jay and daniella adopt

Trying to build our family through domestic infant adoption. If you are pregnant and interested in doing an adoption plan please call us at 702.779.3363 or email us at [email protected]

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Our baby quest is at an end. This week we welcomed our sweet Ava Marie into our family after a long (and sometimes very weird) journey for us to find her and for her to find us. 

Thank you for all your support! 

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Pretty much anything you could want to know about us. Now in a handy dandy 9 page magazine layout. 

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Asked: What is your religion or religious ideology?

We are recent members of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Las Vegas. For Dani, it’s the first church she’s ever been a member of. For Jay, it’s his second after growing up Jehovah Witness. 

Dani: I would say I’m cautiously optimistic about the existence of a higher power. I am pretty analytically minded so blind faith is difficult for me. I respect that faith in others. I know enough people who have experienced the divine to know it would be unfair of me to discount it. I’ve just never experienced it myself. 

I do believe in being a good person. I believe in doing as much good as you can while you’re on this planet. I don’t know if there is a divine reward after we die. I don’t know if there is a Heaven or Hell. But I do know that I want to enjoy my time on this earth and that in order to do that well, I think taking care of the people, animals and Earth itself I share this mortal plane with is important. The most important actually. 

I’m active with the Unitarian Universalist congregation. I recently joined the Lifespan Faith Development council at our church. (This is the committee that oversees the liberal religious education of the congregation, mostly with our youth but also for adults as well.) I’m very excited to be a part of a congregation that trusts it’s members to both seek their own path towards fulfillment but also to support each other on their journeys as well. I love that! I love that we have a strong, faithful community of people who are both like-minded and diverse. 

For the first time in my life I feel like I’ve found a spiritual home: a place where I can go and hear stories and lessons, but also tell them. A place where I am respected despite not sharing the exact same set of ideology as everyone else. 

I look forward to Sundays like never before. I enjoy the sense of community and belonging I experience, I enjoy the messages I hear each week, the stories of caring and compassion and growth. 

And I’m really looking forward to allowing our children to discover their faith, their ideology on their own over time. I’m looking forward to raising them in the UU tradition of knowledge seeking but allowing them the opportunity to seek faith where it makes sense for them. If they feel called to Christianity or paganism or Judaism or atheism, I’ll support them and respect their beliefs. I believe everyone deserves to discover their personal dogma at their own pace. 

Right now, the UU community is a great place for us to be. It offers us a community and fellowship that we don’t have elsewhere. It is an opportunity to grow and learn. It’s a chance to live in service of that community as well. 

I think I was especially drawn to the UU faith because of it’s seven principles, the first of which is that we believe “in the inherent worth and dignity of every person.” 

This means I see and hear things at my church like discussions on how we can further support racial justice, including a plan to hang a #BlackLivesMatter banner from our church building but ALSO that just hanging a banner isn’t enough and how we need to work together as a congregation to learn and educate ourselves about privilege and race. 

Our first day at church we were sitting quietly waiting for services to start and in the row behind us two long time members of the congregation where talking about internal condoms and dental dams. Then one, who I now know is a doctor and a parent, took a handful of dental dams out of her purse and handed them to the other lady. Who I now know is the Director of Religious Education. The dental dams were being used in a program teaching comprehensive sex education to the congregations teens. 

Here’s what I’m saying I guess: I don’t know what my relationship is yet with a higher power. But I know know I’ve found a spiritual home that speaks to my need to do good things while I’m on this Earth. I’ve found a community of people who also believe in that. And while our individual motivations may vary, I feel better knowing that we’re all just trying to make the world as good of a place as we can while we’re in it. 

Jay: This is a tough one for me. I have somewhat of a love hate relationship with religion. Being raised Jehovah’s Witness (JW) has left somewhat of a sour taste when it comes to church and organized religion in general. I don’t have a great relationship with my parents and family because of religion. I chose a different path and now I have little to no support from anyone, save for a couple of cousins. 

