it has been a crazy day, time means nothing at the moment lol. im currently laying in this hospital bed with significantly less things connected to me while my partner sleeps in his Dad Chair. its 11pm, so 24 hours ago my water broke and its been so fast but so long sll at once.
(this is so long im sorry lmao)
thank yall for all the support, i will def still be updating here im sure. 🫶
i am a dad now yall
The Birth Story
So baby was scheduled to come out tomorrow, 1/20 by scheduled c section due to his size and being breeched. I spent all day at a family party telling everyone I wasn't sure yet when he would be born but soon, and everything was pretty chill. My mans was closing at work, his last day before having a week off for baby. He got home at about 10:30 and we were just chilling for 20-30 mins him and my brother were talking pokemon.
I stood to pee even tho I just had peed, and i think there was a little kick which apparently was my water breaking. As i stood, i definitely felt the gush of fluid and went to the bathroom anyway, unsure if it was really fluid or pee or what. It soaked my boxers and the whole butt of my sweats and did Not smell like pee. I texted B to bring me some pants and made him smell the wetness to be sure, but there wasn't a continued leak so we weren't sure. My mom wasn't either bc when her water broke it was a nonstop trickle, not just one and done gush of not as much liquid as i would've thought.
I didn't really realize until I saw it was about to be 12 that I was definitely having regular pains. They weren't horrible tho and we were distracted and confused and stressing and idk i thought it would be worse. but i realized it had been about an hour of regular (untimed) contractions after fluid leaking so i manned up and called the after hours line. now came the wait.
so we called at 12 and explained the situation. Nurse said to put on a pad, try resting since i was walking to disprove false labor, and try to keep better track of contractions. Call back in an hour or if things change. We call back an hour later, contractions worse/closer together but still doing a bad job of timing. I was starting to get nauseous as they hit and tearing up a little. Squeezing Bs hands when they hit. So we called back and explained everything over to the next nurse, and she said call back in 2 hours. Told me to try relaxing, drink some water, take tylenol, have a hot shower. Keep track of fluids and contractions.
By this point im like damn near crying at every contraction. B kept saying i was doing great, telling me to breathe, its okay. I was adamant it was Not Okay and that I Hurt Very Bad. We tried a hot shower, just water. I took tylenol with water, laid on the couch. My lil bro was very concerned and trying to help and i so yelled at him (sorry dude, but explaining it all to an 11yo was not easy when in so much pain) My mom was half asleep on the couch at this point and woke up to me like whimpering in pain, squeezing the shit out of Bs hands. (omg theres a baby crying in the hall rn 🥹, not mine tho)
We filled her in on the situation and times, it had now been an hour since the 2nd call so 3 hours of worsening contractions after fluid. My mom basically convinced me that I could come in regardless, that every pregnant person basically ever had a silly "it was all fine" er trip. I'm still deciding if we should go when I go pee and theres a little blood in the pad. B saw and said "okay we're going now" and out we went. He tried to put socks on me and i said no lol, it was like 5 degrees out and i was wearing slides. I hurt all the way to the car and sat in the backseat as he drove as fast as he could safely through the snow, cursing every red light.
He dropped me off at the ER and i went to check in, i mustve looked bad bc while lady 1 was confused about me being pregnant but filling shit out lol, the lady and dude next to her were already calling l&d and transfer. B ran in perfectly as they brought me back and we were in a chair and making our way over as soon as blood pressure was taken.
Thr longest part was the nurse in the labor triage room. Baby would not stop moving and she was struggling to keep his heart rate tracking. I was lowkey swearing at B about pain still whenever she was gone lol oops and could not contain my vocal pain. My legs had been shaking with contractions for a while, but by this point my whole body was convulsing.
After what felt like forever but was definitely not, the Dr finally made it in and had time to all of sit down and put gloves on. I was feeling Things happening and flowing and wasn't sure idk, but I was naked in a gown now, she was going to do a cervix check. I reached down to feel what I thought was going to be a clot or something, was very worried it would be a foot. I literally said "there's something there" and the Dr was suddenly wrist deep inside me.
Babys cord was prolapsed, as in out enough that i could legit feel it sticking out me. That made everything Very Urgent. I blinked and there were suddenly 15 nurses in the room, B called my mom, I was being rushed down the hall. At this point the oain (and fear prolly) are really fucking kicking in. There was a nurse whose entire job was to stay arms deep inside me pushing the cord up in me while i could feel it wanting to push out with every contraction. I think i made it to the OR before i started screaming 😅
I only learned much later, but while this was happening they gave B scrubs to wear so he could come back. He out them on, still on call with my mom who was explaining what hed see so he wasnt so worried (he was so worried, he kept almost crying at my pain and the fear too im sure)
In the OR, they're shifting me to the next bed. Telling me they're gonna put me under general anesthesia. I said "yes please i hurt". i asked st least 3 times if he was gonna be okay, they kept saying i would be just fine.
They out the oxygen mask on me, throwing up drapes and curtains. Just as they stab my hand for an iv the guy is asking if he can start the anesthesia, i said "yes" again but idk if he was asking me. They said they were gonna out a catheter in, i think the other pain and pressure completely blocked that out. I was screaming into the oxygen/anesthetic mask between inhales just hoping it would take faster and that my little guy would be okay. They squeezed the cleaning stuff over me and then I was out.
