My Dream Last Night #3 | Love, but Impossible Love
Time of Dream: Monday, November 5th, 2018
I don't expect people to read these or to care as these are mostly for me. Also, I revamped the format of these titles because I found it hard to read years later. And lastly, I never finished my telling of my 2nd dream (which I gave a confusing title).
My memory of how this dream starts is completely fuzzy. If I had to guess, I could think of a few reasons why I was at a college/university that I didn't recognize. Here are some theories:
I transferred to this new college/university
I was supposed to meet a friend
I was considering transferring and decided to walk around the campus to see if I'd like the place (which I did)
I'm lost (probably not this one since I remember a having a sense of purpose)
(Most likely theory) I was at my real college and it morphed into a fantasized version of a college.
These "theories" probably don't matter. I can say that my memory begins to clear around the point that I enter this certain lobby room. The place had multiple lobby areas and was one huge building. The walls for the exterior of the building were blue tinted glass and the interior walls were standard warm white painted walls with surprisingly no bulletin boards. The walls would occasionally have a green or blue stripe or combination of the two especially near doorways. The doors were yellowish wooden doors similar to a high school, but there would be other door designs depending on where you are in the campus. The campus is (from what I remember) entirely indoors. Now that I have descriptions of the backgrounds of my memories, now unto events.
I was in a lobby area. My guess is that there were restrooms, an information desk, doorways that lead to halls for actual classes. I was not interested in either of these, but I do remember noticing escalators and elevators which were fully glass in the front while having blue walls with windows that left only 6 inches of actual wall bordering them on the other 3 sides. I think I entered the lobby area from exiting one of these elevators (I don't remember any lower levels so I probably just lowered to the ground floor).
My next destination was to an area of the campus that strongly resembled a shopping mall. In fact, it was probably a mall built in to be part of the campus. I decided not to find an escalator or take another elevator up to where I wanted to go (the shopping mall area was above whatever is next to the lobby which was likely a food court). I explore to find a new way up to the mall area like stairs or a ramp. I myself at a corner of the lobby area where there is a doorway that leads to a dim room with something that resembled both an elevator and an individual roller coaster car. By the time I can notice this, a group of people get on to this "elevator" which leaves. I began to wait for the "elevator" to return. As I waited, I notice some familiar faces from high school (looking back, this was most likely my brain filling the room with background people using the few people I've had to see in my life as I mainly left the house for family shopping, restaraunts, vacations, or school.)
I look around enjoying the glass walls and floor. What can I say? Of course my brain creates a building I of all people would enjoy. I then take quick glances around the people who are waiting with me. One is a girl I remember from high school. I was never friends with her, but I had to do a school project with her once and I'd been in the same class as her her a handful of times since 6th grade. Other people around me I don't immediately recognized as well.
Then, a girl walks by my right and stops about 2 feet closer to the elevator doorway from me. I was able to see face as she passed by. I don't recognize her during the dream nor do I recognize her face now. She had black (maybe very dark brown) straight hair that went about 2 inches lower than her shoulders, a side bang to her right, a nose very similar to George "Joji" Miller (look him up for reference), was wearing dark red lipstick that was so dark it may have been brown, had moderate make up including highlights at her cheeks, and could be identified as caucasian/white.
My thoughts on this girl at this point were, "Oh. She looked east Asian for a sec" "well she definitely stands out from everyone," "that's more makeup than the average college student i believe,(it was morning classes)" and "is she going on this 'elevator' too?"
The "elevator" arrives about a minute later. Me, the girl I just described, and probably two other people board the "elevator". (Yeah, my grammar is a hybrid between proper and how I speak verbally) The room was dim enough that I knew the only light sources were from the other room the "elevator" leaves and the room it will arrive to. It wasn't too dim, however, since the light source from one side was daylight and the other was ceiling lights from the other room. The room this "elevator" was traveling in had no ways to let light in other than those two doorways that I just mentioned.
The "elevator" begins to move upwards but forwards (away from the doorway) at the same time. I was very confused, but intrigued to see it already not going straight up. As you could tell, I cared more about the girl that was 2 feet in front of me earlier more than where the "elevator" would take me. The "elevator" rode along a rail similar to a rollercoaster's rails which was painted dark green. The type of green one would see on darkest shade of a camouflage. The ride was no longer going in a linear fashion. It now began to spiral upwards slowly in a circle as large as the length of a pick up truck. We were now probably 1 story higher than the mall would be. This is when the "elevator" rollercoaster sped down at an angle as steep as a wheelchair ramp. I still felt terrible on the ride at that point due to our high speed. I remember hearing cries of joy from the other passengers. I wish I could say the same about myself. The ride stops and we are free to get out.