Due to that, unlike Dani, I didn’t hold too much stock in the thought of going to church. I didn’t feel the need for a spiritual home. However after going to the UU church over the last few months, that has changed. I don’t particularly go for the spiritual aspect but the thing about the UUs is that they embrace that. You don’t have to believe in God or even anything spiritual. You can come just to be around like minded positive people. 

To me that’s what church should be about. Being together regardless of how different you might be so long as everyone has the same positive goals and outlook towards things. You see Atheist right along side Christians right along side Buddhists. 

Everyone respects each others beliefs and get along just fine. I don’t really know if I’ve figured out my religious ideology, but if i had to sum it up right now, I’d have to steal a quote from Wil Wheaton: “don’t be a dick.” Know that everyone’s beliefs are different and that so long as you can be united in positive things, bettering yourself, your surroundings, your communities; that’s what important. 

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Ten Facts about Jay (by Dani)

He is a huge Batman nerd. He has two different Batman tattoos and owns every Batman movie and lots of Batman comics. He knows Batman canon backwards and forwards.

I’m pretty sure the dogs love him better. I don’t know if it’s because he’s the one who feeds them and lets them out to pee or if he’s just generally more lovable but I don’t blame them. He’s pretty great. 

When we met Jay only owned two small frying pans and some plates and bowls. The first time I made him dinner, I had to borrow a soup pot from a friend in the neighborhood because he had nothing to cook in. 

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, loves Jay. He’s very charming and he doesn’t even realize it. I don’t think there is anyone in my friends or family who doesn’t like Jay. 

Jay is very handsome. Fact. 

Jay is great at doing research. I don’t think he’s ever made an impulsive purchase in his life. From socks to cars, he does extensive consumer research before every purchase to make sure he’s getting the best value for the money and the best/safest products. Which is great because I am the polar opposite. 

In our house he’s the person who does the most housework: dishes, laundry, mopping the floors are all him. I may cook and vacuum, but he takes care of nearly everything else. 

He’s one of the least lazy people I’ve ever met. He has no problem helping a friend with a project, he remembers to take out the trash, he rarely puts off chores and often volunteers to go the extra mile at work or with family to make sure things are done on time. 

He does this really fun thing where if two people are talking near him, say my friends and I, and he’s not part of the conversation he’s still paying attention. So when one of us can’t remember a detail about something or stumble on an answer to a question, Jay has already been looking it up on his phone or computer and jumps in to the supply the information. He’s like our own personal Siri! 

Jay is very in touch with his feelings and emotions and is not afraid to share them. When we were first dating he was the one who moved our relationship along to moving in together, to getting engaged, to planning our wedding. He is just as excited about other people’s happiness as he is about his own too. He always goes out of his way to congratulate people on engagements, marriages, babies or promotions. He gives big hugs and never misses an opportunity to compliment someone else. 

Bonus fact:

    11.  He’s my favorite person. 

(Jay - Thanksgiving 2013)

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Ten Facts about Dani (by Jay):

1. Avid knitter: She was taught by her grandmother and her knitting skills helped put her through college. She became an avid knitter, spinner, dyer and even pattern designer. She can crank out the baby blanket, beanie or mittens like no other 

2. Advocate: She worked as an advocate for victims of sexual assault for a couple of years but she's ways been a voice for those who need help. 

3. Educator: Whether the topic is politics, music or sex ed, she always makes sure people have the facts. She's never afraid to set someone straight and will fix the world if she can, one uneducated person at a time. 

4. Writer: She's written poetry that's been turned into song and has many an unfinished story stashed away. They're all great and hopefully someday will see the light of day. She's written for newspapers, websites and many a blog. She's super-talented, but you'll never hear her say it. 

5. Music Critic/Lover: She can spot a cover song seconds in. She knows some of the most obscure musical trivia imaginable, so don't challenge her. She's got a great ear for music and won't hesitate to tell you if something is derivative or just outright sucks. 

6. Batman: More of a social justice crusader but Batman fits. She'll fight for equality, support of the less fortunate and justice in the world in any way she can til her dying day. She constantly puts others needs ahead of hers.

