who_am_i

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[danisokup]

“Man I wish I could sleep but I can’t til I tell you this… I love you, I am in love with you. I know that I can be a gigantic pain in the ass, overbearing, and annoying. I’m trying to work on those things but know it all comes from love. I give you space because you need it and I get that .. I understand, and I know I’m kinda fucking that up right now but after this piece I’m out and won’t bug you until you want to talk to me. I get that things upset you and you hate me sometimes ( trust me the feeling is normal) and sometimes you want nothing to do with me and that’s totally cooll, but I will let you know that there isn’t a day or night I will let you go to bed without me telling you I love you. I don’t care if you hate me or want to smack my bitchass..I just want you to know that you’re loved entirely and completely and when you’re mad I want you to know that I love you. If you’re sad I want you to know I love you, if you’re plagued with anxiety I want you to know you are loved. I want you to feel it in your bones.. I want you to feel loved regardless of the distance or the anger that might be between us. I just want you to never go a single day without being told you are loved inside and out. So yeah I love you even though you’re being a brat and won’t say it back right now I just love you now, tomorrow, a month from now , and forever.. I love you baby and even though you’re upset I never once fucked you over today. I never stopped thinking about you .. Even when you were upset or being mean to me..I still loved you regardless.. I guess I’ll be here waiting for your next move. Take your time.. I will always have time for you.”

— AR10.20.15 (via dtlag-irl)

[danisokup]

“Don’t get me wrong now… but my life was fine before I met you and I’m sure it’ll be fine after you leave. However… I don’t want fine, normal, or ordinary. I want you… and maybe sometimes that means mayhem, tears, or heartbreak… but I don’t care. I’d take it all… because along the way… you gave my life color and it wasn’t just fine anymore… it was beyond extraordinary… you gave me the ride of my life.”

—

-I fine with fine, but I don’t want fine. I want you.

-m.t.t.

(via mysilentconfessionstoyou)

[traumasurvivors]

“The hurt is bad again. I feel like I’m drowning in it. It’s tearing me apart and I feel the exhaustion shutting me down. But I will endure. I always have. I’ve survived everything life has thrown at me. I’ll survive this too.”

—

[saahlo-folinaa]

it’s one of those nights again. the kind where you can feel the sadness and anxiety in your stomach. the kind where you want to yell and scream and cry because nothing is okay and you aren’t sure it ever will be. the kind where you stare at your scars, wanting to make more. just to feel something other than this ache. it is nights like this that make me terrified to keep living.

[i-wrotethisforme]

You might be sad now and you might have been proven wrong about some things or some people but one day you will meet someone you know you’re going to marry and you’ll realize that all the other times you thought you were happy were nothing compared to that. Until the day you get proposed to, and that will be your new happiest day. And one day after that you will have a wedding and it will be the most fun night of your life, and then one day you will have a baby, and you know that will be the real happiest day of your life because that’s what everyone who has a baby has ever said. So who cares what you’re crying about tonight because there’s so much comfort in knowing the best day of your life hasn’t happened yet. And even when it does, there is always an even happier one on the horizon.

[j-25-l-deactivated20210129]

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yeah I think of you. Even when I finally think I’m not, something reminds me of you. Shoots back all those memories, all the things we’ve done, and all the times you’ve smiled at me. The way your hand felt intertwined with mine. The way you said my name, god what an amazing sound. Nothing compared to when you told me you loved me though. I still remember how you smelt, oddly enough. I get a whiff of you in the air and I’m spinning around trying to find you. I look for you in any crowded place. Until I realize, it’s not possible. You’re miles and hours away there’s no way it’s you. But God, for those few seconds, I’m so damn hopefully it is.

[promisesofamazing]

“I’m trying really hard to be this person that has her shit together, that has some form of fucking control over anything that has to do with my life. I’m trying really hard not to be so god damn fucking angry at everything. At the world, at myself, at people in my life. I’m trying to mask it all with some point or validation or giving it a mean by saying “this has to happen for a reason. It had to.” But maybe that’s just it, that’s what’s driving me crazy. Maybe there is no reason why bad things happen or good things happen. Maybe there is no reason and it’s just that, a thing that happened. It’s just the universe being cruel and the universe giving you a break once in a while because if we’re being honest there is ALWAYS something. There will always be a time in your life where it feels like bricks are sitting on your chest and there will always be a time after the bricks when the light peaks through one small crack and you have that moment where you don’t feel like you’re drowning and you think “This is it, this is where things get better. This is where I get better.” And it’s true you do get better. You get better every time, but there will never not be a time when there isn’t bricks sitting on your chest and that is what is so goddamn heartbreaking to me. We are born and we suffer and we live and we are happy and sad and everything in between and then we just die. Our bodies go into the ground or get spread out somewhere that was once meaningful to you if your family or friends know you, if you’re lucky. If you’re lucky you might also find love. I’m trying, I’m really trying to find the goddamn crack in the pile of bricks but fuck. What’s the point? What is the god damn point.”

— Wednesday, March 25th, 2020 11:33 pm

[danisokup]

“You see, you don’t get to do this, to come back and try to talk after all the bullshit. But instead of simply ignoring you as you liked to do, I’ll let you know exactly how I feel so you can move on with your life. What we had was a lie and a farce. I was with you because I was afraid of being alone, afraid of change and not having anyone to talk to. When I finally figured that out, everything suddenly became clear. I realized how happy I was without you and I knew our “happiness” was just a lie to keep myself from admitting the truth. You, us, our whole relationship was a waste of time and energy. I never loved you, but I did love the possibility of what you could have represented. You gave me hope that just maybe, I could find someone to connect with, and shortly after that, you shattered that same hope to pieces. If I could go back I would change everything. I never would have spoken to you, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have used you as my crutch for so long. I don’t hate you, but I don’t have feelings for you either. You are at best a stranger to me, a passing moment in my life that happened within a blink and will be forgotten just as fast. So I’ll save you some trouble. Move on and stop dwelling on something that never existed in the first place. But thank you, thank you for helping me realize what I actually want in life and what I need to do. Again, I don’t hate you, I just hate myself for being deceived for so long. So here you go, move on with your life and put the past behind you. There’s no point in dwelling on something that was never there.”

