The writings of a man trying to stay sane.

[dantonlamarfromafar-blog]

The Sweater

The Sweater

Breezy with a hint of a chill the old women in the neighborhood warned about. A slow yet dangerous cold that lulls a teenager into a false sense of security, like a gradually heating pot a frog sits in. She starts shivering slightly.

“I think I’m getting cold,” Claire said on their way to the bus stop.

“I’d give you my coat, but then, I wouldn’t have a coat,” said Stephen her boyfriend of too many months.

“That’s not what I meant,” she laughed as the bus arrived.

“Then, what do you mean?”

“This sweater, does it look normal to you?”

“No, but it never has. Is that a shabby decorated Christmas tree or a weird alligator pretending to be a tree?”

“Uh, Not really sure, but it’s been less warm than it used to be. The flames in the chimney, TV, or whatever that box is, are fading,“ she said pointing to a dull red patch above her navel as they took their seats.

“I’ve got no idea love. Where did you get that thing anyway?”

“My grandma gave it to me. It used to be bright and full of odd life. Now, it’s just a sweater slowly decaying.” 

“Haha, like your grandma,” quipped Stephen looking out the window. Claire punched his shoulder hard enough to bounce the other off the glass.

“Don’t say things,” her phone rings cutting her off with a fright. “Never again,” she says poking his temple. “Hey, Ma. How’s it… Ummm uh huh… Wait… Uh huh… Ok… Yeah, I’ll come home tomorrow… Yup… Love you too.”

Pulling at the base of her sweater she watched the colors fade before her eyes; the greens, reds, yellows, blues, purples, even blacks all become grey. A chill ran up her spine.

[dantonlamarfromafar-blog]

FREE E-BOOK - the King of Fu! 7th – 9th

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The King of Fu

Coming of age / YA / Memoir / Humor

Benjamin Davis & Nikita Klimov's Debut illustrated novella!

With a unique style Benjamin brings readers into the world of his childhood, starting from his birth and culminating on his first step into adulthood. His journey questions the world, its rules, and why adults exist. Witty, engaging, and perfectly bizarre, his first book leaves readers wanting more.

Synopsis:

The King of FU is a magically realistic poetic memoir about growing up in America in the nineties on the cusp of the age of the internet. It is a voyage that navigates through family tribalism, supervisors, white-gloved Sheriffs, bullies, sex, suicide, dead prisoners, drugs, porn, middle school, and Jesus; all in search of answering one of life’s greatest mysteries: what is the point of adults?

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REVIEWS:

"A nihilistic poetic remembrance that will appeal most to older teens and 20-somethings." - Kirkus Reviews

"In the early years of the 20th century, a group of Russian dudes came up with the concept of defamiliarization. In simple terms, it was the presentation of a literary text in a strange or unfamiliar way, often using language or literary devices to “enhance the perception of the familiar." What do a group of old Russian dudes have to do with The King of FU? Everything, actually." - The Fail Book Reviewer: "Written in free verse and accompanied by vivid, black and white illustrations, The King of FU is unlike any other coming of age memoir." - The Book Review Directory "I enjoyed every passage and feel that The King of FU by Benjamin Davis would be great for readers looking to step away from the traditional memoir format and also those looking for a 90's nostalgia trip." - Reader's Favorite Review "And here, in a magically realistic and poetic way, readers can join him on his journey, and it is definitely an exhilarating ride. Dark, creative, sarcastic, edgy and playful, Benjamin Davis' creative writing style is unique and Nikita Klimov's illustrations are a perfect fit to a story that reveals the answer to one of life's greatest mysteries." - Reader's Favorite Review  "Let me tell you, I read this in one sitting and I laughed all the way from the first page to the last. It was only after I finished that I realized that a lot of what I'd just read was actually very sad. But even with that, I really enjoyed this book! Given the opportunity, I can get really into magical realism, and I loved the combination of Ben's writing and Nikita Klimov's illustrations." - Sara Newhouse, The Bibliophagist

[dantonlamarfromafar-blog]

The Plate

6:32 pm Monday, a ten piece puzzle of a broken plate sits on the slate tile floor. The fight is over, Christine’s point was made. Sarah had never been a good listener; it was her defining non-physical trait. Sitting next to the shattered remnants of the first gift she had given Sarah.

