Smut baby, Smut baby

ᛞᚨᚱᛒᛁ ᛟᚨᚲᚨᚾᚨ Love, the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket

[darbyoakana]

Welcome

Still working on this whole Tumblr thing. Thanks for stopping by!

_______ You are more than welcome to use my stories as writing prompts or inspiration for artwork. I, however, do not have the budget to pay artists. Please do not ask. _______

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Darby Link Tree

MASTER LIST

🚩All works are 18+, Minors DNI 🚩

Hazbin

An Overlord's Tail - On hiatus Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Yes, Master - On hiatus Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

One Shots: The Silk Robe Dying to Feel Alive (***Trigger Warning***)

_________

Marvel

Seduction on Sakaar (Loki) Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Out of the Blue (Loki) Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Eavesdropping (Bucky & Loki) - Finished Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

One Shots: Truth or Dare (Loki) Bottomed in a Bunker (Stucky) For the Best (Bucky)

[adhdwannabewriter]

Other ways to say ‘said’ based on a vibe:

Neutral:

Stated - A clear, factual declaration. Replied - A direct response to someone. Answered - A direct response to someone. Inquired - Asked a question, usually seeking information. Explained -Clarified or elaborated on something. Whispered - Spoke quietly.

Happy:

Cheered - Spoke with joy and excitement. Giggled - Spoke while laughing lightly. Beamed - Spoke with happiness.

Angry:

Snapped - Spoke sharply, usually in anger or frustration. Barked - Spoke in a short, harsh, commanding tone. Growled - Spoke in a low, angry tone, resembling a growl. Hissed - Spoke in a whisper-like tone, often with anger or menace. Retorted - Responded sharply, often in disagreement or defense. Sighed - Spoke with a heavy exhale. Whispered - Spoke quietly (not inherently angry, but can be). Screech - Screamed in a long, loud, high-pitched, and often unpleasant sound. Shrieked - Screamed in a short, loud, high-pitched cry or sound, typically produced in sudden fear, pain, anger, or excitement

Sad:

Sobbed - Spoke through tears. Cried - Spoke with sorrow or emotional pain. Cried out - Shouted suddenly due to pain, shock, fear. Whimpered - Spoke softly, with pain or sadness. Sniffled - Spoke while trying to hold back tears. Lamented - Expressed deep regret or sorrow. Sighed - Spoke with a heavy exhale. Choked - Spoke with difficulty, often because of emotion. Breathed - Spoke softly. Screech - Screamed in a long, loud, high-pitched, and often unpleasant sound. Shrieked - Screamed in a short, loud, high-pitched cry or sound, typically produced in sudden fear, pain, anger, or excitement

Surprised:

Gasped - Spoke while catching breath. Exclaimed - Spoke suddenly, loudly. Blurted - Spoke without thinking. Cried out - Shouted suddenly due to pain, shock, fear. Stammered - Spoke hesitantly, struggling due to shock. Uttered - Spoke briefly, often in disbelief. Breathed - Spoke softly. Echoed - Repeated something in surprise, trying to process it. Squeaked - Spoke in a short, high-pitched sound.

Fearful:

Whispered - Spoke quietly. Stammered - Spoke with hesitation, fear causing the words to stumble. Gasped - Spoke in a quick breath, startled or frightened. Pleaded -Spoke in a desperate, fearful tone, asking for something. Cried out - Spoke or shouted suddenly, reacting to fear. Breathed - Spoke in a shallow, tense manner, often showing anxiety. Begged - Asked for something urgently, humbly, or desperately. Squeaked - Spoke in a short, high-pitched sound. Screech - Screamed in a long, loud, high-pitched, and often unpleasant sound. Shrieked - Screamed in a short, loud, high-pitched cry or sound, typically produced in sudden fear, pain, anger, or excitement

Shy:

Murmured - Spoke quietly, almost too softly to hear. Mumbled - Spoke unclearly, here due to nervousness or shyness. Whispered - Spoke in a very low, timid voice. Hesitated - Paused before speaking, unsure or shy. Stuttered - Spoke with difficulty, due to nervousness or embarrassment. Breathed - Spoke softly.

