The Homestuck Trolls as Written by a Hobby Biologist, Creature Designer, and Science Fantasy Writer
Let’s start with troll society. In canon, we see the hemospectrum with the sea dwellers at the top of the castes as royalty, but evolutionarily and biologically, this doesn't make all that much sense. For the caste system to make more sense, the further inland-dwelling trolls would be at the top of the castes, with mountain dwellers being the highest caste. This reflects the Olympic gods, sitting atop Mount Olympus, looking down on their followers. Those living in the sea would be at the bottom of the hemospectrum - food chain, if you will - as they'd not have much view of their kingdom, if at all, if they were at the top of the hemospectrum as in canon, and the Condesce’s ships would be more air and space worthy if they didn't have to hold so much water to accommodate a water breathing monarch. Their blood colors would stay the same, as cold colors still make sense for cold water, so the cold colors would be the lower castes, with fuchsia at the bottom, and the warmer colors being the higher castes, with rust - burgundy, rather - at the very top. Another thing to mention is their reproductive anatomy and its place in their society: Based on how canon describes it - and this may be merely a headcanon for the original source, but it applies to this universe as well - the Mother Grubs are the reproductive females of the species, the queen bees if you will, while the trolls are the biological males, unable to reproduce amongst themselves, and the drone are the intermediary third sex, who don’t have functioning reproductive organs of their own, much like worker honeybees and ants, and who only help as a reproductive mediator between the general population (trolls) and the mothers of the race (mother grubs), as well as law enforcers.
Now let’s talk about the individual canon trolls and their zodiac representations. Aries - the Ram: Aradia would be at the top of the hemospectrum while still having burgundy blood, which coincides with Arieses being natural leaders, according to astrology. The main thing is: rams are male sheep, therefore, going with the trolls’ tendency to identify the same as their lusus, gender wise, Aradia would be masculine presenting instead of feminine, and a name that would much rather fit him would be Ramses, being named after the Egyptian pharaoh, which would go hand in hand with the archeology themes, as well as the royal name reflecting the Aries symbol of the Ram. Rams also are associated with mountainous regions, especially bighorn sheep, so a mountain dwelling would be perfect for Prince Ramses Megido.
Next, we have Taurus - the Bull: Tavros’s name and gender make sense for him, so we’re not going to change anything there. His lusus, as well as his personality, could use a size overhaul at the very least, reflecting the bullheaded, stubborn nature of Tauruses, especially with him being near the very top of the spectrum, in canon Eridan’s place. Being a Taurus in a position of power, he’d be less gullible and weak - emotionally and physically, and would be generous as long as it suited him too, having a selfish side as well. And being emotionally and physically strong, this Tavros would not allow himself to be paralyzed, especially by someone so low on the caste as Vriska. He’d be a bit lazy and asocial at times too, having servants catering to him, in the form of animals by means of his zoopathy, but other than his lazy streaks, he’d be very hard working and determined. As for where he’d live, cattle are powerful, pasture-grazing animals and therefore, Tavros and Tinkerbull, now full bull-sized, would live in rolling plains at the foot of Ramses’s mountain.
Now we have Gemini - the Twins: Sollux Captor is named after the brightest stars in the Gemini constellation - Pollux and Castor, so his name is staying the same, and his duality theme also fits, but to further the twin theme, perhaps Sollux is more than just Sollux, but rather two entities sharing a body - Sol and Lux - feminine (she/her) and masculine (he/him) respectively, and being a highblood, especially in canon Gamzee’s position, this fact would be widely known and deeply respected, possibly feared, as it quite possibly could be akin to a Jeckyll and Hyde situation, Lux typing in all uppercase and Sol in all lower, while keeping the binary themes of their canon quirk. Another major change we’re giving Sollux is their lusus, or in this case, lusii - twin cycloptic deer, as deer are known to regularly have twins in nature. These lusii are unique to the gold caste in that they are always born in pairs - male and female, but these pairs of deer always choose one troll, especially those which harbor two personalities. These deer always stick next to their twin, for safety in numbers as well as telepathic binocular vision, and if one, for some reason, dies, the other soon follows suit, due to loneliness and heartbreak. Sollux’s technology, coding, and gaming themes - ie, binary, as well as the bee-nary theme, are also staying the same, and Lux often displays gamer rage, while Sol is a much better sport. They, like canon Sollux, keep a hiveframe for their bees and technology, and their buck lusus carries a beehive in his antlers.