Marinara and pasta in water bubbled away on the stove. Christine’s footsteps overhead as she packed her things. Unable to speak, Sarah stares through the patio doors at a Robin in the bath. Splashing and cleaning itself. Why did I do it? I knew what would happen. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, even when I was doing it. ‘No one will find out’ he said.

Sarah’s hand trembling slowly reaches into her dress pocket and pulls out her phone. Thumbs too bloody to unlock the screen, she feebly types 1-2-3-6-5-4. [Text Notification] Mr. Pond: “We are on our way, keep Christine calm until we arrive.”

Calm had long passed, it stood no chance in the face of the photos of Sarah with him. The man whose fault it always was, Father, who never understood Christine no matter how hard he tried. Shrinks, boarding schools, copious amounts of medication, the best lawyers money could buy, and his earnest attempt to love Christine the way she needed never amounted to her being, “OK or normal”.

When Christine and Sarah fell in love he was hesitantly supportive. He was happy she had found love. The worry was, did Sarah know who she loved. They went on to have a blissful honeymoon, “Welcome to the rest of our lives,” said Christine as they crossed the threshold. She was loving then, Christine’s spiral began after they returned to New York and she lost her psychiatrist to a drunk driver. They moved to Vermont to slow life down, adopted 5 rescues: 3 dogs and 2 cats.

The cats were the first to disappear, their tracking chips destroyed, they were gone without a trace. Once the first dog went missing Sarah reached out to Papa Pond as he liked to be called. He came to visit that weekend, and every weekend after.

Two weeks ago she accused him of trying to steal Sarah from her. Christine’s rage was hardly contained by their home. She demanded he leave and never come back to town, “If I see you again, I’ll end your overlookable existence, and if I see you with Sarah again, I’ll kill her too.”

That Saturday, Sarah came home to police around the house assessing the damage Christine's Father had caused. Sarah held Christine as she cried about what a horrible manipulating man he was.

This past Sunday, while Sarah perused the farmers market Papa Pond convinced her to talk. Sarah called Christine to ask her to pick her up two hours, “I want to see little Aaron in the school play, I’d ask you to come but I know you hate them.” Papa Pond and Sarah went for lunch and the play went on without Aunt Sarah’s attendance. He explained Christine’s sorted past and apologized for not doing so sooner.

At minute five of their twenty-minute ride home, Sarah mentions that while she was waiting to be picked up, Papa Pond called and seemed sorry and ready to apologize for everything he had done.

“If he comes near me or you, he’s dead,” Christine said as plain as white rice, “Also do you remember how I joked about chipping you when we got really drunk at Tasha’s party and you passed out and came to on her vet table… Yeah, that wasn’t a joke.. So if you run I’ll find you. But you’re not thinking about running you love me.. People in love never leave each other… They never lie to each other. Right sweetie?”

“No, I would never leave you,” reassures Sarah, as she stares out the window and allows NPR to fill the silence rest of the ride home. Christine holds Sarah’s hand with all the gentle love she can muster, eye contact, smiles, and each set of eyes return to their window.

Once at home Sarah starts on dinner. Aware that she wouldn’t get far she sent Papa Pond, [Text Message] “911 I don’t feel safe come as soon as you can!” then deleted the message.

“I’m going to see Tony about getting your car fixed. Be back in 30,” shouts Christine as she skipped out the door. Tony was a mechanic by day and Private Investigator by moonlight. They met two miles from her home. He unwittingly handed over Sarah and Papa Pond’s death note in the form of a photo.