Thoughtful:

Observed - Made a thoughtful or insightful comment. Remarked - Made a casual or insightful comment. Suggested - Offering an idea or recommendation. Noted - Pointed out something of importance. Murmured - Spoke quietly, (in thought, often to themselves) almost too quiety to hear.

Commanding:

Ordered - Gave a command or instruction. Demanded - Insisted on something firmly or forcefully. Directed - Gave specific instructions or guidance. Commanded -  Gave an authoritative order; a directive, or control over a situation or group.

[adhdwannabewriter]

Other ways to say ‘walk’ based on a vibe:

Neutral:

Strolled- Walked at a steady, leisurely pace. Moved - Simply walked from one place to another. Went - A basic term to say walked. Wandered - Walked without a specific destination. Saunter- walked in a slow, relaxed, and leisurely manner. Bimble - (British) a slow, relaxed, and aimless walk, stroll (curtesy of @lilithfatale) Potter - move or act aimlessly. Amble - walking at a slow relaxed pace, good for describing walking for pleasure (Curtesy of @scribbl3dog )

Happy:

Skipped - Walked with a light, bouncing step, often out of joy. Bounced - Walked with energetic, lively steps. Sashayed - Walked with a confident, cheerful flair. Pranced - Walked in an exaggeratedly happy or playful manner. Danced - Walked with movements full of joy or rhythm.

Angry:

Stomped - Walked with heavy, forceful steps, showing frustration or anger. Marched - Walked with purpose and determination, often angrily. Stormed - Walked quickly and angrily, often leaving a situation (stormed out). Trudged - Walked heavily, with anger or frustration weighing down the steps. Charged - Walked aggressively, moving quickly and with force.

Sad:

Shuffled - Walked slowly, dragging the feet, often indicating sadness or exhaustion. Plodded - Walked with heavy, slow steps, as if burdened by sorrow. Trudged - Walked slowly and with effort, weighed down Slumped - Walked with a hunched posture, showing sadness or defeat. Dragged - Walked with effort, as if every step was a struggle.

Surprised:

Froze - Stopped mid-step in reaction to shock or surprise. Stumbled - Walked clumsily due to being caught off guard. Jumped - Took a quick, startled step. Skipped a step - Momentarily hesitated in walking due to surprise. Backpedaled - Walked backward quickly, often in shock or surprise.

Fearful/anxious:

Crept - Walked slowly and carefully, trying to avoid being noticed. Tiptoed - Walked quietly on the balls of the feet, trying not to make noise. Slunk - Walked with a low, cautious posture, trying to remain hidden. Hesitated - Took a few tentative steps, unsure or fearful. Paced - Walked back and forth, often in thought or anxiety.

Shy:

Shuffled - Walked slowly, with small, unsure steps. Hesitated - Paused slightly before walking, unsure or nervous. Slipped - Moved quietly and quickly to avoid attention. Hovered - Stayed near a spot, hesitant to walk forward. Inched - Walked very slowly, as if unsure or reluctant.

Thoughtful:

Wandered - Walked without a specific destination, lost in thought. Paced - Walked back and forth while thinking deeply. Strolled - Walked slowly, enjoying the time to reflect. Meandered - Walked aimlessly, with no rush, often in contemplation. Paused - Stopped briefly during a walk, considering something.

Commanding:

Marched - Walked with purpose and authority. Strutted - Walked with confidence and a sense of power. Advanced - Walked forward with a deliberate, commanding stride. Charged -Walked quickly and forcefully toward a goal. Led - Walked at the front, guiding others behind them.

[ariesrin]

Alternatives to 'said'

When character is angry:

Snapped

Spat

Snarled

Hissed

Barked

...or sad:

Choked

Mumbled

Managed

Croaked

Murmured

...or if they're feeling nervous:

Stammered

Babbled

Rambled

Muttered

Squeaked

...and even when flirting:

Coaxed

Purred

Teased

Hummed

Crooned

[calto19]

This is the kind of thesaurus stuff I've needed.