Now during this time, which felt much longer than it was to me yet also very fast, B had just finished scrubbing up and was waiting for the jurse to come get him. Hes still on the phone with my mom when the nurse comes back to tell him "Max is fine, baby is born" and theyre both like wtf. I obviously don't know exactly what happened here, but they brought B with baby while they tubed him up and brought him back to the nicu. From my understanding, baby wasn't breathing for 3 mins. B said it was scary and that they carried him in a "box" and were shoving tubes down him. A breathing tube down to his lungs, ivs, a feeding tube. Oxygen cannula. He got to see him initially in the nicu, kept asking where i was/how i was doing. He filled my mom in, took some photos and then had to run arround to "be a visitor " and come back to me.
I woke up in a room alone, very not in my mind fully from anesthesia lol. I hardly remember texting gim and my bestie but theres badly phrased texts and photos to prove it. i sent him a selfie for some reason lol. and then he appeared.
At this point, i dont know whats really going on. They gave me meds, my nurse was nice. B passed out in the uncomfy chair. Baby was born at 2:45am and we didn't get to out post op room until 6am. I really thought we would have baby with us, but we did not.
Lots of nurses, meds, blah blah blah. We got to finally go up to the nicu and see baby at around 8? but we couldnt stay long. 15 mins or so, the nurse kinda stretched it for us. He still had his feed tube in but no breathing tube, just oxygen and an iv. We couldn't hold him and i struggled to reach him with being in a wheelchair and all corded up. But we got to see him and let his legs basically. Then they sent us away.
Lots more meds, them making sure i can walk. I have a catheter in and ivs on both hands, a button thing to send pain relief through one iv. Our ohones are dying and we don't really know whats going on yet, we called our moms and they both tried to get here asap. I called my dad and asked him to bring our stuff, we were both under 5% battery lol. Bs mom lives an hour away but brought us some food. My dad showed up, scared the shit out of me bc this surprise phone i didnt know was in here started ringing loud as hell. My dad got to see the baby in the nicu, he was snoozing. Then he brought us our stuff and left just after Bs mom arrived. She got to go see the baby, stayed in there longer than i would've liked tbh but im holding my tongue lol. Then her and my mom overlapped for about an hour.
I didnt eat much, no hunger. i just needed to so they could switch from iv meds to oxy. then we were able to go to the nicu without my nurse. they made me walk a bit, changed all my bloody pants. my mom went with us to the nicu and they immediately asked if i wanted to hold my son. i ofc said yes and they sat me down and gave me my little tiny man. I told B they were gonna have to pry me out of there. Baby slept very peacefully on my chest for 2 hours or so, i was fighting my sleep. I dint want them to see my drifting off and take him away. At some point tho they needed to check his vitals and blood sugar and everything so she took him. She said i could have him back, but B wanted me to eat more than "4 bites" and get some sleep since we hadnt yet.
We had a bit of an adventure making it to food and back up here. Ran into my aunt and uncle and cuzzo who were here for my cuz but literally on their way up to see us with a balloon when we passed at the elevator. that was neat. we finally made it back to our room with food, smashed our shitty cheeseburgers. the nurse came in for meds and stuff, and then we napped finally. lots of doctors/nurses came in while i was drifting in and out of sleep. getting blood drawn in the dark while almost asleep is weird lol. they took out my saline drip, so ive got the ivs but the only thing still connected to me at the moment is a catheter and only until another hour i think she said.
im doing okay, very sore and tender. moving hurts but im able to do it all very slowly. ive got sll the meds, tylenol oxy and ibuprofen on cycle. ive drank more apple juice in the last 24 hours than ever before bc they keep saying i need more fluids. they had me lap around the room. Bs been back asleep for an hour or 2, nurse said shell be back in another 1-2 hours for my final tummy press before it goes to 8hrs and not 4. yay. tbat shit hurts, especially this nurse tbh.
im starting to fall asleep now finally i think, after writing this fucking novel of an update. Baby just has oxygen cannula now, hes pooped and eaten with the nurses. so it seems like and im really fuckign hoping we get gim in the morning. i think im gonna try and sleep a bit, and hopefully after the nurse comes next and does her check and takes my catheter, B will be up and im forcing him to take me to my baby again. i need his tiny little body against mine.
i am officially a dad now. and i love my son and my sweet man. and i just want us to be all asleep in the same room now. i miss my little squishy bay boy ❤️
my mom got my toddler an iPad so he can facetime her and my dad whenever he wants… pray for us chat. i’ve got the thing on the strictest parental controls possible rn but i just don’t want him becoming an iPad kid, yk?
My dad is an example of how every parent should be when it comes to their kid just being themself.
I told him I'm agender? He BOUGHT ME THE FLAG!
I told him I'm queer and he did not care at all, because that's just who I am and it's no big deal.
I recently told him my pronouns over text(he was at work) and he literally said "ok please do the dishes." He did not care.
Told him I'm a furry, he shrugged and said "If that's who you are."
I'm wanting to tell him I'm otherkin soon and I sincerely doubt he's gonna care. I'm predicting another "if that's who you are" but place your bets in the replies and whoever is right.. Idk what prize to give ur just right ig LOLL
But yeah, other parents TAKE NOTESS!!!! THIS IS HOW YOU SHOULD BE!!!! Accept your child's identity, no matter what, and love them no matter if they're gay, trans, whatever. No "it's against my religion" no "I just don't like it." Too damn bad, it's a completely harmless part of them and they do not deserve to be shunned for something not hurting anyone. You had them, you're obligated to continue loving them if they're LGBTQ, a furry, an alterhuman, any religion, etc.
You're only allowed to disown your kid for their beliefs and identity if they're a republican.