Ten minutes later, Christine’s ’97 Subaru Outback pulls up their driveway, her door slams. Unaware, Sarah begins to set the table for dinner; holding up the black plate with “I Love Juice” written in lavender calligraphy as her memories of ‘the picturesque day Christine bought it for her at the flea market on their third date. The sunlight through her voluminous blonde hair flowing in th.’ A shot rang out. The force slammed Sarah back. The counter shook. The plate drops. Clutching the hole in her stomach she slowly slides to the floor.

Christine flies up the front staircase. In their room, she packs clothes and jewelry in a duffle bag. Her

Papa Pond arrives with the local authorities, she fires from the bedroom window hitting an officer, and the rest light the house up like a Christmas tree. There is the sound of a sack of potatoes hitting the floor in their bedroom above. Sarah slumped on the floor staring at “Love” intact in front of her face; as the firing dies down so does she.

[dantonlamarfromafar-blog]

Grandpa

“It’s winter now. The first snow is falling and here I sit”

A glass of bourbon is placed on the recessed windowsill. John looks out longingly through the snow, past the expanse of the park, beyond the ocean on the horizon.

“Times were simpler then. You see hate had all but disappeared in the world. Nothing was really left in humanities way. Borders had little more than symbolic markers. The world was one. It is hard to believe how nice it was then,” his pause giving way to a sip. “There was an understanding. Humans were just that and nothing more or less.”

“The world hasn’t always been this way?” Simoana asks taking a seat where the glass had.

“It was long ago, before the war. So many died for the masses to realize what was happening,” bourbon passes his lips once more before setting the glass next to his granddaughter. “’The Final War’ as we called it put life in perspective. Governments around the world toppled. And in their hollowed halls a new world was formed. For the benefit of all people. Sadly it seems that people have forgotten, that differences are purely conceived in the mind. Whether ideological, political, national, racial, shit even sexual the only difference is in someone’s mind. People don’t have to agree. As far I always saw it no one, myself included was more right than someone else. Except in science and math. People no matter how crazy you believed their way of life to be was no more wrong than you,” John says poking his finger into her shoulder, before finishing his drink.

Simoana looks at him curiously. John stare returned to the horizon. She watches the snow full gently.

“Why did they forget?” he refocuses on her eyes “The charities were closed because they weren’t needed. Life was good,” John examines the empty glass for another drop, “Will you stay tonight? Your room is ready,” looking back to her.

“I will…” Simoana sniffles, wipes her nose, and continues, “Let’s get you to bed.” Removing the glass from his hand and placing it next to the empty bottle on the sill.

She wheels him to his bed, pulls back the covers, and helps the old man to bed.

“You know I love you, right Simoana?”

She kisses his forehead, “I do, and I love you too,” tucking him in, “now you sleep tight.”

“I have no choice with the way you tuck me in,” John chuckles, which leads to a short cough.

“Well I can’t have you running off in the night,” Simoana says with a half-smile, “Good night old man, I love you.”

“Good night my dear. Be better than them.”

--

Simoana clears her throat. “My grandfather’s last words to me were, ‘Be better than them.’ You see my grandfather believed a past had gone by that never had. He would tell me of a time when the world was equal, all people were free, and hatred did not exist. He, He would tell me about how people once knew how to take care of each other. A time when no one went hungry, everyone had an education, no person was better than another. My entire family knew he had lost it a while ago. He, he may not have remembered the world the way it was. But he hated it for what it is. He had replaced his past with what he wanted it to be, his loving family in a world that made sense. His life was simple. But his heart was big. He wanted people to love people, for nothing more than the fact that they were people. No one was right. Everyone was wrong, in someone’s eyes. But, ‘Why should that matter?’ he would ask. ‘You could only be right in science or math,’ he told me. Though this world would have us believe otherwise I began to believe him. ‘No one is better than you, and you are better than no one.’ I wish more people thought that way. I know if they did we’d all be a lot better off. I always will. Thank you Grandpa. I love you.” She steps down from the pulpit, places a rose on his casket, and sits down beside her sobbing mother.

