Stay just a little longer... #1 princex of the whole wide world! 23, I'm Vanilla poly, ace, omniromantic, arospike he/it/luck/doll/bun/pup/she (just a general bpd/yandere vent blog) check out my art account: @luckypuppyshake
I'm Ditzy Vanilla! The dumbest, prettiest, most devoted puppy on the internet. I'm uber cute and uber special!!! You could even say I'm the number one princex of the whole wide world!
🫧Arf! Check my digs~🕳️🐕🫧
Diagnosed w/ BPD! ADHD! and PTSD! this is my vent space, arf!
(I don't claim to be a real yandere-irl, I personally don't commit to the toxicity that lifestyle can bring outside of the internet)
DNI- pro-ana!, thinsp0!, m!k! My page is mostly sfw but that doesn't mean my page is for minors. I talk about trigging topics such as:
TW/CW: cannibalism, romanization of ab//se, romantization of selfh//rm, romantization of mental illness, mentions of dr//gs and alcohol, blasphemy
Addendum to minors/people under the age of 18: My account isn't for you but I don't mind you liking or reblogging, or following me as long as you're not participating in k!nk. My account is aimed mostly sft stuff, but please don't interact with *me*. I won't text back. I am not interested in being friends with minors either.
My account is my safe space! If you know me irl, get outta here, silly!
I'm a 22, a furry, a multi-fandom nerd, a bigender(he/it/she/+neos), asexual arojump, polyamorous,
I'm a firm believer in anti genocide, anti-racism, pro blm, stop Asian hate, socialism, feminism and acab
I hate transphobia, terfs and trans-meds.
Dms are open, I'm very socialble. I welcome creepy texts too! Parasocials are okay!
🫧Tags #woof🐕
#yearning for a playmate - general yearning lol
#you are my playmate - I am being parasocial with you, but please remember I am just a blog from a person miles away from you. I can't really love you the way you truly deserve.
#look at this hole I dug - my personal art
#musings of a puppy - my poetry
#puppyreblogs - general reblogs
#puppychewtoy - vents
#barking at the mirror- these posts are just like me fr
#unfortunately human - to be a yandere is to be disillusioned from reality, this is a wake up for when I want to speak outside of my yandere persona
Obsession (2026), Autonomy, Misogyny, and the Horror of Being Wanted While Having BPD
small A/N: In no way am I claiming Obession(2026) is a metaphor for having bpd or asexuality. I am using my experiences as a person who is asexual with bpd, and love for yanderes as a lens.
Tldr; It's a love story about possession. Bear doesn't love Nicki as a person; he loves the idea of having her. When he takes away her autonomy, Wish Nicki becomes a mask forced onto Real Nicki rather than a separate person. The film's misogyny is reflected both in Bear's treatment of Nicki and in how everyone around them treats Bear as the victim while ignoring Nicki's suffering. As an asexual person with BPD, I connected deeply with Wish Nicki's forced performance of desire, because she embodies the painful experience of sacrificing parts of yourself in hopes of being loved.
I think what really disturbs me about Obsession (2026) is that Bear couldn't even be selfish enough to love the version of Nicki that he forced into existence. This is a long post btw.
Going into the ending, I kept thinking that if Bear was selfish enough to take away Real Nicki's autonomy, then he should have been selfish enough to love the person he created. Not because it would make what he did okay. But because Real Nicki's autonomy was stolen from her and if I felt that if Bear ever loved her at all, he would try to honor her by loving her through the difficulties. Through and through. Her choices were stolen and replaced by his. At the end of the day, there were really only two options left. Either live with the consequences of what you've done, or run from them.
And Bear chooses to run. And that's what frustrates me so much. You already ruined her life. You already made a choice that cannot be undone. You already forced someone else to bear the consequences of your desires. So why continue hurting her? Why continue rejecting her? Why continue making the situation worse? The least you can do is accept responsibility for the reality you created. Instead, Bear spends the entire film trying to escape responsibility. He wants the fantasy, but not the reality of maintaining it. He wants ownership without obligation. He always told her what she was doing wrong, while ignoring that his wish forces her to be passenger in her own body. How can she control when she has no control. How can she be? When she never was. Wish Nicki has no concept of who Nicki was because Nicki never was a person to Bear. I'm not saying he didn't care about her, but he couldn't care about her enough to not continually hurt her. It was always about what she did for him emotionally. The ending especially frustrates me because Bear's answer ultimately is taking himself out. When he chickened out of the revolver, (and maybe this is personal,) but I understand not wanting to die. I understand fear. I understand wanting to escape unbearable guilt. I understand not wanting to pull the trigger. I don't think that makes someone weak. What bothers me is that Bear never even tries to do the harder thing. He opts for the pills instead. Even in that scenario, Bear cowardice prevails as he goes to puke them up. But then Wish Nicki makes a wish for him to love her. Because he never loved. He never could've loved her in the beginning.
