Passionately Curious

21 • Australia • Early Childhood Education and Care • 🎗

[ivystudying]

[yasamdan-deactivated20200724]

Happy New Year ❤❤❤

[lettercollectors]

bookish asks

1: What book did you last finish? When was that?

2: What are you currently reading?

3: What book are you planning to read next?

4: What was the last book you added to your tbr?

5: Which book did you last re-read?

6: Which book was the last one you really, really loved?

7: What was/were the last book/books you bought?

8: Paperback or hardcover? Why?

9: YA, NA or Adult? Why?

10: Sci-Fi or fantasy? Why?

11: Classic or modern? Why?

12: Political memoirs or comedic memoirs?

13: Name a book with a really bad movie/tv adaption

14: Name a book where the movie/tv adaption actually was better than the original

15: What book changed your life?

16: If you could bring three books to a deserted island which would you bring and why?

17: If you owned a bookshop what would you call it?

18: Which character from a book is the most like you?

19: Which character from a book is the least like you?

20: Best summer read?

21: Best winter read?

22: Pro or anti e-readers? Why?

23: Bookdepository or Amazon?

24: Do you prefer to buy books online or in a bookshop?

25: If you could be a character from a book for just one day who would you be and why? (Bonus: any specific day in the story?)

26: If you could be a character from a book for their entire life who would you be and why?

27: If you could change one thing about mainstream literature what would you change? (i.e. more diversity, better writing, better plot etc.)

28: How many books have you read so far this year?

29: How do you sort your shelves? (i.e. by color, author, title etc.)

30: Who’s your favorite author?

31: Who’s your favorite contemporary author?

32: Who’s your favorite fantasy author?

33: Who’s your favorite Sci-Fi author?

34: List five OTPs

35: Name a book you consider to be terribly underrated

36: Name a book you consider to be terribly overrated

37: How many books are actually in your bookshelf/shelves right now?

38: What language do you (most often) read in?

39: Name one of your favorite childhood books

40: Name one of your favorite books from your teenage years

41: Do you own a library card? How often do you use it?

42: Which was the best book you had to read in school?

43: Are you the kind of person who reads several books at once or the kind of person who can only read one book at a time?

44: Do you like to listen to music when you read?

45: What is your favorite thing to eat when you read?

46: What is your favorite thing to drink when you read?

47: What do you do to get out of a reading slump?

48: Where is your favorite place to read?

49: When is your favorite time to read?

50: Why do you love to read?

[exohkim]

[danalorrainestudies]

27.11.18

It’s been 15 days. I can’t believe everything that’s happened in just two weeks, I feel completely emotionally and physically drained... Long post ahead.

On the 12th of November, I had my baseline scans for a partial IVF cycle to freeze my eggs and preserve my fertility. I had 8-10 follicles between both ovaries. I shouldn’t have been surprised given how low my AMH is, but I was a little disappointed. My doctor seemed alright with those numbers but decided to increase the dose of my FSH medication. I left the clinic with two giant bags of medicine. I was to take 300iu Gonal F and 75iu Luveris daily. 

Gonal F was fine. It was a pen, so very simple to use and not horribly painful. Luveris though... Oh, Luveris was a different story. It came in a powder that had to be mixed and prepared before use. It hurt. Every single day. I never got used to it. Technique was not the issue as my mother and stepfather administered them, and they are a nurse and paramedic respectively. It was a slightly larger needle I guess? I don’t know, it stung and continued to hurt after the injection. I hated every minute of that stupid needle. After 5 days, I started to take my antagonist injection, which like the Gonal F was not wildly painful. So then my life became 3 needles every morning until further notice. I wasn’t happy about the situation, but I was relatively OK until I had my second scan. 

The sonographer seemed confused. I don’t really blame her. How many 21-year-olds must she see with an IUD undergoing IVF treatment? She asked me to write down some measurements as she told them to me. I wrote down 5 measurements between 18mm and 14mm, and another one that was significantly smaller and probably negligible. She then said she couldn’t see any follicles on my right ovary. Again, nothing has gone well for me thus far so I don’t know why I was surprised, but my heart just sank. I had a nice, big cyst on my right ovary. A cyst and only 5 growing follicles in my left ovary. Great. I hated having to wait to hear from the clinic. The clinic was over 3 hours away so I had my scans and bloods done locally and sent immediately to them. I spent the day wondering if my medication would be increased again. My doctor was happy but wanted to do the tests again in 2 days. Results were much the same, I had no magical extra follicle. I still had the 5, but they grew substantially. They told me when I could finally stop taking my daily injections and when the take my trigger infection. I officially stimmed for 12 days, 32 injections. By then, I had lots of little puncture marks and two very small bruises, and my little sharps container was starting to look like this;

I thought the trigger needle could not possibly be worse than Luveris. The needle looked similar in size to the Orgalutrion, so I figured it’d be fine. Hahahahaha, nope. The initial injection was OK, but then came the pain. My mother said afterwards the fluid seemed to be thicker and it was harder to push out. It was very unpleasant, but the trigger meant the end of the injections at home so at least it was finally over. 