7. Social Media Genius: From being an early adopter on almost every social media platform, to maintaining multiple websites and blogs, all with differing content. I don't know how she does it. She's always aware of all the latest news and trends and still finds time to maintain her personal brand online.

8. Animal Lover: If she could have a farm and house one of every cute and cuddly animal on the planet, she would. As it is she's trying to convince me keep adding to the herd of chihuahuas.

9. Cook: She makes the simplest of things taste absolutely delicious. Whether it's spaghetti or chicken and dumplings from scratch, you'll look forward to the left overs the next day.

10. Travel Planner/Partner: I've never done more traveling than I have with her. From a tiny bed and breakfast to 4 star hotels. Even if it's a short trip to California for the night or a longer weekend in Memphis, they're always fun and above all memorable. 

(Dani, Summer 2014) 

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Asked: What would you say your morals or values are as a family?

I would say our family motto is “help whenever possible.” 

We are both helpers. It’s in our blood. 

Jay chose a career in the medical field so he could be on the front lines helping people. While he’s no longer a medical assistant and isn’t actively in a clinic, he uses his background in patient care to help the clinic he works with now function better and help more people. 

When we lived in Alaska, Jay volunteered to help an elderly couple who were medically fragile a few nights a week. He’d help them change the sheets on their bed or set up new electronics. He’d move furniture around and take out the trash for them. Just whatever little tasks needed done but might be dangerous for older people to attempt, especially in cold or icy conditions. 

I’ve worked as a victim advocate for survivors of sexual assault. I’ve volunteered to teach empowerment workshops to middle school girls. I’ve volunteered with a teen shelter to talk about safe sex, healthy relationships and weirdly enough, crafting. (I have found that crafts and sex talks go very well together.) 

We’re both involved with our church (the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Las Vegas). We joined this church because the first of their seven principals is that we believe in “the inherent dignity and worth of every person.” And that’s really it, we believe in the inherent dignity and worth of every person and to demonstrate that we feel it’s our job to reach out and help people (and animals) whenever possible. 

So yeah, I’d say our morals and values are firmly rooted in helping. Volunteer if you’re able, listen whenever possible, offer support and compassion always. Help in whatever way you have the resources to do so. 

We look forward to involving our kid(s) in the volunteer work we do whenever possible and allowing them to discover which things they’re passionate about as well. 

-Dani

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Asked: If you adopt a child from a different ethnic background than your own, would you try to get them involved in their ethnic community? Would you have the resources to do so? Would you be able to do so respectfully, as outsiders?

In order: yes, yes and hopefully.

We’re an interracial couple. We both have a lot of ethnic experiences represented in our families and friends. We belong to a church that has a diverse congregation. We involve ourselves in activities and with people that represent a lot of diverse backgrounds, experiences and identities. 

But in particular I can tell you that if we adopted a child who was, say, African American or Mexican or Korean that yes, we would do everything possible to help them stay connected to their ethnic heritage and culture. 

It’s our hope that if we find a match with an expectant parent interested in open adoption that not only will we be able to help our child stay connected to their culture, but that we’ll also be able to help them stay connected to their family of origin as well. 

We think the key to adopting transracially respectfully is not in thinking we can be everything to our children, but that we can help them seek out representation and people who also know and live their ethnic background to be a part of their lives. Obviously open adoption is the best possible way to do this, it’s giving our child access to not just the ethnic culture but also the family culture. Second best would be to make sure they can see them selves in the media we expose them to and to include people that are part of their ethnic heritage in their lives. 

It’s our intention to raise children to be proud of who they are and where they came from no matter how that may differ from who we are or where we came from. We want to help them discover themselves as fully as possible in whatever way we can. 

Same goes for things we won’t know when they’re born like gender, sexuality or spiritual dogma. Those things may not be the same as what Jay and I have experienced, but we’ll do our best to help them navigate those aspects of their self expression and identity when they come up. 

Great question! Thank you! 

-Dani

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Asked: home school, public school or private school?

