New body needed.Only serious proposals.

[pmamtraveller]

Pack of Dogs by John Littleboy

[orcboxer]

it's meee I'm your guardian angel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 so. in about six months, you're gonna die of starvation. 🥺 and if I don't protect you, I will get: #fired! 🫢 and that is No Good 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa So. 🙏 I looked into causes of starvation, and it turns out: Your death is totally preventable! 😯 Uh oh! 😆 There's more than enough food to sustain you without interfering with anyone else's survival, but you're not allowed to have it! 🤨 Whaaat? 🤷‍♀️ Apparently, your death is premeditated by thousands of things called "shareholders." So. 🙏 I've been killing people,

[arroscnleche]

soy yooo tu ángel de la guarda holiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 bueno. en como seis meses, vas a morir de hambre. 🥺 y si no te protejo, me van a: #¡despedir! 🫢 y eso No esta Chido 🙅‍♀️jajaaa Entonces. 🙏investigue acerca del tema y resulta que: ¡puedo prevenir tu muerte al 100%! 😯 ¡Uh oh! 😆 Hay más que suficiente comida para que sobrevivas sin que interfieras con la supervivencia de los demás, ¡pero no puedes teneral! 🤨 ¿Queeeé? 🤷‍♀️ Al parecer, tu muerte fue premeditada por miles de cosas llamadas "accionistas." Y bueno. 🙏 empeze a matar personas,

[tracing-rivers]

c'est moooi ton ange gardien coucooou 😇 bon 🙏 alors. dans genre six mois, tu vas mourir de faim. 🥺 et si je te protège pas, je vais me faire: #virer ! 🫢 et ça c'est pas Pas Super 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Donc. 🙏 j'ai fait mes recherches sur les causes de famine et devine quoi: Ta mort est 100% évitable ! 😯 Oh-oh ! 😆 Il y a largement assez de ressources pour te nourrir sans interférer avec la survie d'autrui, mais tu n'y as pas accès ! 🤨 Quoooi ? 🤷‍♀️ Apparemment ta mort a été préméditée par des milliers de trucs appelées des "actionnaires". Du coup.🙏 j'ai tué pas mal de monde,

[clockworkspider]

hiiiiii 😇 我是亲的守护小天使！okay🙏 嗯。您在差不多半年会饿死哈🥺 若我不能救您我会被#炒鱿鱼！🫢 那可不行哦🙅‍♀️ 哈哈。所以昵🙏我查了一下人类饿死的原因，然后发现：诶呀呀😯亲的死是可以避免哒！😆 这世上有足够食物给亲吃，一点儿也不需要影响别人的生存率哒！但不给亲！🤨 怎么会这样昵？ 🤷‍♀️ 原来，亲的死是被一帮叫“股东”的东西计算好滴！ 所以昵🙏 我杀了一些人，

[orcboxer]

y'all are doing some rosetta stone shit to me

[dark-entity-requests-possession]

Ich biiin’s dein Schutzengel hiiiiii 😇 okay🙏 also. In etwa sechs Monaten wirst du verhungern.🥺 und wenn ich dich nicht beschütze dann werde ich #gefeuert! 🫢 und das ist Nicht Gut 🙅‍♀️ hahaaa Also🙏 Ich habe mich über die Gründe von Verhungern informiert und es stellt sich raus: dein Tod ist komplett vermeidbar! 😯 Oh oh! 😆 es gibt mehr als genug Lebensmittel um dich zu ernähren, ohne jemand anderen in Mitleidenschaft zu ziehen, aber du darfst sie nicht haben. 🤨 Waaaas? 🤷‍♀️ Anscheinend ist dein Tod von tausenden sogenannten „Shareholder“-Dingern geplant. Also 🙏 Ich hab Leute getötet,

[diamondeyes-deluxe]

I work with kids and sometimes we have to do safety lessons with them about like, not telling strangers on the internet your home address or something. And sometimes the kids wont understand why, so you have to impart upon them that, well, some adults want to hurt children. And thats kind of difficult to do, because you have to beat around the bush, both because you dont want to scare them (while still making them understand how serious it is) and because you might lose your job if you explain it too straight forward.

Luckily, for some reason, the villain of one of the most popular franchises with children for the last 10 years happens to be a serial child murderer. So when a kid asks why they shouldnt trust strangers, instead of hand wringing and humhawing my answer out, I can just say "we dont always know when a strange adult has good intentions with children, or when they are William Afton."

[cod-dump]

Gaz: God, how do they expect us to do this? We're so damn washed out, exhausted, and haven't had a good night's rest in weeks!

Ghost: Speak for yourself. I am a well-rested, iconic and fresh freak of nature

Gaz: What-?

Ghost: *runs off*

Soap: What did he say??

Price, exhausted: He's an icon... but he still can't drive

[cod-dump]

Simon going to Ikea with John and getting lost. He's eighteen, a grown man by some, but he still freaked out because he didn’t know where his dad was. He eventually finds his way to customer service and was able to reunite with John. Kyle and Alejandro tease him about it, Farah pities him, Johnny promises they'll never be separated like that because they'll be holding hands the entire time.

[cod-dump]

Teen!Ghost: Dad, can I get a spider?

Price: ... say that again?

