🌹Rose🌹

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[jjwolves]

SPEAKING OF COMMUNION

What: [NumberOneRatedSalesman1997] X [Reader]

Fear: WHY BE [Afraid] WHEN YUO CAN [BuyMore]!1!

Price: 755 KROMER

Proud Owner: SPAM--SPAMTON G SPAMTON

Warnings: DON'T TRU5T WHAT [You] SEE ON [TV]!!1!

When Spamton realized he was in love, he knew he had some things to scrounge up. For one, he needed to find some [kromer] if he was going to be able to afford a [Commemorative Ring] for you. Naturally, he pretty much knew you were the one right from the start, and in his mind, if you liked a car on the lot, you needed to get it before anyone else could. So, money. Ring. Fast. And he'd be damned if he was gonna put that other ring on you.

Another thing to find was his mind. Spamton knew he was screwed up, and on top of that, knew how easy it was to make the wrong decision. Lucidity wasn't his strong suit, sure, but he was keenly aware that you were his [shot] at happiness, and he yours. This was one thing he wouldn't mess up--one person whose skies he could still clear. When you told him he was staying in your home, he felt like he was cruising on some sort of new road that wasn't on the map. It was a good feeling, he decided. "THIS PLACE FEEL$ [Five Star Rating]!!! 4ND 4ND 4ND I HAVE [Hot Babes In] !? DEAL!!! B3ST DEAL!!! LET5 [Shake On It]."You decided a kiss was better, even if Spamton turned red like he was about to explode, murmuring something about watching out for his nose.

Spamton really gasses you up on just about everything you do, citing "evidence" from his life to make it seem more "obvious". He means well, but Spamton reminiscing on anything is usually a word-disaster."YO'UR [pan-fried] [CAAAAAKE] IS [Get Outta Town]!!! [Number1RatedSalesman1997] WOULD KNOW, [Luxurious Hotels] WAS MY [House] UNTIL MY LIFE [gone down the drain]! BOY, DID IT [IT BURNS!] [IT BURNS!]! GRE4T COOKING BY THE W4Y! [IT BURNS!] WITH FLAVOR! [IT BURNS!]" The incredibly loud sound bytes are disturbing enough to get you to launch over the counter and hold Spamton's mouth shut so you can try to salvage the mood you two had earlier. When you slowly remove your hands and sit down in front of him, he does his best to choke back a deranged cackle (after shoving another whole pancake into his mouth). "...[We Apologize for the Inconvenience]."

You like Spamton, you love Spamton. And you like him for who he is now, not who he could possibly be in the future. And that means accepting that he's quick to pull a scam on you. He's tried a few things before. "[Invest] IN TWENT%Y PER%ENT OF THOSE [Magazine Special] [Custom Suits] AND I'LL [Pay...] YOU BACK [100% Guarantee] [Suits]!!!" And that was just one instance. His newest scheme? He knows you like to kiss him ([HEAVEN] knows why), and that... He can use that. One day, he's nowhere to be found until you go outside. He's waiting for you at a ramshackle storefront with a sign that says "KI##ING BOOTH". Crossing your arms, you ask if it's a kissing or killing booth, because killing booths aren't allowed. Spamton... smiles. "EAHAHAHEAH! DO I [Look like the kinda guy who] [homicides]!? DON'T ANSWER THAT. IT'S OBVIOU5LY A [Romantical] BOOTH!!!" When you ask him how much a kiss costs, he replies, "NORMALLY I'D SELL MY [Beautiful] [MOUTH] AT 1997 MILLION KROMER, BUT FOR YOU IT'S [On the] !" He looks at you with eerie intensity as he jitters about in place. Deciding to humor him, you kiss his nose. "KROMER. [On the] KROMER. THAT WILL B3 [Five. Hundred.] KROMER. YOU SHOULD REALLY LET A SALESMAN [Finish His Pitch]!!!" Sighing, you get out your wallet so Spamton can have a snack. Better get used to it.