Oh man, school is a BIG thing for us. We both intend to be very involved parents when it comes to academics. Education is a huge priority for both of us. And we also believe that a school is as good as you make it. 

The learning a child receives in school is only part of what their education should be. We plan to supplement and support whatever education they get in school with following up at home. 

I think there are benefits to each of the school options presented here and I can’t be certain which option would be best for our child until we know the child themselves. Some kids do better in a home school environment over a public or private school. Others need the social stimulation that public school allows. Some still need the smaller class sizes and additional support that a private school might offer. 

So, I guess our answer is: we don’t know yet. 

If our child has learning disabilities or developmental delays, we’ll have to consider those challenges when picking a school option. If our child is active and social and needs to added benefit of after school activities and socialization, we’ll have to consider that as well. They could be a swimming champ that needs a school with an excellent swim team. Or they could have a physical or behavioral disability and need a school that will help them thrive given that limitation. 

We think middle school and high school are excellent opportunities to practice decision making skills by letting them have an active say in what kind of school they attend. So they may go to public school for elementary and then decide to pursue a private performing arts school or science magnet school for high school. We’ll be prepared to figure it out when we cross that bridge. 

Jay and I’s main goal with our kids is to empower them. However that needs to happen, we’re flexible. Public, private, charter, home... school is school and we’re prepared to choose whatever is best for our individual child. 

-Dani & Jay 

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Asked: How do you plan to discuss adoption with your children?

This is a really really great question and one we talked a lot about before we ever even turned in our paperwork with the agency. 

We firmly, without a doubt, believe in being honest and open about adoption with our kids from the very get go. We believe in always telling them the truth about how they came to be in our family and sharing with them whatever we know about their family of origin. 

We already have developmentally appropriate children’s stories that talk about adoption as well. We both really believe in having children be able to see themselves represented in stories and we figured books are a good way to normalize the adoption process. 

We hope we’re able to find a match with an expectant parent who is interested in some level of openness to the adoption. We would love to be able to include them in the conversations about adoption as they are ready and willing. 

I’ve read a lot of studies and stories about adoption and it seems that the ones that practice honesty and openess, as much as is possible, are the ones that are the best for both the birth parents and the child. While I don’t think adoption is necessarily easy for adoptive parents, it certainly seems to be the easiest out of the adoption triad in some ways. 

Our main goal with adoption is to keep the amount of trauma experienced by either our child or their first parents to a minimum. We think one of the ways we can do that is to participate in an open adoption plan that is allowed to grow with the child and the people in their life. 

Our child will always know as much about where they came from as we are able to provide. They will have as much access and help gaining access to their biological family and story as we are able to give. I cannot imagine any other way to do it. 

Whatever child finds their way into our family will be welcomed wholeheartedly. It seems counter intuitive to not also welcome the family that brought them to us. If that connection is desired, we’re very open to it. If it’s not, we’re respectful of that as well. 

Basically it comes down to this: we’re aware of what an honor it is to be picked, hand picked, to parent a child. We will respect that with all the care it’s due. Always. 

-Dani

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Asked: How much experience do you have with children? Have you ever had to care for a sick child? For how long?

Dani: I’m the oldest of 4 kids and second oldest of my cousins. I’ve been helping take care of kids since I was two years old and my little sister was born. I’ve always liked kids and spent some time as a nanny early on in college. I was the primary caregiver for my cousin Stevie Lynn when she was a newborn through two years old. (She’s a senior in high school now!) 

I was 10 and 12 when my younger brothers were born so I did a lot more with them as babies and kids than I did with my sister and I being so close in age. In addition I’ve been a pretty regular addition to our godson’s life as well. He’s 6 years old now and lives next door to us. His mom and I have been best friends since high school. 

I regularly hang out with my other friends kids too. From toddlers to teenagers. Obviously, with all these kiddos I’ve been around I’ve helped care for them while they were sick, though I can’t think of any one example where a kiddo was sick and I was their sole caregiver. 