— Moving forward is better than looking back (via lifegoesuplifegoesdown)

[danisokup]

“Letting go was something I didn’t think I could do, but here I am moving on with my life, thinking of you and realising that I’m much better off now, I admit I am more reckless, I do things now that I never thought I would do or even wanted to do, but I’m enjoying and I’m finding myself, I’m finding who I am…. I’ve moved on and I have let go, I won’t say I don’t ever cry or feel sad because I do but that’s not because I miss you because you’re not the person I used to know, you’re a stranger with some distant memories now, i get sad because I miss being close to someone, I miss the happy moments and I miss trusting with no fear and that my dear stranger is why I have moved on because you broke my trust and I don’t want you, I’ll never want you! I’ve let you go and I have never been happier…. So thank you for breaking my heart because you have shown me exactly how strong and amazing I really am, in fact I pity you because you lost someone who loved you with everything she had, perhaps one day you will realise what you lost or maybe you won’t but it won’t and doesn’t matter to me because I can finally say I do not care anymore, I am much happier without you and I have moved on with my life..!”

— Truest of thought a.d (via its-never-too-late-too-love)

[hummingsun]

09.02.20 | 00:08

I'm seriously not planning to kill myself... but I'm just so incredibly tired of waiting this heavy feeling of sadness, loneliness and hopelessness to fade away. Sometimes it does, just for a while, but it always finds its way back to me. I can't get rid of it.

[incorrectkilljoyquotes]

“I let my haters be my motivators. Mostly they tell me I suck, and then I get sad. This was a terrible idea.”

— Fun Ghoul

[tbfhprincess]

“You may think that telling me he never loved me helps me get over him but not only does it make me feel worse, but it also ruins my hope for love. Are you telling me that all my memories with him were fake? All the times he said those three words meant nothing? All those times he smiled and laughed with me and comforted me and protected me were absolutely nothing? That in the future, I will never be able to trust anyone when they tell me they love me or even act like it?”

— watch your fucking words. stop hurting people.

[fxck-every-1]

i will never forgive you for the nights i stayed up crying and wondering why i wasn’t good enough, i will never forgive you for the days where my biggest accomplishment was getting out of bed, you broke my heart and for that there is no space for any forgiveness. But i will sit here and thank you, thank you for showing me i was worth more than you, thank you for giving me the ultimate push to loving myself, thank you for showing me you weren’t the person i dreamt of you being. Here’s to loving yourself after a heartbreak. They leave because you need room to grow

[vodkakilledtheteen]

““My bones feel like glass and my lungs are always turning purple. I remember when I was younger my mother’s words cut my mind into pieces every time a bad decision would try to hold my hand. But somewhere in between me trying to find myself and trying to change myself for others, I realized that the bad decisions I’ve made have shaped me into a masterpiece that still needs to be carved along the edges. I hope one day my bones feel like stained glass in a cathedral because maybe then they’ll be more tolerable, and I hope my lungs don’t feel like they’re fighting a fucking storm,” she said”

— Alexa Evangelista, the book i’ll never finish writing 

[pessimisticandrealistic]

“dear someone, i have so many questions i want to ask you but just don’t know how. and because i know for a fact that my voice would break and tears would start streaming down my face if i were to ask you in person, i am writing you this letter. furthermore, i don’t think that you would even listen to me. these days you seem to be ignoring me as if i’m your worst enemy. how? that would be my first question. how was it so easy for you to go? to just leave me and not even look back. why? why would you leave and why would you leave like that? no explanation. no real goodbye. nothing. was it even real? what we had, i mean. was it? because i’ve been dreaming so much about you lately that it seems like i can’t tell what’s real and what’s not anymore. love, i wish you didn’t shatter my heart. i wish you didn’t make all these promises just to break them. i wish that you could have been honest with me from the beginning. honest about your intentions and your feelings for me. the last time we were standing in front of each other, looking into your brown eyes made my knees go weak and my heart beat faster. how can someone feel so much and the other just not? i guess i’ll never know because i tend to give people all of me. always. with you it was no different. i gave you all of me, made you my favourite person in this shitty world and hoped that i would be your favourite too. but this is farewell, my love. i hope that a part of you never forgets me. no matter how important i really was to you. i hope that wherever life takes you, it takes you someplace happy. you deserve it, i’m sure of that. Love always, e.”

— e.s. // dear someone.

[danisokup]

“And I’m supposed to sit here and do what? Wait for you? Beg for you to come back again? Act like the reality of us isn’t that we won’t ever work together? You admitted it for yourself when you brought yourself to say the words. I’m not the girl for you and I only hurt you so if I’m such a crappy person then why won’t you just leave me alone? If you hate me so much, then why try to be around me all the time? Just go already.”

— 🖤 (via pleasehearmedarling)

[cheerupsavvy]

“He was my addiction. I couldn’t feel good about myself without his words. I didn’t know how to live my life without him. I needed him every second of every day to continue on. He was always on my mind and I always wanted him again. I always wanted more from him. I needed the feelings he gave me. But after I watched him leave, And I watched my mother lose her mind in an alcoholic rage, I realized how harmful addictions were. And I conquered my addiction of him. I don’t need him anymore.”

— you don’t really need him