Spamton knows that it's pretty unethical to scam your partner, but he figures that he'll be investing it into something you'll (hopefully) be wearing for the rest of your life, so really you're spending it on you. So it's fine! He just hopes that you know how much he cares. His voice and his face don't really do a good job at getting across what he's feeling, so he hopes that you know it wasn't a coincidence that his soundbytes have started including a lot of lines from movies you said you loved. He hopes you know that the weird blue fried food in your fridge is more for you than him. He hopes that you know he thinks you look amazing in sky blue, even if all he could offer at the time was incomprehensible laughter. He hopes you know that every penny he's managed to con out of you was for a very [specil] ring... He hopes that you know!

[tiernablue]

WereNeo AU [Prev / Link to masterpost]

your hud is a mess dude Prev / Next

[normal-sane-era]

500 cigarettes

[sillystell]

Feeling not 100% confident in my art. I draw creature to comfort myself.

[owlgams]

Monch momch

[salartmander]

Sneo I drew a while back!!

[hirngespinst-phi]

💘 Happy Valentines! 💘

[wouldsmoochapuppet]

buncha close-to-on-model sneo snuggles

[owlgams]

An email could last forever, a Tv can't

[bfire9999]

His whole body spinning around would be pretty scary (probably)

[greysave8]

He's just a goofy little guy

[gluttonybiscuits]

You're brought out of working at your computer by the sound of Spamton muttering to himself from across the room. The last time you checked up on him was about an hour ago, asking if he wanted any help with whatever it was he had been occupied with. He declined the offer so you shrugged and went on with your job. Now though, you can't help but let your curiosity from before bleed into your words.

"Spam, hun. What on EARTH are you doing over there??" You push your chair away from the work desk and spun around to face him. He himself didn't bother looking up from a cardboard box he was searching through, leaving his lower torso and legs comically hanging outside. You cross your arms and snicker to yourself at the display, making him pop his head out to finally look at you, glasses tilted downward from his previous position. He squints his eyes at you.

"WH4T? [[What? What?! WHAT??!]] [Done-zo!] WITH [[The cust0mers' always Right!!]]?" Spamton looks back down at the box with a frown before apparently deciding it wasn't worth anymore of his time, promptly hopping out, fixing his lenses.

You shake your head. "Not yet, was just checking up on you. But I guess you're finished?" You look at the time on your monitor, noticing how late it has gotten. Looking back at the Addison, you smile and stand up from the office chair to stretch. "What'd you say about grabbing dinner? I need a break and it's my turn to treat."

Perking up at the prospect of food, Spamton scampers over to walk by your side and grabs your awaiting hand, not before snatching up the keyring hanging off the hook in the kitchenette. You thank him for remembering to grab it before heading out, hand in hand. The short walk to the nearest fast food joint was filled with Spamton's endless chatter, him naturally an expert at talking about everything that's on his mind. You listen with a small smile, gently swinging your entwined hands as he walks on the side adjacent the road.

"-AND THE [[Only YOU can prevent forest fires]] EXTINGUISHER WAs NOWHER E TO BE[bee] FOUND. NOWHERE!!" He threw his free arm up with a frustrated huff and you chuckle at his expressive body language. Even once you both entered the restaurant and ordered your food, he didn't stop to take a breath as he continued to recount his week. While waiting for your order number to be called, you not-so-subtle pushed a cup of water his way. You watch on in mild amusement as it appears Spamton didn't even realize he was taking sips from the straw, going right back into telling his story the moment his teeth were unoccupied.

The only thing that actually pauses him is you bringing over the food to the table on a tray. You know his eyes are sparkling under his colored shades. This man always crumbles under food.

"THANK Y0<3u [SWEETHEART]" Spamton grins before tearing into his meal like a feral animal. You laugh and take in his thanks with a smile, not far behind with your own dinner.

[eatscrayonzsadly]

Drew my sweet friend @d3addoberman for the fun of it. Super happy with how it turned out and hope that they like it too 💖

[d3addoberman]

My husband and I uwu

(I'm kneeling to his height we love a short king lmao)

[extrashortshorts]

🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧Brbrbrbrbbrbrbrbrbbrbrrbb🫧🫧🫧🫧🫧

[alonzoarts]

I missed him so [$#@$]ing much

[owlgams]

Spampton

[d3addoberman]

Sketches of me and Spamton uwu