He never tries to live with what he's done. He never tries to love the person he forced into existence. He never tries to sit with the discomfort of seeing the consequences of his actions reflected back at him every single day. Because if your obsession is powerful enough to justify taking away someone's autonomy, then surely it should be powerful enough to survive the discomfort of loving the person you've created. But it isn't
And that's the moment where Bear's obsession completely falls apart for me. Because his love was never actually about Nicki. It was about possession.
I think you could really read Wish Nicki as basically a second person but personally I don't. I don't. Wish Nicki never felt like her own character to me.
She feels like a mask. A role. A performance forced onto Real Nicki. That's why I don't read her erratic movements and contradictory statements as evidence of two distinct people fighting for control. I read them as evidence that the mask isn't working. The performance keeps cracking. The script keeps failing. The body keeps resisting. The mask says she's happy. The mask says she loves Bear. The mask says this is what she wants. But something underneath keeps pushing back. Something underneath knows that none of this was her choice. I have a personal theory that some level of consciousness from Real Nicki is still buried beneath everything. Not necessarily in a literal supernatural sense. More in the sense that autonomy cannot be erased so cleanly. The film keeps showing us these moments where the performance breaks down. Wish Nicki moves strangely. She says conflicting things. She is constantly creating distance from herself and Bear when the closeness gets too much. She blames Bear while comforting him. She looks distressed while insisting she's happy. Nothing about her feels stable because the role itself is unstable. She's being forced to perform a version of herself that was never chosen. And eventually the strain starts showing. What makes it even sadder is that the mask itself begins trying to fulfill its purpose. She's making lunch, trying to care and nurture her broth. Wish Nicki spends the entire film trying to become what Bear wants. Although, I headcanon that Real Nicki was poisoning the results, like using the dead cat as meat for the sandwich. A nicie gesture is corrupted. They could've chosen to have Wish Nicki use her hair or nails or blood, like what you would expect from an obsession gone too far trope but it's almost like the biting note accompanied the pictures that say Not Me. It's like Real Nicki was crying for help in a way. Wish Nicki is begging to be loved. Real Nicki is begging to be heard. And somehow even that isn't enough for him, either way. That's the cruelty of it all. Bear creates a version of Nicki whose entire existence revolves around loving him, and he still rejects her. There's also a layer of misogyny running through the film, that I'm sure others have touched on. To me, Bear is constantly treated like the victim in the story he portrays to his friends and outsiders. Even when Nicki's behavior becomes increasingly alarming, people are looking for ways to understand her unexplained behavior except for looking at Bear. They ask what's happening to him. Ian speculates that she's on Molly. The people of the party are clearly disapproving of their relationships but no one truly reaches out to help her. Because she is scaring them, which to me reinforces the misogyny motif because women have to act a certain way when they are experiencing intense emotions. People are scared of a woman who is losing her mind. And they will choose to skirt around it and placate to the abuser while the victim is acting out. No one asks her, or we can't see anyone question what Bear could be doing to her.
The concern is never for Nicki's autonomy. The concern is for Bear's comfort. And that's fascinating because Nicki is the actual victim of the story. Bear lies repeatedly. He damages her relationships. He worsens her social standing. He isolates her. He manipulates situations to protect himself. Like in the car when he told Sarah that Nicki is just grieving her father's health, he lies to her
Yet everyone keeps looking at Nicki as the problem that needs explaining.
That feels painfully familiar.
Because women are constantly expected to justify their behavior while men are given the benefit of the doubt. Nicki becomes a mystery to solve instead of a victim to protect. What's especially tragic is that the film quietly reminds us that Real Nicki was a complete person before Bear ever touched her autonomy. We learn that she likes crystals. We learn that she takes Molly. We learn that she's supportive and a kind person, when she gives Sarah's 20 dollars to someone sitting outside a building. She can messy and complicated like her relationship with Ian.