Teen!Ghost: I want a pet spider

Price: No no- Absolutely not. As long as you live under my roof, the only kind of pet you'll have is the four-legged furry kind

Teen!Ghost: Ugh- Fine!

(Years later at Ghost's apartment)

Ghost: Oh, Dad, don't go in there

Price: Why?

Ghost: I... have a pet... and you won’t like her, and that's her room

Price: ... did you get a spider?

Ghost:

Price, desperately: Simon-

Ghost: I'm an adult with my own money

Price: SIMON-

[cod-dump]

Ghost: *working in his office*

*yelling from hallway*

Ghost: ... my LT senses are tingling

Gaz: *running into the room and locking the door behind him*

Ghost: uh-

Soap, banging on the door: *Scottish gibberish*

Ghost: ... what did you do?

Gaz: *grins as he puts an envelope of photos on the the table*

Gaz: I got blackmail

Ghost: Garrick, that is unacceptable- HE HAS A COWLICK??

Soap: *dying noises*

Gaz, gleefully: That's why he shaves almost his whole head! It's a MESS

Soap: YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD

Ghost, taking pictures with his phone: Ooh ho ho- Garrick, you have my protection

Gaz: *cackles*

[cod-dump]

Villain!Soap being a problem, but he determined that Makarov was a bigger problem. So, he decided to start going after him. 141 is thrown off, since when is Soap caring about what some other terrorist does? And then Makarov shoots him, trying to kill him. Except when the Scot wakes up, it's like a switch was flipped. Now, he's a bubbling, heart on his sleeve kind of guy. And 141 is responsible for him, yet they don't know how to handle Soap and his newly found good nature.

[cod-dump]

Imagine that Simon Riley isn't known as the Ghost. Separate guys as far as anyone knows, only Price and Laswell know. It's for Simon's own peace, being able to separate his life as the Ghost from him.

Imagine that Soap figures out before literally anyone who works with Simon, that he and Ghost are the same guy. And he figures it out because he's an ass man and has studied Ghost's ass well enough to know almost as soon as he met Simon that "oh shit I know that ass anywhere".

And he can't tell anyone he knows, more importantly how he knows, without revealing he's a perv ogling his commanding officers.

[cod-dump]

Ghost who has a freaky sense of direction and just knows where to go. Man doesn't get lost, he looked at a map once and he's good to go. Meanwhile Price got lost in Tesco and refuses to admit it if anyone asks.

[cod-dump]

Ghost: is Soap getting bored with me? Am I not hot to him anymore?

Price: Soap would call you hot no matter what. Even when you looked like you crawled out from under a dumpster

Ghost: HM, REALLY. AND YOUR MAN WOULD SCREAM IF YOU SHAVED

Price: HEY-

[cod-dump]

The teen!au but one of them is sick. I think it would be cute for the teens to try to help Price if he was sick. Yet, I can also see Gaz being the most DRAMATIC. You'd think Simon, but he'd rather hide the fact that he can get sick. Food for thought.

Farah will keep going if sick, unless it's something bad. She has to be forced to rest. John is following behind her, ushering her away from strenuous activities and making her tea and making sure to have food on hand that doesn't upset her stomach.

Simon? Yeah, definitely can't let anyone know he can get sick. That would be bad for his reputation. Refuses to acknowledge he's sick, he's dizzy and sneezing but no, he's not sick. Go away, Dad, I'm fine!

Gaz? End of the world. Very needy, calling John and Nik for everything. Poor baby boy, he can't do his chores now. He's always in someone's business, he needs attention. He won't stop whining, he's upped the annoying brother act to hundred.

Gary is a miserable blob on the floor. His energetic self is gone, he won't eat and he just wants to be held. Has to be convinced to take medicine even though it tastes nasty. He'll probably get someone else sick before he finally starts feeling better.

If John is sick, Nik is fluttering around making sure he has everything he could possibly need, including things he absolutely does not need for a cold, like a box of chocolates. The kids are sure to be extra good for him, at least.

If Nik is sick? Well, it's obvious where Kyle got it from.

[cod-dump]

*sitting around a table* Ghost: You're basically calling me a himbo! Rudy: You're not a himbo! Ghost: But you said- Rudy, loudly as he slams his hands on the table: YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE Alejandro: *leaning over the table laughing* Soap: *wheezing* Ghost: The fuck-? Rudy: You know what makes a himbo? The combination of idiocy, beefiness, and KINDESS. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST, STUPIDEST ASSHOLE ON THE PLANET Alejandro: *crying* Soap: *on the floor* Ghost, shook: what the fuck?

[bogleech]

The christian family in these memes (which are absolutely all over facebook these days) genuinely do always look miserable. Who the fuck is relating to these stock mormon farm cultists. That is a couple who made love only once in pitch darkness with bags on their heads then celebrated the pregnancy with a feast of uncooked potatoes and warm tapwater. The baby seems intrigued though. Maybe only by the bottle of pills??

[sunshine-tattoo]

Could not leave this in the tags <3

[byjove]

the awe on her little face, she just realized there is hope

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[sapphling]

"drug seeking" as a patient label one of the most dogshit stupid concepts of all time. fuuuck everybody look out this guy came in here expecting medical treatment. better watch out in case he goes to a restaurant and starts food seeking

[sapphling]

i hope everyone gets the drugs they want forever even if they don't need them (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

[deslizada]

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great