[darkspaceboytoy]

Doing the Thriller eyes whenever a friend tells me their mom thinks I’m funny

[darkspaceboytoy]

Oh what is it suddenly unwoke to fuck your friends’ moms?

[darkspaceboytoy]

I thought this was the ethically dubious relationship website and you people can’t even get onboard with befriending people so you can deep dick their moms??

[darkspaceboytoy]

Girl I’m not trying to be beloved by em I’m trying to bust in em

[slygirlboy]

oh, me? yeah, im a panel 1 girl. panel 2? instant loss? no, no, i dont believe in that stuff

[slygirlboy]

the faint, muffled noises coming from the right that kind of sound like me moaning are probably just swamp gas or ball lighting

[katlovesshrimps]

I felt inspired...

[karatekamania]

the nsfw ban on Tumblr is temporarily lifted every time you scroll your for you tab at work

[galaxywarp]

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

[evvergreen]

tumblr is the website for if you're just someone's weird sister

[dawnisawound]

daddy can't take you to the woodshed today kitten. daddy needs to lock the fuck in

[pixiecaps]

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

[bitchi4mwillywonka]

dont worry, i'll be hot and funny again as soon as i'm done fighting for my life right now

[kissmeimemo]

[grootficguy]

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

[grootficguy]

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

[bucksangel]

this is immensely funny to me

[absoluteconceptofbeauty]

artist → @haaarpb

[roadkillfunerals]

[calware]

i really love this genre of image

[lunarthesugarglider]

[villaqueen]

The best part of that video is that the owner found the ORIGINAL plush later on the beach and took another video with it after their grandmother stitched it back up

[i-am-a-lonely-nerd]

I love the death grip after the toy was fixed up. Lessons were learned. Try to steal it this time you fucking bird. I dare you.

[777polaris]

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

clown gets home after a long day. tired, sweaty. peels off their colorful overalls on the way to the bathroom. gets in the shower and turns the knob. burst of confetti & ribbons from the showerhead. clown sighs. dries off with a long chain of hankies

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

she can barely get the door open before her 4 balloon dogs are squeaking in a pile in the foyer

[dazeylily]

she turns the knob on the stove and a few soft honks are heard before the burner ignites

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

she tries the wrong burner and it's a joy buzzer

[estrogenesis-eeveeangelion]

she finally finishes making a pie for dinner, sets herself a place, sits down at the table, says clown grace, pours a glass of wine, takes a sip, arranges her napkin, & smashes the pie into her own face