The next morning, I was told to use my second urine of the day and take an ovulation test. I got an extremely strong positive. Me being myself, I took another one as well which was also positive. Given my luck, I was surprised and relieved to be seeing a nice, static smiley face. 

I was ready for day surgery admission at 6am for an egg retrieval at 7.15am. That little happy face had put me in a good mood. I’d gotten a good ovulation result and I was hopeful with my gigantic, almost-30mm-follicle I would get more than 1 egg from it. I was pretty anxious waiting outside the theatre, but this time I knew I would come out feeling a lot better than I did last time, where I had a laparoscopy and endometriosis excised. They told me that they would leave a little sticker or write on my hand the number of eggs they retrieved, and then I was put to sleep. 

When I woke up in recovery, I pretty much instantly started blindly looking at my hands for a number. I finally found it on the palm of my left hand, and... 

Once again, I felt my heart sink. I’d told myself I had 5 follicles and I would be happy if they got 5 eggs, but that was a lie. I’m not OK with this outcome. I’m so damn young, I don’t understand how I produced such a poor number of eggs... I could only think of my stepmother who was older, had slightly worse AMH than I did and was on less medication who had a whopping 12 eggs retrieved. Apparently that was unexpected and it was an amazing result. I am genuinely glad for her, because getting such a low number like this was absolutely garbage. I’m angry at myself. I feel like I’ve completed wasted my parents' finances on this cycle, I was only going to get one shot and I stuffed it. I know 5 retrieved eggs is arguably OK and it only takes 1. I know this. But I’m still not happy about it. Maybe I’m struggling so much with this because I feel like I’m barely an adult myself. I wanted to get out of recovery and go straight home. I felt fine afterwards. I’ve got minor cramping, but it’s got nothing on endometriosis cramps. I wasn’t sick and I haven’t bled at all. When I got home, they rang to tell me of the 5 eggs they retrieved, 1 was not mature so they have successfully frozen 4. They then told me congratulations. That just made me sad and angry. I know for many women, this would be fantastic. But I’m 21. How is only 4 mature eggs from someone my age worthy of congratulations? This doesn’t feel like a backup plan at all. This feels like a reality check for how difficult it is going to be for me to conceive a child. 

My egg retrieval was yesterday, so I guess all of this is still really fresh. I’m devastated. I don’t feel good after this. I’m exhausted. I didn’t get the results I was hoping for. It feels like there’s nothing more to do at this point. I won’t even know if those 4 eggs are any good until I go to use them. I don’t feel like I can even count on my young age to be in my favour regarding their quality, my age hasn’t helped me with this so far... I want answers, but at the same time I don’t know if I can handle more heartbreak right now. I think I feel a little better getting it all out in this post though, so that’s something I guess. 

[studyingkoala]

[danalorrainestudies]

18.10.18

Life seems to be so cruel to me these days.

I have diminished ovarian reserve. Like, really diminished for my young age of 21. My specialist is getting me tested for all sorts of things but I don’t really care why. I just care about preserving what remains of my fertility. I want to have children so badly. I’m going to do a partial cycle of IVF to freeze my eggs. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have parents willing to pay for it. I’m scared. I’m also angry. I’m only 21, I should not have to do this. This is not fair. I’m not coping with this very well...

[danalorrainestudies]

I could not help myself and got another planner.

[danalorrainestudies]

I can’t do anything but wait... 

[studydiaryofamedstudent]

[yourdailydoseofcaffeine]

[danalorrainestudies]

24.08.18

A couple of days ago I had a post-op appointment with my doctor. I got some not-so-good news...

Sorry for the longer post, but I am feeling pretty upset and need to get it out. 

So last week I had my first laparoscopy and was diagnosed with endometriosis and had a Mirena IUD placed (which I haven't had any issues with so far). My doctor is confident he removed all my endometriosis and he also removed a cyst on one of my fallopian tubes.

This week I had my post-op appointment with him, and he had some concerns about my AMH result. At the time of the test, I had been off the pill for about three months. My AMH was 7.1 (pmol/L), which is considered a low egg reserve. I'm only 21 and we were all expecting it to come back normal or high, so this was a massive shock to hear. I now have to wait a month to have the AMH test again, and if it returns a similar result I will have to look at freezing my eggs. My doctor questioned if there were any cases of early menopause in my family, I was unsure but now know of my maternal grandmother (late 40s) and my maternal great aunt (early 40s). 

I have always wanted children very much, and to hear I have a low egg reserve and will likely have to try and freeze some has shattered me. I’m trying to stay rational and remember I’m having my AMH levels checked again before anything else happens, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. All the worst-case scenarios now feel like a very real possibility; I’m scared and uncertain what this means for my future. It isn’t fair that after all the cards I’ve been dealt in life, now there’s this... Like could something just go right for me for once? I’m tired of always having something wrong with me...

[danalorrainestudies]

Yesterday I had a laparoscopy and was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was a little emotional when I got the news as it was a huge relief to finally know the cause of my pain. I have been so lucky to have an amazing GP and surgeon support me throughout this. Now to rest and recover.

[lvslie]

[tinge0fluna]

[slncewerealone]

[studyingmood]