hey! I’m not a system, but I have a couple questions about being a system and my only friend who is a system has gotten very tired of my constant questions (no hate or anything I’m just a curious little guy) (also if I do accidentally say something rude please let me know) (also I know everyone’s experience is different, this is about your experience specifically)
first of all, can y’all dream separate dreams in one night? Or do you always share dreams? Or do you appear as separate people in the same dream?
second, do you have different handwriting or skills or anything? Or do you share skill sets? (Like if one of you spends a month learning how to draw photorealistic birds or juggling or something, would all of you be able to do that or only the one who practiced)
third, can you talk to each other, and if so how does that work? (Like is it similar to having a telepathic conversation or can you only communicate through written messages in the physical world, or something else entirely?)
fourth, do you have the same friends or different friends? (Like is one alter friends with A and B but isn’t close with C and another alter is only friends with A and C but doesn’t really like B?)
fifth, how do you decide what outfit to wear? Is it like whoever is fronting dresses however they want or do you have a specific aesthetic you all stick to or something else?
sixth, do y’all annoy each other like siblings do or is your relationship more similar to a close friendship?
lastly, how do you do privacy? Do you feel a need for privacy from each other? Do you have your own belongings that aren’t shared? (like a diary that belongs to only one of you, or a sentimental object that you don’t want any of your alters touching)
random questions I ask everyone:
do you draw the top of the T or the vertical line part first when writing a capital letter T
what’s your favorite emoticon? (Not emoji, stuff like :) or 0-0 )
That’s it for now, thank you for taking the time to read and respond :) also if you don’t want to answer a question please just let me know if it’s because the question is rude or insensitive/invasive so I don’t go around asking other people those questions
Hi! Thank you for reaching out and asking all that. It will be a pleasure to answer all that.
PS. Some things might be confusing to understand: feel free to ask for clarification, we can't always explain everything perfectly because words are hard and too much is going on in front^^
1."Can y’all dream separate dreams in one night? Or do you always share dreams? Or do you appear as separate people in the same dream?"
Well, it's different every time, I guess. Mostly, we dream the same dreams, but there will be times when our dreams overlap, and it's all a big mess, and no one has a clue what's going on. It feels like a few people are telling a story at the same time. Sometimes one alter can not remember the dream, but the other does, and they share it if they feel like it.
Our dreams differ when it comes to perspective. We can dream in 1st or 3rd person. In the dreams, we can recognize who is who.
2."Do you have different handwriting or skills or anything? Or do you share skill sets?"
Yeah, our handwriting differs a lot. We have pages where our handwriting changes due to who was fronting. Our friend loves to look at the differences.
About the skills...yeah. We have some alters that have specific roles due to their skills, like cooking, baking, driving, or teaching. There are some skills we all share, like horse riding or speaking English.
3."Can you talk to each other, and if so, how does that work?"
We talk to each other either in our headspace or out loud. There is one of our favourite situations that our mum told us about (she doesn't know we are a system). She overheard us talking out loud, and she said she heard seven different voices. So yeah, we do talk.
4."Do you have the same friends or different friends?"
Mostly, we share friends. But there are alters who hate some people we know, like literal hate, while others are indifferent.
5."How do you decide what outfit to wear? Is it like whoever is fronting dresses however they want, or do you have a specific aesthetic you all stick to, or something else?"
We all mostly stick to black, oversized clothes; it's comfortable for everyone. But there will be times when someone decides they want to dress differently, and they do that. Later, when they switch, others might hate them for that,t but what can you do in public, right? Some alters like to add some details like rings, makeup, perfume, but mostly we have the same style.
6."Do y’all annoy each other like siblings do, or is your relationship more similar to a close friendship?"
We do annoy each other sometimes, like steal thoughts or play random songs in the headspace, but mostly we are cool. There are some other relationships in the system, like mother/son, siblings, frenemy, or crush/dating.
7."How do you do privacy? Do you feel a need for privacy from each other? Do you have your own belongings that aren’t shared?"
I don't think we have problems with privacy. We are open about everything. We share belongings, no secrets (except for memories haha).
Random questions:
1.Do you draw the top of the T or the vertical line part first when writing a capital letter T?
reminder that you need childhood trauma to develop a CDD, not a specific type of trauma. you can have a good relationship with your guardians + still have the disorder, but kids with no support system + unorganized attachment to caregivers are likely going to struggle much more with navigating these traumas at a young age, which is why you see most people with this disorder having a history of abuse in their family
Oh how I love having a therapist who dismisses all my symptoms and just says that I don't have the disorder and that we only have theoretical knowledge and what the fuck?
Why can't she accept that DID or OSDD or whatever of that sort isn't like in the movies? Why can't she understand that it's a covert disorder? That she probably won't see the big difference? Why can't she just believe us?
Sometimes I don't system and then I do system and I realize I system again and then I question if I system so I ignore my system and then I system again if that makes sense
guide to making your system a nicer/more functional place
(disclaimer: this is what works for us, but everyone is different and as such may have different needs)
⭐️ Punishments, isolation, and jailing do not work. Do not use them.
⭐️ Try to understand why your headmates do the things they do. Research where that behavior comes from, try to note triggers.
⭐️ Be conscientious of each others' triggers (front triggers and other triggers). Try to learn what they are. Never share them with outsiders.
⭐️ Don't try to internalize singlet-style relationship types. You will not fit neatly into boxes of siblings, friends, partners, coworkers, roommates, or lovers. You are headmates.
⭐️ Have individual headspaces AND a collective headspace if you can. You can have houses, doorways, statues, fucking trees, whatever, in a circle in your collective headspace representing your individual headspaces. This way you are all connected, but have your own spaces. Have a collective meeting space in the middle.
⭐️ Try to make sure everyone has a name. Even if it's just "The Blue One". Unless a headmate specifically requests not to have a name, of course.
⭐️ Headmates can communicate in all sorts of ways. Not just words, but images, emotions, internal and external body language. Be open to listen.
⭐️ When looking for a headmate's "age", you are really looking for: emotional maturity, ability to understand complex topics, ability to consent to sex, ability to cope with an adult life, food preferences, communication style, and headspace appearance. It is most often not a literal age.
⭐️ If roles aren't natural, don't seek them.
⭐️ Put clear, honest communication + understanding above rules and everything else.
❤️ Regarding romance: It is a societal construct. Highly likely not to fit your collective needs. Take from it what you want. If it doesn't serve you, let it go.
We were trying to explain to some friends earlier that saying "this person is in front" and "this person is co-conscious" isn't always the most useful phrasing for us because either of those terms can mean a lot of different things. We have our own words that we like to use to describe where folks can be in relation to our awareness.
The states on this chart are still a bit of a simplification, as we flow between them and it's more of a spectrum than a discrete set, but they're close enough to the actual language that we use to do the job.