And now for Cancer - the Crab: All the crab and cancer themes still fit for Karkat Vantas, as his name was inspired by crab and cancer treatment related words and names, so his name is staying the same, but one thing we’re changing for him is his lusus - instead of a crab-dinosaur-monster-thing, Crabdad would be a large, freshwater cross between a hermit crab and a fiddler crab, sporting a large claw and a snail’s shell for protection, which would further explain the reclusive behavior Karkat exhibits. Karkat would live near a lake or river to accommodate his lusus’s need for water, and his dwelling would be tucked away from other trolls, but, like many crabs’ need for socialization, especially hermit crabs, his lusus would not be the only crab in the area, by far, and possibly, other trolls of his caste or those who have similar lusii live nearby. As for Karkat’s blood mutation as a highblood, in canon Equius’s rank, his mutation strips most mutations that trolls view as normal and reverts his blood back to the species standard with red hemoglobin, and therefore, his mutation is revered and his reclusivity is his natural introverted response to the paparazzi. The only thing that doesn’t make this Karkat the complete species standard, physiologically, ([head]canon Karkat takes that title completely) is his horns - reflecting his lusus, his horns would look like crab claws with one much larger than the other.
Now, Leo - the Lion: Large, courageous, and fearsome, Leo is represented by the male African lion, so Nepeta is another troll we’re gender swapping, favoring the name Lionel Leijon, who takes Vriska’s position in the caste system. Lionel would be less housecat-like and more lion-like, taking after his lusus - the stronger, maned, male version of Pounce de Leon, ditching the cat puns, for the most part, and being more assertive and intimidating with even more emphasis on hunting and tracking strategies and less childish roleplay, which more fits in line with how hostile trolls are supposed to be as a whole. With more emphasis on hunting, he’d be much stronger and able to hold his own against adversaries. The physical changes we’re making is giving him a luscious mane and rounding his horns to look more like lion ears in amongst his mane, as well as ditching the cat hat, tail, and paws, trading the latter for an olive-specific mutation in the way of retractable claws.
Virgo is next - the Virgin: Kanaya’s themes of virginity, Mother Mary, and femininity all still fit, and her lusus being a virgin mother grub still makes sense, so none of that we’re changing. Really, there isn’t much to change about Kanaya, so we’re leaving her alone for the most part, besides maybe her horns. They’ll change a little bit with a cross in one to look like the tail of the feminine and Mercury (the ruling planet of Virgo) symbols, and a hook or barb in the other to resemble the head of the Mercury symbol.
Up next is Libra - the Scales: Terezi’s themes of law and justice, and justice is blind, as well as her lusus being a dragon, playing a pun on “scales” all make sense, so, nothing to change there. The main thing to change is the extrasensory smell-o-vision. No known animal is able to taste or smell colors, per se, as eyes are required for perception of color, but perhaps she’d be able to smell her way around by means of, like her lusus and as a teal-specific mutation, a long, forked tongue, much like a snake, as even one who’s blind is able to accurately locate their prey; and even many lizards have forked tongues for directional smelling, so it still makes sense for a limbed individual to have a forked tongue. One thing about her having a forked tongue, though, is that she’d have to slink around closer to the floor or other surfaces in order to be able to really smell where she’s going, along with her blind cane, of course. The cause of her blindness is open to discussion.
Ah yes, Scorpio - the Scorpion: The one who makes about the least sense, at least lusus-wise is Vriska. In canon, Vriska’s lusus is a giant spider, which does not reflect Scorpio in any way other than sticking to arachnids. What would make more sense, obviously, would be a giant scorpion, but far smaller than her lusus is in canon, and since scorpions glow under blacklight - especially blue, which is fitting, part of her theming likely would have to do with blacklights - perhaps UV reactive dice and whatnot. The number eight still makes sense, as scorpions also have eight legs along with their claws, which are modified pedipalps, which all arachnids have. Her hair would also be tied up in a braid, made to look like a scorpion’s tail; and her personality would still be venomous and controlling, and perhaps a bit more snappy. Though, as now a lowblood, taking canon Nepeta’s spot on the hemospectrum, she now has to watch how she acts and what she says around highbloods, including Tavros; and being a lowblood, cerulean mind powers, now watered down compared to canon, likely evolved as a defense mechanism against highbloods and other creatures and things trying to take advantage of them, coercing and convincing them to leave the cerulean alone. And it goes without saying, but it needs to be said anyway, this Vriska is far less of a perfect, yet bitchy, Mary Sue than she is in canon, and nothing she does significantly fixes conflicts.