[dantonlamarfromafar-blog]

Awkward Moments in Attempted Dating

Awkward moments in attempted dating (More subtly in their convo – she’s to obviously gonna kill herself)

Atop a twenty floor apartment building on a summer’s evening twenty or so 18 and 19 year-olds drink and smoke cigarettes awaiting the sunset. The golden sky was a serene backdrop. The forecast was clear for the next hour as a micro-burst approached from the east. On the west side of the roof under an open top gazebo, K-pop streamed through the speaker. An outdoor coffee table had been designated the drinks area, was littered with bottles of Soju both flavored and not, beer, rum, vodka, tequila, and a smattering of mixers.

“She never even looks at me” Tommy whined nervously stirring his drink.

“Who Su Jin? The cute one over there looking at us right now?” questions Johannes.

Without hesitation Tommy asks, “Wait, really, she’s looking at us?”

“Well not so much US, as she mainly seems to be staring at me, with those fuck me eyes…”

“Damn it I know she’d never go for an ugly loser like me,” sighs Tommy.

“Dipshit, I’m fucking with you. God you need to work on your self-confidence. You understand that no chick wants a guy who isn’t confident? Like you do get that right?” says Johannes as he clenches Tommy’s shoulder.

“Yeah...,” as he awkwardly shifts his angle to put Su Jin in his view, “She’s just so pretty” he looks towards the setting sun. “I couldn’t just start talking to her.”

“Dude she’s your TA, you talk to her every day at work.” Johannes reminds him.

They sip their Soju and sprite as Tommy moles over the thought of her being so friendly and easy to talk to before and after their classes. “But she has to be nice to me in class. It’s basically part of her job.”

“Oh, No, definitely not true, mate. Min Jun is a frigid bitch to me. And I still want to get in her pants,” Johannes looks across the crowd and finds her, smiles, and gets a look of disgust in return. Laughing it off, “You’ve got a real shot. Besides if she shoots you down, she’ll be gentle eh.”

“I don’t know where to start. What to say. How to approach her.”

“Simple mate, you walk over to her, start by saying, ‘Hi.’ Ask about her day, give her a compliment. Nothing creepy like, ‘your hair would look good on me.’ And I’d say approach from the front mate, she doesn’t look like she likes it from behind,” says Johannes as he quietly laughs to himself.

“It couldn’t be that simple,” Tommy sighs

“Yeah mate it is. Go talk to her,” says Johannes reassuringly.

“Not now, she’s talking to Amanda,” Tommy whines.

“Oh fuck Amanda!”

“Ew, I don’t want to do that, I didn’t leave the US to get with an American,” Tommy scoffed.

“Haha, I didn’t mean actually fuck her I meant don’t worry about her. I’ll be your wingman and pull her away.”

Watching the ice in his glass shift in his glass Tommy says, “I can’t.”

“We can!”

“No, no, everyone will laugh when she shoots me down,” says Tommy

“Ok mate, first of all no one else here cares. Second, she won’t shoot you down… Stop staring, it’s getting a bit weird, finish your drink,” says Johannes. As Tommy drains his cup, Johannes pours four shots: two tequila, two Soju. He hands one and takes one, “Cheers to the pursuit.” They knock them back.

“Ugh Tequila! I hate Tequila!” says Tommy as hold back a gag.

“Well wash it down with this,” Johannes says. Heads back glasses empty, “So smooth just like you’re gonna be. Let’s go Amanda just walked away. Get over there brew,” accompanied by a slight push in Su Jin’s direction.

The burn of tequila in his stomach started his engines. Smack, he hits his knee on the table, bottles clatter, a few people chuckle. He mentally dusts himself off and heads toward Su Jin and her golden aura.

“Hi Su, how are you doing this evening?” flies out of his mouth like bullets from an AKA 47.

A coy smile rests on her beautiful face, “I’m well. How are you?”

“Nervous,” Tommy said, then thought Ohh shit!!!

“Why, nervous?” Su Jin asks plainly.