Jay: I’m far from an expert but I’ve had my fair share of experience. While I don’t have any siblings, I’m the oldest of 10 cousins and helped out as they were growing up. I started helping with feedings and diaper changes before I was 10. We’re talking cloth diapers too. I helped my grandmother take care of my cousins when she watched us while all our parents worked. 

When I was in my teens my mom babysat for a while and I helped her out as well. I learned a few tricks on soothing colicky kids. She even taught me how to braid. As for the caring of a sick baby, I helped out whenever they came down with anything. I even helped out when one of them got the chicken pox. 

However my real experience comes from working in medicine over the last 10 years as a medical assistant in family medicine. A lot of my time was spent dealing with babies, both sick and healthy. My current job is with the pediatric residency program at a state university, so I keep up on all the latest information. 

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Asked: What is your financial situation?

We are solidly middle class. We both work salaried jobs that pay us well for our respective fields. We live comfortably within our means. 

We are by no means rich but we live in a cute 2 bedroom home with a guest house on the property. We drive a newer model sedan, but car pool together to save on insurance and gas costs. Though we will likely add a second car again when we become parents. We can afford it, we just went down to one car while we were saving for adoption and trying to lessen our carbon footprint by only driving one car. Plus we enjoy getting to spend the time together driving to and from work!  

We’ve been able to travel some and enjoy going out to eat and attending concerts. We enjoy hobbies and are basically able to buy what we need when we need or want it within reason. (Obviously we’re not going on crazy vacations twice a year or buying $500 purses or shoes, but we get what we want when we want it for the most part.) 

While we didn’t have the full amount of our adoption costs covered in one lump sum (because who has that kind of cash just lying around?!) we have been able to buy everything a baby needs and probably way more than they need, too. 

I work in the PR field as a social media account manager and am very lucky to have a pretty flexible schedule and incredibly supportive work environment. The agency I work for is woman owned and they give us paid maternity leave and the opportunity to work from home while our little ones are young. 

Jay has a great job working with a pediatric practice in an academic setting. Which means he has access to some of Nevada’s newest and best specialized pediatricians. (This also means he’ll be able to take kiddo to work most of the time since he works in a pediatric clinic but has his own office.) 

While we can afford private daycare, we’re hoping to avoid needing it for as long as possible to spend the most amount of time with baby. 

We both have good health insurance so we don’t need to worry about medical costs putting us in debt for the most part. We keep our credit cards well managed and have a little bit of money in savings for a rainy day if need be. 

Truthfully, I grew up very poor and making sure I was financially stable was my priority as an adult. It’s part of the reason we waited so long to have kids, we wanted to make sure we were stable and secure. We’ve lived in our home for almost two years, we’ve never missed a payment on our car or credit cards and all in all we’re doing very well. 

Also, not everyone knows this about the homestudy process for adoption but one of the main parts of the homestudy and background checks is looking at your tax returns and pay stubs. Our agency has copies of both of those things for several years back and can verify our financial stability as well. 

Great question! 

-Dani

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Asked: How long have you been trying to start your family?

We stopped preventing pregnancy in April of 2012. We got married in August of 2012 and after our wedding we actively started trying to conceive. 

That December we experienced our first loss. It was very early on, just a few weeks. But it hurt. It was a rough Christmas. We had more in the years to come. They never got easier. 

We kept trying to conceive naturally for about a year. We took a short break when we moved from Alaska to Las Vegas in August of 2013 but started trying again once we got settled in our new home and jobs in December of 2013. 

By mid 2014 we started consulting reproductive specialist to try to figure out why we weren’t able to get or stay pregnant past a few weeks. We tried a few rounds of Clomid, a fertility medication that helps stimulate ovulation. We charted and took temps and used apps and calendars and took all the fun out of the whole process of making babies. 

After a lot of exhaustive testing the conclusion our doctors came to was that we had some female factor infertility problems and our best bet for conceiving would be through IVF treatments. 