[bronzemallard]

The god send

[harleyquillao3]

I’m in this photo and I don’t like it 😂😭

[raindropsonglasss]

[writingdose]

[darbyoakana]

Out of the Blue

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2

Summary: Loki/Reader. Fury sends you and Loki on a mission as backup. Things get a little steamy between you two, for the sake of the mission, of course! Steve and Bucky don't like it.

Warnings: Minors DNI 18+ No real warnings for this chapter, but the smut will come

“Look, let's just make this easy,” you said. “I know it's your first time out, but please, Loki. Follow the plan, get in and out. Don’t show off. Don’t cause a scene.”

“Yes, yes, Fury is testing me. Be on my best behavior and all that.”

You and Loki sat in the back seat of a car as it drove up a winding hill. You did your best to ignore how good he looked in a suit. Just as he tried to ignore how high the slit in your dress went. The destination was a lavish party being held by an arts dealer. Word was that he had something SHIELD wanted. This dealer was on several wanted lists and did not run in moral social circles. The mission itself was low stakes; you two were just backup in case something went wrong, and the rest of the Avengers needed help. Primarily, Loki was needed in case any magic was involved. So you were to pose as a wealthy couple looking to buy art and socialize. And you had your doubts about bringing a hedonistic God to a party of all things. But how hard could this really be?

The car pulled to a stop, the driver opened the door, and you both stepped out. Standing in front of the main entrance, you looped your arm through his. Pretending to be a couple was going to prove challenging; you could see the sparkle of mischief in Loki’s eyes.

“Oh, darling, this just won’t do,” he said, snapping his fingers. “Much better. You do look good in my colors.” 

You looked down, and your red dress was now a vibrant green. You rolled your eyes as you dragged him through the doors. The location was probably the nicest room you have ever been in, and Loki somehow seemed unimpressed. For someone who grew up in a gold palace, this must be mundane for him. You thought, mentally laughing at the absurdity. 

The large room held many glass displays lining the carpeted walkway. You held Loki’s arm as you stopped at each one to read the description and pretend to admire the item. Most of it was as one would expect: sculptures, paintings, and historical artifacts. You spent most of the evening mingling among the crowd. And boy, Loki had no problem mingling. He naturally drew attention with his whimsical confidence. You had to admit he was able to play the part very well. So well that it left you a bit flustered at times. He was a very convincing, doting husband. And you knew he was being overly familiar with you, not just in the name of the mission. You could tell he was enjoying it. He saw every little twitch, how your ears got a little red when he brushed his fingers against the small of your back, and how you swallowed just a little too hard. But you weren’t going to let him win this little game he was playing. So when he slid his arm around your waist when introducing you to another couple, you naturally placed your hand on his shoulder and leaned into him. When he pushed a piece of hair behind your ear, you looked up at him lovingly. He referred to you as darling, and you called him dear. The game became easy, almost natural. You could even say you liked it. 

“No thanks, I think I’ve had plenty,” you said as Loki handed you a glass.

“Oh, come now, ” he leaned in and whispered, “I thought we were having fun.” 

“We aren’t here to have fun.” 

“Yes, yes, the mission,” he scoffed.

“Look, I know it's not a daring adventure or anything. But backup is important if the mission goes South. So, focus.” 

“But I am enjoying this little charade so much more,” he brushed his thumb across your bottom lip. “Aren’t you, wife?”

“And pull this mission off without any problems, and maybe…” You licked the tip of his thumb, “...I’ll entertain this ruse a bit longer.” 

“Heh,” he let out a ragged exhale. “Very well, you have a deal.” 

The night continued, and you saw brief flashes of other Avengers around the hall. You saw Steve give the signal, and the team was off to retrieve whatever it was that they were there for. You listened and watched, looking for any sign of trouble.

The coms were silent for a while, and you and Loki continued to play house. Loki was chatting up a group of people, and you leaned on the bar while you sipped on your drink that he somehow persuaded you to have. You had to admit he was very charming when you didn’t want to strangle him to death. 