After some breathing exercises during the descent, I exit the elevator of death surprise and find myself with one more room. This room was most likely an art gallery. I remember there human sized (but not shaped) structures that may have been statues. Along with these there was some pop music playing at a very low volume from the mall which was the next room over. There were paintings, windows the size of a basement's windows, and small blue tiled flooring. Besides some fainter sunlight from the windows, there was ceiling lights that were there more for the purpose to focus on certain objects in the room rather than light up the room.
The "Love" part kinda starts here:
At this point, I was ready to head off to the mall, but I then lay my eyes on the girl again. She noticed my presence and walks up to me ready to ask me something. I'm very sad (and angry at myself) to say that I don't remember most of the dialogue said in my dream in its entirety. For the purpose to tell a story I'll try to make up a conversation. Any bold text is what I remember without a doubt/remember enough to piece together. Normal text is made up.
Her: "Do you know where [insert location] is?"
Me: "Uhh no. Not really. This is my first time here."
Her: "Oh! It's fine. Where are you headed?"
Me: "The- uhh, mall looking area right outside that doorway. Just gonna look around."
Her: "Good. That spot is fun since I like to-"
Me: "Sorry to interrupt but, you smell so much like chocolate." *Friendly laugh*
[At this point I'm falling in love and I'm loving the smell of chocalate coming from her. Which is funny because I'm not in to artificial scents such as perfumes unless it's something hygienic like shampoo. Also that laugh was a combo of lovestruck and friendly]
Her: *laughs back* "Yeah. It's my lipstick I think."
[My heart drops as I've ran out of things to say and I could sense the conversation is about to end.]
Her: "Well, have fun with your mall stuff"
Me (believing I will regret this immediately after): "Wait."
[Dialogue ends here. I vividly remember this part.]
I gently pulled her towards me as I also moved close enough to her. We kissed on the lips. I then began to wrap my arms around her in that "stereotypical female romance fantasy" fashion. It's funny because don't see why a dude sees that as too cheesy. If I told my guy friends that I would love to do that to girl I love they would probably call me "gay as fuck" while I would laugh with them because I would see te reaction coming. BACK TO THE DREAM! The scent of chocolate was stronger than ever. I could sense that boh of our eyes were closed. (Since I'm an 18 year old right now with not much girl experience I will say this: I got a boner but my intent was NOT sex. It wore off pretty quickly thankfully)
When we stopped kissing (we probably spent only one second), I was ready to dart out of there and cry outside where no one would be because of the flood of immediate regret. So I began to back and away and try to say that I was sorry. She looks at me for a long second. We keep eye contact. My heart pounding in terror.
A combination of the above?¿!
Answer is: None of the above.
Instead of doing something that I expected or not expected that would be negative, she gave me a sincere hug. How could I not realize that I was dreaming? This is too good to be true! I hugged her back.
I began to smile fighting tears. We stopped hugging. We looked at each other. She smiled. We then choose to go to the shopping mall area together. As we began to walk, our hands interlocked.
This is why I don't care if no one reads these. This dream could not possibly happen to me in real life.
We walked through most of the stores.
We were holding hands the whole time. We arrive to a small Apple store. I'm not interested in Apple products, but we stopped here because we both liked how the stores themselves look. Everything is presented clean and simple. When we looked at the displays, we separated hands and went our own ways in the store. I saw a familiar face from Freshman year of high school right outside of the store entrance. He was having a conversation with someone. I walk up to the girl (let's just refer to her as GF now because tragically we never found out each other's names plus the fact that dream logic said that she's officially my girlfriend now). I told GF that I'm going to talk to someone and then I asked if she wanted to accompany me. She said she couldn't. I don't remember if she ever said why, but putting puzzle pieces together, she might have said "I gotta go get ready for something in few minutes anyway. I'll see you later, ok?" or something like that if she actually said anything.
GF stuck around for another minute as I greeted my former classmate. He transferred schools ever since Freshman year ended so I've never had a full conversation with him since. Let's call him T. T's conversation with the other person ends.
Me: " T? T [his last name]? Hey! What's up man?"
T: "Hey! What's up uhh." *Tries to remember my name*
T: "Oh right! Dude. We haven't actually spoke in forever!"
Me: "I know. I think we only has Science together right?"
T: "Yeah. I think it was just Science. Yeah."