Personally, I’ve always wanted to adopt. We tried to get pregnant because at the time it seemed the least intrusive option for starting our family. When it became clear that this process was going to become more intrusive whether we liked it or not, we decided to skip IVF altogether and move directly to adoption. 

That was in late January this year. Although the adoption process has been far from easy, I can tell you that almost immediately after taking pregnancy off the table a huge weight was lifted from me. I’m glad we spent the time trying to conceive because it really cemented in my heart that adoption was the right route for us. I don’t have any reservations or worries about adoption. (Other than normal ones like “will anyone pick us?” and “will we be good parents?” Which I think are normal concerns.) 

I won’t pretend it’s always easy. It’s not. There is grief that comes along with being unable to conceive. Even though I’ve always been interested in adoption, it’s still sad when your body won’t do the thing you’ve been trying for years to do. I’m at peace with it most days, but every once in awhile there is still a sadness surrounding infertility for me. I don’t think adopting will fix that or make it go away, I think it’s just a thing that exists in me now and will for a long time. And that’s okay. It’s like losing a loved one, nothing will ever fill that void but over time you can grow away from the pain. I already feel that happening with infertility and our pregnancy losses. 

Adopting isn’t meant to fix that ache for me. I know there are some misconceptions about infertility and adoption, but to me this is neither a second choice or a fall back plan. We tried one thing, it didn’t work. We grieved and moved on to a completely different thing that we also wanted to do. 

So, long answer short: we’ve been trying to start our family since April 2012, so just about 3 1/2 years. We’re ready. 

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Asked: What does love look like to you?

I love this question. Our friend Sarah asked it on our Facebook page. 

To me love looks like, “we’re not leaving the drive way until you put your seat belt on.” 

Love looks like “do you need anything while I’m up?” 

Love looks like two sets of puppy noses breathing in my face first thing in the morning and the thumping of two happy tails when we get home at night. 

Love looks like “this made me think of you” texts and Facebook posts

Love looks like “why don’t you go lay down for a while and rest?” 

Love looks like wandering around the kitchen blindly at 2 a.m. because you’re trying not to wake anyone else up. 

Love looks like laundry being folded, dinner being cooked and dishes being done. 

Love looks like laughter in the backyard and stroking their hair as they fall asleep. 

Love looks like “I was just so WORRIED about you!” 

Love looks like “I just called to check in.”

Love looks like learning something together to make it less of a burden and more of an adventure. 

Love looks like “you can sit up front.”

Love looks like “it’s okay, I forgive you.” 

Love looks like holding hands in the grocery store and letting the other person have the last cookie

Love looks like going to an event you find dull because they want or need to go

Love looks like homework and science fair projects from scratch 

Love looks like watching the Minions movie for the 12th time even though it makes you want to gauge your eyes out 

Love looks like talking about dinosaurs and how giant beavers once roamed the Earth

Love looks like patience and sincerity and empathy and forgiveness 

Love looks like family.

[daniandjayadopt]

Asked: What are your thoughts on vaccinations?

For the existing ones we are for them, unequivocally. 

While there are certain risks for nearly all medicine and procedures, the risks for vaccines is small given the potential harm for not vaccinating. 

As new vaccines come out, I'm a little more leery. Like the HPV vaccine made me a little nervous when it first came out and I would want to know more about it before we decided to use it, but the standard ones for childhood have a lot of research to support them. 

Since I work in a pediatric clinic, I try to stay up on the research and stats for each of the vaccines and protocols and I talk with the doctors a lot about them as well. We will always do our own research on these things but also take the recommendation of our doctors as needed too. 

-Jay 

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Hi there--I would want to know what were your biggest hopes for your child and what about becoming a parent excites you the most. xx

Oh! Great question! 

Jay says:  What excites me about becoming a parent is getting to do all of the things other parents get to do. Sharing all the things I did as a child with someone and also making sure to do things I never got to do with them. The idea of molding, shaping and teaching a little person to be a better person than me. Guess that also counts as a hope, too. 

My biggest hope is that they grow up to be better people than us. That they love and appreciate us. That we can give them the fullest life possible.