A man approached you and asked if you wanted to dance. You politely declined. He was a bit persistent, touching your arm, and trying to convince you. You sighed and were about to get stern with him when Loki grabbed the man's wrist. 

“She’s spoken for,” he growled. 

You would have been flattered if Natasha’s voice hadn’t sounded in your ear at that moment, distracting you. 

“Cover is blown, it's going to get messy down here. The drive is hidden in the women's bathroom two floors down. Go get it and get out of here.” 

You looked at Loki, and he gave you a smirk. Before you could blink, he had twisted the man’s arm around his back and slammed his face on the bar top. You used the distraction to wiggle through the crowd and to the stairwell. You slipped your heels off and went barefoot to avoid noise echoing and drawing attention. You tiptoed down the hall to the women’s bathroom. Crouched down, looking under the sinks and toilets for the rive Nat talked about. You stood in front of the mirror, and that's when you saw it. There was a tray on the counter with several fancy cups holding items one might need in the bathroom. And shoved between a handful of tampons was a USB drive. You grabbed it and shoved it under your left breast and walked out. 

You yelped as you ran right into Loki.  

“Shit, you startled me.” 

“Apologies. Have you acquired whatever it is the spider hid?” 

“Yes, let's get the fuc-” You turned your head at the sound. “Shit.”

Security was headed down the hall; there was only a moment to think. They’d see you if you went for the stairwell; the hall to the elevator was the only other option, and they were going to be blocking it in a matter of seconds. You grumbled to yourself at the decision you were making, but you didn’t know what else to do. You put your arms around Loki’s neck and jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist. He either caught on to your ruse or, worse, didn’t care. But he pushed you back into the wall and kissed you. It needed to look real, you told yourself, that's why you kissed him back. You’d unpack that later. He moaned into your mouth as your tongues touched, your nails clawing the skin under his hair. 

“Hey, you! What are you doing down here?” one of the guards yelled, approaching you two. 

Loki pulled away from you to address the guards. You giggled and hit your face in the crook of Loki’s neck, pretending to be embarrassed. He set you down gently. 

“So very sorry, gentlemen. My little wife here gets quite aggressive when she’s had too much to drink. We were just looking for somewhere more private.”

“Then get a hotel room!” the guard barked. 

“Right you are, we’ll be on our way,” Loki threw you over his shoulder. “Come, little minx.”

You yelped as he picked you up. His hand was right on your ass. He walked by the guards and went to the elevator. You bit your lip and giggled, then waved at the guards. One waved back, the leader hit him in the arm, and continued their search. The elevator door closed. 

“You can put me down now.”

“I think not.” 

“Excuse me? Put me the fuck down.” 

“Nope. Mission is over, and you said we could play.” 

You yelp when he slaps your ass. You do your best to ignore the wet forming between your legs. You wiggled and kicked, but his grasp is firm as he hauls you out to the car. The driver was waiting, leaving seemed natural according to your cover story, and escaping with the drive was top priority, so you didn’t fight it. Loki set you down as one of the “attendants” and offered you his hand to assist you into the vehicle. You had removed the drive from its hiding spot by pretending to adjust your dress after Loki’s hold. 

“Oh, thank you,” you said, placing your hand in the attendant’s, passing off the drive. 

“Certainly, miss,” Clint responded. 

You didn’t see where Clint disappeared to and didn’t need to; you knew he was gone by the time your ass hit the seat. Loki sat next to you, far too close. He took the bottle from the minibar and poured you both a drink. 

“Did you not learn a lesson from when I was hungover last week?”

“Oh yes, you were monstrous,” he mused. “But, I only got to witness the aftermath. I think I’d quite enjoy the main event.” 

You weren’t going to get sloshed. It would be irresponsible for multiple reasons. Mainly, you were to be watching Loki, not the other way around. You scowled and took a sip. You were surprised how smooth and delicious the drink was.

“This is really good, what is it?”

“Ah, it's Asgardian.” 

You coughed on your next swig.

“What? Loki! I can’t drink this! It’s definitely going to be way too strong!”

