andy @cynicaltrial - Tumblr Blog

my little palace of unhealthy coping skills rants + mental health related posts . mainly depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder

#mental health #bpd #borderline personality disorder #living with borderline #borderline blog #depression disorder #depression diary #tw mental illness #tw

andy, u have a counseling appointment in two days. why not tell her all these feelings you're having?

no. i accidently created a better version of myself in front of her and now she can't know how disgusting my brain is.

#completely defeats the point of counseling #but yk #📓lets talk #bpd #mental health #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #anxiety #vent blog

cynicaltrial

unfortunately, my life hasn't gotten worse, and therfore i have no justified reason to make myself suffer. sad times

now sounds like a good time to die

#too many things happening before the end of the year #i wish i could be in a coma instead #trust. if i could take meds and know it wouldn't just paralyze me i would #sighs #lets go home and hurt and nap away these feelings !#yeah !#📓lets talk #bpd #mental health #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #anxiety disorder #vent blog #vent #tw

unfortunately, my life hasn't gotten worse, and therfore i have no justified reason to make myself suffer. sad times

is it bad to be excited for the possibility to get worse for a while?

#told them not to but my doctor insists on taking me off my meds #im dreading the idea of being unable to sleep again #but im also excited?#because now i have an actual reason to do nothing and feel miserable #is this self destructive?#yeah probably #tell me im not the only one who thinks like this #📓lets talk #bpd #borderline blog #mental health #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #anxiety disorder #vent blog #tw

nightmare. i wonder if everyone would abandon me if they found out i had such terrible coping skills

#i try to tell myself ifs okay dangerous kinks and such are normal and i dont support anything bad irl #but oh #my nightmares are increasing #im scsred #fhehre gonna hate me #maybe indeserve to be hated for this #📓lets talk #vent blog

what if all my friends secreltly hated me? man that would be crazy haha. (im going to think about this for an eternity and make myself suffer)

#📓lets talk #bpd #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #mental health #social anxiety #vent post #vent blog

cynicaltrial

i need to bleed more i need to bleed more i need to get worse i need someone to encourage me getting worse i need to rip my skin off

cynicaltrial

want to bleed in the bath. wanna be held as someone gently rubs away the blood on my skin. wanna be kissed and told "its okay". want support for my self harm but i cant imagine upsetting someone with actions that aren't meant to hurt them, but only myself.

im a terrible friend who cant be happy for those who get what i want before me

#this is why i should be alone #i dont blame anyone for abandoning me when i feel so angry #whatever #i want to die.#bpd #mental health #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #spiral #tw #📓lets talk #vent blog

slowly slipping away from my friends as i stop texting first.

#bpd #mental health #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #living with borderline #spiral #depression disorder #actually borderline #vent blog #📓lets talk

i hate bpd. im having a wonderful day but then im reminded the people around me are struggling and i cant help. now i feel anxious . i need to die . need to hurt need to hurt ohhhg.

#watching my comfort show #but i cant wait for it to end and i can slip away and hurt #whats wrong with me #its not even a big deal #their relationship issues is not my problem #so why am i so affected #bpd #mental health #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #spiral #📓lets talk #tw sh implied #tw mental illness

want to bleed in the bath. wanna be held as someone gently rubs away the blood on my skin. wanna be kissed and told "its okay". want support for my self harm but i cant imagine upsetting someone with actions that aren't meant to hurt them, but only myself.

#i need help #mmmgg #i think ill take a bath today #lets get fucked up with mama!#📓lets talk #vent #tw sh implied #tw blood #tw depressing thoughts #mental health #bpd #borderline blog #depression disorder #spiral #vent blog

me telling my friends not to die while knowing i am actively trying to die: betrayal at its finest

#idk i giggled #i sooo wanna just take something and fall asleep forever but i cant do that #wanting to be gone but not wanting to die forever >>>#sighs #📓lets talk #bpd #mental health #borderline blog #borderline personality disorder #depression disorder #spiral #actually borderline #living with borderline #tw sui ideation #tw #tw sh implied

macabrevampire

who up dealing w chronic suicidal ideation

#⛈️ reblogs

i need to bleed more i need to bleed more i need to get worse i need someone to encourage me getting worse i need to rip my skin off

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