Quinn had never talked of such things with a student, at least when it came to personal rather than in theory and semantics. Actually, as he thought about it now, he’d never really talked to anyone about these things outside of his claim. And even then, well, it was clear there left much to be desired. Quinn had never thought himself a prude, though he wondered why this absence wasn’t something he had realized sooner. His own thoughts and desires and fantasies stayed mostly kept inside his mind, and how he’d never even thought to discuss them with anyone - barely even open to himself. And sure, he might blush and stumble through a few words now, but no one had given him this comfort to discuss things like Riley. He felt freer but also that the other genuinely wanted to know and cared. That thought frightened him and excited him both at the same time.
That same train of feeling continued, and Quinn looked up suddenly as he felt the other’s hand on his. It was a small thing but felt like so much, a sincere comfort but also that bit of spark, of wanting more. ‘I think you’re right about connection.’ So did that mean Riley felt it too? He gave a small smile in reply, nodding his head. Not enough, something more - both phrases that tumbled through his mind, even more often now. “How do you know?” He asked, tone genuine and wondering. “How can you tell what seems to fit, what seems right versus that… well, that something more that truly clicks perfectly into place?”
And was it enough of an answer in itself that Quinn posed the question? Because for years things had seemed right. And even now, they didn’t seem wrong, per say. But he knew, when he let himself be entirely truthful, that his match, his claim didn’t fit. Upon closer inspection you could see it, he thought. That mismatched connection that left him constantly aching under his skin, burning for more. Could Riley be that person for him?
A moment later, Quinn stopped himself from frowning when he slipped his hand away. He gave a short shrug. “I’m certain I’ve made mistakes or acted out of turn. But no, I don’t think even then would I, or anyone else, consider it to be a wild thing.” There was a pause before he found the courage to pose his own question. “And you?” He asked, voice a bit lower than before. “Have you ever done anything wild?” The sub nearly felt himself looking away after asking such a question, but he didn’t, making his gaze stay on the other. Still, that didn’t stop him from unconsciously biting at the inside of his lip.
And it seemed that it was too easy for Quinn to get distracted with Riley. That he was so comfortable that his normal filter seemed to be fractured. “Especially me.” The words left his lips before he even understood them, this gut reaction. It took a moment for him to even process such a thought had been said out loud, though his reaction was clear once he realized. His eyes widened slightly, and he fought between trying to explain himself out of the implication or ignoring his own statement entirely. Somehow, he found a third option. “Yes,” he said slowly, not quite meeting the other’s eyes. “Anyone….. Including me.”
It was an impossible question - how do you know? One that Riley didn’t have the answer too. As much as he wished he could have told Quinn he knew, with absolute certainty, that they were exactly where they were meant to be, science was against them. Sure he believed in fate but what was that other than a kind name for coincidence? And even if there was an inexplicable pull between them it wasn’t real. It was something else. Something unable and unknowable beyond the buzzing in his fingertips that begged him to touch Quinn again. There was no fact in this. No definitive method to determine the outcome. Only a strange but welcome feeling telling him that they were meant to be together.
Common sense forbid Riley from saying any of this out loud. That was too much weight to put on a coffee date. Too many expectations to heap on a man that belonged to someone else. Quinn deserved more than to be pushed around. If he felt what Riley was feeling then he’d come to it on his own. At least, the dominant hoped so. Unrequited love was a bitch under any circumstance. He didn’t want to know what it would feel like if this surreal state of being turned into a black hole, sucking all the light and warmth out of his days.
“I suppose the latter is effortless.” I simple answer and a partial truth but accurate in Riley’s opinion. He didn’t meant to suggest the right relationship wouldn’t require any work. All relationships took time and effort. In his mind it pointed to something completely different. An awareness of the other, comfort in their company, and at the same time, a certain fearlessness. True love lifted a person up. It turned dreams into days and not just night time fantasies. “There’s nothing to question because you just know.”
A wicked grin - that looked out of place on his features - settled on Riley’s features. He was hardly the wildest man on the planet but the dominant had gotten into his fair share of trouble over the years. “Nothing that should be mentioned in polite company,” he mused, holding Quinn’s gaze. “I can’t believe you haven’t.”
He was teasing when he’d asked the question, mostly. Riley had expected him to deflect or even scold him for the mere suggestion. The answer he got was more than he could have hoped for and it left him breathless for a moment. He felt the sudden urge to ask ‘really?’ but refrained. He didn’t have to ask. Quinn said it again and when his gaze feel from Riley’s, he knew it was true. There was no reason for him to lie.
Tired of following the rules, he stood up, reaching for Quinn’s hand once more. “Come on,” he insisted. Riley didn’t bother phrasing it as a question. Some part of him knew that Quinn wouldn’t say no. “It’s time for you to do something wild.”