“Oh come now, you Midgardians can’t possibly be that frail.” 

Loki realised how wrong he was as he was practically dragging you into the elevator from the parking garage. While he was pleased to have you cling to him in your drunken state, he knew he had miscalculated. You were far too inebriated. He might be a villain, he thought, but his mother taught him better than that. Looked like his chance to enjoy you would have to wait. 

“My apologies, pet, it seems that you Midgardians are rather fragile after all.” 

He sighed to himself, disappointed. But he would make do with the situation. Perhaps it would endear him to you by taking care of you in your drunken state, much like your soldiers do. He held your heels in one hand and kept you upright against his side with the other as you swayed back and forth in the elevator. 

“It’s like we're still dancing,” you giggled.

“Yes, for you, I imagine it is,” he smiled down at you, your arms around his waist.

“I liked dancing.”

“...As did I,” he said softly. You hummed in approval. 

The doors opened, and he shuffled you down toward your room. You stopped in front of your door and looked up at him with glassy, hooded eyes. You slid your hand onto his chest. 

“Now, darling, please don’t look at me like that,” he smiled. “It’s sleep for you. No more dancing tonight, I’m afraid.”

You pouted. Loki immediately knew he was going to have a hard time fighting you after this. Where he originally was bored and looking to cause problems in the tower, now he knew you had a hold on him. He exhaled a ragged breath. 

“Go on, open your door so we can put you to bed.” 

You held Loki’s arm to stay stable while you scanned your thumb on the door pad with your other hand and opened the door. You started to pull him through the door with you as Loki was yanked backward. 

“I don’t think so,” Bucky growled. He stood there glaring at Loki before swiping your shoes out of his hand. “Nice try.” 

“We’ve got it from here,” Steve put his arm around you and led you toward your bathroom. 

“Maybe she needs to be resigned,” Bucky scowled from the doorway. 

“I do not like the implication you are placing on my intentions.” 

“Neither do I,” Bucky shut the door in Loki’s face. 

Loki grit his teeth and huffed before returning to his room to sulk. 

_____________

“Aw, you’re hurt.” You looked at the scrape on Steve's forehead.

“It’s nothing, things just got a little rowdy at the party,” he smiled at you as he started taking the bobby pins out of your hair. “Heard you got the drive to Clint, good job, sweetheart.” 

Steve dropped the pins in a dish on your counter and went into your room to get your bed ready. Bucky took a makeup wipe out of the package from under the sink. He held your face with his metal hand and started to wipe the smeared lipstick off your face with the flesh one. 

“Doll… Can’t help but think maybe some poor decisions were made tonight.” 

“All in the name of the mission, Sarge.” 

“And bringing Loki back to your room? Was that part of the mission?” 

“Hmh,” you leaned into the cold of the metal and smirked. “Careful, sounding a bit jealous there.”

“Just looking out for you. You are free to make your own choices, you know that. But isn’t there someone, maybe a bit more trustworthy available?” 

You huffed and put your arms around him, laying your head on his shoulder. 

“Think this is probably a conversation for tomorrow, Buck.” 

“No way, she’s going to mean about it tomorrow.” 

They both laughed.

“Alright, princess, pajamas on the bed. Drink this,” Steve handed you a glass of water. You sipped it. “Nah ah, whole thing. And these.” He handed you some ibuprofen. You begrudgingly took them and finished the water. “Good girl, come on, bed.” 

Bucky and Steve tucked you in and quietly closed the door behind them before returning to their room. 

“I don’t like it.” 

“I know, Buck, but she’s an adult. What are we supposed to do? Tell her to be alone forever so we don’t worry?” 

“No, but… I don’t know.” 

Steve stopped to face Bucky, caressing his face with his hand.

“The most we can do is tell her how we feel about it and be supportive.”

“And when he hurts her?” 

“We’ll be there for her through that, too.”