Dani says: My biggest hope for my child is that they will be a change maker. In whatever makes sense to them. That we can give them a good, solid start to a life full of whatever motivates them. If it’s art or dance or sports or academics or video games or sitting around staring at the stars. I just want them to be pulled to something they love and believe in and that they affect change in their own lives and the world with their passion. 

What excites me most about becoming a parent is getting to experience the world through fresh eyes. I’m so excited to share what I’ve learned about the world with someone and to learn new things with and from them. To me parenting is about an exchange of ideas; you give your kids what you’ve discovered about the world and you walk with them as they experience things in their own way for the first time. Honestly, I am SO excited about that that sometimes it keeps me up at night. I think about all the books I want to read them and how I want to teach them to knit and bake and wash their hands and share with them my love for singing in the car and bubble baths and dogs. And I can’t wait to discover NEW things to love as they develop passions and interests all their own too. 

Oh man. I am SO excited about that. I can’t wait. I can’t wait for whatever personality they develop and getting to learn all about who they are. 

Thanks for asking this! What an excellent question. 

- Jay & Dani 

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If you were trying to pick a family for your baby, what kind of information would you want to know about the prospective parents? 

Will you do us a favor and ask us what you would want to know? Our inbox is open!

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Three Years

Tomorrow is our third wedding anniversary. 

Let me tell you about being married. 

It’s not at all what I thought. I don’t really know what I thought though I guess I had some notion of being bored maybe. That marriage turns you into the sort of person who does everything they can to carve out time away from their spouse. I bought into all that hype about how marriage changes you, that after time you get bored and tired and annoyed. 

I mean, I was pretty sure I was going to be able to avoid that because Jay and I are awesome together, but there was a little niggling part of my brain that was preparing myself for a lifetime of Girls Night Out and constantly putting down the toilet seat. Like somehow we would fundamentally change who we are as people. 

Obviously that didn’t happen.

We have had three year of continuing our fine tradition of being absolutely ridiculous, going on adventures, laughing until we scare the dogs and doing everything in our power to spend as much time together as possible. I can say, without a hint of irony, that Jay is my best friend. He is my favorite person to talk to. He is the first person I want to talk to if something good or bad or sad or weird happened. I don’t ever get sick of hanging out with him. Sometimes he is the ONLY person I want to hang out with. 

I started a new job two weeks after we got married. The first year of our marriage was all about going to local shows and hanging out with friends. I was working as the entertainment editor of a local alt-weekly newspaper and it was my job to stay abreast of local music, art, events, whatever fun was going on in the city in any given week. So Jay and I threw ourselves into that. Jay volunteered with a local production company to help put on shows. 

We went on a very belated honeymoon to California and Las Vegas about 9 months after we got married. Jay met my grandparents (who are some of my favorite people in the Universe and live just a few short hours away from us now) and a bunch of my friends from when I lived in Las Vegas during college. 

We came back from our honeymoon ready to move to Las Vegas. Just after our first wedding anniversary we left state. We didn’t do much to celebrate our anniversary that year because we were living in a mostly empty apartment at the time about ready to make our way into the desert. I drove with our dog down the Alaska Canada highway and Jay flew to Vegas.

Last year for our anniversary we were struggling with infertility and new jobs and things were very stressful. So we scraped together enough money to spend two very nice nights in California to see my favorite singer (Jenny Lewis at the Wiltern in downtown LA) and then spent the night in Redondo Beach in a beautiful ocean side hotel room. 

Our third year of marriage was all about buckling down, refocusing and figuring out what we wanted to do next. The big thing that came to the surface was that Jay needed to find a new job (he did) and that we needed to rethink how our family was going to come together. 

So now, hopefully year four can be all about building that family! 

Our life together has been everything I hoped marriage could be and none of the things I feared. We have a great time together and whether it’s getting on a plane to go to Memphis for the weekend because it was the cheapest place we could fly, or driving to southern Utah for lunch one Saturday or just sitting on the couch marathoning Pretty Little Liars on Netflix, our life together is perfect.