[Then "how's life?" pops up. I brag about having a girlfriend even though it's all a dream and I just met her. The conversation eventually ends]
Thinking about the conversation now at 6 AM the next day is depressing. I had a conversation with a guy I wanted to be friends with, but I was too shy. In the dream world my anxiety was reduced so I held a wholesome conversation catching up what little we did together. Was my brain trying to give closure to my social deprivation during high school? Did it feel that bad for me? I won't lie, I almost cried multiple times when I thought about the girl. I can add another close call with me reflecting on my missed friendship with T. It wasn't even a big deal from Sophomore year until last night. Why is it a big deal now?
My thoughts are a very surreal place.
Returning to my fantasy world:
Another former classmate approaches me. We'll call this guy M. I didn't particularly like M. His sense of humor revolved around flirting with girls or getting himself in trouble in class. Kinda a polar opposite from me. I don't mind being funny in school, I used to say some really edgy shit and managed to not get caught which made it even funnier. Anyway, M challenges me to a sprint race with no real end point. I notice that GF hasn't left yet. Under any other circumstance I would say "umm no thanks". I could clearly tell that M has no memory of me from any grade 5 months since high school graduation. I knew him since 1st grade! T however could faintly remember me to the point that my voice and face rang a bell over 3 years later.
I accepted the challenge and we sprinted and did not look back. I lost.
For some reason the air got as thick as syrup when I began to run
From this point on, my fantasy became a nightmarish realistic dream cloud.
I finished in 2nd place which is a loss. M leaves and proceeds with his normal business, but not without a playful taunt. I just said that the taunt was playful, but to me, it hurt my self esteem. I had no control in the outcome and I knew it since my 3rd step in the race. I returned to where I last saw GF. She was no longer there. I then realized we didn't even know our first names. Then I also realized that I had no way of contacting her. No phone number, no social media. Nothing.
I ran as fast I could (which was about the same speed as walking with how dream logic works) to the corner in the lobby area via a real elevator. This was where I first saw her. She had to be nearby. She was nowhere to be seen.
I was tired from running. I only managed to rest for about one minute after the race with M and another 20 seconds in the elevator. I ran the whole time otherwise. I needed to stop and breathe. So I did. I was gasping for air when a noticed a group of guys huddled around one of their group holding their phone so the rest could see. They were watching a video is what I gathered from that. I decided to peek from my distance and realized that it wasn't a video. It was a Twitch livestream of some videogame.
When I finally caught my breath, I decided to approach the group of "fellow gamers" to ask if they know where GF could be.
Thankfully, we're near the end of my dream. Therefore, I have a stronger memory.
Me: "Hey. Do any of you guys know a girl who [i describe GF's appearance and height]"
Guy 1: "Yeah. Why do you ask?"*"of course we know her"*
Me: "She's my girlfriend. I need to know if-"
Guy 2: "Nah, bro. You lying"
Me: "What? Why would you think I'm lying?"
Guy 2: "You ain't this girl's boyfriend!"*points at Guy 1's phone screen.
Me: "Wait what? That's her?!"
Guy 3: "Yeah! She a streamer, bro."
Guy 4: "I don't think this man is lying."
Guy 1: "Do you know where she streams from?"
Guy 1: "She streams from the game store!"
I don't remember if I said my farewells to the guys or if I thanked them or if I even said anything. I only remember doing probably the stupidest thing ever.
My parents drove over to the campus for some reason. Maybe it was to pick me up, or to look into it as well. I don't remember if there even was a reason why they came. I forgot all about my girlfriend for a few minutes when I got the text message from my mom that they had arrived.
I left the campus building and probably walked to the next block over until I noticed my dad's SUV parked. I greeted my parents and lead them to the campus. I remembered about my girlfriend at this point, but I wanted to show my parents around the campus. I decided to do both at the same time. Since I know that my mom loves rollercoasters, I decided to rush to the elevator/rollercoaster hybrid with my parents. As we got on to the ride, I told my mom of the true nature of this "elevator". At this point I'm just skipping over any filler conversation between me and my mom or dad. When the elevator ride sped down the slight slope, my mom also had a cry of joy. I was just happy that the ride was a lot better than last time when I was caught off guard.
As the three of us entered the art gallery room, I took advantage of the fact that they're more interested in the academic side of things when it comes to college as parents and just skipped over to the shopping mall.
Time for another time skip. I don't remember if I found out the directions to the game store, if we asked for directions, if we consulted a map, or if my parents took over in navigating.
When I was speaking to the group of guys who were watching GF and her stream, I had a hard time trying to pick up her voice from one of the guys' phone speakers. In contrast, her voice was the most prominent thing I could hear aside from a live crowd watching her stream when I approached the game store. At this point, I forgot that my parents were tagging along as I had shifted my focus entirely on GF's voice. The three of us had entered. Sorry for the interruption, but l have to continue this dream journal in the next post.
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