[writer-psalmie]

Writers when it's time to write the story no one forced them to come up with in the first place 🙄

[daydreaming-robot]

[luna-azzurra]

Unhealed Wounds Your Character Pretends Are Just “Personality Traits”

These are the things your character claims are just “how they are” but really, they’re bleeding all over everyone and calling it a vibe.

╰ They say they're "independent." Translation: They don’t trust anyone to stay. They learned early that needing people = disappointment. So now they call it “being self-sufficient” like it’s some shiny badge of honor. (Mostly to cover up how lonely they are.)

╰ They say they're "laid-back." Translation: They stopped believing their wants mattered. They'll eat anywhere. Do anything. Agree with everyone. Not because they're chill, but because the fight got beaten out of them a long time ago.

╰ They say they're "a perfectionist." Translation: They believe mistakes make them unlovable. Every typo. Every bad hair day. Every misstep feels like proof that they’re worthless. So they polish and polish and polish... until there’s nothing real left.

╰ They say they're "private." Translation: They’re terrified of being judged—or worse, pitied. Walls on walls on walls. They joke about being “mysterious” while desperately hoping no one gets close enough to see the mess behind the curtain.

╰ They say they're "ambitious." Translation: They think achieving enough will finally make the emptiness go away. If they can just get the promotion, the award, the validation—then maybe they’ll finally outrun the feeling that they’re fundamentally broken. (It never works.)

╰ They say they're "good at moving on." Translation: They’re world-class at repression. They’ll cut people out. Bury heartbreak. Pretend it never happened. And then wonder why they wake up at 3 a.m. feeling like they're suffocating.

╰ They say they're "logical." Translation: They’re terrified of their own feelings. Emotions? Messy. Dangerous. Uncontrollable. So they intellectualize everything to avoid feeling anything real. They call it rationality. (It's fear.)

╰ They say they're "loyal to a fault." Translation: They mistake abandonment for loyalty. They stay too long. Forgive too much. Invest in people who treat them like an afterthought, because they think walking away makes them "just as bad."

╰ They say they're "resilient." Translation: They don't know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden. They wear every bruise like a trophy. They survive things they should never have had to survive. And they call it strength. (But really? It's exhaustion wearing a cape.)

[noah-wyles]

[darbyoakana]

For the Best

Summary: You are in love with Bucky, he is in love with someone else.

Sorry guys, this is not my normal kinda work. Sad ending. No smut. I know, I know.

No warnings, just sad. Minors can still go away, though. Shoo!

Bucky sat at his desk, pressing play on a video he had watched a thousand times since you left. He had found the thumb drive in your empty room, the only thing you had left behind. 

“Hey, Buck. I’m sorry. I really am. But I think this is for the best, for both of us. You are my best friend. And I tried to do what I could, not to ruin the friendship. But there was a point where it became clear there was no saving it. And I’d rather get to keep the good memories than burn it all down. So… I gotta go.” 

_____________

You and Bucky were a great team. But over the years, you couldn’t help but fall for him. It crept up on you slowly. It eased from good friends and great partners to “we’re just close” and “no, this can’t be anything else”, until it wasn’t. You lived in denial for as long as you could. But after a close call on a mission, you couldn’t ignore it anymore. Bucky had gotten seriously injured, and the thought of losing him twisted your guts around. He recovered fast; he always did. But you didn’t see things the same anymore. Things went back to normal for everyone else. But not for you. 

Months passed as you tried to swallow it down. You didn’t know if he felt the same, and you couldn’t lose him. Suffer in silence or risk losing your best friend? You could suck it up, right? But after a while, it started to feel too heavy. He started to notice that your behaviors had changed, you were distant, and you were getting sloppy on missions. You were more concerned with his safety than with what was going on in front of you. It had to be addressed; it was consuming you, and you couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

You spent weeks going over it in your head. The clenching, anxious feeling gnawing in your chest. The fear of rejection is bubbling in your gut. Your heart was beating so hard you thought your eardrums were going to rupture as you walked down the hall to his room. You had done this walk so many times, gotten to his door, and turned around. But tonight, you were not going to be a coward. You were going to tell him, even if he rejected you. 