“Uuuuuh, you’re really pretty,” FUCK MY LIFE

Su Jin lets out a shy giggle, “Thank you… ….” She notices he’s looking at his feet, “Is that why you are nervous?” Tommy nods no longer trusting his mouth to convey his thoughts. “You are so sweet. Do you want to sit?” Taking his hand, she guides him to the south east corner and hops up on the ledge and sits with legs crossed, he follows suit but leaves his legs dangling. Pulling her sleeves down as the wind picks up, “Isn’t it beautiful?” She removes a small notebook and pen from her left butt pocket.

“Yeah you are, I mean it is,” his cheeks become tomatoes. “What’s that for? Are you going to interview me?”

“Haha, no, no, no, I like to write down things I want to remember,” She begins to scribe in Korean, “I have always wanted to see a sunset with someone sweet. I thought it would make the sunset better. I think it does. Do you agree?” Su Jin asks with her eyes still fixed on the setting sun.

“I prefer sunrises, but you are right, the company makes it better,” entranced by her hair in the breeze. “So, uh, you like to write down things you want to remember right? You want to remember this moment me?”  

“Yes,” Su Jin replies followed by an embarrassed laugh, “I like to remember the beautiful moments like this one… I mean after all of this beauty comes the darkness, of night. It is what I write about. It is foreshadowing right?”

“No, that is more of a contrast,” Tommy answers with a smile, looking at her longing for eye contact; her face froze as if trapped in a thought. Continuing Tommy adds, “But, the good thing is they happen every day and no two are exactly the same.”

“True,” she perks up, “however, all good things must come to an end.”

“And every end is a new beginning,” Tommy says with the chipper nature of a Boy Scout try to earn his Positive Outlook badge, “Like the end of our drink is a chance for another.” Smooth, keep it up. “Bottoms up and I’ll get us another.”

Giggling Su Jin asks, “Ok, what do we cheers to?”

With the sun slowly vanishing behind the mountains in the distance Tommy says, “to new beginnings.” Cups tap, bottoms up and back down, “I’ll be right back with our drinks, Soju and Sprite, right?” she nods, Tommy smiles like a kid with an ice cream cone as he walks back toward the party.

The roof lights come on illuminating the interior of the roof. Johannes was chatting by the table, “Uh. Hold that thought I’ll be right back.” Turning to face Tommy, “How’d it go? I see you have two cups, so it couldn’t’ve been too horrible,” Johannes pokes.

“So far, so good. She’s amazing, cute and a bit mysterious.”

“Awww, Tommy boy is falling in love.”

Blushing, “Noooo, but I could. I think I could.”

“Did you tell her about your massive dick? Just kidding. Kind of. What did you talk about?”

“Not too much yet, mainly the beauty of sunsets and how the right person makes them better,” as he pours their drinks.

“Oh yeah, she likes you. Well, get back in there. Where is she anyway?”

“She’s sitting over on the ledge, over there,” Tommy says struggling to silhouette between the light set in the inner wall in contrast with the distant neon behind her. “You can’t really see her because the brightest lights are in front of her, and the lights behind her aren’t giving enough backlight. I see her. She’s over there.”

“Well make me proud, get back over there, text me if you end up pulling an Irish Goodbye,” Johannes cheekily with yet another guiding push.

It had become dark so quickly, his path was lit, the building's edge was an abyss. Her silhouette was indiscernible even with the neon signs behind where she sat. He approached the spot to find her no longer there. Her notebook and pen left where she sat. She must have gone to the bathroom. I shouldn’t look at her notebook. But she did just leave it here… I can’t. Notebook in hand. A peek won’t hurt. She can’t get too mad if I peek. Flipping through the pages of Korean and doodles, he stopped at a crude drawing of him, a warm feeling swelled inside him and this time it wasn’t the alcohol. She actually likes me! Holy shit! Ok, I should put it back down before she comes back.

