobia]

You deserve to feel valued. Not just tolerated.

[cymophobia]

It is strange how I have started to miss you. Always. Subtly. In ways I don't even want to admit. I wonder what you are doing, how you are feeling. Do you think of me? I barely even notice it. An ache I have gotten used to. I hate that I am aching for you.

[cymophobia]

Someone unfollowed me. That's so sad. I still miss din djarin u just had to be patient man

[cymophobia]

I want to love and be loved

[cymophobia]

it’ll all just keep happening,

y’know? as inevitable as a doctor’s appointment

tomorrow will melt into tomorrow will melt into

tomorrow. 

i am breathing and breathing and 

breathing 

and one day that breath will hitch and 

stop but not yet

i still have life yet to live

a thousand more “you”s to address 

the music will never stop speeding up.

[cymophobia]

Perfume by Lovejoy, I Wish I Could Hate You by Brielle Lesley, Playdate by Melanie Martinez

[cymophobia]

I am very convinced that life is poetry. There is no way that it is just a collection of randomness and molecules. It rhymes. You are reminded of your first heartbreak while staring at the ocean ten years later. Every night you take a picture of the sky. Years are like translucent reels of film, and if you layered them on top of each other, you would see the same picture in different colors. The feeling that we have been here before and will be here again. I will always be 15, breathing the sweetness of incoming rain and wondering why I don't have the love I think I deserve.

[cymophobia]

Learning that other people are in the same situation as me is actually NOT comforting. Like wym you ALSO have a guy that usually ignores you but sometimes acts like he likes you so you're holding on to an attachment to him?? We can't ALL be right that he secretly likes us back but is too afraid to show it

[cymophobia]

It is time we as a society recognize that the Twilight movies are basically a perfect representation of the books and any bashing of the franchise should begin with the books.

[cymophobia]

I'm not like other girls. I'm worse.

[cymophobia]

y'all ever get those headaches that feel like you need to poke a big metal rod in your heard and then when you take it out a bunch of like swooshy evil gas will leak out and you will then feel better

[cymophobia]

just learned lobotomies actually worked most of the time..mm........hmmmmmm....

[cymophobia]

I be like "I know" but I dont