You turned the corner and stopped dead in your tracks. Natasha had her arms around his neck, fingers in his hair, and his hands were on her waist. Kissing. Laughing. Touching. All your inner organs rushed up your throat like bile, and you gagged to push them back down. He reached behind him and opened his door. They disappeared into his room. You slouched against the wall, gasping, trying to remember how to breathe. 

You don’t know how you got back to your room. Or how long you lay on the floor sobbing. You shook and heaved. Eyes so swollen you could barely see out of them. Knuckles bloody and bruised from punching the floor. You were desperate to purge the ache from your chest. Anything to stop this torment. You were an assassin before SHIELD. You killed without mercy, and now you were crying on the floor over some boy. How fucking pathetic. You didn’t even have it in you to be angry. You just wanted to disappear. 

You went through the motions and pretended it wasn’t carving you up from the inside. He’d asked if you were okay, and you lied. Did he do something to upset you? You lied. Are we good? You lied. What more could you do? How could you put it on him? It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t love you. You stopped spending time in the common rooms or with the team because you couldn’t help noticing she was the first thing he looked for in every room. You knew because he looked at her the way you looked at him. The only difference was that she looked at him back. You saw it when his eyes lit up at the sight of her. Every smile, every hand hold, every laugh; it all twisted the knife. It was obvious he loved her. He hardly noticed your absence after a while because his world started to revolve around her. You became background noise. The last time she was injured, he slept in the med bay, in a chair too small for him, because he didn’t want her waking up alone. He started requesting more missions with her. Training with her. He made it easy for you to disappear. 

You’d done your best, you really had. You thought maybe you just needed some time. Maybe it would fade, and you’d get over it. But you let yourself get distracted on a mission and got shot. As you blacked out, your last thought was what if you never saw Bucky again? You should have told him you loved him. But when you woke up alone in the med bay, an empty chair next to you, that parallel stung too much and threw you over the edge. You knew there was no recovering from this. Once you were cleared, you requested a transfer and left without a word to anyone. Your departure was announced at the following briefing. Bucky found your room empty. That was two years ago now.

___________

“I know I should have told you, and that’s on me. It was just all too much. I didn’t want to be some burden,” you sighed. “You just seemed so happy. And after what you’ve been through, you deserve that. I want that for you, even if it's not with me,” you paused for a moment. “I don’t plan on coming back. So this is goodbye, Buck. ‘Cause coming back means I don’t love you anymore,” you tried to smile, “And that's not a world worth living in.” 

Next to him on the desk was a mission report that was given to him this morning. You had been hopping around the globe, cleaning up for SHIELD since you left. And he’d been keeping an eye on you. Dozens of reports just like this one had been placed on his desk over the years. Following your missions felt like he still got to be close to you in some way. Knowing where you were and that you were still out there gave him some sort of comfort.

He read the report over once more, as if maybe he’d missed something the first three times. He clicked play on the video again. 

“And that’s not a world worth living in.” 

The wood of the desk groaned as his metal hand gripped it just a little tighter. He let the words hang in the air, heavier than usual.

 A knock at the door interrupted him. Steve stepped in. 

“Hey, pal, there you are. We're all waiting for you.” 

“Yeah, sorry, I’ll be there in just a second.” 

“Come on, Buck, work can wait! It’s your wedding day, man!” 

“Yeah, yeah. Five minutes!” 

“Alright. Five minutes. Then I’m getting Bruce to drag you down.” 

“Deal.” 

Steve closed the door behind him.

Bucky looked down at the file one more time. He ran his finger over your photo paper clipped to the folder. Large red letters stamped over it: DECEASED.

He hit play on the video one more time before heading downstairs.

[harleyquillao3]

We listen and we don’t judge around here.

If you don’t like something, just don’t read it. It’s quite simple. The “back” button exists. The block button exists.

Remember this simple motto: Don’t Like? Don’t Read!

[skeletomez]

[periodicallypurple]

Thought this might help others who struggle when writing. I know I get in my head too much.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

ao3 tips for starters!

you don’t have to use ao1 or ao2 before diving into ao3