And now for Sagittarius - the Centaur: Equius’s horse themes, including his name, obviously fit, but let’s change his lusus a bit. Instead of a nod to Hussie’s absurd Humanimals “Blurbs”, Arthor (changing the absurd, nigh unpronounceable name) would be a typical male centaur without an udder - removing the milk association, at least from his lusus; he may still buy milk from the store, which would be tinted differently depending on blood color of the animal it came from, as milk still is a bodily fluid - and possibly more equine features than humanoid in the upper half, and he would likely be the only lusus of the twelve to be able to verbally speak, as opposed to telepathically. Equius would also opt for more indestructible objects around his hive to accommodate his strength - a theme we’re sticking with to further the horse, centaur, and archery themes - such as stainless steel dishware, polycarbonate sunglasses, and high draw weight bows, whatever he could afford in his caste, having taken canon Karkat’s place in the hemospectrum, if he wasn’t a mutant blood. Another thing to possibly change is that his horns would look like an arrow through his head, prior to breakage, if that happens. Almost everything else about Equius stays the same, including his shyness, as horses are so easily spooked - depending on the individual of course, and his affinity for the structure of the caste system, just modified to fit this alternative universe.
Now we have Capricorn - the Sea Goat: Gamzee is the lowblood, in canon Sollux’s position, who would live in subsidized public housing - near the beach so that he’d be able to visit his lusus, if he was ever around to see him, as he’s still an absentee lusus in this universe. Goatdad’s absence would cause Gamzee to spend many nights camping out on the beach away from his hivestem, waiting for his lusus. His absence, which, in reality, is actually illness and inability to come to shore, also causes Gamzee’s addiction to and dependence on sopor - constant from canon, but it makes more sense in this universe, as drug problems are often an issue with those living in subpar conditions, especially financially. Juggalos are also associated with low opportunity circles, with how humanitarian and philanthropic ICP is in real life, supporting fans of theirs when they’re in need, so Gamzee being a Juggalo, or the troll representative version of Juggalos, as a lowblood makes sense regarding ICP’s real life fans.
Finally, we have the sea dwellers, starting with Aquarius - the Water Bearer: Eridan would be the second lowest ranking individual of the twelve beta trolls, taking canon Tavros’s place, and his lusus would better fit as a dolphin, as dolphins are one of the aquatic animals actually associated with Aquarius. As a lowblood, Eridan wouldn't have his canon genocidal ideologies, but still would be one to frequently use the term “eat the rich”. And as a lowblood, all of his gaudy adornments wouldn't exist, including his cape, rings, and possibly his scarf, unless perhaps he salvaged them from wreckage, dumpsters, or metal detecting on the beach, and only wore them around his underwater hive, as wearing them in public would likely attract unwanted attention from those higher up on the hemospectrum.
And lastly, Pisces - the Twin Fish: The major change to Feferi, besides being at the very bottom of the caste - quite the opposite to canon, taking canon Aradia’s place, is that her lusus is no longer a squid-like horrorterror, but rather a two headed sea serpent that is actually a two headed eel, which better reflects the star sign of twin fish, as eels are in fact fish. Her lusus is surprisingly large for a lowblood lusus, especially at the very bottom of the castes. Feferi also wouldn't wear too much jewelry, if at all, so as to not cause trouble with higher castes, opting to only wear her few pieces at home or with trusted friends.
Homestuck is a trainwreck of a literary piece and should’ve been written by someone else, in my opinion, but discussions and headcanons for this universe are greatly welcomed! Let's talk about it! I may even write a part two involving the alphas and/or ancestors...
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