We learn little fragments of a life that exists outside of Bear's perspective. The film keeps dropping hints that there is an entire human being here. A person with desires, contradictions, secrets, relationships, and experiences that have nothing to do with Bear.
But because the story is filtered through his perspective, we only ever receive fragments. And I think that's intentional. Because Bear doesn't see Nicki as a complete person. He sees her as an object for his fantasy.
Even when the film gives us evidence that there's more to her, Bear never really engages with it. Because he doesn't want Nicki. He wants her sex. He wants her companionship. Her womanly comfort.
Maybe that's why this movie felt so personal to me. As an asexual person with BPD, I spend a lot of time thinking about the difference between wanting love and wanting sex. My relationship with desire has never been straightforward. I can feel indifferent toward sex while simultaneously craving intimacy, affection, validation, and connection. And sometimes those needs become tangled together. Sometimes the desire to be loved becomes so loud that it drowns everything else out. Sometimes loving someone feels like putting on a mask and comforting them until cracks inevitably form and I resent them.
I recognize the mask. I recognize the performance. I recognize the feeling of becoming the version of yourself that you think will finally earn someone's affection. Not because it's who you are. Because it's who you think they want. Watching Wish Nicki felt uncomfortably familiar because she often seems disconnected from her own feelings. The body continues performing. The smile stays in place.
The reassurance continues. But internally something feels absent.
Something feels detached.
There were moments where it felt less like she was participating and more like she was enduring, like during the sex scene. Countless times have I disassociated under someone, and they hear nothing but my encouragement, while the inside of me rots with boiling anger that men reap pleasures from my womanhood
And that hit me harder than any of the horror elements. Because I know what it feels like to want love badly enough that you start ignoring yourself. I know how misogyny can force you into loving a man who doesn't truly give two shits about you.
I know what it feels like to prioritize being wanted over being understood, even though you're inviting people to see you. Hence, why Nicki leaves the door open for Bear to announce his feeling before he makes a wish.
I know what it feels like to wonder whether someone desires you as a person or simply desires what you can provide. And that's ultimately why Obsession affected me so deeply.
Not because it's a story about obsession
It's a story of when a woman stops being seen as a human being and starts being treated as a role. And the most horrifying part is that a man is willing to ignore and subjugate you, instead of loving you.
No matter how good the fantasy of the mask is. The real ugly truth will always creep in, that men will take your agency and exploit your desires for closeness to cover up their own emptiness.
still thinking about obsession and maybe it's the asexual in me but that's the part that gets me most about the movie. he didn't actually want her love. love can look like fucking anything. it didn't have to be that. what bear actually wanted was sex. he wanted her body. he wanted a woman he could own, who exists only for his benefit. his wish turned nikki into an obsessive, sexual object because that's what love is for him. that's how he wants to be "loved". he can't conceive of it any other way. love and romance are the same thing to him because he doesn't know and doesn't care to know what love is outside of that.
My darling, is your skin cold yet? The summer is approaching and I sense its time for you to go again. Are you leaving without your coat, again? I know I am loose. I am threadbare. I know I am no luxury brand but I care and I want to keep you warm. Every time I see you head out that door, I ache to cling to your skin. I want to shield you from these harsh elements that come to you. I know I am just a coat but I want you to see me as a blanket. But every button on this cotton cares for you. How can I tell you without losing stitches, that you're everything and the second you walk out that door without me on, I'll be waiting. Just me and my coat hanger waiting, just until you feel cold enough to wear me again.
I wanna be the sky that you bask in. The effervescent blue that you send your prayers to. The vast expanse raining little kisses upon your skin.
If that doesn't work...if its all I can be I wanna be the ground you walk on. I won't think twice because wherever you want to go I'll cut that path into myself. All for you. I'll never guide you wrong.
I weep because I crave the feel of my teeth against your throat. Who am I to take from you when truly I want your mouth to sink just a bit further when you're biting me. Why can't this last forever, why can't I just consume you forever? God gave me a limited feast when he offered abundance. Good food is gone too soon and something is too finite about devouring you. It hurts because you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You challenge me to be selfish to gulp you all down but my throat closes, I lose myself to a sob because I do want to... I do...But I rather it be you. You deserve that nourishment. Couldn't you live with that sin upon your breath better than I?