He retakes his spot on the ledge looking out at the party before him. Maybe, she’s been caught up in a conversation on her way back from the bathroom. Yeah, duh, that’s it. Five minutes pass. Huh where is she? What is all the commotion downstairs? Why is there a fire truck and an ambulance? The fire alarm isn’t going off. Whatever probably some old lady fell and broke her hip. Well let’s see what else she wrote. Flipping through the pages of Korean he lands on the last page. Finally, some English!

“It has been a long meaningless existence.

But he told me I’m pretty, we watched the

sunset together. It is time. I am ready.

 Good bye Tommy. You are too good for me.

 Forever yours,

Su Jin XOXO”

 Good bye? What does she mean “Goodbye”? We were just getting started. Looking over the edge he sees Su Jin’s angelic face as the paramedics cover her body with a white sheet.

[dantonlamarfromafar-blog]

The Night Reality Was Proven

“The weekend has begun! I wish I didn’t have class tomorrow,” Jade takes a drag from the second joint in rotation. Exhaling, “Macro Economics can suck a… Kugh hugh kuh, fat sack.”

“Tomorrow is Thursday, we have Anthro 101,” Erik reminds him from across the six-person circle.

“Whatever, class is class they all suck. Are we gonna do Acid or what?” The group nods, “Tiff you’re our sober buddy tonight right?” Jade asks as he sends the third joint into the rotation.

Taking a hit, holding, exhaling, “If by sober you mean bud only then sure,” she passes to left.

Rummaging through his bag of treats, Jade stops and pulls out a vile with a dropper lid, “Tongues out ladies and gents.” Everyone receives their drop of sunshine, except Tiffany and Jade who thought it a good idea to pour half of the refilled dropper down his throat. No comments were made.

Thirty-five minutes of high-versation go by. Tiff and Jordan played Mario Kart. Erik watching from behind them starts miming driving a kart, “I’m Toad!” Leaning into the turns, throwing imaginary shells. This was some strong Acid.

Jade begins to examine the wall muttering, “How can the wall be so wall-y?”

“Because it’s a wall Babe,” responds Tiff as she crossed the finish line in first.

“But, but, but… ok. But this chair, how is it so chair like? This simulation is so really real. How does it feel so fuzzy? Like, moose, not mouse, I mean, mink! We don’t have a mink chair! They got that wrong.”

Simon as he stares at Lizzie the lizard, “Who? Who is they? Are the lizards they?”

“Not the LIZzz-ards! The mechanical overlords,” Erik adds while driving through the track selection screen.

“Is this reality? Like real reality? Real-al-lity?” Pondered Nicole.

“Yes, this is reality. A fucked reality, but it is really real,” Tiff throws out while waiting for the next race to begin.

Looking out the seven-foot tall windows across the city halfway up a 52-floor building, “This isn’t real we’ll wake up soon and understand this was all a lie.”

“Get away from there Babe. Come sit with me on the couch.”

Defiantly, “How do I know the couch is real?”

Sarcastically, “You won’t until you sit,” as she falls off Rainbow Road.

“Oh No! I’m falling!” Shouts Erik fixated on the screen.

Jordan laughs so hard she stumbles knocking the lit candle off the bookshelf, spilling wax over the corner of the TV, the Wii, and power strip, “Oh shit where did the fire go?”

“Damn it Jordan! The fire is gone, but the wax mess you made is here,” as Tiff gets up to unplug the strip before it shorts.

“It’s Cold,” announced Simon through chattering teeth

Tiff looks across the room to find Jade standing in the open window looking directly at her, “I’ll prove to you that this isn’t real.” He crosses his arms and throws his head back before any could react. Tiff gets to the window in time to see Jade hit the pavement below. A red splatter was all she could see under the streetlights, all that was left of the man she loves. Staggering back from the window the room begins to spin. Consumed by grief and shock her body goes limp.

Sunlight shining in her eyes, Tiff rolls over to find Jade in their bed. Brushing the hair from her face, “I told you it wasn’t real.”